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ONWARD!
Since Aiden came home I felt as if someone's heel was pressed into my chest, keeping me from breathing, always keeping me in a panic that I'll suffocate.
The morning after I was put back on my anti-depressants I could finally breathe. The sky was grey and dreary that morning, but I couldn't have felt better, even with the dreary rain and thunder rumbling every few minutes. I pulled myself from my husband's grasp, it was barely six in the morning and hopefully he'd sleep more, especially after all the sleep I'd robbed him of in the last week.
After getting ready I crept into my mother's room pulling the rocker from her room back into the master bedroom, the next thing to move was the empty bassinet as Aiden slept peacefully on the other side of my mother's bed, where she was snoring peacefully.
Finally I approached the bed where Aiden was now awake, chewing on his hand, "Hey little guy…" I whisper scooping him up in my arms and carrying him back to the bedroom. I could do this…
I sat in the rocker, Aiden laying on his back in my lap, swaddled in the white blanket, his blue eyes searching me… Trying to find what I would do next.
"Can you even see me?" I whisper trying to not wake Peeta. I held my finger a few inches above his face and moved it back and forth watching his bright blue eyes follow it, finally he reached up with his free hand taking my finger and pulling it to his mouth.
"Are you hungry?" I ask knowing he can't respond, I unbutton my shirt an placed him where he could best latch on, usually there was confusion, opposition… Today he eagerly latched onto my breast, he had a shark like bite which hurt first, but I would endure as I stroked his dark hair, rocking only slightly. He only fed for about ten minutes before he began fussing.
"You have to burp little shrimp?" it only took a few pats for his gurgly burp to escape as well as his milky white spit-up.
"That was mean…" he gave me a smile as I held him close to my face, the white cottage cheese like substance still on his face, luckily I still had the blanket over my shoulder to wipe him clean.
The room was lit up by a flash of lightning and sure enough seconds later came the rumble of thunder shaking the floor.
And there went Aiden's good mood, "Please don't be scared… Mommy's here…" I clutched him to my chest, hoping my heartbeat would sooth him, "Please don't cry…" I rocked.
"Just close your eyes," I began stroking his hair, "The sun is going down… You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound…" I sang, remembering the sad lullaby Annie taught me to lull Finnick Junior to sleep, the one I would hum to him every night while he was in my womb.
He looked up at me, his gummy smile warming me to my core as my voice lulled him out of his fit, "I knew you could do it," I jumped, looking to the bed where Peeta was watching my every move.
"How long have you been awake?"
He just shrugged and sat up, "Long enough…" he smiled and I shifted Aiden so he was facing Peeta, our faces next to each other.
"He as your smile…" I tickled his side a little, earning a happy giggle, "See?"
I kissed his forehead, cradling him once more, "Probably for the best you take after your daddy, mommy could live a thousand times and still not be as good of a person as him…"
"That's a lie…" he rolled on his back and stretched.
"We feel like a family," I smiled as Aiden chewed on my finger once more.
"And where do you think you're going?" I slung the straps over my shoulders, pulling them tight and adjusting the weight I had grown so accustomed to on my back.
"For a walk," I strapped my new hip quiver around my waist, "We won't go too far, promise," Aiden cooed in my ear shoving the tip of my braid in his mouth, "Plus he's bundled up," I loaded my arrows into the stiff bag feeling the tugging on my hair.
"Be careful, you know how I feel about you taking him beyond the fence," I nod as Peeta kisses three month old Aiden on the hood of his little coat, his gloved hands pawing for his father's face.
"We're just going to check snares, besides with how far the district's expanding all the animals, including the dogs, were driven deeper into the forest," he kissed my nose and gave me a small spank as the three of us left the house before the mid December dawn. It was crisp, another mild winter for us, as per usual Aiden was back to sleep before we even exited the district.
"Happy hunting!" a peacekeeper called as the creaky gate slid open with some argument, the first time I had taken Aiden past the fence there were whispers of my irresponsibility, disbelief that I would take a newborn somewhere so dangerous, but as the fence pushed back more and more towards the dense forest it became clearer that dangerous game, smart game, had left the area leaving the usual suspects, squirrels, pheasant, grouse. All three of which made my game bag heavy before the early rays of light lit up the leaf covered ground. I pulled my hair from Aiden's sleepy grasp, my hand every so often going back to stroke his cheek, letting him know I'm still there.
