A/N: Don't own (although I'd love to have my very own Norman Reedus :D) don't sue!
Lyrics are from 'Rain' by Patty Griffin
Rain
Chapter Eighteen
It's hard to listen to a hard, hard heart
Beatin' close to mine
Poundin' up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep, deep, deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep, weep, weep
With all this rain fallin' down
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain
It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
It's never rained like it has tonight before
Now, I don't wanna beg you, baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not lookin' for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live
Strange, how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holdin' on underneath this shroud
Rain
"Well. I haven't done that in a long time." Cassidy managed to get out between gulps of air.
Daryl gave her a funny look and she rolled her eyes.
"I meant the back seat of a truck part."
"First time I ever did it was in the back of a truck." Daryl murmured fondly. "The truck-bed actually."
"Classy." Cassidy scoffed, propping her feet up on the back of the seat to free up a little room on the narrow bench seat. "Eddie Finnigan." She sighed. "He was so hot, long blond hair, big brown eyes, motorbike. Three beers, two tequilas and my virginity vanished on a leather sofa in his dad's summer home. Never to be seen again."
He snorted. She elbowed him, wriggling around until she was lying flat on her back on top of him. In the relatively small space his long legs were bent at the knees, his thighs pressing lightly against hers where her feet were propped up. He had one arm behind his head and the other draped lazily over her waist, his dirty fingertips trailing languidly around her bellybutton and navel. He traced the barest feather light touch across the bruises on her thighs.
"He didn't even touch them." She murmured drowsily, her eyes fluttering closed. "Couldn't get through the layers of that fucking dress." She lifted her hand over her head, burying her fingers into his still damp hair. "I wouldn't have let it get that far. Apart from the unnatural strength from his sanity fleeing the vicinity, he hardly posed a threat at all." She rolled her head on his shoulder until she could nuzzle his collarbone teasingly. "No one but you has explored my hidden depths since last year, Dixon." She informed him tauntingly, then she paused. "Unless it was on a job, then it was usually to get close to a mark and it shouldn't really count."
He didn't reply but she saw his lips compress into a frown.
"You did that? Uh—used it to get close to guys… so you could-"
She swivelled her head until she could see him properly.
"Does that bother you?"
He shrugged. He still looked a little forlorn but the look was replaced almost immediately by stubborn indifference and she sighed.
"If it makes you feel any better, I usually faked it."
He blinked, opened his mouth, closed it again and then scowled. She grinned.
"Don't pout at me, redneck. There are so many more interesting things you could be doing with that sulky mouth." He glowered. "There's not much to do around here, you must have had to make your own entertainment. Don't tell me you haven't had your wicked way with hundreds of big-boobed farm girl Daisy Duke types in your time, Dixon."
His lips twitched irresistibly upwards and she felt a flush of pleasure surge through her chest. She was the only one who ever put that grin there, just her.
"Hundreds?" He repeated sceptically and she batted her eyelashes innocently. "Don't be so stupid."
"Are you trying to tell me I'm overestimating your sex appeal, redneck?" She purred, wriggling just enough to make him grunt warningly.
"Are you making fun of me?" He snapped.
"Not a bit. You're completely irresistible, you know."
He swore at her but his cheeks and chest were pink and not from the muggy heat they'd filled the car with. She wondered briefly what made him have such a low opinion of himself.
"We should probably find the others." She said in a tone of voice that did not indicate any desire to move in the near future. "It stopped raining a while ago."
Daryl squinted through the steamed up windows. The rain had ceased as suddenly as it had started while they had been too distracted to notice.
"It'll be dark soon." He murmured thoughtfully.
"If that translates to us spending the rest of the night inside this warm comfy truck rather than traipsing through the mud with nothing but a patch of wet grass waiting at the end of it, I am totally in favour." She stretched. "Can I rely on you to keep watch?"
He made a noise at the back of his throat and she grinned. Right now she was so comfortable that if a horde of walkers crawled across the car, she really wouldn't be too bothered about it.
