We haven't seen one of these in ages haven't we? I didn't really update on every special occasion... Missed Easter... So here it is anyway. Sorry for those who look forward to Akatsuki Plans. Happy end of school year! Happy almost end of school year for me! Happy summer! Happy late Buddah's birthday too I guess!
I forgot to mention ages ago that I've got a new poll up, so go vote!

The Akatsuki Plan: Chapter 3: Unlucky Red Hair

HimekoUchia: So, as a recap, Yuuki and Ryo set of firecrackers while Sasori-sempai was trying to convince me to make my Pinocchio deadly and bloodcurdling creepy like Chucky.
Ryo: Your welcome.
Yuuki: So... This is going to be interesting.
HimekoUchia: I don't own anything! Not Naruto, not Apple! If I did... The Akatsuki would remind you of... *plays a video of the Teletubbies* Yeah you get the picture. Actually, I do own my incredibly awesome dream once again. I had that exact dream. Yes, I was reading 'The Enemy' by Charlie Higson before going to bed. If you didn't read that book, I strongly recommend it for those who aren't afraid of a little gory zombieness.

Last Chapter:

He is interrupted by a string of loud, exploding sounds.
My eyes widen in horror.
Firecrackers. Shoot.
Sasori looks at his door, then at me.
"What was that?"
I sigh and get up, realizing that I couldn't feel my behind anymore.
"Let's just say that you boss will be pissed when he comes back."

Sasori, Pinocchio and I walk out of the room and to the edge of the staircase so that we can see the commotion below.
Itachi is currently trying to remove the black marks and craters all over the common room floor whilst Kisame and Deidara are storming up to the room I share with my friends. They thump on the door swearing profusely. Wow, I can only imagine if it were Hidan there...

I ran up to them as quickly as I can, just as my friends open the door, plastering fake innocent looks on their faces. When they see me they push past the two infuriated rogue-nin and hug me.
"Oh my gosh! You're alive! We thought Sasori... Oh, hey Sasori-san." Yuuki grins sheepishly when she spots the puppet master over my shoulder. Turning my head around, I see him give my friends and I a very blank look. He probably has no idea that the firecrackers were supposed to distract him from man-handling me or something.

Now my team is glaring accusingly at him and the other two ninja are so confused they stopped cussing. Awkward.
"Um... Don't worry! Nothing bad happened!" I smiling as happily as I can muster and shove my friends into our room. "Sorry ninja people! I'll explain the explosives later!"

I slam the door, spin towards Ryo and Yuuki, then I start laughing.
"Hah! Morons! You actually threw firecrackers out of the door!"

"Um, yeah? We only had the super-size kind, the type you use to wake the dead. They left a mark. So, if I got this right... You weren't getting raped and/or stabbed?" asks my cousin, giving a horrified look towards the general direction we knew a bunch of S-rank criminals were standing.
"Nope. He was actually teaching me how to make... Hey! Where did Pinocchio go?" I freak out, thinking about all the cruel things the mean old ninjas might be doing to the little man of wood.
I slam the door open... and I burst out laughing again.

Kisame is holding the doll by its arms and making it dance, singing these exact words.
"My name is Sasori-of-the-Red-Sand! I'm made of wood! And if I could! I would shake your hand!"
How brave of him, considering that the puppet master is fuming behind him whilst Deidara seems to hesitate between being extremely amused or disgusted by the eternal art.

My friends and I all chuckle, making Blue-man grin, obviously pleased with himself for inventing that.
Well, looks like the killer man with the fish sword is in a good mood. Positive. But the dude that uses dead bodies stuffed with knives as weapons, who used to be happy, is now pissed. Negative.
Then Itachi walks up the stairs absolutely not in the joyful category.

"I'm not the one explaining to Leader-sama why we have a dark hole in the middle of..." he spots all of us around a tiny puppet. "... what the dango?"
Kisame's face doesn't turn red, but his embarrassment in front of his cool teammate is clear. He hands Pinocchio to Sasori, who nods his head towards me, not wanting people to think that he was the one to make it. That would totally ruin his street cred.