"When you're old enough I'll teach you how to hunt," I told him pulling an arrow out of a turkey. I pluck a feather and tickle his cheek with it, "As long as you're not as heavy footed as your father," I tuck the tail feather in my hair just out of his reach and head back to the gate, it must be close to nine by now.
Sometimes I think the people in the Hob forget what a baby looks like when I carry him in strapped to my back every morning, everyone tells me what a beautiful baby I have, and I couldn't agree more, though his dark hair had since fallen out, which I was told was normal, he still had the same bright eyes and cheerful smile whenever someone talked to him, "What's all the commotion?" I ask taking my seat at Greasy Sae's stall, her soup isn't ready yet but I still drop down my game bag, she'll clean and package the meat for customers to buy.
"How about a twenty percent cut?" she asks, she asks every day, first it was fifty/ fifty, every day she worked her way down someday I'll get her to zero.
"How about none? After watching the demon cat, and Haymitch's geese, please, I'm not taking any of your money," she sighs and takes a few of the grey animals by the tail, quickly stripping them of their skin.
"And the commotion… Is because elections begin tomorrow, if you didn't know," I wrinkled my nose, Peeta and I put our foot down about a lot of things, but this was one thing Paylor wouldn't budge about. Peeta and I had to sit on stage tomorrow night as our senators were announced and taken away to the Capitol along with their families to live in the refurbished Training Center.
"It must have slipped my mind… Is that why so many vacant houses are well… Occupied?"
Sae nodded and tossed down two cleaned pelts just as Aiden decided to get fussy, "Looks like someone's hungry, "Looks like someone's hungry, you take care girl."
I removed Aiden from his carrier and rocked him lightly as we walked to the bakery, just as we have every morning, "Good morning!" every day it was the same, we'd go hunting, Aiden would get fussy in the Hob, then I'd bring him to the Bakery to feed since I could use the office.
"Time for the feeding," Jody joked as I walked into Peeta's office.
"How was hunting?" he asked kissing me lightly while I handed Aiden over so I could take off my shirt. I've almost pretty much reclaimed my body at this point, except for the long scar which I would always have.
"It was good," I folded my shirt and threw it over the back of the chair as Peeta handed me a towel to put over my shoulder, "A turkey, some pheasant and a squirrel or two, the usual… I think all the game is moving on," I sat down in his chair as he handed Aiden to me, "Ouch…" I winced as he bit down, harder than usual.
I laughed as Peeta yawned, "I know, someday he'll sleep through the night…"
"Someday you'll actually get up with him instead of having me bring him to the bed so you can-"
The door creaked open, "Um… Mister Mellark, there are some… Some peacekeepers here to see you they say it's important," we exchanged panicked looks as Peeta threw his apron over me so he wouldn't flash the bakery my partially exposed chest before. I try to listen but over the sound of the fans and banging in the kitchen.
I clutched Aiden closer to me, the only thing I could think of is my husband on the whipping post, though it was long gone… how could we ever forget?
I let the baby feed then burp before wrestling my shirt on before I had to settle on laying Aiden down the desk to tuck my shirt in, "Let's see what kind of trouble your daddy's gotten himself into…" he laughed as always, getting excited about hearing the word 'daddy'.
I clutched him to me, for my own comfort and for protection, keeping his head secure, "Peeta, hun is everything…" I rounded the corner seeing the two peacekeepers, "Gale, Jo! What are you…" Johanna pulled me into a hug and kissed Aiden's head then I felt it, the ring around her finger, "What… How!" I pull away, examining the gold band around her finger.
"Well… I was expecting congratulations, not confusion brainless..." Gale put his arm around her.
"Play nice…" he scolded, kissing the top of her head, just in time for cute Aiden to give way to cranky I haven't napped in twenty minutes Aiden.
"Well, it's time for someone to go down for his nap," we all looked to Peeta who was already back at work Aiden in one arm a pencil in the other taking down the order for the next train.
