A/N: OMG, this was supposed to be up weeks ago. I can only blame life having been very busy, and that nasty stretch of writer's block I suffered for over two weeks also did not help.

But I'm glad I got this finished and ready to post this weekend, mainly because I really need these two to be together again, which I can now focus on :)

Thirty.

The number had been going around in Castiel's head for days, weeks even. He still had trouble associating it with himself, despite never having been someone to fret too much about his age. Maybe it was because it was supposed to be a 'big' deal, turning thirty. Should he feel old and distinguished, wiser even? Castiel did have a feeling that he wouldn't do attributes such as these justice. Then, again, what was one supposed to be like at thirty? In the past he'd thought he knew, believed he'd have it all figured out. His 'wonderful' ten year plan, the joining of the rat-race, falling in line and follow the examples set before him by his family and people they interacted with. Get his doctorate, get a job, get married, get the house, maybe some rugrats to please the parents (and the wife). Castiel couldn't help the bitter sneer that escaped his throat thinking back to his younger self and the naive simplicity his life was back then, predictable but safe. And in broad terms, his plan had worked out at least in part. He had the job and the house (barely, but thanks to his brother's help he managed to hold on to it). Even had the marriage, if only for while. As for pleasing his parents, well, he would rather not think about that. The distinct lack of any cards or calls served as a plain and painful reminder how far from grace he had fallen in their eyes. For the most part he had made peace with it, still it was his family and it was during moments like these that he felt the hole that was left behind by their absence.

On cue Castiel's gaze traveled up to the cards sitting on the mantelpiece, studying the handful of cards he had received from friends and work colleagues and, of course, Gabriel, bless him. A wave of gratitude washed over him at the thought of his brother. Despite their differences he had become a constant, an anchor, in Castiel's life, a last connection to the things he had to leave behind, and funnily making the mess that his current life was, more bearable. He was the only one who knew the whole story, the one Castiel had called plenty of times during those first few weeks when the silence that now stretched through the house was just too much to bear.

Castiel buried his head in his hands, taking in a too labored breath for simply sitting on the couch. He tried hard not to focus on one card in particular, the one he had tellingly placed in the centre (blatantly ignoring the fact that its position was not helping in his attempt to avoid being reminded of it, of him). After a moment he conceded defeat with a sigh and got up, closing the short distance to the mantelpiece, and pick up the card, letting his thumb brush tenderly over its edges. It was a plain card with a simple '30' on it, and a standard message inside, plus a small personal note of 'Miss you so much'. It was not signed but Castiel had known whose writing it was the second he saw it. He had read over enough of Dean's homework to be able to recognize it anywhere. That barely scabbed over wound, the one he had tried to cauterize by avoiding any- and everything relating to the teenager, had been ripped open at the sight of the card and its contents, and days later it was still bleeding.

Three months without as much as a peep from any of the Winchesters. The movers had come and gone, the new neighbors moved in and in time Castiel started to face the inevitable. Bobby's words about trying to do what would be best for Dean were a constant reminder in those moments when his resolve wavered. Castiel almost managed to convince himself that he was indeed doing the right thing, letting Dean go. That was until the card showed up, proving without a doubt that Dean was still thinking of him, had risked going behind the adults back to reach out to Castiel and all notions of uncertainty had gone out the proverbial window. Dean missed him and that knowledge was like a physical ache tearing Castiel apart from the inside out. With another heavy sigh he put the card back, looking around the already too sterile and clean living room for something he could occupy himself with. Something that would stop the thoughts in their tracks before they would come bursting out and overwhelm him, like they had managed a few times lately.

He was well aware that he had been on a downwards spiral ever since the card's arrival three days ago. He suffered through the surprise birthday party Amelia had arranged for him, mainly consisting of work colleagues and a few people he would not call more than acquaintances. But he could not help but appreciate the gesture, playing along to the best of his abilities, while inside he just felt hollow. Castiel was sure that he hadn't really pulled off fooling himself or other people, despite putting on his best smile.

Of course Amelia had picked up on something being very, very wrong with him a long time ago, gently probing for answers. Her offer of an open ear soon gave way to outright fussing and worrying. But Castiel could not bring himself to confide in her, tell her the real reason as to the sudden disappearance of the Winchester brothers, or his corresponding extended mood swings, spinning her the same line about a job opportunity for the boys' father that the realtor had given him. Still that did not explain the sudden radio silence but Castiel had no answer to give her. For a while he had hoped that Sam would at least stay in contact with Amelia, letting her (and by proxy him) know how they were doing. The longer the silence lasted the moodier Castiel got. And as for his suddenly turning into more of a recluse than he used to be, well it was nobody's damn business, plus he didn't want to accidentally take out his frustration on the few people he still had in his life.