Itachi stares at us as if we were completely retarded, then shakes his head.
"... Explanation?" he sighs, probably reaching his limit today.
Yuuki stares at Ryo. Ryo stares at Yuuki. They both stare at me. I stare back. They shove me forward.
Traitors.
I shuffle under the gaze of the four powerful men. My eyes meet Sasori's for a second and I know immediately that he doesn't want to be dragged into this mess. Fair enough.
But damn... this is such a lucky day for me... hahaha... sarcasm.
"Um... Well, you see, this is what happened. My butt was super numb, so I told my friends that I was going to take a little walk. I said that if I wasn't back in a certain amount of time, then I was probably getting iced and glazed and ready to be baked in an oven for dessert, so they should... throw firecrackers to distract my assassin so that I could escape. I ended up losing track of time and forgot to return, so... boom." My hands do a little rocket-landing-from-space-and-exploding motion.

Judging by the grin Deidara is sending me, he likes my ending. Itachi and Kisame look about ready to face palm and Sasori ruffles his red hair, staring blankly at Pinocchio who is now sitting quietly on the steps of the staircase, inanimate.
Being the smart(est) one, Itachi snaps his fingers at me.
"Himeko-san. If your story were true then... Where did this puppet come from?"
Darn. Everyone turns towards Sasori. He looks at me, expressionless.
"Um... Hey! Come on! You guys seriously think that Sasori-sem-... Sasori-san would make something as ridiculous as a little wooden boy?" I laugh. "That would just a little creepy, now would it? A creepy, creepy fetish. Actually, you see, this little guy was made by... uh, Kankuro of Suna. I met him way back and we became pretty good friends so he gave me this puppet as a gift. I brought it along with me because it's awesome."

I mentally give myself a clap on the back for the excuse. Plus, everyone seems to believes it, even my friends. Then again, it's more believable than 'Sasori decided to take me up as a student and teach me, an annoying teenage girl, the arts of puppet making. He didn't try to kill me'.
"Very well." sighs Itachi. He seems to sigh a lot. "As long as you make all traces of that explosion disappear, this won't be reported to Leader-sama. Deal?"

My friends and I exchange confused glances. This was weird.
"Um, yeah! Sure. But... why aren't you going to report us to your boss? Don't you want us skewered?"
Itachi stays silent, obviously not the one that wants to give away his motives. Deidara snorts and steps up.
"Tsk. None of us want the boss to know that us qualified Akatsuki can't handle three brats! He might kill us! Or, even worse: promote Tobi!"

"Ooooooooooooh. OK. Deal." chorus my friends and I, finally getting what these S-ranked criminals feared. Pein-sama's wrath and Lollipop Mask Secret Uchiha dude. Laugh out loud mentally.
It takes a heck load of time (unfortunately, not of us have stone repairing ninjustus up our sleeves), but my friends and I eventually manage to make the black firecracker marks disappear (using a now ruined kitchen knife and soap) and try to patch up the hole that's left. In the end, we had to beg Deidara for some of his non-explosive clay to fill in the gap.

We then quickly eat dinner before the sun can set, in case something horribly dangerous decides to visit the Akatsuki base and eat my hair off or something.
Walking up the staircase to our room, there is quite a view of down bellow. The white clay patches that dot the gray floor look like bird poop. Gosh, Pein is gonna be happy when he comes back.

There is a shower in our bathroom, so it's a pretty short time before we go to bed.
Yuuki passes out in a minute, Ryo and I play Mega Jump on our Itouches until my teammate falls asleep as well.
I am then the only one conscious in the room. In this creepy, dark room. In place where dead and undead alike can come and kill us. With that thought, I slip into the world of slumber.

My friends are standing over me when I open my eyes, scaring the living bleep out of me.
"Himeko-chan? You were grinning in your sleep..." starts Yuuki, but I suddenly bolt upright in my bed, remembering my dream.
"HOLY JASHIN! My dream was epic! All the adults in the world were zombies and were trying to kill us! I grabbed a shotgun and took a train to Moscow, shot a bunch of zombies from the windows, and I recruited teen soldiers and we had to disguise ourselves to cross the boarder into Italy! We had to cut a hole in an electric fence and swim across a dam! Once we arrived in Italy, the zombies tried to bomb us in zeppelins with Smecta written all over them! They missed and we took another train to England. There was a huge levitating television screen there with the face of a normal human lady telling all kids in hiding to go to the Arsenal stadium if they wanted candy. Right when she said that, the bottom of her mask cracked and we could see the zombie skin! So I had to go see the zombie president and compromise with him to save the dumb brats' lives! We promised to raise cattle for them to eat if they spared the children since, after all, if they were all eaten then humanity would be extinct. I woke up before hearing whether or not he agreed to the terms and conditions. Funny... the zombie president looked like our math teacher, Ryo!"

