THE OUTSIDER
by Iland Girl
"For those without 'purpose'."
A Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfiction
I don't own anybody but my OC's!
Chapter 25
"The Reality Twist"
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
Albert Einstein
(Erin)
"We'll be back soon! I promise!"
Famous last words.
Those were the last words I had heard of the Elric brothers before they left again. I had been expecting them to appear on the first of the month, like they usually do. However this time they didn't.
I waited on the porch for a whole day one time; although I never admitted why, Winry and Pinako seemed to know and teased me for it. I didn't care, I wanted to see them again.
I did a lot of reading that day; I read most of a book.
They didn't show up at all.
By nightfall it had become so cold that I gave in and went inside.
Two more days passed of the same thing. Eventually I had finished the entire book. Still, I enjoyed sitting on the porch, basking in the sunlight.
Two weeks past, I began to gett restless. Without a book to read I didn't have anything but practice. I had learned about the great flow, about the symbols of alchemy, and yet I still had a long way to go.
My mind was moving rapidly; the constant reading had expanded my brain, making it constantly work. At first it had acctually been painful; a constant migraine loomed each time I even thought of the books the Elrics had left for me.
Now I needed to learn; I needed some form of stimulation. It was then that I decided to think of my own theories for alchemy.
Heading off the porch, I went out to the fields where no prying eyes could find me. Once I was there, I picked up a stick with my only good hand and drew what I already knew.
The circle represents the flow of life, a cycle nothing and no one could escape from. Inside the circle is where the power is released. By drawing a circle you are calling upon this cycle: life, death, rebirth. Repeat. The same as Assesment, deconstruction, reconstruction. The steps to alchemy.
By drawing symbols in the circle you may reach into selected elements more frequently and easily. If elements are alike, that is, if they are organic or inorganic (with other variations dependant on particle density, chemical structure, and maleablility), then you may use one symbol for the alchemic reaction of multiple objects.
By drawing a triangle you are localizing select areas of the cycle. Dependant on where you form the triangle, you may make deconstruction easier, or assesment simpler. Adding more than one triangle makes it more difficult to control; however alchemic reactions will progress much more rapidly. Shapes such a squares are common as well.
I stared at the standard array I had made. Basic by any means, but it would do me just fine. I walked over to the tall stalks of wheat nearby, plucking the substance and tossing it onto the circle. I then grabbed a small tree branch that had snapped in the wind. It came off easily, but still contained plenty of nutrients and water. I tossed that onto the circle as well.
With a quick intake of breath, I closed my eyes for a moment before placing my one good hand on the circle. Energy sparked around me as I concntrated, focusing on the form and chemical structure of the objects. Assesment had always come easy to me; I could see what the bonds and chamicals were without much hassle. Deconstructing them was almsot as simple; pulling them apart as though plucking at a daisy's petals. Easy, child's play, when you knew what you were doing.
The reconsturcting process was a lot more difficult though. It took so much mental power that halfway through I debated just giving in to fatigue. Still, I pushed on until I was finished.
The object in front of me was definitely bread; a rather tasty looking loaf actually. With a small smile, I grabbed the large bun and bit into it. Really tasty.
When another two weeks past without sign or the Elrics, I started to worry.
Winry and Pinako were used to the boys not being there; they'd dealt with years of it. I wasn't so immune. In fact I started to feel queasy every now and again.
"You've gotten taller." Winry said, now looking up to me a bit. I scratched the back of my head; I'd been growing a lot for a while now. Faster than before; a growth spurt I guess.
"I guess so, hopefully I don't turn into a giant." I teased, picturing myself becoming taller than Al. That would be a problem... I might squash Ed like an ant. The image of this was too funny though...
"I doubt it, bbut you would make Ed look like a shrimp." Winry said with a chuckle. I nodded, giggling a little bit.
"I was just thinking the same thing." I said, laughing. Winry joined in again as we stood there before getting back to work.
Currently we were cleaning the tables from dinner. Armstrong was cleaning the dishes while Winry and I cleared the table. I still wasn't allowed to use my arm so I had become a bit of a gimp.
My metal arm sat in a sling, each week we lowered the sling to put more pressure on the shoulder. One more month and I could start using it. Everyone insisted I just stay away from lifting anything, but I refused to be completely useless.
"You've come through with your arm miraculously well," Armstrong said. He peered at me over his large shoulder. "I would've thought, from the description Miss Rockbell gave me, that you would still be in bed."
I turned a little pink at that. Was I really moving so fast?