"Babe?"
"Mhm?"
"We're going to head back to the house, you coming?" I take Aiden off him, freeing up both his arms.
He bit the top of his pencil, his brow furrowing, "Yeah, sure, just let me finish this," he takes the pencil out of his mouth and kisses me lightly, "You four, go ahead, I'll be right behind you." I get on my toes and kiss his cheek.
"I'll be one minute," I tell Gale and Johanna before heading back into the office, placing Aiden back in the carrier on my back and strapping on my quiver.
"Ready to go?" I ask them, bow in hand.
Gale eyes the weapon, and baby on my back suspiciously but doesn't press the topic until we're out of the bakery, "You don't really take him hunting do you?" he asks, motioning to the sleeping three month old on my back.
"Of course, he sleeps most of the time… and all the big game's pretty much moved on…" I kicked a little at the ground, "Plus, get him started young, I'll be taking bucks down with him the second he's walking."
"Walking? Why wait that long, the second he's standing," Johanna added, rubbing Aiden's cheek with her fingers.
"I don't think daddy would be ok with that," I push the door to our house open, "Make yourselves comfortable, I'm going to put him in his crib," I sniffed, "And change his diaper."
One of our first days on our own Aiden managed to pee in his own eye, it didn't seem to bother him nearly as much as it confused him, but he had since learned to hold it in until his diaper was on. I dressed him again and put him in his bassinet which was in Peeta's and my room since we still haven't set up the nursery.
We'd get to it someday, but we would use Prim's room for it and every time we got close I'd panic and we'd end up on the couch watching TV for the rest of the day, unfortunately sleeping with the baby in the room did nothing for our sex life, the second we'd get into it we'd wake him up.
Three months without sex wasn't too long, was it?
"So…" I started, sitting across from Johanna and Gale, "When did this happen?" I ask examining the ring on her finger. Johanna Mason was now Johanna Hawthorne.
"Maybe… We should start from the beginning?" she looks up at Gale who just nods.
"Well… When Jo told me she couldn't conceive naturally we started looking into other options, hormone treatments, surrogates, in vetro, which is when they inject the embryo's into the mother… All of them well, a commitment," he wraps his arms around her, pulling Johanna into his lap, "This was just the next natural step…" I watched him kiss her head of short brown hair.
"You two are sure about this right? You haven't really been together for long…"
"You and Peeta weren't together for very long when you got married," Gale quipped defensively, just in time for Peeta to come through the door.
I remembered how right it all felt, and how perfect it all feels, well except for the lack of intimacy.
"Do you guys want some practice?" I asked, "Peeta and I still need to set up the nursery, and what not… Come on, his colic is all gone, he sleeps most of the day."
Nothing gets past Johanna, "We'll watch Aiden tonight so you two can practice making baby number two."
"We can even take him to our place,"
"You're not taking Aiden to two, that's insane," Peeta told Gale, drying his hands off with a dish rag.
"No… As it turns out I can do my job from pretty much anywhere, hell, a corpse could do my job. My mom, Vick and Posy are coming too…"
"Rory?"
"He's staying behind, by his own choice to go to the Academy…"
"He's so young…" I say glumly, thinking of Aiden being that age, reaping age.
"Catnip, he's almost seventeen, what were you doing when you were seventeen?" he pauses for only a second, "Fighting for your life and leading a rebellion," I just nod, Prim would be turning seventeen.
"I need to lay down…" I announce, they didn't need to see me cry.
The only comfort I seemed to have in this situation was Aiden sound asleep in my bed with my body curled around him. He was safe here. No one could even consider harming him while I was here. The door squeaked open, but I didn't open my eyes, just let the tears flow down my cheeks. The bed shifted and a strong hand brushed the tears off my cheek.
"We'll protect him…" Peeta whispers, "He'll never have to fear being reaped, he'll never have to worry about going hungry, or losing his parents to dangerous work conditions…" I just nod still afraid to open my eyes, I felt a weight on my legs, Peeta's leg draped over mine so our bodies formed a cocoon around our son, protective and loving.
Expect smut next chapter.