It was a strangely hot night and by the time they clambered out of the truck at dawn the next morning, the mud on the ground had hardened enough to walk on in their bare feet as they dragged on their still damp clothes. Daryl kept sliding side-long glances at her as she pulled his ruined shirt on. It was already too hot for the sweater and she tucked it back into his saddle bag.
She helped him recover his bike from the mud and then sat on the hood of the truck while he checked it over, keeping watch. She felt a little thrill at the thought of riding on his bike with him. She knew Carol had ridden on it before and that sent a little quiver of strange emotions surging through her gut. Eventually he pronounced it in perfect condition and she clambered down from the truck excitedly. He pushed the bike onto the road.
He mounted the bike, giving everything a last check. He scowled when he realised that she was still standing by the truck staring at him with a strange look on her face. He grunted enquiringly and she grinned.
"I am so hot for you right now." She said, a wicked grin curling her lips.
He didn't reply, merely started the engine. She sighed regretfully and climbed on behind him. Her chest gave a little leap as they set off and for the first time in a long time a genuine surge of happiness shot straight through every inch of her. It was thoroughly exhilarating; the wind stretching out her hair and stinging her cheeks, Daryl's broad back pressed against her cheek, his scent seeping into her every pore, her arms tight around his waist and her knees pressed securely against his hips. Every time he took a breath her entire body rose and fell with his. She had never felt so connected to anybody. If she hadn't been so high off the feeling from riding with him, she would have been very concerned at the connection thrumming between them.
It didn't take long to find their new safe haven. It was a rickety old ramshackle wooden building that looked as if it might have been some sort of lodge at some point. Maggie was on watch and she saluted them from the roof as they pulled up. The tell tale roar of the bike had alerted the occupants of the lodge and Lochie came barrelling out of the front door, slamming it open so hard that bounced back and nearly took out T-Dog.
"Seriously?" She hissed furiously, hands on her hips and her force as black as thunder. "You're back less than twelve hours and you do a vanishing act again. If I have to take out your kneecaps to keep you in one place and therefore alive… I will."
Cassidy rolled her eyes.
"Calm down, don't have an aneurysm. There's a perfectly reasonable explanation."
She glanced over her shoulder at Daryl who was apparently relaying their uneventful night in the trap and failure to find any habitable buildings to Rick.
"What happened to you guys?"
Lochie shrugged as she followed Cassidy onto the wooden porch. The old warped wood protested creakily beneath their feet.
"A few walkers wandered into our makeshift camp. We managed to keep out of their way and when the rain started we used it as cover to beat a hasty retreat."
Cassidy didn't reply. She pushed open the door, greeted T-Dog politely and moved into the main room. There were a few scattered blankets heaped in the middle of the wooden floor and a small fire barely flickering in the grate. Lori was sitting by the fire, watching over Carl who was curled up at her feet still sound asleep. She gave Cassidy a dark look. Cassidy ignored her. She was about to find out if this place had any running water when a hand touched her shoulder. Adrenaline that was partly anger and partly fear shot through her entire system and she grabbed the hand, yanking it at a painful angle and whirling around. Glenn was so surprised by her sudden attack that he toppled forwards and would have landed quite hard on his face if she hadn't steadied him.
"Sorry." She said roughly, letting go of him and taking a step backwards.
Glenn shrugged, rubbing his sore wrist. He was clearly startled by her reaction but he didn't seem to take it personally.
"No problem." He eyed her closely for a moment but Maggie's voice calling for him filtered through the open door.
Cassidy caught T-Dog's eye and fought the urge to snicker when Glenn scampered for the door as if his jeans were on fire.
"Hey."
Lochie lowered the axe she'd been swinging at the logs with varying degrees of success. Her hands had been rubbed raw by the handle and she winced as she wiped the sweat from them on her denim shorts. Growing increasingly unable to cope with Lori and Carol's black mood hanging over them all until they were at each other's throats, she had taken refuge outside. Rick had told them all to stay within sight of the house for safety reasons so she'd attacked the task of chopping firewood to take her mind off of burying the rather blunt axe in Lori's spiteful face.
"Hey." She said breathlessly, swiping sweat from her eyes as Rick took the axe from her and took over chopping the wood.
