Chapter 26
And so it began.
That first day of term came so fast it was shocking.
They had both been hiding from it – Jen especially. She had been filling her time away from Tilly with all the necessary preparations and making of resources; going in to her Art room at college to set up displays, rearrange furniture and organise stock; sorting-out the cupboards and stock room and dark room with a fervour even she had never felt before! The hatred she felt at her situation, which she felt irretrievably imprisoned by, gave her an almost super-human energy...
Tilly had also been filling time as best she could by trying to find herself a small bar job or waitressing job somewhere, to while away the hours – steering clear, for the time being, of any art gallery work, after her last bad experience in one, when Jen's manipulative ex had almost finished her, and her and Jen's relationship, for good! Like Jen, Tilly was also restless: full of frustrated, imprisoned, longing – that gave her a restless energy she'd never felt so strongly before, and she had often found herself pacing; unable to sit, or be still at all, all through that last week of the six-week Summer break.
She'd thankfully managed to secure a job, part time, at Campus Cafe, which also meant that she still got to see her friends, who were always coming in to chat, and of course Jen, whose presence she always longed for, and who she seemed to almost always sense, entering the cafe, even when her back was turned and she was busy with someone's order...
It was as if her body, itself, knew her now, and it had happened a few times that she'd been busy making a cappuccino, frothing up the milk, when she'd felt a sudden sensation as the tiny hairs at the nape of her neck tingled and her body tensed ever so slightly and she'd turned round only to find Jen standing there quietly, watching her longingly, waiting to be served.
Every moment they were together there, in that public place, they maintained a distant, polite persona with each other for the benefit of the other people around them. But each time there was always more than one conversation occurring between them – in the silent ways their bodies moved in response to each other; in complementing, mirroring gestures; moving closer at any given opportunity... and their eyes were forever searching out each other's, whether it was across the close proximity of the coffee shop counter (when Jen always took too long to decide on what she wanted, just so she could be physically close to her), or across the wider expanse of the cafe itself, from Jen's now usual position in the far corner, facing the counter, which meant that they could still see each other and feed off each other by watching, secretively, the way the other one looked; moved; smiled; interacted, and so on...
Whenever Maddie was there she was always watching them both closely too; an amused expression in her eyes, which made Tilly more aware of herself and more flustered around Jen, and which made Jen far more worried... Jen knew Maddie had sussed them – but there was nothing she could do about it, she knew that too. So she carried on as she felt she had to, acting as normal and nonchalant as possible and trying her best to focus more on her college work, and teaching, and not dwell too much on 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'. She kept telling herself, in the same way that she kept trying to reassure Tilly, that this having to be in the same space, in Campus Cafe, in public together, was good practice for what they would have to do at college all over again.
If only it wasn't so hard.
That other night, when Jen had driven Tilly to the beautiful, small, plush hotel on the outskirts of Chester, managing to book them into an upgraded large double room without a prior reservation... well, it had been perhaps the most amazing night of their lives, for both of them – Jen included.
They had made full use of the facilities, although for intimate privacy they'd opted for the facilities that came with the room rather than the more public spa facilities of the hotel... So they'd enjoyed their own, giant, marble Jacuzzi bath together, complete with twinkling lights surrounding it (much to Tilly's delight!) and later, they shared their giant shower, tiled in black granite so that it was like stepping into a pitch-black, secretive cavern, with its unusual, striking, fibre-optic ceiling lights which when switched on, gave the impression of tiny stars shining fluorescent, coloured light down on their moist, soapy, glistening bodies below... Yes, they had made more than enough use out of these facilities, finding new and exotic ways to express their love for each other, so that they felt the whole world move and Heaven itself explode inside them, together, multiple times, before towelling each other dry and collapsing, exhausted and finally satisfied at last, on the plush king-size bed which occupied the prime location in the centre of the room.
They actually hadn't emerged from the room at all, the entire time they'd stayed there; ordering room service for their meals – for a late tea, which had sat on the tray, half-touched, as they'd preferred to celebrate their shared nakedness; curling into each other's silky warmth in bed, to doze off, or watch the television, glass of wine to hand... And again in the morning they ordered room service for a late breakfast, which Jen half-fed to a sleepy Tilly in bed, in-between seductive, giggling kisses, and the promise of using her bare stomach and breasts to trial the hotel's speciality jam for tasting, before actually using it on the toast...
Yes, that night, and the morning after, would live in their hearts and minds forever, they knew; branding them somehow, as each other's property... But it had been the last time they'd been able to be together properly, and now college was looming and it all seemed like a distant dream; a fairytale fantasy they both reached for in their waking hours.
Now, the first day of term was bearing down upon them, and life was all too starkly real – as if it was a cruel, severe Winter arriving; not a colourful Autumn. And neither one of them could escape it.
So it was hard, seeing each other, at a distance, in Campus Cafe – as they'd both always known it was going to be hard – there, and later on, at college. It was maddeningly hard... to look but not touch; to be close but not close enough; to feel the tension between them build, and that constantly unresolved, primitive hunger for each other all over again, each time they met, but not be able to do anything about it...
It made them both moody and snappy with the other people around them, making Neil comment on it one afternoon to Tilly, and, quite separately, Diane comment on it one evening to Jen... who now repeatedly kept cursing her decision to accept Keeler's job; wondering, seriously, just how long she could keep it up.
Yes, it was beginning again.
The new term was starting.
And that first day of term came so fast it was shocking...
.
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