Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks
By NocturneD
Note: Now let's try to move this forward why don't we? Plus please don't comment on the grammar, i'm trying to get a better look into it with someone.
Chapter 26
*BAM*
"UGH!" The changeling queen fell back after being on the receiving end of a magical blast of energy. There stood on the opposite side of the room, the alicorn with nothing else to lose fired another blast and hit the changeling square in the face. Again and again, Jinn fired away and every time her magic would hit the mark.
The mane six along with the captive could only watch from the sidelines. Being chained to the wall and unable to do magic and all. Discord, the agent of chaos only sat on tacky couch with a bowl of popcorn watching the cat fight. Jinn dominated the fight but received a few jabs in return. Her anger fueled her and hardly felt any pain because of the adrenaline, but slowly it started to take its toll.
"Yah!" Discord cheered from his reclining chair.
"You do know Nightmare Jinn is beating your partner right?" Twilight continued to hang; shackled to the wall as she pointed out.
"Oh pish posh." Discord chuckled. "I have not seen a good cat fight in a while." He pretended to use his lions paw to mimic a cat. "Meow."
Just then Chrysalis dropped a giant marble pillar on top of Jinn. The changeling queen then fished the dark alicorn out with her own levitation spell. Chrysalis then forcefully shot Jinn through a nearby wall, then through another, then another. Jinn tried to break away but then suddenly crashed through another wall and a few pillars.
"It's over honey." Chrysalis smirked. "It's going to take a magical army to defeat mine. Plus it looks like you run out of spark." With a menacing victorious laugh she said. "You could go on, but since you have a broken horn you have no chance to go on any further."
The large doors to the throne room busted open as a group of changelings rushed in. One of them spoke, "My queen! Another attacker!"
The queen scowled, "Another one? What is it this time? Another alicorn?"
"Yes my queen! The one that you imprisoned down below has escaped somehow!" The changeling soldier explained.
"AGAIN?!" Crysalis growled.
"Yeah maybe you should not use the same plan twice." Discord waved a little foam finger around.
"SHUT UP!" Crysalis roared.
"I'm just saying the first time worked so well." Discord chuckled.
"Guards! Where is the little pink puke stain now?" The queen roared in question.
"If you take watch out from the balcony you can see!" The drone pointed out.
The changeling queen rushed over the terrace overlooking the entire city. It was in flames sure, but something out in the distance caught her evil eye. What would seem like black ants in the distance now were charging at full force. The biggest ant; looked like it was faster than the rest and the loudest. The other black ants were shooting off sticks that made loud noises and bright lights. She heard the cries of her army being pummeled.
"No. This is not possible." The queen shook her head fiercely.
Discord soon joined her as he held a bowl of popcorn he was now eating. "Hmm." He popped a few pieces into his mouth. "Looks like your army is getting squashed again."
"Reports are saying that the leader is proclaiming that he wants us to hand over all our..." The drone looked at the note, "TP?"
"The Faust is TP?" The queen asked.
"I asked that same question earlier!" Rainbow Dash yelled from the background.
"Ugh..." Jinn groaned as she tried to leave the rubble.
"Sister!" Celestia cried.
"Ugh." Jinn finally regained her balance, but only met with another blast to the torso from the queen's magic. She tumbled over again as he chest faced up, heaving up and down slowly. The queen quickly lathered a strong goo to the alicorns hooves so she could not move. "If I only had my horn..."
"SISTER!" Luna shouted.
"There is no way I'm losing again. Not to a group of little ponies and not to another alicorn." The queen muttered. "For whoever is out there, I will crush... I will crush you..." The black ants starting to take form. A vast colorful army on the borders of Canterlot leaving a trail of battered changeling bodies behind them. Sounds of engines roaring filled the air along with war cries and boom sticks going off.
"How savage. Could that little pink princess really have made a force like this?" The queen wondered. "No. She is the preachy and friendly type. Unless..."
"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO!"
"The Faust is that?" The queen asked out loud.