"Edward was still in a wheel chair right now. Granted he had an arm and a leg to adjust to, but you're still moving quite fast." Winry said, but I tried to shrug it off.
"Well, I've always been told I've got a wicked pain tolerance, besides I think your automail skills have improved since then." I said as I looked at Winry. She turned pink at the compliment before grinning.
"You think so?" She asked. I chuckled a little before nodding.
"Definitely!"
I woke up in the middle of the night.
Something was bothering me deeply, but I could place what it was.
Getting up, I started for the mirror. Looking to the pendant hanging from the side, father's necklace, I sighed.
"I'm not cut out for this," I began, but then smiled. "But I am getting stronger."
I gently held the pendant in my hand, rubbing my organic thumb over it. There was something about putting the pendant on that bother me. I didn't feel worthy of such a treasure. It didn't feel right to have it.
I wasn't worthy of it.
Not yet.
My head swam a little as I let go of the necklace. A feeling of loss cconsumed me.
One day...
Heading over to my bed, I sat down on it. Without thinking about the consequences, I reached up with my metal arm. At first it was a challenge, a real challenge that seemed difficult. I got halfway before it began to hurt.
Although I could tolerate the pain, I knew I couldn't tolerate the consequences of tearing apart the scar tissue of my arm.
Placing it back down beside me, I looked to the carpet for a moment. Getting up suddenly, I made my way to the kitchen.
Down the stairs and around the corner, I searched through the cutlery drawers until I came across a sharp knife. Without much thought, I ran the blade across the top of my thigh. I winced, but it didn't cut vein. It barely bled, nothign to worry about. I wiped the knife clean and placed it in the sink to be properly washed. Making noise now was a bad idea.
I walked back upstairs, still feeling the pain from the knife.
The morning light made me sick as I stared at the mirror.
My thigh had no mark on it.
Now I really felt sick.
I refused to move from the bed for the day; I lied and said I felt sick.
Perhaps that was true, but right now I just wanted to pretend it was the way I made it seem to Winry.
I had to believe.
It's been four months since I last saw the Elrics.
I'm starting to believe that they aren't coming back.
Still, I hold my faith that the Colonel is just holding them back. It's a strong possibility really, I wouldn't be surprised.
The incident with my leg was shoved to the back of my mind.
It wasn't possible, it defied all logic.
So did the Gate, so did this world.
I tried not to think of it too much, instead I worked on my alchemy training.
In the last month I had grown to lightly using my arm. I could move it all around, stretch it, even raise it high above my head. Pinako nearly had an ulcerr when she heard I used my arm to do push ups.
Yes, push ups. I needed to get into shape. There was a max amount I could do before my arm began to hurt, but it usually outlasted muscle fatigue in my right arm.
Sit ups, jogging, movement in general. I had to get into shape; Al told me to train the mind you must train the body. It must be balanced; so I needed to get into shape.
I had begun other training too.
This I never found in any of the books I had began to re-read in order to absorb more information. This was something I discovered without meaning to.
I had started with a tree; all I planned to do was reshape it into splitting its trunk. I had come to draw on the trunk itself the circle I planned to use. The steps were the same; I began to asses the chhemical make up. It was then that I noticed something I never noticed before.
It was like a little bubble; nothing to do with any of the bonds and structures of the tree. It just sort of floated around; no real path in sight. Out of curiosity, I reached for the object. It reminded me of Harry Potter trying to catch the snitch. It was so difficult to see; barely to size of a pea in a sea of particles much larger in my eyes.
When I finally found it, grasped it with my alchemic power, something strange happened.
It peeled open.
Like a bubble that had been popped; and things began to poor out.
A light, bright and fast moving. So fleeting and white. It raged around, my reaction was automatic.
Catch it.
A hot warmth filled me as the white lights began to come to me, it felt like I was getting stronger. I felt better, more alive. What was this? I couldn't really describe it.
My shoulders tensed, a pain going through me. It was like a recoil as I fell back; away from the tree.
I had no idea what had happened; I stood up and looked at the tree.
My eyes went wide.
"What..?!"
The tree...
It was dead.
Shriveled and dry, it looked like it was about to keel over. I stepped back far enough just in case. Biting my lip, I looked down at the grass beneath me, at my skin on my organic palm.
I felt sick again.
Staggering back to the house, I tried to make sense of what just happened. Except it didn't make sense, none of this did.
I wanted to vomit; I tried really hard to do it. Yet nothing came out as I sat there, trying to gag.
My head hurt, I wanted to just go and crawl under a blanket and die. That seemedmuch more logical than anything else I'd seen today.