He chopped up several logs in silence and Lochie leant back against a tree and watched. She had the feeling he just wanted to be near someone, someone who wouldn't judge or try to question his decisions or look to him for answers. Eventually, when his shirt was drenched in sweat and the pile of logs was severely diminished, he slouched down into the long grass.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, sitting down cross-legged opposite him and leaning back against the impressive pile of wood they'd gathered between them.
"No." He said shortly, rubbing his hands over his face.
He frowned when he saw the red marks on his hands from the axe. He reached across and took Lochie's small pale hands in his. Angry red welts and blisters marred her palms. She shrugged it off, drawing her hands back into her lap. She managed to keep her mouth shut for a good ten minutes, which was something of a record for Lochie. She sat and watched him glare glumly into the distance, worry etching hard lines on his face, then she couldn't hold it in any longer.
"How can you stand her?" She blurted out with far more force than she had expected. "She's so bitter and insensitive. Always putting everybody else down as if she's the only one in the world with any problems. How can you stand the way she treats you? You lost your best friend! He betrayed you! He broke your heart, anyone can see that but all she sees is what you did. It doesn't even occur to her why you had to do it."
Rick was looking at her strangely, not angrily or sheepishly or even resignedly.
"I just… I don't understand." Lochie finished lamely, embarrassed at her outburst. She sighed, climbing wearily to her feet. "Never mind. I get it. You're so loyal and decent and honest. Even when it's hurting you. You're going to end up a martyr, Sheriff. You-" Lochie was interrupted by the startled exclamation escaping her when Rick suddenly latched onto her wrist.
She was so taken by surprise that she lost her footing and tumbled rather painfully back down into the grass, finding herself almost nose to nose with Rick where he'd tried to catch her. She forgot all about her probably bruised coccyx, her arm twisted at a painful angle behind her and her ankle throbbing nastily because his lips were warm and soft and seeking against hers. There was an urgency running hotly through him as she pressed her body against his, a need to feel understood, a connection with someone who wanted nothing from him but what he could actually give.
"I thought-" Lochie managed to get out when they finally surfaced for air. "I thought you didn't want to-"
"I never said I didn't want to." Rick cut across her.
"But-" Lochie seemed to be struggling with something internally. "No." She said firmly, disentangling herself somewhat reluctantly.
"You don't-"
"Oh I do. More than I probably should. But I don't want you to do something you're going to feel guilty about later." She gave him a wry look, straightening her shirt. "You already beat yourself up over everything else." She scowled at the sight of Lori stomping out of the house looking thunderous. "When you figure out what it is you really want, please let me know."
They were still sitting there looking intently at each other in silence when Lori reached them, looking ready to breathe fire. She let fly almost immediately, calling Lochie several names that could actually have been applied to her own character and actually grabbing the younger girl by the shoulder and shaking her. They were close enough to the house for the ruckus to bring the others running. Lochie wrenched out of Lori's grasp, her face flaming with anger as much as embarrassment at the scene the brunette had caused.
"You stay the hell away from my husband." Lori seethed, a further string of expletives escaping her when Lochie shot a glance at Rick.
"Stop it, Lori." He ordered in a quiet voice that shook with suppressed anger.
"I haven't started with you yet!" Lori screeched, whirling on him angrily.
She reached out to slap him but Lochie grabbed her arm and shoved her until she lost her balance and wobbled precariously. Lori was bigger that she was but she was still just a housewife, and Lochie had been in her fair share of scraps in her lifetime. Not to mention sparring with Cassidy. Before the two of them could actually come to blows, Cassidy grabbed Lochie around the waist and practically tossed her towards the house. Lochie paled but Rick nodded grimly, an interaction that did not go unnoticed by Lori. She opened her mouth but Cassidy cut her off by grabbing her raised arm.
"It's not in my nature to injure a pregnant woman, lady." Cassidy said in a deathly quiet voice that sent a shiver down their collective spines. "But if you don't learn to keep your trap shut I might rethink my stance on the subject."
Lori opened her mouth angrily but Cassidy tightened her grip until the bones in her skinny wrist ground together painfully and she whimpered.
