Doctor Malcolm showed them to the cubicle and Aaron watched as his Mum introduced herself to him, she'd calmed down a lot since the morning and now with her touched up make up you could believe she hadn't been crying at all.

This felt weird being here, sat with his Mum, it had been years since he'd had to go to one of these appointments with anyone; they were not so strict about that in Dubai. Part of him felt like he was undoing the last four years, like it was back to the beginning when his Mum insisted on going to every appointment, even if it was just to sit in the waiting room. Eventually Aaron had had to ask Paddy to intervene and convince her he didn't need this and she'd reluctantly agreed.

In front of him Dr Malcolm gave him a friendly but solemn look, he crossed his legs and rested his hands on them, "your doctor wasn't impressed with you taking a holiday." Next to him he felt his Mum straighten but she didn't say a word, Aaron just shifted uncomfortably.

"And it's not going to be a straight forward as you'd like I fear."

"Ok," Aaron felt wary.

His doctor studied him briefly and begun, "as you know, you were moved onto the Eskalith because your Doctor felt it was more targeted. He said you hadn't had any extreme mood swings for a couple of years and he was hoping that by using Eskalith you could aim towards coming off the tablets altogether." Aaron risked a glance at his mother, she had a smile on her face and he could tell she'd be happy with that. The Doctor continued, "Your dosage previously has been pretty high and so the intention was to bring it down over the next couple of years and monitor your moods carefully." He already knew all this and couldn't help feel that this was more for the benefit of his mum, although Aaron hadn't exactly done a great job of explain it so he was sort of pleased.

"Now you were due for a check-up next week I was told."

Aaron nodded solemnly.

"Right well we've come up with two options," Aaron held his breath, "we can keep you on the Eskalith and reduce the dosage now, that should lessen the side effects. It means you need to stay in the country for the next month though."

Next to him his mother became alarmed, "What, why would he have to stay?" Aaron could have been offended by her reaction but he knew his mother, he knew it was nothing to do with being unwelcome.

"Because it would be the second time his medication has been reduced within a few weeks, if you drop dosages too quickly it might cause a manic episode."

"But I thought his Doctor wanted him off the pills anyway?"

"Yes, eventually but were talking years down the line and it might not be possible at all – that's why Aaron and his Doctor are experimenting." Aaron rubbed at his head, "What's the second option?"

Doctor Malcolm hesitated it was like he knew this was even worse, "you wait until you get back and your Doctor lowers the dosage there."

"Wait?" he couldn't wait, he constantly felt sick, he kept losing his balance and he'd not told anyone but the pills were giving him the shakes.

"It all depends on the side effects and whether you can stand them."

That was it? His options, the Doctor could have told him them on the phone, Aaron place his head in his hands.

His Mum spoke softly, "well he can't stay, he's got work,"

"He'd get medical leave."

"But," Chastity got flustered and she turned to Aaron, "you have a whole life out there and what about Dean?"

"Dean?" the Doctor enquired, "his boyfriend," Chas explained. Aaron looked up and noted that if there was any surprise at his sexuality the doctor neatly masked it; instead he replied, "I'm sure Dean would understand."

"No but I mean your side effects aren't that bad are they?" Aaron rolled his eyes, he got what her problem was, he got why she didn't want him to stay, it was all because of Jackson. There was still a massive suspicion over his return and he'd already admitted it to Adam that Jackson's message was his reason. What did it all mean, even Aaron didn't know, he'd hated Jackson for the longest time and now he just saw it as a big waste, all he knew was that not much had changed. He still wanted Jackson when he was upset, he still felt more at home in Dale Head than anywhere else in the world and even now Jackson still had the ability to make his stomach flip.

"Aaron?" the doctor enquired.

He didn't know what was worse, having to put up with the sickness or having to stay in the village with his mother? The side effects could only be until next week because he'd be going back then, wouldn't he? That was the plan, to return to Dubai, at least that's what he'd been telling everyone and what would Dean say about a month's absence if he stayed? But then if he did, he could see more of Jackson, but then what would Dean say?

Aaron didn't know, he looked at his Mother and could easily read her eyes; she desperately wanted him to return to his nice life and wonderful boyfriend. He could see that the revelation of his illness had knocked her for six and by returning to Dubai it would prove that everything was ok. He just didn't have a clue what to do, but the strained look on Chastity's face told him that option two would be the less stressful for everyone else. He licked his lips and eyed her before nodding towards the Doctor, "I'll wait, the side effects aren't that bad."

Doctor Malcolm was looking between him and his mother, she was just nodding to herself as if he'd made the right choice, his eyes settled on Aaron, "this has to be your decision Aaron."

Chastity looked at him intently; he could see she was holding her breath.

"I know, it is." The Doctor didn't believe it for a second, "take some time and come back tomorrow if you want."

"No it's fine," Aaron suspected that his mum was completely oblivious to how much she'd just railroaded him into this course of action, she was just looking at him happily, "thanks anyway."

Aaron wiped a shaky hand across his mouth as he plonked himself down on the bed, they'd returned to the pub a couple of hours ago and the sickness had returned and he'd just spent the last ten minutes hugging the loo. His Mum was obviously in the pub otherwise she'd have heard him and come running in; Aaron pulled up his leg and hugged his knees. If his Mum knew how bad the side effects were, she'd probably never have guilted him into continuing as he was, this was Aaron's fault just as much though – he was just so determined to deal with everything on his own.

A knock sounded on his door and Chastity poked her head around, she smiled at him, "you alright love?"

He felt awful, "yeah."

"You sure?" she obviously noted his pale colour.

"Yeah."

His mother looked at him strangely but seemed to ignore any concern she had, maybe it was guilt of her own, "you still going to Paddy's?"

He'd received a text whilst on the way to the hospital, inviting him around for tea; he'd been a bit reluctant because he feared that he and Rhona would want to continue talking about his illness. Paddy had assured him they would ask the minimum questions possible and that Leo was missing him, this had convinced Aaron, "yeah, will be leaving soon."

"Ok," he watched her hesitate at the door, she looked unsurely at him. He cocked an eyebrow, "what?"

"Are you still meant to take your pills half an hour before eating?"

He barely hide the humourless snort and eyed her, "I'll take them now," he was too exhausted from throwing up to comment about her interfering.

"Ok," she gave him a small smile and beneath, Aaron saw it – guilt.

Aaron reached over to the bedside table for the blister packaging, he glared at the two toned pills resentfully. The Doctor was right he'd not had a manic period for years, it was doubted that he even needed them anymore. Aaron popped out two and held them in the palm of his hand, he couldn't understand the point anymore, they were making him sick – why would anyone choose to make themselves ill? He played with one, holding it up to the light, twisting it between his fingertips. He'd only ever gone into a full manic episode a few times, brought on by external stressors, there was nothing stressful now, he was I control.

He repositioned both pills in his palm and gently pushed them around, he knew this illness, understood the signs, and had it under control.

After minutes of just staring at them, Aaron stood, he took a deep breath and walked over to the corner of the room, there sat a wastepaper bin, he didn't want to be sick again, didn't want shake or lose his balance, he just wanted to be normal.

Aaron didn't hesitate before dropping them in.