My two friends frown in worry, share a look, then look back at me with 'crazy, crazy nutcase' written all over their faces.
"Himeko-chan... I'm sorry to tell you this but... Russia doesn't share a boarder with Italy." sighs Ryo.
"Wait a second..." suddenly exclaims Yuuki. "Isn't Smecta a brand of diarrhea medicine?"
I nod slowly and all three of us burst out laughing.

"Seriously? People could think that you were eating crap of the floor or something..." snorts Ryo, pulling me out of bed by the arm. I stumble for a second then regain my balance. I change and do all the morning routine in the bathroom until my teammates threaten to break down the door, take pictures of me butt-naked and stick them around the base.
We discreetly tiptoe to the kitchen, glad that we didn't spend the night in the dungeon like Deidara wanted us to. Good old Sasori-sempai, all nice to us for a creepy reason we have yet to find out.

We were eating instant ramen, minding our own business when we suddenly hear a voice behind us.
Two voices actually.
We turned around.
There was only one person behind us.
And of course, it had to be him.

"Well, well, well... Trespassers are here to steal our food?" said white Zetsu.
"I guess that this means lunch for me!" replied black Zetsu, licking his lips as the bi-colored plant started marching towards us. Oh, he looks hungry too. Just our luck.

Ryo and Yuuki exchange a terrified look and shove me forward. I gulp, then flash my biggest grin.
"H-Hello, Zetsu-san! We aren't trespassing! Well, we were, but now we are honorary prisoners!" I laugh. "So if you didn't eat us, that would be highly appreciated!"
The two Zetsu halves share a look (how is that possible?) and continue stalking towards us.

"Quite brave, this one, for trying to stop us!" mused the white half. The dark half was meaner.
"Brave? I would say stupid and brainless! No one sane would enter the base..."

My eyebrow twitched. Wrong. Thing. To. Say.
I hate being called stupid. 'Stick toothpicks in your belly button' type of hate.
Ryo and Yuuki both shake their heads, going 'oooomph', doing a thumbs down to the plant ninja.
"Stupid? Look who's talking weed brain... No offense, white half! You walk around like you're sooooo cool just 'cause you can merge into trees and eat people! Well, you know what? Just last week, I ate CANDY made out of your relatives, uhuh, that's right who'se the new bitch in town!"

Zetsu looks taken aback for a moment.
"Great. She's loud-mouthed too... Brat." seethes the dark side.
"Ignore black Zetsu! He's not friendly and a delicious potential meal escaped us a few hours ago. Thank goodness you three are here! We were starving!"

My last ounce of bravado has deflated out of me and I back away to stand next to friends, and we are ready to fight, defend or teleport the second he makes a move.
Our plan immediately flies out of existence when Zetsu starts opening his fly trap. It reminds me a lot of something evil and bloody from some sort of horror movie.
I think Yuuki freaks out just a little.
Did I get cursed by those firecrackers yesterday or something? Everything seems to go wrong.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE! STOP! Don't touch me there! This is, my no no square! R. A. P. E. Get your penis out of me!" she hollers, hiding behind Ryo.
Now the Zetsus aren't the only confused ones. Ryo, Sasori and I are staring at her as if she is a lunatic.
Sasori?

There is an awkward minute of silence as the red headed puppet master glances blankly at us, then at Zetsu, then back at Yuuki.
"... I doubt that Zetsu-san would do something of that sort." He says, breaking the tense atmosphere with his young voice. He turns to the Akatsuki spy pro. "They have been caught in the proximity of the base. They had something... special that protected them from any of our attacks. It might interest him. We were waiting for Leader-sama to return and make the decisions."

Sasori seems to be almost asking for permission, but at the same time the look in his eyes clearly says that he doesn't want to lose this argument. Since it's about our life and death, I'm with the redhead on this one, even if a part of me would rather end up brunch than look Sasori in the eye after what he had just heard my cousin scream.
My friends and I let out a sigh of relief when Zetsu nods understandingly.
The white half whistles.
"Hmm... Indeed... If they have survived you and Deidara-san then they must be very..."
"... interesting. Pity, I was hungry." finishes the black half. Wow, creepy sentence finishing unison. I've got to try that one with someone.