"GIMME ALL YOUR TP!"
Meanwhile outside the castle and in the outer edge of Canterlot. Beavis stood proudly on top on the back of a giant red monster truck with Butt-head driving it. Cadence sat in the passenger seat, actually enjoying the fight. It was not easy for her to accept at first but it caved in. She was their weapon to fight Discord and the queen.
"DIE! DIE FOR THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!"
"FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" Beavis was in his personal heaven where there was plenty of destruction all around. Flames, carnage, busted down buildings reduced to rubble. He had followers of nearly all races fighting for him armed with whatever he found 'cool'. The Diamond Dogs wielded machine guns and some of them drove tanks. A few minotaurs were firing away with gatling guns and rocket launchers. Zebras and earth ponies used flamethrowers. Unicorns provided shields and chucked grenades here and there. Pegasi ponies flew ahead of the army and played air guitars that shot lasers. Dragons flew in and gobbled up changlings and shot fire everywhere. Did I mention there was a lot of fire?
"IN THIS LAND! WE WILL LIBERATE IT FOR THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!"
"Uh huh huh. This is cool." Butt-head chuckled as he used the monster truck to run over the city statues with one inch tall tires.
"Not the liberation I had in mind but it will do." Cadence tried to hold on the best she could with her hooves on the dashboard as the ride was a bumpy one.
"YEAHHHHHHHHHH!" Beavis chanted. "YOU WILL ALL FEEL THE WRATH OF MY BUNGHOLE!"
"ALL HEIL THE BUNGHOLE!" His army chanted.
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Iron Will roared as he fired his RPG.
"Hey let's put on some kick ass music while we're at it." Butt-head fiddled with the radio dial. "Uh huh huh." Soon a familiar tune rang out through the speakers.
"YEAH! YEAH! NINETY-NINE WAYS TO DIE!" Beavis shook violently with his shirt still over his head.
IF I SEE THE MORNING HOURS
I'LL HAVE ONE MORE YESTERDAY
TAKE LIFE FROM TOMORROW
CAUSE I'VE BURNED OUT MY TODAY
IF I GET UP TO THE TOP I KNOW
I'LL JUST GO BACK DOWNHILL
GOTTA' TERMINAL FUTURE
AND IT'S TIME TO WRITE MY WILL
DOWN ANOTHER GLASS OF COURAGE
AND A SHOT OF THORAZINE
"YEAH! YEAH!" The diamond dogs chanted as they blasted away at the oncoming changelings. Piercing their black bodies with lead.
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
99 WAYS TO DIE
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
GOTTA' SHORT BETWEEN THE EARPHONES
WRINGING MY HANDS IN DISMAY
A MORE EFFICIENT MANIAC
WITH TWO FEET IN THE GRAVE
AIN'T GOT NO LAST WORDS TO SAY
YELLOW STREAK RIGHT UP MY SPINE
THE GUN IN MY MOUTH WAS REAL
AND THE TASTE BLEW MY MIND
IN A BLACK TIE AND STRAIGHT JACKET
MAN I'M GONNA TRY AGAIN
*BOOM*
Another piece of city property crushed underneath the monster truck's large tire. The pink alicorn bounced up and down in her seat trying to hold on. Slowly her smirk turned into a smile. "This is actually fun!"
*CRUNCH*
"The sound of a dead changeling under the tire." Cadence smirked. "So satisfying."
"MORE TP! MORE TP FOR THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE FOR I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL CORNHOLIO!" Beavis roared with fascination with his work.
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
99 WAYS TO DIE
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
99 WAYS TO DIE
DEMITASSE OF ARSENIC
TRY ON THIS TIE
NEVER MIND THE TREE
THERE IS ONLY DEATH AND DANGER
IN THE SOCKETS OF MY EYES
A PLAYGROUND OF ILLUSION
NO ONE PLAYS THEY ONLY DIE
"YES! YES! MEGADETH ROCKS!" Butt-head threw his arm up into the air and shook his head back and forth.
