Eruwaedhiel95 – I feel so much for him.
Filisgirl251 –I agree.
Nice Egan – I know what you mean. I can only say that because she's healed every other time can you blame her for assuming this would be different?
BloodyTink – All I will say is that there will be a happy ending eventually.
Sahfralyn – Aww. Don't worry things will get better soon…I hope
The One where It Can't Get Worse
Fili groaned as he woke up. All around him the rest of the company were busy getting ready to leave. Juliet still lay asleep in his arms and he pressed a gentle kiss against her forehead. After what had happened last night Fili was more exhausted than ever. He had wanted to ask Juliet what had happened with Liam. Why had she been so afraid of him? There was one answer that kept coming back into his head, but he refused to believe it. He tightened his grip on Juliet; he couldn't bring himself to believe that someone could willingly hurt her. He had done it by accident and it had almost torn him apart.
"You're awake!" Kili grinned. Fili noted that his younger brother somehow looked more refreshed from his sleepless night. Fili nodded.
"We've set some breakfast aside. Thorin wants us to start moving in a few hours."
Fili nodded and Kili gave him a sad smile. As his brother left Fili stroked Juliet's cheek. She was still asleep and he didn't want her to wake just yet. He wanted to savour every minute of time he had with her. Time that was soon running out. Even so, he wouldn't wake her up just yet.
Over an hour passed and Fili was starting to worry. Juliet still hadn't woken up and the others were almost ready to go. He could carry her. But a small part of him was screaming that something wasn't right. That Juliet wasn't alright.
Leaving the others Fili knelt down beside his wife. Her face was covered in sweat and when he took her hand in his he flinched at how cold she was.
"Wake up Juliet."
She didn't answer. Fili tightened his grip and stroked her face.
"Come on my love. Wake up. We need to go."
She didn't so much as move. Fili bit his lip. Juliet could be a heavy sleeper at times. But she had never not woken up to the sound of his voice. Fili was dimly aware of the others crowding around him and he rubbed his wife's hands to try and warm them up.
"Juliet? Juliet please?"
"Fili?" Kili placed a hand on his shoulder, "Fili what's wrong?"
Fili shook his head as tears began to fall. Pressing his lips together he shook his head.
"I don't know."
He turned round to see the rest of the company gazing down at him.
"She won't wake up."
Bofur shut his eyes as tears began to fall. Thorin shook his head.
"Fili I…"
"No," Shrugging off his uncle's grip Fili gently shook Juliet's body.
"Help me wake her up." He pulled her into his lap and her head lolled against his chest.
"Help me wake her."
No one said anything. Instead Fili hugged Juliet against him; doubling over as his bond snapped.
No one said anything. The fire was dying but no one seemed willing to feed it. The company sat around it in a circle. Juliet's body was still where she had slept. With the blankets covering her it looked as though she was just sleeping. Fili lay curled up with Kili sitting next to him. It had taken hours for Fili to fall asleep and the company didn't dare wake him.
"I don't…" Gimli shut his mouth before wiping his eyes. There were a few seconds of silence before he nodded.
"I don't understand. She had at least another week. Maybe even two. What changed?"
Oin dabbed at his eyes, "I don't know. The Red plague isn't what you would call consistent. There have been cases where people have seemed fine one minute, before dropping dead the next. Her body must have just given up. And with her magic protecting the baby…"
At this he trailed off. Gloin held his son close whilst Kili began to shake. In the rush of everything, the company had all forgotten about Juliet's child.
"How is he going to survive?" Kili whispered as he pushed Fili's hair from his face, "Juliet was everything to him! Now he's lost her and his child. It'll kill him."
Thorin shook his head, "I don't know Kili." Running his hands through his hair he looked up at the others.
"I'm going to send him back. Send him to the Iron Hills. I want Kili, Dwalin, Gloin and Gimli to go with him."
No one replied to this. Gloin opened his mouth when Fili mumbled under his breath. As he stirred everyone froze. They didn't dare look at him, but they couldn't look at each ther either. Fili forced his eyes open before reaching out with one hand. It fell flat against the ground and he blinked.
