Disclaimer: We do not own Supernatural or any small tidbits of lyrics contained within this story. We are simply borrowing Sam and Dean and the other Supernatural characters for fun.

Alex stared at the women on the floor, not moving, not breathing as she breathed heavily, wide eyes. They had burst into the room and she knew what they were there to do, when she could finally think that was when they collapsed. No more hunger inside, no more need to have random sex with anything that moved, no nothing, just herself. Which relieved her but also frightened her when she realized what all she had done and almost did.

Von...Dean...

Out of all the people it had to be her friend and then the guy she hated. Alex hated Dean badly now, but also for the fact that she was floating freely with an unclasped bra that he had undone, and the fact that he had touched her. Kissed her. Bit her. Once she was out of the restraints she was going to hurt him, Hell, she was going to fucking consult herself. It had been a while since she had actually cut the lines in the palm of her left hand, months, almost a full year...what some alcoholics would say sober, she was about to become no longer that. Anything to remove it from her mind.

Alex. Don't start it up again. You know what Bobby will do if he finds out that you have picked it back up. He won't be happy. He'll take away your knife, all of your knives and hide anything sharp enough to cut around you.

Bobby would sit outside her room or by her bed and make sure that if she tried anything he'd be the first one to know. Alex shook the thought from her head. Low point and absolutely no point. Sober. When the door opened with a quick jerk Alex jumped slightly. "Fucking Jesus! Doesn't anyone fucking knock anyfuckingmore?"

Cursing when scared or pissed off. Nice to have you back Alex.

The tall hunter sighed and shook his head at Alex's reaction to them and he knew instantly that she was no doubt back to her normal state of being. What drew his eye though were the bodies of the women on the floor. Kneeling down, he checked the pulses, finding them thready and on at least two of them, not there. It appeared that the infection inside them had sucked them completely free of life. Unsettling.

"I'm assuming that ding dong the dick is dead, which dick, the wicked dick, ding dong the wicked dick is dead?" Alex voiced, expecting an answer and happy when Sam came over nodding as he got the clue that she wanted to be set free from the chains, the hint evident in her tone.

Once Alex could sit up, she fought the urge to rub her wrists, and instead reached into the back, under the shirt and clasped her bra. Glaring at Dean while doing so.

I feel so fucking violated.

Sam glanced back to Von when he finished, saw that she still wouldn't meet his eyes. He wanted to make things all right but would they really be after today? It would take time, but Dean was right back at the bar, they needed Von, and if it weren't for her they might not have completed this job or helped save lives. He opened his mouth to speak and stopped. What would he say? What could he say to her? Reopening he decided to converse about what to do next.

"Um...We should take the ones still alive to the clinic, and take care of the bodies back at the bar as well as the few here...I think it would be smart to stick around some to make sure everything is okay and that none have changed," he said, getting down to business.

"I agree," Alex piped in, standing and crossing her arms over her chest, feeling the need to cover up a lot.

She couldn't remember all of what Dean saw, but she knew that he had felt a hell of a lot right there and tonight she was going to take a long, long bath, scrub like crazy to get the sensation of his hands on-thought to a halt. Looking at Von, Alex could tell that she had done something that was going to be hard to come back from, Hell, they were both in the same boat. For once in a really long time, she wanted to be able to come to a friend and tell them her worries, gain advice or comfort. Have a girl's night to wipe it all away. She knew that those things wouldn't really work, but it was a nice thought that brought a smile to her within.

One silent apology was sent to Von through her blue eyes and she knew that Von had gotten it clear. Maybe this thing that happened, all that they had done would bring them closer together as friends again. They couldn't technically go to anyone else to talk to or hang around in silence knowing that it was comforting to just be there with a friend even if there was no talking going on. Alex had to admit, it was good not being the only one, though she hated that Von had to be the one to endure it as well.

Von was staring at the carpet with such intensity it might have very well eaten her up. And she wished it could. Swallow her up without so much as a sound, no struggling, no screaming, no chewing. Just gone into the black forever. Silently and without notice.

People kept on looking at her and she shrunk away, deeper into herself. Dean was still holding her hand like the protective big brother and Von stood there with Sam's blood caked around her mouth like a kid who had stuck their face in a bowl of strawberry jelly. Dean was helping her keep grounded because she wasn't sure how much longer she could stand her body shaking the way it did.