Castiel's life now was predictable, work, eat, run, prepare lecture plans, sleep, rinse and repeat. He did not need or want any distractions or excitement in his life. This way there could be no surprises, no curve balls. He was not sure he would have it in him to deal with any more of those. He needed to get control back over his life, and keeping things in order at work and in his home environment made him feel safe. His house now was the epitome of rectangular angles and clean lines, all knick-knacks that had found their way into his space over the last few years had been carefully removed and stored away.

But then the card had to arrive and send him tail spinning, reminding him of the ugly truth that no matter what, he could not at this point rip Dean out of his heart, despite his best efforts. And in spite of moving to that age where he should have it all figured out, he in fact felt lost in a way he could not remember ever having experienced. The truth was that he was madly pining for a teenager, someone who for a while had taken over his mediocre life and turned it into something exciting and worth living for.

These days all Castiel wanted to do was curl up under a blanket and not come out for at least a year. It was only his ingrained work ethics that kept him going. Maybe one day he would get over Dean, or Dean would come looking for him once he was all grown up, although Castiel did not want to hold out hope for that. Hope only led to disappointment. One thing was clear though; three months had by no way been enough time to get over his feelings.

Castiel could feel his hands twitch with the urge to occupy them, to do something to distract himself. The kitchen- it had been a few days since he last gave it a once over. Rolling up his sleeves, he got the cleaning equipment out and before long he was scrubbing every last bit of surface within an inch of its life until the voice in his head finally quieted down.

#

"Damn it Dean, this is the second time in as many months." Jody glared across at the teenager, gripping the steering wheel tight. Dean didn't do much more than give a non-committal shrug, staring out the window at the passing landscape.

"Shoplifting, what the hell were you thinking?" Jody tried keeping her voice level, but didn't quite manage to hide the hitch in her voice. "You know there are only so many strings I can pull, and this time I'm afraid there's no getting you out of facing the consequences."

Dean didn't grace this with a reply, instead slumped against the door, eyes still glued to the outside.

"I can only imagine what your father will have to say about this." Jody managed to somewhat spin the last time Dean was arrested, telling John she had stumbled across a drunk Dean and dragged his ass back home, conveniently forgetting the part about having had to pick Dean up from the station. Dean had given them her contact details rather than John's, and damn, he was lucky that the officer in charge at the time let him leave with her, mainly because he still owed her a favor and everybody knew about her involvement in the Winchesters' life. So she wasn't even surprised when they called her earlier to deal with the situation rather than Dean's father. But this time John would have to know the whole story, and better from her than some unknown cop showing up at his doorstep with his son in tow.

"I don't care." Came the clipped snotty reply. And really, Dean didn't give a crap what his old man thought. He would never forgive him for the stunt he pulled. He hated the it here, hated their new house, a simple two bedroom place, slightly bigger than their house back in Chicago. He didn't care about the size though, the house in Chicago had been home, this was just bricks to keep them warm at night. He hated the school and the teachers, which might be the reason why he didn't bother turning up half the time, only making an appearance when the adults got on his case. His grades were in the dumpster but he didn't care about that either. That might have to do with the fact that he was too high or drunk to care half the time. He found a group of people to hang with which had easy access to all kind of stuff. Well the responsible adults in his life wanted him to make 'new' friends, didn't they. So what if they did not meet their standards, wasn't the first time, was it. So all things considered, Dean honestly didn't care if John's feelings would get hurt, or if he had to go juvie or do community service. For all he cared, they could just lock him up and let him rot.

Dean jolted as Jody pulled the car over to side of the road with a sharp turn before turning off the engine. He could hear her take in a big gulp of air, could feel her gaze bore into the back of his head, but he could not bring himself to turn and look at her.

"Talk to me, Dean. I just want to understand what is going on in that head of yours?"

"I thought you all knew perfectly well what's going on in my head." Dean snapped, wasn't that why he was stuck here in the first place, because they all knew him and what was best for him so well?