THERE'S A PRISON IN MY MIND
AND THE BARS ARE GONNA BREAK
I'M AS MAD AS A HATTER
AND STRUNG OUT JUST THE SAME
TAUNTING RIGOR MORTIS
I FEEL IT DRAW ME IN
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
99 WAYS TO DIE
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
99 WAYS TO DIE
WE'RE NOT READY TO SEE YOU YET
WE'RE NOT READY
WE'RE NOT READY
"My, that certainly gets the adrenaline pumping." Cadence smirked.
*CRUNCH*
"Another one bites the dust." The pink alicorn clapped her hoofs together.
"FIRE!" Beavis exclaimed. "FIRE!"
Carnage... Destruction... It was happening everywhere. The new alliance either crushed or burnt their opposition with barely little to no difficulty. Property smashed in the process though some ponies took liberty to free the slaves. The slaves either ran for shelter or picked up a weapon to contribute to fight the thousands upon thousands of changelings left. The battle was fierce but made progress.
"Oh good, the Sparkle residence is still intact." Cadence sighed in relief. The familiar home of her beloved husband and sister-in-law where she spent at least once or twice a week just working there. How she enjoyed it...
"Uh... Butt-head we're getting a bit too close to the house." Cadence tried to convince the driver to steer away. The brunette continued to chuckle, the pink alicorn then turned her head to look at him. "Seriously you can divert to another street!"
*CRUNCH*
"Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled. "Whoops."
"You just flattened my husband's childhood home!" Cadence shrieked.
"Uh... So?" Butt-head replied.
"We could have avoided that!" Cadenced yelled. "I used to babysit Twilight there!"
"Uh... Everything else is either crushed or on fire." Butt-head remarked. "Place probably sucked anyway. Uh huh huh. Bet they didn't pay you well."
"YAH!" Beavis threw a firebomb onto the crumbled residence as it quickly caught fire.
Cadence paused. Early memories of finishing her job of foal sitting usually costed her weekend just taking care of Twilight. She could have went out with friends instead having fun. Plus Mr. Sparkle never paid her that well and never gave her a tip. Every Friday or Saturday she had to watch Twilight do something stupid, not that she did not enjoy it, but she rather do other stuff.
"You're right!" Cadence smirked. "Turn around! I want to piss on the ashes!" Butt-head turned the monster truck around smashing a few park benches along the way to smash the remaining walls of the Sparkle home. He rounded the property many times, even backed up to run it over some more.
"I DON'T KNOW ANY OF YOU!" Beavis screamed the truck went around and around.
Cadence quickly jumped out of the passenger seat and took a small whiz on the small fire. It quickly went out with the smoke rising to the sky.
With a satisfying smirk, Cadence spit on the ashes. "That was for wasting my weekends for years, you ignorant cheap assholes!" Quickly the pink alicorn flew back up into the passenger seat.
"That felt great!" Cadence smiled. "How often do you get to smash your in-laws house?"
"Uh. Not often." Butt-head chuckled as he stepped on the gas. Fire shot from out of the many exhaust pipes from the back of the truck giving them a boost in speed.
"They're causing more damage than liberating out there." Chrysalis astonished by her new opponents.
"Oh I just love the chaos out there." Discord mischievously trickled his fingers together over and over. "Leave it to two horny teenagers that love destruction to do a job right."
The pink pony gasped. "Mr. Beavis and Mr. Butt-head are out there fighting?"
Discord finished the last of his popcorn and tossed the bucket aside. "Yes Pinkie Pie those two fart knocking butt munches are riding around in a death machine shooting off flames. Totally destroying Chrysalis's army like they were wet tissue paper."
"Grr..." The queen growled. She watched wave after wave of her army, her own children falling to two teenagers with a ridiculous army.
"Yes, changelings are weak against fire. I just remembered that." Discord snapped his fingers.
"MY CHILDREN!" The queen harked. "DO NOT LET THE ENEMY TO GAIN ANOTHER STEP!" Suddenly with the noise of engines polluting the outside, it was getting close. The queen watched as her forces form a barricade of their own bodies. More and more formed in the back even stood on each other's bodies to intimidate the opposing force.