"Hm... Just saying... With all the popcorn Himeko-chan eats, you might get an indigestion trying to go cannibal on her." adds Ryo under his breath, but we all heard it. I growl and smack him on the head.
Sasori and Yuuki sigh in exasperation at the same time (weird... didn't know Sasori could sigh) and Zetsu tilts his head sideways.
"... How old are they?" asked the black half.
Sasori was about to reply then he realized that he didn't know the answer.
"We're all 13. Ryo-kun is older than me by a few days and Yuuki-chan is younger than me by two months." I help him out.
Both rogue-nin give us a short stare before both turning away and walking out without a word, leaving us behind with three bowls of cold instant noodles.

I sigh in relief.
"Sasori... This is not the first time he has saved our asses from barbeque. This is getting more and more confusing. Darn these ninja with secret ulterior motives. One day... One day..." I shake my head and both of my friends groan and stick our food in the microwave. Don't ask me how the Akatsuki managed to plug a microwave in a friggin' cave wall. Where do they even get this electricity from? I didn't see a power plant around the area. Then again, I was blindfolded for most of the clay bird trip.

Once we step out of the kitchen, we pass Itachi, Kisame and Deidara sitting on the couch (no idea why they would be together... Blondie hates Uchihas?), staring intently at us.
OK. These adult men are getting way creepier than I expected them to be.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." I sigh, but cross my arms, waiting for their question.
Kisame is the one to ask it.
"Akatsuki aren't usually curious but... Seeing Sasori-san and Zetsu-san walk out of the kitchen after hearing cries of rape is bound to be... interesting." he mumbles.

My friends and I face palm, then Ryo and I turn to glare at Yuuki.
The boy on my team clears him throat.
"Um... We were nearly turned to a cannibal meal and... Yuu-chan's first reaction was to shout for help. Figures."

The three men share a tiny look of disappointment. Damn, that's offensive.
"We wanted to know how you would cope with Zetsu-san and his... appetite. Looks like Sasori-san must have a soft spot for you or something."
Before Kisame's sentence is even finished, my friends, all the Akatsuki present in the room and I all burst out laughing.
Soft spot? Sasori? When pigs fly!
Oooooh look a flying pig!
Nah, not really.

We all come down from our happy high and then there is a super duper awkward moment of awkwardness as we realized what just happened.
No one talks for what seems like forever, so my team and I slowly crawl our way out of the common room and up the staircase to our room.

We get Pinocchio to keep an eye on the corridor and base until we know that the coast is clear, before we resume our classic spot right outside of our door to be able to breath beautiful unpolluted air.

"I'm bored. Imma go bother Sasori-sempai, you guys want to come?" I ask my friends, standing up.
The exchange a look.
"Nah. Yuu-chan and I will try to make a basic map of the base so that we don't get too lost." answers Ryo, getting up as well, pulling a blank piece of paper and a pencil out of his pocket.
I hand him my tiny puppet so that he can use it to take souvenir pictures and then I make my way across the staircase complex and knock on the redhead's door.

Thump.
That was the door.
Thump.
That was something behind the door.

It swings open and Sasori is standing there and... well... I can smell the blood coming from his room perfectly fine even standing out here. Yippee.
"Uh-Uh... You a-are making h-human puppets?" I shiver, backing up.
He seems unfazed by my obvious sissy attitude when it comes to gutting people. He acts like everything is totally cool.
"Yes. Zetsu-san brought me a body. It isn't incredibly interesting to work with, just a typical messenger-nin. No strange powers like you three. Better than nothing, to make sure that I don't get rusty when brat and I are off base-keeping duty once Leader-sama has returned. Shouldn't be long now."

I nod, deciding to breath from my mouth.
Shit, I can taste it too.
I then decide to breath from my ears... ahh... much better.