"Dean," Jody sighed, still not used to the amount of sass Dean passed around easily these days, if he had the courtesy to talk at all. Somehow that nice, helpful exuberant kid she used to know had turned into this. And it wasn't just the teenage hormones talking, this was Dean outright rebelling, hurting himself and others in the process. Of course she had expected some of it, had forewarned John to go easy on his son, give him time to adjust. But this had been going on for four months now, and these last two months Dean, instead of slowly pulling himself back together like they had all hoped, had completely flown off the handle. John tried what he could between long hours and still figuring out how to be a father to two teenagers but she knew for a fact that Dean and his father generally ended up just butting heads when John tried to intervene. The hard heavy approach really did not work any longer with the teenager. But what worried Jody most was that she could see the signs, the way Dean started to slip into the same behavioral patterns than his father, employed the same coping mechanisms to deal with emotional trauma. She had no idea who supplied him with the alcohol (and she hoped it was only alcohol he used for self-medication) but she knew that teenagers had their ways. And after today's events she was more concerned than ever.

"I'm just trying to help. But I don't get it. You're literally throwing your life away here."

"So what if I do? It's my life isn't it?" Dean turned to glare at her.

Jody nodded. "Yes, ultimately it is and once you're an adult you can do with it as you seem fit, even if it is making bad choices. But you can't avoid people on calling you out on it. Also- you don't exist in a vacuum, the way you behave will not only affect yourself but also have a direct impact on the people around you. People who love you and care for you. How do you think this makes Sammy feel?" She got a slight flinch out of Dean at the mention of his brother.

"He'll be alright. He doesn't need to worry about me." Dean didn't feel the confidence with which he tried to deliver those words. All he could do was hope that Sammy would indeed be alright, because Dean knew ultimately he failed him too, didn't have it in him to hold it together at least until his brother was old enough to take care of himself. That truth was generally easier to handle while his brain was foggy, and the effect of the alcohol he imbibed earlier in the day was wearing off too fast for his liking, allowed him enough clarity to think about things he'd rather not.

"But you see he does. You're his big brother, the one who always has his back. He's worried about you, whether you want to hear it or not. Most of all he misses his brother."

"Well, tell him not to, I'm fine. So what if I don't want to finish high school. Not everybody's book-smart. I can get my GED when I'm old enough and then get a job. Then, me and him can finally go back to Chicago, if he still wants to, and dad can't stop us."

Oh- Jody tried not to let her surprise show. Dean had not mentioned Chicago for a long time, even in those increasingly rare moments where he actually talked to people. Chicago and its implications was generally a no go subject with everyone these days. After a few more failed attempts to get Dean to open up, John, Bobby and her had agreed not bringing it up for the time being, or Castiel for that matter, would be the best way forward. Had they mistook his silence on the matter as him letting go of this ill-conceived fascination he had with the man? As far as she was aware, she was still the only one Dean actually ever confided in about his feelings or that there was an actual relationship involved (the depth of which she never had a chance to work out).

At times she couldn't help but think back to the way those texts used to make Dean smile, a smile that had been absent from his face for a long time. But still, she could not - refused to - wrap her head around the possibility that what Dean felt could have ever been more than some teenage infatuation. Something, which in her mind she had construed as Castiel having taken full advantage off. Just with a blinding jolt of clarity, as she allowed herself to take in Dean's defiant yet defeated expression, Jody suddenly was not so sure anymore about that. What if indeed Dean had been a willing and driving force in this relationship, as he had alluded to once or twice. Would that make Castiel's involvement with a minor less of an offence? Jody knew life wasn't just black and white, that things had a tendency to get messy, yet as an officer of the law she had to believe in right and wrong as least as far as the law was concerned. The one thing she did know though was that Dean was clearly still emotionally hung up on the man.

With a heavy heart she decided to test that theory.

"And- what would Castiel say if he could see you now?"

Dean's reaction was instantaneous. His shoulders went up and he sucked in a breath before going still and staring out the window. Jody could see a muscle tick in his jaw.

"What does it matter?" He gritted out after a moment, not hiding his bitterness.

"Just, if-" Jody thought about how to best phrase this. "If Castiel really cares for you the way you kept insisting that he does, what do you think he would say knowing you're gambling with your future the way you do? And I don't just mean your attitude to education."

Dean could feel himself losing the last of his composure, fast. "Well, you made damn sure that it doesn't matter any more what he thinks on the matter. You all should be fucking proud of yourselves!" Dean snarled turning on his side, effectively cutting off the conversation. He didn't need a reminder that there was another person he had let down. He remembered only too well how important a good education was to Cas, how he had always been there encouraging him, without being too overbearing, still accepting him and his limits. And he needed to be reminded of Cas even less. It hurt too much thinking about him. He curled in on himself, crossing his arms across his chest and closing his eyes, just wanting all of this to go away.

Jody stared at him gobsmacked for a second, because despite Dean's best efforts, she could pick up on the raw hurt in his voice. Damn, either Dean was one stubborn sonofabitch, which being a Winchester he totally was, or those feelings for Castiel really ran deep, for good or for bad. She hated seeing him like that. If only she would be able to get through to him, or anyone for that matter.