I took a step, and was suddenly face first into the ground.
My body ached as a weight sat on my only good shoulder. I let out a cry, growling at the end as I looked upwards.
A woman stood on me, grinding her heel into my shoulder blade. I cried out as something shifted, she laughed.
"You're just as pathetic as they told me you'd be." She said in an eerily deep voice, for a woman. It sounded like nails were scraping over my skin when she spoke.
"Who are you? What do you want?" I hissed, slowly drawing a circle with my inorganic fingers.
"Me? I'm Avidity! And I'm going to absolutely destroy you!" She said in a sickly sing song voice.
I smirked a little after finishing my alchemy circle. The white sparks flew around me as the ground reached up beside me. It punched Avidity in the face. She went flying off of me; I took this as a chance to quickly stand.
"Well Avidity," I muttered, turning to look at her. "I guess you know who I am."
"Right you are!" She shouted, laughing like she hadn't taken a hit to her face.
"Who sent you?" I asked, frowning. She grinned then, shark teeth gleaming in the light.
"If I tell you, I'll have to kill you." She said in a low tone. In that moment her face looked so maniacal that I trembled a little. My eyes widened as she ran at me.
So fast...!
I was kicked in the ribs, my metal arm barely blocking the bone crushing kick. Still, I was sent flying because I hadn't properly prepared. I fell to the ground, wincing. My arm burned right at the port. It felt like all the little nerves didn't want to worrk right. I had to scramble to my feet when I heard her mocking laughter.
Avidity laughed at me again, but I growled. There was no doubt in my mind what this woman was. She was one of them, those creatures that made me this way. My body shook at the memory; fear creaped under my skin.
"Do you work with Envy and Lust?" I asked, watching her laughter die abruptly. A dark scowl covered her face as she full on glared at me.
"Don't ever put me in the same line as that slime!" She shouted, leaping in front of me. I gasped, ready to defend myself.
Only I didn't have to this time. Armstrong appeared in front of me, punching Avidity and making her go flying.
"Armstrong!" I shouted, surprised.
"To the house young lady!" It was all he could say before Avidity attacked him again. The woman was holding her own against Armstrong; I didn't have a chance. Turning tail, I did as he said and began to run towards the house.
A huge bang sounded behind me; I didn't dare to look back. A sick feeling came in my gut as I realized the house was further than I initially thought it to be. My feet worked faster as I tried to leave the action behind me.
Something collided with my back; right between my shoulder blades. I ate dirt shortly after; my whole body shaken by the motion. My head spun, and it took a while for me to realize what was going on.
Avidity's cruel laugh sounded above me.
"You're just as cowardly as I was told!" She mocked, my whole body trembled at the sound.
"Are you sure you don't want it?"
That voice...
"It's everything you ever wanted to know, isn't it?"
I could remember it...
"I don't want it! Put it back!"
A cold feeling poured over me as I looked up at Avidity.
Laughter.
Avidity's laughter, but it was mixed with something else. Someone else.
"I'm sure you'll change your mind one day."
Truth.
"Yeah it's simple. I just clap my hands and form an array within myself."
Edward. He told me it was simple, was he being honest? I had done it before, used alchemy without a circle. How ahd I done that? What had I done? How?
"Then I just identify my materials, decompose them, and then reconstruct them."
"You useless thing."
"Put it back! I don't want this! No!"
"Useless?"
Avidity stopped laughing to stare at me. I looked over my shoulder at her, my whole body steeled as I glared.
"I'm not useless."
I finished drawing a simple transmutation circle, sending a small rod of dirt to attack her. Avidity flipped off my back, albeit none too gracefully. Still, it got me into a standing position. I faced her, my eyes hard. Behind her I could see Armstrong ready to strike; he stopped thouugh, staring at me.
"I just clap my hands and form an array within myself."
CLAP
Sparks emitted from my hands as I touched the ground. The energy surged through me as I identified different elements in the ground.
A massive wave of silt flew up, towering over Avidity. She stared at it, her eyes going slightly wide. She smirked though, but I didn't faulter. I used all of my energy to wrap her in a massive shell. The last of my energy used to harden the surface until it was rock.
I stared at the sphere, panting from my knelt position. That took a lot out of me, far too much. I went to stand, stumbling a few times before I managed to get it right.
"Young lady! That was impressive!" Armstrong called out, sounding overjoyed at my use of alchemy. I couldn't fight the proud grin off of my face when he said this. Honest praise warmed my heart.