No one seemed to notice so was she really shaking or was it all in her head? Dean squeezed her hand to comfort her and deflected the glare aimed at him by Alex. He so wasn't in the mood to deal with any accusatory stares flung from her blue eyes. He had been lost to whatever the hell it was just as much as she so if she thought for one second that he would actually take advantage, actually do her she had to get her ego in check 'cause Dean would sooner walk on broken glass.

Von tested her tongue against her lip. Yep, the blood was still there and her pulse was pounding so hard in her ears she was afraid that other people would be able to hear it. Some frenzied tribal drumbeat announcing some grand sacrifice was about to take place or some war was going to be waged. Her green eyes dared to flick up, one hiding well behind her thick side bangs to meet Alex's blue.

The apology was accepted. What Alex had done to Von was nothing compared to what Von did to Sam. She drank his blood, was going to do so many terrible things to him before she slowly killed him. But she drank his blood. One of humanity's biggest taboo's. She was supposed to be sickened by it, wasn't she? Von felt more disgusted with herself for hurting Sam then the actual blood drinking.

The demon is going to have a field day with this...

Von didn't need to look around to see the bodies. Two dead, three alive, she could tell without having to check their pulses. Whether it was another new ability that decided to perk up or the affects of the Succubus's blood Von couldn't tell.

Or Sam's blood...it tasted strange. If this is what it feels like to do drugs I'm glad I never did any. My heart feels like it's going to fucking explode and I feel light and heavy at the same time. I don't like it, it feels weird.

Dean nodded gazing down at the bodies with pity, he released Von's hand and turned to her, "Help me start loading up the ones to take to the clinic." Von listened and helped him to pick up one of the girls. Dean knew Von needed to keep herself busy as much as he did and the best thing he could offer right now was to help him with the victims. Otherwise they'd lose her faster to what was eating her up inside.

Please Von, it's not your fault. Don't slip away from us.

888

Together Alex and Sam would've helped but for some reason it seemed a responsibility to split up away from the people that they had conflicts with at the moment as they left the motel room and headed to the car to get the tarp. They would grab the two bodies from the bar and wrap them up as well as the other two from the motel room and load them into the Impala. Considering there were two vehicles and it wasn't good to keep the dead and decaying around in one room for long, Sam and Alex were going to drive out a ways away from the town, salt and burn the bodies.

Once both parties were finished loading, they drove off from each other to accomplish their business. Alex and Sam finding it hard being in the same car alone, neither wanting to talk, and the radio not even on. Alex wasn't one for silences no matter how awkward or calming it was. She needed noise, music, anything to get her mind clear and filled with something different.

'If you only knew, I'm hanging by a thread, the web I spin for you. If you only knew, I'd sacrifice my beating heart, before I'd lose you...'

888

By the time they had gotten back to the motel it was nearly 6 a.m. It had been a long day and night and even then it was just plain insanity to their minds when they walked in through the door. Alex walked past everyone, not speaking and grabbing her duffel bag, going to the bathroom. She smelled of dirt, smoke and fresh death. Shutting the door softly instead of a slam, she decided to be courteous and she just wasn't in the mood to be bitch and pissed off...she could be that another day, another time, maybe when they left this job behind.

The water felt good on her skin and she lathered, rinsed and repeated. Closing her eyes she sighed. Baths weren't her thing so she had chosen a shower instead, though a bath would've been easier considering when she opened her eyes she was sitting in the far corner of the shower, legs hugged tight to her chest, no emotion showing the blue orbs as the spray beat down onto her from above. Staring at the curtain, she felt like a small piece of her puzzle didn't fit anymore. Removed and reshaped. One piece short. It wasn't a good feeling.

888

Sam had taken his place at his laptop, giving Von space, but he worried about her. Should he talk to her? Would that make things worse? She had cleaned up while they were gone, and he could see that the haunted expression on her face was no longer there but that didn't mean that on the inside it was gone too. It was just a sign that she was good at masking things like some people he knew.

He did what he did best, look up hunts. After this one there would be more to go after and do, but they would have to head back to Bobby's first for some re-cooperation. R n' R time. The girls needed it, Hell, Dean barely was topside and he needed it too. Knowing Dean when they got back to South Dakota he'd want to ship off. What about Alex? What about Von? Could they really just leave and part ways after finding each other again? Could they? No, Sam guessed not.