"Hey I was just wondering brothers." One changeling pondered.
"What's that?" Another asked.
"Well the enemy has a few death machines on wheels crushing our siblings and we're standing here to stop them." The first changeling brought up.
"And?" The other replied.
"You know what screw this." The first changeling left the formation but it was too late. The roaring engine pierced their hearing and before the drone knew it; his siblings crushed underneath the titan sized tire. Their green blood and guts smeared all over the ground and covered the nearby brick walls, even the plants and guards that were still trying to fight with their remaining strength.
Meanwhile up above; Crysalis let out an ear-piercing scream for frustration. "THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!"
"Well you got numbers but they're only good for swarming an opponent. Not giant death machines that blast hard-core death metal that could squash them." Discord smirked.
"Shut up!" The queen roared. "You knew this would happen!"
"Mwah?" Discord shifted his animal hands to his chest as he tried to play innocent.
*CRASH*
"Great. Now they're in my new castle rolling around in that machine." Chrysalis growled. "MY LEGION! STORM THE HALLS AND MAKE SURE THEY DO NOT GET UP HERE!"
"Yes my queen!" The remaining changelings within the throne room jolted out of her sight.
"Now there is a big stinking hole in the front of the castle." The queen sighed. She then turned her attention back to the ponies. "Who knew two dysfunctional creatures could cause all this." She trotted up to the mane six. "Where did these two come from again?"
"Uh..." Rainbow Dash tried to remember.
"Um." Pinkie tried to as well.
"Someplace called Highland I think?" Twilight recalled. "They really did not show much pride for the place.
"Yeah they said it sucked." Rainbow brought up.
"Please don't use that word Rainbow." Twilight frowned. "I grew a bit intolerant of it."
Pinkie and Rainbow looked at each other with a smirk, took a deep breath then started shouting, "SUCK! SUCK! SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!"
"SHUT UP!" Twilight yelled at the two. "I'M TIRED OF YOU TWO PROTECTING THEM ALL THE TIME! AND I'M DONE WITH THIS ASSIGNMENT!"
Celestia gasped. "Twilight you don't mean that."
"I SURE DO!" Twilight hollered. "I wasted my time trying to learn from them! Send me back to magic kindergarten if you want because I am done! If we ever do make it out this, I'm looking for a spell to send them back!"
"If anything is still around darling." Rarity added.
*VROOM, VROOM, VROOM*
With the sound of tire screeching, every pony in the throne room knew what was going to come next.
*BAM*
Without effort the oversized door crumbled down as the red rolling death machine forced its way through the hallway. Everything behind them was either smashed to bits, in tiny flames or have tire marks all over the place. Butt-head with one last moment to spare performed wide spins around the room as the two teens mockingly performed a guitar riff with their voices.
"DUH DUNANNA DUNANNA DUNANNA DUNANNAAAA! DUH DUNANNA DUNANNA DUNANNA DUNANNA!"
"YAY!" Pinkie laughed and renewed her hope for the two.
"Well got to hand it to those two; they sure do know to make an entrance." Applejack chuckled.
"One heck of an entrance too!" Rainbow squealed in happiness as she watched as the truck fire flames from the exhaust pipes.
"Those... two?" Jinn blinked as her weakened body tried to move.
The captive ponies looked upon their saviors. Their enemies watched with caution. The blonde still in the back of the truck stood tall with his arms raised.
"RUN AS YOU MAY! YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!" Jets of fire again shot from the pipes near his head. "WHOA! That was cool. Eh heh heh." He then went back to looking at Discord and Chrysalis, "SURRENDER ALL YOUR TP OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLE!"
to be continued...
note: well its coming closer to an end people, i'm sure the next chapter won't be the last one either but I'm trying to make it so it goes under twenty eight chapters. By the way, "99 Ways to Die" by Megadeth. Listen to it.