"Erin!" Winry's voice sounded. I looked over my shoulder at her, her terrified expression.
A loud crack sounded.
My eyes widened as something clasped my throat. Looking towards the source, I could see clearly the thing that held me.
Avidity broke straight through the sphere.
"You really thought that would hold me?" She asked rhetorically. A howl of laughter broke from her lips as she slammed me into the soil. I tried to gasp for air, but my throat was blocked as both my hands tried to claw hers away.
"I'll give you credit, brat, you are better than I thought." She squeazed my throat and forced me down into the ground. My eyes bulged. "But you're still worthless."
She lifted me a little before slamming me back into the dirt. Hard.
My world went black instantly.
When I awoke, I wasn't outside.
Instead I was resting in a very soft bed. My head pounded, my back hurt, but there was an odd sense of comfort. Medication, that's all that came to me.
I sat up, looking around. My head swam for a moment, but I righted myself. Placing a hand on my head, the cool metal felt good on my hot skin. My automail port stung horribly, but it was bearable.
When I got up, I noticed my clothing had been changed. I decided to change back as I was in my room. The lights were out, but I knew the palce well enough to walk around within aid.
I gathered my things and walked into the bathroom.
Flipping on the light, iw as surprised by what I saw. In the mirror, I saw my shoulder. Flecks of dried blood. My lips parted slightly in surprise. Removing my shirt, I checked it closely. It was bandaged, but they were soaked with drying blood. It must've been pretty bad for them not to change the bandages.
Yet I felt fine...?
Taking a cloth, I wetted it before gently wiping away the blood. It peeled away after a few minutes, nothing but a scar remained.
It was long, circling my port. It looked as though somebbody had tried forcing the arm off, drag marks more prominant by the bolts. The wound wouldn't have been fatal, but it looked red and puffy still. A sting whenever I moved but nothing horrible.
It looked like it had hit multiple veins, perhaps that was what caused it to bleed so badly. Yet that wound looked older, at least a few week old.
My words died in my throat as I came to a conclusion.
This really was happening to me.
I came downstairs after I had dressed properly.
"You broke your arm again?!" Winry's voice called out. My eyes widened slightly as it peaked my curiosity.
As I walked down the stairs, Armstrong noticed me.
"Young lady! Are you well yet?" He asked. I smiled a little and nodded.
"Yeah, I feel okay. Thank you for saving me back there." I said. He smiled down at me and patted my head. I knew it was out of affection, so I gritted my teeth and took it.
"...Erin? Oh..." Winry turned and looked at me. Her eyes slightly wide. "Yeah, you can talk to her."
I walked over to her and took the phone then. There was a moment that I hesitated before bringing it to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Hey, long time no see, huh?"
It only took one quick rush of Ed's voice to completely sooth me. A smile broke out across my lips then.
"Who's fault is that? I thought you forgot about me." I teased.
"Never." The sudden and sharp reaction from Edward caught me off guard, a strange warmth filled my stomach. "Considering you cry like a baby at the drop of a hat it'd be pretty hard."
My face turned red.
"H-Hey!"
"I'm serious. Al cried over a stray kitten last week and I kept picturing you bawling along with him." Edward said in a half serious tone; I could hear Al shouting denials in the background. I giggled a little bit, my eyes welling up.
"At least I'm taller than a bean sprout."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A HALF PINT?!"
I actually started laughing there; tears began to freely spill down my face.
"Ah, guess you don't have anybody to sneak your milk away and drink it for you, huh?" I asked, smiling.
"Nah, Al won't hide it and I can't make the nurses stop bringing it." Ed muttered, sounded annoyed. Nurses? Broken arm... They went in the hospital again, huh?
"Can I..." I trailed off, feeling emotions swell in my gut. "Can I come and see you?"
Therre was absolute silence on the other end.
"I mean, that pour milk is going to go bad. Who knows what sort of fungi will grow if I don't drink it for you-"
"Of course you can."
I stopped when I heard his voice.
"You're always welcome, right Al?" Ed asked. I heard Al's affirmations in the background. Tears poured much quicker down my face.
"Thank you."
I handed the phone back to Winry and went to sit in the living room.
For months I kept my head level. I hadn't cried, hadn't said a word about my concerns. Yet a single call from a very reckless and incredible boy had me confessing to myself just how hurt and pained I was.
I had lost my family, my arm, and possibly the life I knew. The odds of me getting home were so small that it felt like a vice grip, dragging me down. I sniffled a few more times before Armstrong came and sat by me.
"Why didn't you tell him?" He asked, not needing to explain.