Von was found useful, and Alex...she needed someone, she couldn't be alone, he wondered how she survived all this time without winding up dead or worse with what she was. They all needed one another. Scooby Gang bond type of thing. Sam though was sure that both females were very essential to them, but he didn't know why, he just had an inkling. Best to stick to those.

Releasing a huff of air he continued to the work on the laptop, stealing a few glances of concern and care towards Von. She might not like what she had done, but it wasn't her. He understood. He understood more than anyone probably did out of the four of them. Sam wasn't going to let Von shy away and close herself off from him...he didn't know what would happen if that occurred. He liked Von. He cared for her. Simple enough. Years did not change something that concrete.

888

Alex stood in front of the mirror dressed, palms flat on the counter and staring at her reflection. She wasn't going to cut herself; she made a pact decision earlier. So why was she still in the bathroom hiding away? Dean. She didn't want to be near him, she was pissed at him. Why should she be pissed though? Was it really him or was he affected by the ardeur when it reached out to him?

Fuck she was so confused and yet full of anger as well. How could he touch her like that? How could she actually touch him, kiss him and want him like she did? It made her want to throw up. It was Dean, of all people it was Dean! The one she hated who hated her back, two rams that butted heads constantly. There was no attraction, not physically or emotionally. Just because someone was a man and another was a woman didn't mean that they would be.

"I'm so conflicted," she groaned, turning around and lifting her body up onto the counter, leaning back against the mirror and sitting down Indian style, the door before her, taunting her and telling her what lay behind it. Sam, Von, Sorcha, Dean...life.

She'd come out...eventually, maybe wait till they all fell asleep and then take residence on the floor. Sign of weakness. She liked having her bed, but she had been restrained in it twice now and so she wasn't sure if she wanted to go back there.

Suck it up Alex. Where is the bitch that I know and love? You were vulnerable and out of control for a day. Compared to the possibilities of it being a week or months that isn't bad. One day. Get the fuck over it.

Her other half was right. She was tougher than this, she shouldn't be scared to face the others or Dean. She was fine, what happened was erased; as far as she was concerned it never happened. None of it did. Pushing off and landing on her feet, she took her duffel dressed her pj's, she exited.

888

Von had gotten sick earlier. Not from the blood but from the serum that she had stuck in her veins. She should have known something would have happened from taking it; it wasn't designed for something like her. It was late or early depending on how you looked at it and Von had been doing her best to keep busy like Dean had suggested to her back at the clinic. Von found it hard to believe that Dean didn't think any of it was her fault, because she couldn't believe it herself. She had been weak and careless and had hurt someone she cared about.

She had her gear laid out on the bed and was currently tweaking her compound bow. The weather was getting colder and she had to make sure it would work in the frigid temperatures of the winter months. Nothing said 'fuck me sideways' like holding a useless weapon that had froze from exposure in the freezing outdoors.

Von also had ear buds jammed in her ears; music had a way of helping, or at least momentarily hiding how she was really feeling. Push everything down, bottle it up and forget about it. Try so damn hard to forget about it. She was humming softly to Drowning Pool's '37 Stitches'. It was the acoustic version and she focused on it, anything to keep from acknowledging the fact she felt every worried glance coming from Sam.

'Do you see me sittin' here, waitin' for you to say anything, head hung low, kicking stones down, kicking stones down the road to Hell now...'

888

What a first fucking job to have! The girls are pretty messed up. Underfuckingstatement. Von, man, she's never going to get over what she did to Sam. She's gonna wanna leave. I can't blame her. Should we let her go, how can we ask her to stay after what happened? And Alex, do I even try to open my mouth to try an' explain my side of the goddamn story? I think I'd manage better trying to wrestle a mountain cat. Oh yeah and let's not forget about that little thing called the Apocalypse though at the moment I could care less.

Dean's eyes stayed glued to the T.V. though he wasn't really bothering to watch half of what was going on when Alex emerged from the bathroom after who knows how long. Normally he would have made a quip about it. But this wasn't normally. He was making to move off the bed for Alex when she sat on the floor causing him to frown.

That is not a good sign.

Von saw Alex out of the corner of her eye and finished the maintenance on her gear in time it seemed. She packed up her stuff and slid off the bed, Sorcha watching her as she went. Von had wondered where the large black dog had disappeared to, turned out she was waylaid and taking care of her own batch of Succubi that had been heading down the hall from the back of the Guest House.