"I forgot." His voice was so hoarse. The company knew they'd have nightmares filled with his screams that night. Fili licked his lips.
"She's always been by my side. I just assumed…I just assumed this would be no different."
"It's alright Fee," Kili hugged him close, "It's alright."
Nodding Fili wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve. His face was red and blotchy and it was clear the effort to keep calm was intense.
"When can I take her back to Erebor?"
The others froze at this. None of them had wanted to raise the issues of what they would do with Juliet's body. Fili sat up and leant against Kili who bit his lip. Thorin shook his head.
"Fili…she won't be going back to Erebor."
"But that's her home." Fili shook his head. Already the hysteria was becoming evident.
"That's where she belongs! Not here on mountainside in the middle of nowhere!"
"Fili ye need to keep calm," Oin said. Fili shook his head,
"No you don't understand! I want her in Erebor. I want her home!"
"Ye can't take her to Erebor." Getting to his feet Oin sat down on Fili's other side and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"She won't…last. It'll take ye a good couple of months to get there. I've no way of preserving her body for that long."
"But you have to. Please?"
Oin shook his head, "I'm so sorry Fili. But there's nothing I can do."
By the time darkness had fallen everyone was ready. Despite having spent so long on the road the whole company was able to clean themselves up. They'd all helped assemble the pyre – leaving Kili to comfort his brother. Fili had ordered it to be done outside. Then at least Juliet would be able to see the stars one last time. Feel the wind against her cheek. The company lined up on both sides with the cave at one end and the funeral pyre at the other. Snow was starting to fall and Thorin shuffled his boots. He had hoped this day wouldn't come for many years. That his nephew would have been given more time with the girl he loved.
"Thorin?"
At Dwalin's voice Thorin looked up. His friend had tears streaming down his face and Thorin nodded.
"It's time."
Dwalin didn't say anything. Instead he just stepped back into line. As Fili stepped out everything silenced. Juliet lay in his arms, as lifeless as when she had been found by the riverbed two years ago.
Only this time she wasn't going to wake up.
Fili kept his head held high even though the tears were streaming down his face. Behind him Kili carried Juliet's weapons, his own head bent in an effort to hide his face. As Fili got closer to the pyre the dwarves moved from their original positions and made a small circle around it. Gimli buried his face in his father's chest as Fili stepped up and laid Juliet's body out. Her hair fanned out against the wood. Kili said nothing as he helped Fili place her weapons around her. Soon only her sword was left. Fili held it against his body.
"It was an honour to teach you how to fight. To know you could defend yourself from harm meant the world to me. I don't care how many times we argued, I'd never change it for anything."
Pressing his lips against the blade he gently laid it on her body. Blinking back his last tears Fili took Juliet's hand in his and held it tightly.
"I love you."
As he kissed her on the lips the dwarves that weren't already crying burst into tears. Kili gently wrapped and arm around Fili's shoulders and drew him back.
"She always loved you Fili. I promise you."
Tears streamed down Fili's face and he leant against Kili. Thorin placed a hand on his shoulder as he stepped forward with the burning torch.
"We are gathered here.
To witness the passing of the one before us.
Mahal has blessed them and filled their life with joy and good fortunes.
May he now watch over them in the halls of our fathers.
The line of Durin shone brighter for their presence and now that light has gone out."
"And now that light has gone out." Fili didn't join in with the others. He didn't want to admit it. Kili nudged him and as he looked up Fili saw his uncle nod at him. Fili gave a small nod back. Thorin didn't hesitate. Instead he simply turned and lit the fire.
"FILI!"
Fili was aware of his brother shouting. But he paid no attention to it. Falling to his knees he screamed as the last few remnants of his bond to Juliet shattered – leaving little more than a hollow space in his heart.
Sitting bolt upright Fili shook his head – trying to work out who had been screaming. Licking his lips he looked all around him. The rest of the company were still fast asleep with the exception of Gloin sitting by the fire. Letting out a shaky laugh Fili looked down to see Juliet curled up beside him. Her skin still had a little colour in it and as he watched the rise of and fall of her chest Fili thought he'd collapse back in shock. It had just been a dream. The most horrible dream he could ever have.