"You brought this down on yourself." Cassidy continued calmly, every word laced with venom and warning. "You chose to screw your husband's best friend and play with his emotions. Then when things got out of hand you cowered behind the man you'd managed to forget about weeks after his supposed death and you used your son as a weapon to play them off against each other. And after doing your best to turn them on each other you have the fucking gall to blame Rick for what he had to do. You spineless, heartless fucking bitch."
Lori was mouthing like a fish, Lochie had hustled Carl back to the house before he could hear too much and the rest of the spectators gathered around them were frozen in amazement. Rick had automatically tried to leap between the two women when Cassidy had grabbed Lori but Daryl had slid directly into his path without a sound. Rick had come to a halt, unable to move closer without shoving Daryl out of the way. His booted feet were planted firmly as if he expected the Sheriff to charge at him but there was no yielding in his stance and it was quite clear to Rick that he would not let him near Cassidy until she had finished whatever she intended to do. It occurred to him, rather distantly at the back of his mind, that should he try to reach Cassidy again, Daryl would probably lash out without even thinking about it or hesitating.
"Everyone makes mistakes. Start facing up to it instead of blaming everybody else for your fuck ups. And if you ever, ever-" Cassidy leaned in so closely that Lori could actually see the anger flaming in her jewel-bright eyes. "Utter one poisonous word to my friend again…" She trailed off ominously and a ripple of unease ran through them all. Cassidy let go of her and stalked away.
A visibly shaken Lori remained where she was, apparently not trusting that her knees would hold her up. She turned to Rick but his face contorted into a mask of fury and he walked away from her.
To his amazement it was Daryl who followed him a few feet into the trees away from the others. He stopped besides him in silence for a few moments, letting him get control of his anger and calm the swirl of emotions thundering through his head. When he had a handle on himself again, he glanced at his companion. Daryl looked slightly brooding but then he always looked like that, the worry line had vanished from between his eyebrows though. He was clearly as pleased as Daryl ever got about Cassidy's safe return and Rick felt something sickening churn in his gut. When was the last time he had felt instantly better just at the sight of Lori?
"You good?"
Daryl's voice broke through his reverie and he nodded, turning to lead the way back to the house. As they mounted the steps onto the wooden porch, Daryl's entire posture changed, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Cassidy was sitting on the wooden rail of the porch, talking in a low voice to Lochie who was perched opposite her. Something indefinable flickered over her face and Rick knew she'd registered Daryl's arrival although she didn't so much as blink in their direction. Rick felt suddenly weary. Had he and Lori ever been that connected? So in tune with each other that even at twenty paces they knew exactly what the other was doing and feeling, maybe even thinking? He wanted to forget about the lives depending on him and lie down with his head in someone's lap. Someone he felt something for.
He hesitated in the doorway. He couldn't face Lori right now, or the questioning looks he'd have to field from the others. Or the lost look that would no doubt be clouding Carl's face. As if she sensed some of his thoughts, Cassidy slid down from the rail.
"Come on, redneck. You need to finish what was started on that bike."
Daryl looked momentarily puzzled but Cassidy yanked him off the porch and into the trees before he could say anything. Rick contemplated sitting on the rail besides Lochie but he felt it was safer to lean against the wooden wall of the house instead.
"I really don't want to talk about it." Lochie said sharply, determinedly not looking at him. "All you people ever do is talk and I really don't have the energy anymore. I'm not playing this game."
Rick couldn't seem to find any words to say, they were all gathering into a painful lump in his chest. He was sorry that he had clearly hurt this girl, sorry that he wouldn't be able to explore the heat she seemed to create in his spine, sorry that he still felt so completely linked to Lori and the child that may not even be his, sorry that his sense of morality was coded so deep into his DNA. Mostly he was sorry that he had discovered how different things were when he was with her. It would be that much harder to stay away.
"We'll just pretend none of this ever happened." She held her hand out and he stared at it in confusion. "I'm Lochie."
Picking up on the idea he shook her hand.
LadyLecter47 – I really hate Lori. Fingers crossed that they kill her off in the next season.
eloquent dreams – well one must leave some things to the imagination :D
zaii – sorry but there will be plenty of steaminess to come, what else are they going to do in the middle of nowhere? :D
theroadtohell – thanks :)