She started the car and pulled back onto the road. The drive home to the Winchester house was silent, a heaviness hanging in the car that was palatable and making Jody itch to keep talking. But she knew better than to exasperate and already on edge teenager. At least the silence gave her plenty of time to mull things over, let a sudden stray idea take root that she could not shake the more she thought about it. It would be too late for the charges regarding the shoplifting, but it was not too late for Dean to turn his still young life around. All she would need was a helping hand.

By the time they arrived, it was dark and Jody could see Sammy milling about in the small kitchen through the window. That could only mean that John was not back from work and the job of making dinner fell to Sammy in Dean's absence. She could see the downward spiral for all parties involved playing out in front of her eyes. If Dean didn't pull himself together that might well in time push John over the edge. She knew he had been struggling but so far with Bobby's guidance managed to stay dry. If that happened it would drag them all down, Sammy included and she could not let that happen.

"Dean, I will talk to your father in the morning. I want you to have an overnight bag ready. I'm taking you on a little trip and I'm not taking 'No' for an answer. This has been going on long enough and you better have your ass ready to go."

Dean only grunted in acknowledgement before he opened the door and without as much as a 'Hi' to his brother legged it up the stairs, leaving Jody to deal with Sammy's questions. Despite his better judgment, he pulled out his duffle and started packing. Jody was one scary lady when she wanted to be and for some reason, maybe because of her mention of Cas earlier, this time something must have gotten through to him.

#

Dean did not quite believe it but he was actually glad to be tucked in the car with Jody. After a night of next to no sleep, the morning had been a whirlwind of fretting and trying to avoid John for as long as possible, or at least until Jody got here, while picking up his big brother duties and making breakfast for Sammy. He was just handing Sammy his packed lunch when Jody arrived. From then it was only minutes until the inevitable shouting and getting yelled at by his dad started. John didn't even try to hide his disappointment and anger after she was done telling him about what happened yesterday afternoon and the likely consequences of Dean's actions.

Worse than the shouting was the look his baby brother gave him. Dean couldn't quite decipher whether it was worry or disappointment and he couldn't get out of there fast enough. Not that John was very keen on letting him go. If it had been for his dad, he would probably be locked away in his room until he was twenty-five. But Jody held some serious sway over his old man, and convinced him that she was going to try to put Dean's head straight (good luck with that) and John, most likely at a loss for what else to do, trusted her enough to leave his son in her care.

She was suspiciously tight lipped about their destination, and so far had held back with the lecture Dean just knew had to be coming. Now in the cold light of day, head aching but otherwise clear apart from lack of sleep, he couldn't get that look on his brother's face out of his head. God, he most likely would get a record, how was he going to explain that to Sammy? And as much bravado and 'didn't give a crap attitude' as he felt yesterday, he knew he did not want to go to juvie. He didn't much want to do community service either but at least that way he could be at home and try to make it up to Sammy. Damn, his head really started to hurt. At least the constant thrum and hum of the car was slowly dragging him under.

Dean did not know what time it was when Jody shook him awake for a much needed toilet break and refuel. He accepted the below par slosh that masqueraded as coffee and the slightly stale pastry. He definitely could do with a caffeine and sugar infusion.

They pulled back onto the road which was when Dean noticed what road they were on. I-90, just passing Rochester. He sucked in a breath as his heart started to hammer in his chest. He had taken this route plenty of times in the past.

"Where we're going?"

"Chicago". Jody simply stated.

"Why?" Dean's voice was shaking, not trusting that they really could be heading there.

"I-, call it a gut feeling. I've had a lot of time to think and I just want to get some answers, figure this out once and for all." She briefly glanced over at Dean. "Maybe this is something someone should have done a long time ago. Get both sides of the story; or- give your story the benefit of the doubt. I know your dad is too close to be objective and I- I don't know, maybe Bobby and I too readily jumped to conclusions. But regardless of the outcome, I think you and me will need to do some serious talking. Whenever you're ready, I'll listen, without prejudice or consequences, I promise."

Dean felt like he was going to throw up, the pastry suddenly sitting heavy like a stone in his stomach. Was Jody implying he might get to see Cas? His heart rate spiked at the mere prospect of it. Shit, he looked like hell, what would Cas make of him now? Was Jody expecting him to say something? Would that help his chances to be allowed near his friend? What if he said the wrong thing and screwed this up and Jody would turn straight around. How was he to know this was not just another attempt to indict Cas? His head started hurting and it just sounded too good to be true.