And that's when he realised. He had been the one to scream.
"Juliet?" Fili stroked her face. He didn't want to wake her. But he knew he'd never get back to sleep until he knew the truth.
"My darling?"
"Fili?" Juliet forced her eyes open and Fili shut his own in relief. Looking down at her he pressed his forehead against hers.
"You're alright," he stammered, "You're alright."
Juliet raised an eyebrow at his manner, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing love," Fili pulled the blanket further over her body, "Just a dream. Go back to sleep."
Juliet shook her head good naturedly before turning onto her side. Fili watched her sleep as tears pooled in his eyes.
"I just want you to know; I always have, and always will love you."
I could feel someone shaking me awake. Muttering under my breath I turned onto my back and opened my eyes. Everything was so blurry. Blinking a few times I then rubbed my eyes to try and clear the sleep from them. A figure leant over me. I could make out blonde hair but that was it.
"Fili?"
He nodded. "Come on love. We're almost ready to go."
Nodding I forced myself into a sitting position. I could barely feel my legs and as I looked around all I could see were blurred shapes and blocks of colour. The patch of blonde was talking to someone. They were so dark I couldn't tell who it was. It might have been Kili or Thorin? Or maybe even Bofur?
"Juliet?"
The voice came from behind me. Wrapping the blanket around my body I looked over my shoulder. Nothing was there. Only darkness.
"Juliet?"
I couldn't help my scream this time. A blonde shape sat down before me and took my hands.
"Juliet what is it?"
Shaking my head I tightened my grip on Fili, "I…I can't see."
I had no idea how he was reacting. He could have been frowning or smiling for all I knew.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I can't see you. I can't see the others I can't see anything!"
Arms wrapped themselves around me and I tensed straight away. Warms lips pressed against my ear and I could soon hear Fili soothing voice.
"It's okay Juliet. It's just me. I'm going to take you to the others now. Is that okay?"
Nodding I forced myself to my feet. Overnight my legs seemed to have lost any sort of feeling in them. Blinking again I could feel someone take my hand.
"Can you walk?" That was Fili's voice. I opened my mouth when I felt someone else move towards us.
"Juliet are you alright? You look pale."
Even though I knew it was Kili by the voice I clung to Fili – hiding my face in his coat. Now that I couldn't see I suddenly felt so much smaller. Fili rubbed my back soothingly.
"Juliet?"
"Leave her Kili."
"What's wrong?"
I could feel Fili pause. I wanted to press my hand to his cheek. But I had no idea where that was. Tears began to drip down my face as I realised I would never wake up and see Fili lying next to me. The only thing I would see now was almost certain darkness. Fili kissed my hair.
"Her sight's gone Kee. Right now she can barely see you."
Kili's curses rolled into a single blur. Instead I tried to get my legs working. My brain screamed at them to move. But it was like they weren't listening. Every part of my body ached and when I finally moved one leg it trembled violently. Fili gripped me hard.
"I can't move Fili. I can't see and now I can't even walk!"
He didn't respond. Instead I felt his arms scoop me up and hold me close against him. Shutting my eyes I breathed in his scent. All around me I could hear the others talking. I knew who was who from the voices of course. But it felt so strange to not be able to see them. As I was placed down on the hard ground I drew my knees against my chest and leant against Fili. At least he was the only one with blonde hair. At least I could sort of see him. Kili said something to Thorin and the next thing I knew a large shape knelt before me.
"Lass it's just me. "Oin took my hand in an attempt to reassure me, "Can I have a look at ye?"
Nodding I never let go of Fili. Oin gently poked and prodded my legs before peering close at my eyes. The whole examination seemed to last for hours even thought it was more likely minutes. Fili never left my side the whole time. Oin squeezed my hand.
"It's as I thought. The plague has left her unable to see almost anything. She can make out colours and shapes but that's about it."
"So she can sort of see us?" That was Bofur.
"Aye. But only in day time when things are clearer. Here she's completely blind."
Fili drew a sharp breath at this and I clenched my fists. Oin cleared his throat.