Sorcha had earned herself a slight limp from the fight but nothing she was going to whine about, she could still run if she had to and she could most certainly fight. Von shouldered her bags quietly and Dean watched her equally as quietly not sure what to say to her at the moment. Was she leaving?

Von crouched down next to Alex but didn't meet her eyes. "I'm sure Sam won't mind if you take the other bed, I'll be in my car," and without waiting for anyone to react or say much else she was out the door with Sorcha following behind her.

She stepped outside and the cool wind nipped at her face, the sky was surprisingly clear and a fat waxing gibbous lit up the sky with an eerie blue-silver glow. Von threw her gear in the trunk and leaned back against it to stare out across the street, breathing in the cool air to get a perspective on things.

It wasn't possible for her to stay. She was different and too much of a danger. Alex was different too, way different but right now all Von could think about was how her being with them would endanger everyone else. She wasn't exactly well liked by the evil things she hunted or the majority of hunters out there because they thought she was one of those evil things. And what would happen then if one of those hunters came along and saw the Winchesters buddying up with a witch?

Von sighed and her eye line dropped to her boots. Sorcha sat against her leg, hugging her in her doggy way. "I missed them, but I don't think I can stay," she spoke quietly to Sorcha a sad smile tightening on her lips.

888

When Sam heard Von say what she did, that was when he acted. He was out of the room and he didn't wait for Dean or Alex to tell him to leave her alone. He knew that even though she said she was sleeping in the car, it was a lie. If she was going to just sleep in the car then she wouldn't have taken her things. Even he knew that she was going to leave. For the life of him he couldn't let that happen. Exiting the motel and finding her by her car, he jogged up to her.

"Don't go. Please Von. Stay. Please. Please stay. I know that you are on a major guilt trip right now, but Von I'm okay. You can't...you can't leave...you can't just run away from things," pausing at the sight of defensiveness in her eyes he quickly held up his hand and cut her off. "I am not trying to upset you, but I'm trying to say...why leave when we all just found each other again? This can't be just coincidence. If it weren't for you Von, we all might be dead and so would this whole town and maybe more. We need you to stay. I need you to stay."

Sam's eyes were pleading, he meant every word. He wanted to hug Von, hold her and tell her everything was okay and make her believe it. In only a few strides he was in front of her, staring down into her green orbs. Not touching. No hugging. He played it safe.

"We have to stick together. I don't know why, but I just know that we do. Besides, if you wind up leaving you know that I can find you again and easy. After all I have Von radar," Sam chuckled slightly.

Please, don't go.

Von had been hurt by Sam's words. If he only knew the kind of things she had faced and the things she faced everyday. She wasn't running, she was protecting. He stopped her though as she opened her mouth to defend herself. Sam was right and Von had to agree, she wasn't one for believing in coincidences. What he said next floored her and made her heart twist up in knots.

I need you to stay.

Did he mean it? Von couldn't meet those pleading eyes of his. Her heart was starting to ache with just him standing next to her and she absently started to scratch Sorcha behind the ears.

Why would you say something like that Sam?

Von wanted to say it out loud but she couldn't find her voice and even if she had it would never have been able to break past the tightness in her throat. Tears started to burn her eyes as a sad smile twitched at her lips. Sam would be stubborn enough to find her. He'd look behind every tree and under every rock if he had to. Which he never did, he always had a way of knowing, Von never figured out how but he always did.

Von swallowed the lump in her throat, desperately searching the night for answers. "Why, Sam?" her voice managed a whisper. Couldn't he see that she was dangerous, what she did to those women, to Alex, to him? Or was it because he didn't care? Von was a monster in a pretty girl's skin. Didn't he care that she wasn't human?

Why Sam, why do you need me to stay?

Why? Because I'll fall apart if you don't. I like you Von. A lot. Always have and maybe always will. He thought.

Could he really be that open? Normally yes, but he had become different in the past year. It was a vulnerable state to be in to let loose his emotions. Opening his mouth he looked at Von, closing it briefly as he took that last step and wrapped his arms carefully around her, whispering against her hair. "Because I just got you back, I don't want to lose you again."

One kiss on the top of her head and it was enough to bring her trembling as she cried. He felt her lean into him, legs giving out and he lowered them to the ground, leaning against her car as he held her curled against him. Hand running through her hair comfortingly.