"So just like that, you believe me?" Dean had been burned one to many times to just take things at face value.

"No. But I'm willing to re-evaluate. I see the way this is tearing you apart, and I'm fresh out of ideas on how to get through to you. You sure as hell ain't listening to any of us, and maybe- we haven't been very good at listening to you."

Dean didn't have a reply to that, just nodded in response. He would need a minute or two to let what Jody just said sink in. He sure as hell didn't feel like he could trust her, regardless of her rousing speech, despite already feeling part of him wanting to do just that. It's been too long since anybody was willing to listen and he was just so tired. Dean let himself sink into the seat. They still had a good few hours drive ahead of them, he might as well try to get comfortable while his brain was whirring with thoughts and hopes and fears, trying not to get his hopes up.

#

They arrived in Chicago just after seven. Jody booked them into a motel, which by Dean's estimation was a good half hour drive away from his old neighborhood. He was itching to just make a run for it. He broke the drawn out silence that had built between them during the rest of the journey and begged Jody to just let him go. But she was having none of it, telling him in no uncertain terms that he was not to go anywhere until she had a chance to talk to Castiel, which she was planning on doing first thing in the morning.

Instead she took Dean out to a local diner where they shared a tense dinner. Dean was well aware that Jody was waiting for him to open up, to say something. He just couldn't get himself to. He didn't want to accidentally blurt out anything that might get Cas into trouble (well, any more trouble). He thought his best course of action would be to wait what tomorrow would bring and after some non-committal small talk, Jody gave up and they turned in for the night.

Dean didn't sleep a wink. He was a ball of nerves and really craved a drink to calm his mind but with Jody being here, he knew better than to even think about sneaking a bottle from the mini bar. He ended up tossing and turning in the small, uncomfortable bed, his mind going crazy with endless scenarios of tomorrow. He listened to the traffic outside as he stared at the ceiling, realizing he really missed the big city and its noises and smells. A tense itch, nervous expectation was thrumming through his body at the idea of finally being able to see Cas, to hug him, to touch and listen to his voice. The intensity of it nearly was too much, he hadn't allowed himself to feel like this for a long time. At around 2AM his excitement gave way to doubt. What if Cas didn't want this anymore? If he told Jody as much in no uncertain terms. Maybe this whole mess had driven him to the point of just giving up on them despite his past reassurances. And Dean wouldn't even hold it against him.

Morning came too fast and not fast enough. Dean was exhausted but high on adrenaline as he tried his best to keep down his breakfast. Jody was adamant on him keeping his ass parked right here in the motel room until she would be back from he little excursion under threat of just calling the whole thing off if he didn't. Dean was picking apart his cuticles as he tried to distract himself with some daytime TV, doing his best to ignore the clock on the wall and the churning of this stomach.

#

Castiel had just gotten comfortable in his study, a fresh mug of coffee on the table and pen ready for grading in his hand when the doorbell rang. It was still fairly early for a Saturday morning and it wasn't like he had many unannounced visitors. Still, his instilled manners won out and he trudged down the stairs, expecting it to be some delivery firm or other, it wouldn't be the first time he would sign for one of his neighbors parcels.

He was not prepared for the person on the other side of the door to be Jody of all people. It must have shown on his face, as he just stared at her like he had seen a ghost, no even bothering with the pleasantries of a salutation.

"Hello Castiel." Jody said in greeting. She was well aware that she was not playing fair, wearing her sheriff's uniform despite being off the clock. It was a calculated move, asserting her authority while trying to remind Castiel of his duty to tell the truth when questioned by an officer. It might be a long shot and maybe all it did was make her feel more in control.

"Jody." Castiel stared at the woman on his front porch. They had only met face to face one time and he had conveniently forgotten about the fact that she was an officer of the law. Would this be it? Did she take it upon herself to turn him in? Why did they wait this long to act? He could feel his muscles tense even while he tried not to let it show.

"You going to invite me in?" Jody asked after a long moment of Castiel just looking at her, clasping his hands together tightly in front of him.

"Yes, of course, where are my manners?" He opened the door and waved her inside. No need to not keep this as civil as possible for as long as possible. After all she was only doing her job.

"How is this- I mean, would you care for something to drink?"

"If you could whip up some of that coffee you did last time I was here, I'd appreciate that." Jody replied, eyes not moving from the man in front of her, even now trying to get a read on him. It was almost frustrating how normal he appeared, tussled hair, his professor glasses on, sweater vest paired with not quite matching lounge pants, giving him a slightly nerdy appearance. From an objective perspective, he was a very handsome man with clean cut facial features and magnetic eyes. She could see how Dean might have felt drawn to him. But, it was also apparent that he was just so much older than Dean. Jody would not be fooled by appearances but as she had promised the teenager, she would try to keep an open mind. After all she was here to help Dean.