"Guard duty must kinda suck for y'all, I guess. No worries about getting rusty (wait, is that a pun?), I'm pretty sure someone with your skill, talent and ability will never have to worry about that."
He looks really happy I said that. Man, ninjas are so deprived of compliments, it's sad.
"Yes... You're right... I am a genius of puppet work. Never shall the power of eternal art be wasted or forgotten. It lives on." He gives me a long, silent look then continues on. "Knowing that... it keeps masters such as myself from losing ourselves. Our art keeps us company and the feeling of accomplishment keeps depression away."

I don't point out to my dear Sasori-sempai that what he did to his body was basically a good definition of 'losing oneself'. He was hardly even considered human. But I guess that... it must be pretty sad to be powerful like that. Pushing everyone away. Lonely. Feared. Misunderstood.
He probably doesn't even realize what I am thinking.

I grin.
"I get what you're saying, Sasori-sempai! There are some times when I feel depressed... But, then, I remember... I'm a smart-bad-ass crazy freak with red hair. Therefore, if nothing, I will always be awesome. Even if I have received threats of being thrown into a bonfire for being a witch. Love my family and friends. Being a red head does complicate life, does it? Makes people automatically assumed that you're evil or mentally unstable. Most of the time, they are right too. Don't know a single normal person like us. We are doomed to living extra-ordinary lives!"
Gaara goes all crazy awesome, Sasori turns evil, Kushina Uzumaki dies on the day her son is born... We are cursed or something! I'm next.

He instinctively ruffles his own ginger top. I want to touch his hair too! It looks soft yet... fiber like?
Sasori then catches a strand of my long red hair between his wooden fingers.
It makes my breath catch. Shock? Surprise? Fear? Giddiness? You name it.
"Hm... I forget what natural hair feels like. It's softer that all that puppet hair. Anyways, I definitely won't go around touching Deidara-baka's hair to check." he snorts and lets my hair drop back onto my shoulder.
Snapping out of my freak, I realize something.
"Wait... so... you can actually feel stuff? Like softness?"

The expression on his face immediately proves that he didn't mean for me to notice that.
"Yes... I am equipped with sensory pads under my finger tips and palms. It helps identify material quality simply by the touch." he explains reluctantly, as if being able to feel just a little was incredibly weak.

I tilt my head to the side and groan in frustration.
"Jeez... Thanks a lot Sasori-sempai! Now, all I want to do is go touch Deidara-san's hair!"
The edges of his lips twitch up, then his expression suddenly turns blank. Scary. Very, very scary. Oh my gosh. What?

I spin around and realize that nothing is behind me. I turn back to Sasori, feeling too freaked out.
"What? Sasori-sempai, what is going on?" I cry out, waving my hand in front of his face.
He snaps out of it and looks at me.
"Oh... I saw your friends leaving your room and... I forgot to mention that Hidan was back."

I feel my face going pale and my blood freeze. My whole body goes frozen, actually.
Himekocycle anyone?

Forgetting about the puppet master completely, I turn around and start running down the staircase.
If Yuuki was ready to use Ryo as a human shield when faced with Zetsu, who knows what she could do out of fear of pain and blood? And knowing Hidan's 'ritual'...
Shoot.
I just realized that I had no idea which way they went!
Sasori magically pops up behind me and taps me on my right shoulder and points down a corridor in that direction.
I grin and salute him, dazed that he would help me out even if he doesn't particularly like me, as far as I know.
I then start jogging down the hallway to my left. I see two shadows up ahead and sigh in relief.
"Yuu-chan! Ryo-kun! Wait!" I call out, stopping behind them.

They are super tall, wearing Akatsuki cloaks and one of them has a big-ass scythe on his back.
When I realize what I've gotten myself into, it's far too late.
Hidan and Kakuzu turn around and their faces look confused, then the looks change.
They change to the same look that I get when I see a blueberry buttermilk muffin on a plate of molten chocolate fudge brownies topped in ice cream.
Happy murderous hunger.
F. M. L.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!
Oh my goodness, busy busy busy! Yeah, that's a crappy excuse. I just have problems getting into writing mode, but once a do... KEYBOARD MANIAC! I have to do a theater performance soon, so I had to give time to that.
And the homework... what can I say? I try to update around once a month for all of my continued stories but... it's a bumpy schedule for the end of school year, so bear with me!
'And Now I'm Stuck Here With You' will be updated as soon as... let's just leave it at that.
Read, review, love and smile :)
XOXO ~~~ HimekoUchia (ginger pride)