"Also…her legs will no longer be able to take her weight. She won't be able to walk."
"I'll carry her." Fili said. I gripped him tightly.
"Aye, I'll take her pack and Thorin can take Fili's." Dwalin said. Thorin didn't say anything in response but it must have been alright because no one said anything after that. Fili pulled me closer.
"Oin? If we cure her…will her sight come back?"
I shut my eyes. It made no difference but it was just a force of habit.
"I can't say Fili. In theory the answer is yes. But I don't want to make any promises."
No one spoke as they travelled. Fili gripped Juliet tightly in his arms. Dwalin had insisted on taking her pack whilst Kili took Fili's. Even though he was grateful for the help Fili wished it wasn't like this. That he was carrying Juliet because he wanted her in his arms. Not because she couldn't walk and was dying. He'd tried to talk to her. He'd been whispering in her ear ever since they had set off. But Juliet refused to acknowledge him. Instead she simply pressed her face against his coat. Even if she was blind she could still cry. Fili would tighten his grip every time he felt her shoulders shake. He had never felt so powerless before in his life. All he could do was hope they found the flower in time. If Juliet died then he knew he'd die with her.
"Fili?" Juliet gripped his coat and Fili smiled at her. She didn't meet his gaze; no doubt because she had no idea where his face was. To see such vagueness in her eyes tore at him. Kissing her forehead gently he shuffled his arms to try and stop them going stiff.
"Fili you can't carry me all this way."
"Just you watch me." He wasn't going to let go of her for a single moment. His arms were starting to ache and several of the others had offered to carry her. But Fili couldn't bring himself to let her go. He hated himself for treating her like a possession. But she was his wife and no one else's. It was his duty to protect her until his last breath. Juliet gave a small nod.
"I bet you hate me."
Fili shook his head before mentally kicking himself. How could he expect Juliet to see that? He bit his lip.
"Nothing you do will ever make me hate you."
"But you do though. If I hadn't have healed you then I wouldn't be like this. I'd be alright. Our baby would be alright."
Fili sighed. "If you hadn't healed me then I wouldn't even be here. I'd have left you alone and that – for me – is far worse."
She nodded. Resting her head against his chest Juliet gave a small yawn and shut her eyes. Fili gazed at her face, fully aware of the huge red blisters on her neck and hands.
"FILI!"
At Thorin's voice Fili froze. He'd never heard his uncle sound like that. His heart pumped furiously as he tried to work out what had happened. He prayed it was nothing bad. He didn't think he'd be able to take it. Looking up he saw Thorin running towards him, tears streaming down his face.
"We've found it. The Cave of Glass!"
"I…" Fili shook his head. They couldn't have? Thorin nodded and moved aside to point it out. Fili's eyes widened and he looked down at Juliet. She was still sleeping and he couldn't stop himself.
"Juliet? Wake up love."
She fidgeted in his arms and Fili gently shook her awake.
"What is it?"
"We've found it. The Cave of Glass."
She said nothing and Fili pressed his forehead to hers.
"I'll save you. I swear it."
The company couldn't move fast enough. Within two hours they were standing inside the cave. As ever a long tunnel stretched on ahead. Thorin nodded whilst Fili gently lay Juliet down. Sweat ran down her skin and her breathing was slightly more laboured. He knew she only had a few more days left. Thorin placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Juliet, Fili, Kili, Oin and Gimli will stay here. The rest of you with me," he turned to Balin.
Do you know the way?"
Balin bit his lip, "I think so. I'll give it a go."
Nodding Thorin knelt down by Juliet and took her hand. She stiffened but he smiled softly.
"We'll be back soon Juliet. I promise."
Fili held her close. Around him Kili and Gimli were getting a fire going whilst Oin was rooting through his bag. But Fili only had eyes for the rest of the company as they hurried off down the tunnel. Juliet lay limply against him.
They would succeed. They had to.
Once again so many feels! Poor Fili having to go through all of this and the mother of all nightmares on top! But at least now things a looking up. Or are they? Promise promise promise a happy ending so please just hang in there. Let me know what you think xx