Castiel waved Jody into the kitchen where he busied himself with making the requested beverage while trying to steel his mind, wondering how this would play out. Jody sat down at the table and watched him work. He felt her eyes on him the entire time and if her goal was to make him nervous, she was definitely succeeding. Castiel carried two steaming mugs of coffee over to the table where he positioned himself opposite her, sipping anxiously at his own drink just so he had something to do.

"Thank you." Jody said politely before taking a big gulp of the slightly too hot liquid. "As good as I remembered it."

Castiel nodded in thanks.

After another tense minute of silence, Castiel was just about ready to break. "Why are you here?"

Jody sighed, gathering her thoughts. "Answers, I guess. I should have done this a long time ago. Not gonna lie, part of me just wants to punch you right in the face for ever getting involved with Dean. But-" She let out a little snort. "You know, I had you looked into after this whole mess came out, so I guess I'm not exactly beyond bending the rules myself."

Castiel looked at her with wide eyes not sure whether to take this as a threat or some sort of admission to level the playing field.

"I know it's not legal but someone owed me a favor, and I just needed to know whether you-"

"And?" Castiel cut in.

"You're squeaky clean, two parking tickets aside."

"Parking near campus can be a bit of a challenge at times." Castiel offered as an explanation.

"Thing is, I can't figure you out. When I first met you, I liked you, the way you cared for the Winchester boys. Of course that was before I found out about the degree of your involvement." She sighed. "I really hoped to find some dirt on you, something that would beyond a doubt prove that our suspicions were right. But either you're very good at burying any dirt or-" She wanted to say, 'Dean said the truth', but she cut herself off in time. No need to bring that up yet.

"Feel free to go through my house, my laptop. Take it with you to have it examined if you want. I don't have anything to hide, I told Bobby I'm not like that."

"Then what are you like?" Jody tried her best to keep the frustration out of her voice. "Because from where I am standing it's hard not to think of you just like that."

Castiel thought for a moment whether to give the woman opposite him the courtesy of a reply. But would there be any point? Wasn't she here because finally they thought they had something they could convict him with? So instead he fixed her with his best neutral expression. "You didn't answer my question, why are you here?"

"I'm not here to arrest you, if that is what you're thinking. I don't think Dean would ever forgive me for that." Jody saw a change flick over Castiel's face at the mention of the boys' name. She couldn't make out the exact emotion, but she definitely had Castiel's full attention now, his whole body basically leaning towards her.

"Look, I will be perfectly honest here. I wanted to really hate you, hoped that there was something about you that would prove beyond a doubt that you are just a sick little man who wormed his way into Dean's life, that you would give me a reason to just up and leave and take Dean back with me and tell him once and for all that he needs to let go of this pipedream or whatever else this was or-"

"Wait!" Castiel almost jumped out of his chair, not really believing what he just heard. "Dean is here?" His heart started to beat frantically in his chest at the idea of Dean being close by, not a whole ten hours away in a different part of the country. He was ready to just run and go find him, if it hadn't been for the way Jody was staring at him.

"Yeah, I- I'm not sure why I thought this was a good idea, but-" Her gaze briefly flicked to the floor before it settled on the man opposite her again. "Dean's not doing so well. And whether we like it or not, it all seems to be coming back to you- it started to go wrong the minute he was not allowed to get in contact with you any more."

"What do you mean, not doing so well?" Castiel sounded so concerned, the feeling also etched into his features, that it hit Jody in that second that there really were deep emotions involved on the man's side. She might not be ok with the concept of a 'Dean and Castiel' but to keep denying the reality of it at this point would just be foolish. She had a hurting teenager back at the motel and now this man was giving her the same wounded animal look. She really didn't know what she wanted out of this but these two needed a chance to talk it out. She hoped then Dean would be able to get himself back together, let the people around him help him for a change to get back on his feet or at the very least stop with his self-destructive streak.

"Well, he displays some very destructive tendencies, not just throwing his education away, but- it's just like he has given up, and he's just so angry all the time. And well, you know how his father used to deal with stress."

Castiel just gulped and nodded his head in understanding. This sounded bad and he was mentally kicking himself for not having gone after Dean, facing his father head on, because now Dean was suffering, and he had been left in the dark as to just how much.