Despite every reason I had to cry, I didn't want to burden them. I didn't want those boys, who had so much on their shoulders, to carry even more.
"Because it doesn't hurt him to not know." I confessed.
Winry got off the phone shortly after, muttering about how crazy Ed and Al were.
"Winry?" I whispered, looking at her. She jumped at my voice, but looked at me evenly. "C-Can I have that haircut now?"
She looked surprised, but nodded in consent.
So we set up a chair and started. It was quiet at first, Armstrong saying he'd go chop wood; though I noticed a huge amount stacked in the corner.
"Granny said you wouldn't be up until tomorrow." She said.
"How long was I out?" I asked, frowning as she wet my hair and brushed it.
"Two days. But your port was bleeding. Other than that you didn't have any major damage. How do you feel?"
"Stiff, but that's it." I said softly.
"I was going to tell Ed about that thing," Winry confessed, making me stiffen. "But I figured you should."
There was an underlying tone to her voice, making me realize that there was a deeper meaning. Winry paused in brushing my long hair. Hair that reached almost to my hips.
"Those boys tell you everything, yet they won't tell me anything." She said, but I didn't make a move.
"They do that because they love you, Winry." I said. A small gasp resounded behind me. "I mean, they're scared you'll get dragged in. They rather you get mad at them and be safe than get into trouble. Ignorance is bliss after all."
She stayed still for a moment before she began to cut my hair. I was silent all through it. Ten minutes later she paused, looking at me from where she stood beside me. I knew what she wanted to know, so I looked up to her.
"You like Edward, don't you?" I asked. Instantly she panicked, flapping around and stuttering nonsense. Thank God I waited to ask.
"It's okay if you do," I began, making her calm down. "Because I like him too."
She stared at me for a moment as I softly smiled at her.
"I won't let someone get between our friendship Winry. So let's promise, no matter what happens, we're still friends?"
I don't want to lose anyone.
She smiled softly at me before laughing a little.
"Of course we'd still be friends!" She said, though there was a sad tone.
"I wouldn't worry Winry," I said calmly. "Beautiful people like you always win. You're pretty inside and out."
"Erin..." Winry began as she looked at me with a frown, but I just continued with a smile.
"People like me? We always lose. Because I can try and tell myself everything will be fine, but people like me don't have that kind of time. We don't get chances for people as wonderful as Edward. But it's okay, because knowing you're both happy, that's a big relief for me. I want everyone to smile, I want everyone to be happy above all else."
Winry looked down at me, her eyes wide. I just smile at her.
I couldn't cry; I had to accept this.
Winry enveloped me in a hug, curling around me tightly.
"Don't ever say that!" She half shouted, sounding like she was sobbing. My eyes widened. "What makes us more important than you? How come you don't get to be happy? Huh?!"
A soft smile pulled back onto my lips as I hugged her back. She sniffled before we pulled apart.
Oh Winry...
"Now look, you better get that sad smile off your face. I gave you a pretty haircut and you need to give a pretty smile too!" She said. I turned around and looked in the mirror. Indeed I did look pretty. My bangs just casually sweeping over my right eye. They weren't jagged anymore. In fact they looked stylish and smooth. A good amount of hair framed my face and the rest was long enough to reached just past my shoulder blades.
I felt really pretty.
A huge grin swept onto my face then.
"Thank you, Winry." I said softly.
"No problem! Told you I could cut your hair nicely!" She said, missing the deeper meaning.
"No really," I said even softer, looking at her in the eyes. "Thank you."
She blinked owlishly before smiling back.
"There's that beautiful smile."
I stood in my room.
We were preparing to leave for Central.
As I finished packing, light flickered off of Father's necklace. I stopped what I was doing and stared at it. My whole body steeled as I grabbed it and placed it over my head. It felt heavy on my neck, but a good kind of weight.
I was ready.
I was ready to face reality.
Author's Note!
Hey guys!
*Hears shot gun getting loaded*
U-U-UMMMMM I LOVE YOU ALL?!
Seriously. I have been trying to get this story going again and again and it just wasn't happening! I don't have a ton of free time. In fact I should be studying for my finals but truth be told My brain went on vacation today.
So I hope this wasn't horrendously late! I mean I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't get reviews, but I am trying to not let this damn story die!
So I hope you guys liked this chapter. It might seem confusing, but I just happened to find a loop hole that worked in my favour. So if you have a question please post it in a review and I will try to answer without giving spoilers!
Review please! I love it when you do!
Cheers!
Iland Girl