"It's a long shot, but was hoping maybe you could talk some sense into him, he might listen to you. Also, I know this will be a lot to ask seeing as you- but ... I think it might be best for him if you could tell him that he should let it go, whatever he is still holding on to. Hearing it from you might be the push he needs. He can't carry on the way he has and can there really be a future for him with you?"

Castiel just stared at his hands, letting the words sink in. That question again, the one Bobby had asked him so many months ago and which he had been tormenting himself with ever since. Back then he had conceded that Bobby must have been right, but since then he had a lot of time to think, deny, ignore, and re-evaluate. And after everything she just told him, how could she expect him to push Dean away again, lie to him? The only one who would get to tell him to stop would be Dean himself. Consequences be damned.

With a sudden clarity he faced Jody again. "I am definitely willing to talk to him, I know how Dean tends to bottle up what is really going on inside of him. But- I will not tell him to let this go. I am sorry, I just cannot and I do not think it would be in his best interest either. I will not tell him that this was not real or is over, even if that means you will stop me from talking to him." It was a calculated risk but he would not lie to Dean, if anything he would leave that ball in Jody's court.

Jody huffed, working her hand through her hair. "Dammit, think of what's best for Dean for just a second."

"I am. I always have. And after what you just told me I don't believe lying to him would help. I do not believe telling him my feelings were not, are not real will be conducive to this situation, if anything it will make him feel even more abandoned. I know how Dean thinks; maybe better than you do. I know I am putting my neck on the line here with this admittance, and maybe you will use this against me. But for what it's worth, I promise you I never forced Dean to do anything, we never indulged in the kinds of things you probably imagined us doing." Castiel stopped for a second, surprised at the easiness with which the little white lie rolled of his tongue. He was clinging to a technicality of to what counted as 'sex' and what didn't. And by that account he actually never touched Dean skin to skin or any of his private areas. He was well aware of Jody's piercing gaze, like she could pry the truth of that statement out of him if she stared hard enough.

"Plus, should Dean not have a say in this? Has anyone ever bothered asking him what he wants? I know he is young, believe me I do, and it has caused me great internal struggles. But you know as well as I do that he had to grow up before his time and is definitely able to make his own decisions. I learned to trust his judgment. But I for one am well aware of how the world at large would perceive me. Dean and I had long discussions about this, mainly it was him trying to put my reservations to rest." A small fond smile, hardly more than the lifting the edge of his lips, worked its way across Castiel's face.

Jody opened and then closed her mouth, after she couldn't think of a suitable reply. She did not really expect Castiel to be this forward. Also she was not quite prepared to be put on the spot like this, have the tables turn and make her the responsible one, well at least an accomplice, to Dean's current descent. But Castiel had a point, Dean was very mature for his age, had to be because of circumstances, and then without warning, they had brought his sense of judgment into question, not allowing him the authority over his life he had gotten accustomed to. Not wanting to believe him because it was easier not to. She didn't quite know what to think anymore.

Castiel sighed before continuing, he might as well get it all out. "You know, I did not want this, did not want to feel the way I do about Dean, mainly for the same reasons I assume you are trying to talk me out of it. But I have come to know Dean, as a person, an amazing young man. And unless he tells me he wants to move on, I will do what I have promised him all those months ago, I will wait for him."

With that last statement, the room fell quiet once more. They sat in uncomfortable silence as they finished the rest of their by now lukewarm coffee. Castiel's words about asking Dean what he wanted, trusting him with his own decisions, struck a cord with Jody. The few times Dean had opened up to her, she still had made all the decisions, deciding over his head, as did everyone else. No wonder he shut down and went off the rails. It was time to hand back some autonomy to Dean, ask him what he wanted. She decided to go back to the motel and ask Dean exactly that question.

"I appreciate your honesty." She said, getting up, holding out a hand for Castiel to shake, a bit like a peace offering.

Castiel studied the hand for a moment before taking it in a firm shake. "So- what now?" He was afraid of the answer but he just needed to know.

"I will go back to the motel and have a talk with Dean. There is something I have to ask him."

"Does that mean that-"

"It depends on Dean's answer." Jody was quick to reply as she made her goodbye. Although she was pretty sure she knew what the boy's answer would be.

Castiel was left at the door, dumbstruck and yet for the first time in months with a buzzing anticipation crawling under his skin. He needed to find something to distract himself with or the wait and uncertainty would drive him insane. Also slowly the realization that he just confessed to a relationship with a minor to a sheriff did not help his heart or stomach to calm down. At the same time he felt weirdly relieved at the way this confrontation had played out. Was it too early to let that small seed of hope start to blossom?

#

It had been over two hours since Jody left and Dean was a nervous wreck. He had lost interest in anything on the TV a long time ago, only having it on as background noise to calm his nerves as he took to pacing the floor, checking outside the window every five minutes, and pacing some more. When the door eventually opened and Jody walked through it, looking drained, his heart stopped for a second. He had a weird feeling that this would be it as thoughts were running amok in his head.

Jody sat down on her bed and sighed, looking at Dean with such intensity that it made him start to fidget. This didn't bode well. He just wanted to yell, demand to know what happened, why it took so long, but he kept his mouth shut, for fear of screwing things up.

Jody could see Dean holding back, knew he wanted to know what had transpired between her and Castiel. But really, there was no point reiterating. If Castiel told the truth, none of this would be news to Dean. Really, there was only one thing she needed to ask. She cleared her throat, making sure she had Deans' full attention.

"I need to ask you something." Dean raised an eyebrow in question, not sure where this was going but too scared to interrupt. "I- we should have asked you this a long time ago and I apologize that we did not. But believe me, we only ever wanted what's best for you. Maybe our judgment was clouded by your age or by the fact that Castiel is an older man, and the fact that strictly speaking this is an illegal relationship, I don't know. But I know that you are able to make good decisions, well current issues aside." Jody let out a small humored huff.

"But I think I get it now, so I'm gonna ask you this, Dean, what is it you want?"

"I just want to go and see Cas." Dean did not even have to think about the answer, it was really the only thing he wanted to do at this point, had been for months. If he would allow himself to think harder, maybe he would come up with other things he might want, but right now that would also mean facing the mess he left behind in Sioux Falls, something he was not ready to do.

"Ok."

"Ok?" Dean parroted. He didn't want to believe what he just heard. He felt like he was about to be sick, the sudden spike of anticipation was making his stomach churn. But regardless, he never put on his shoes and coat faster than he did now, basically sprinting to the car and getting in before Jody could change her mind.

The drive to Castiel's house was tense. The closer they got the more edgy Dean felt. He started recognizing the streets, the shops, finally the road their little house was on. It still defied belief that this was actually happening. Then just like that they were parked in front of Castiel's old car. Jody steeled her features as she got out and motioned for Dean to follow. Her face was impassive and Dean scrambled after her, still afraid this was all gonna blow up in his face at any second.

He was bouncing on the balls of his feet, not able to stand still as Jody rang the doorbell. The door opened almost immediately. Dean's throat went dry as he set eyes on Cas for the first time in months. The man's own eyes went straight past Jody, coming to rest on the teenager, a look of surprise and awe written all over his face.

"Dean!?" Castiel's voice quivered, he could not believe Dean was really here. His heart was about to leap out of his chest it was beating so hard. The boy looked exhausted. Big rings were under his eyes, like he hadn't slept in a long time. His hair was unkempt, longer than it used to be and he sported some light stubble. But it was still Dean, and he was here. Castiel stood frozen, wanting to just reach out and touch but not sure if that was appropriate with Jody being here and after all this time. If things between them had changed, well of course they had.

"Dean decided he wanted to see you. I am honoring his request." Jody prayed that she made the right call with this. Even if she had, it would be near impossible to explain this to John. But she would cross that bridge when it came to it. "I think you two have a lot to talk about. Castiel-" Jody fixed him with a calculating glare. "I trust you with Dean, and Dean, I trust you. Please do not make me regret my decision."

"Of course." Castiel replied, not caring that he was being rude as his eyes stayed fixed on Dean. Dean who still had not said a single word, but just kept staring, almost like he couldn't believe that this was real. Cas' heart ached for him. If he thought the last four months had been hard on him, it looked like they had been hell for Dean.

"Dean, I will pick you up tomorrow lunchtime, so we don't get back too late." Jody said. Dean briefly glanced at her with wide eyes, like he could not believe he would get to spend a whole 24 hours with Castiel, before nodding his head and disappearing into the house, the door closing behind him.

Jody got in the car and drove back to the motel. She hoped by god this would work out the way she was banking on. But just seeing the way these two looked at each other just now, seeing some light behind Dean's green eyes, the likes of which she had not seen in a long time, made her believe that she might have made the right call.

I really spent a lot of time in Jody's headspace, imagining how she (and kind of by approximation, I) would possibly deal with a situation like that, I just really hope I managed to convey her change of heart and attitude (and her confrontation with Cas) believably. Oh, and I really did not originally plan on ending it here and leaving you all hanging, but at over 8500 words I wasn't left with much of a choice. At least it will be all Dean and Cas in the next chapter.