Of Past Proposals and Songs

"Time and tide love" – Jack Sparrow

"William," Jack draped his drunken arm over Will's shoulder, "Mate where have you been? You're missing all the celebrations."

"Yes, I can see I've missed quite a lot," said Will as he looked at the dark deck which was filled with pirates in various states of inebriation, more so then usual. "What is it you're exactly celebrating Jack? Not defeating the armada still? I mean that was a quite few days ago."

"No, no, no," Jack shook his head emphatically, "You've got it all wrong mate. These are celebrations of a different kind, it's called a bucks party you see."

"Whose getting married?" Will asked sceptically, raising his eyebrows and looking at Jack. "I didn't take you for the marrying sort Jack."

Jack shuddered, making a face at the horrifying thought. "Not for me. You," he said poking Will in the chest and leaning in closer.

"I'm already married Jack," Will pointed out blinking slowly. Though he didn't mind the pirates so much, having spent a significant amount of time with them, he was longing for the day that he and Elizabeth were dropped off at Port Royal and they could gain some privacy. For most of the journey they had been staying below together, while the pirates revelled in the celebrations above. But it really was no compensation for good old fashioned privacy. Will had only come up because they had heard Barbossa yelling at Jack and a shot and she was afraid that one of them might have killed the other, something Will wasn't particularly concerned about. But seeing as she was his wife he couldn't refuse her, he never could.

"Yes you," Jack jabbed him again for good measure, pouting. "I'm actually quite hurt you didn't know, after all this spectacular organisation I put into it." He swept his hands out encompassing the inebriated and half unconscious crew upon the deck.

"Organisation?" Will looked where he pointed, "And what exactly we're you planning on doing?"

"Oh a number of things," Jack said airily, waving the question away. "But then the gents seemed to have gotten into the rum which I had set up for the express purpose of drinking during the party, not before. But I suppose such is life." He shrugged at this, and took a liberal swig from his own pilfered bottle.

"Where's Barbossa then and Norrington?" Will enquired looking around the deck for the two relatively sane people on this whole ship, beside Elizabeth and himself of course.

"Cabin," Jack said, pointing, "They didn't want any part in the revelling over your previously departed bachelorhood. I think the Commodore's still a bit sour if you ask me and Barbossa...well he's always been the sulking sort. Didn't take too kindly to a recent proposition I put towards him a few days ago, merely hypothetical but of course he must take everything literally. Been sulking ever since, and when I suggested perchance he should join in the festivities he near bit my head off. I thought it best if we kept them too away from you and your high spirits. No doubt said spirits were going to eventuate as the party progressed leastways, if it was given a chance."

'Right," said Will, attempting to extricate himself from Jack's stranglehold. "Well no offence Jack but it appears the party is a bit drunk, meaning unconscious, so if you don't mind..."

"Aye, you're right whelp," Jack frowned, looking down at the drunken pirates, "I know," he suddenly brightened, not noticing Will's obvious attempts to get away from him. "How bout we go off to my there cabin and you can tell Barbossa and the Commodore how they singlehandedly ruined your festivities. What say you to that mate?"

"Jack No," Will protested, but Jack didn't pay him any heed, just dragged him across the deck and towards the cabin. He seemed perfectly capable of swinging the door open with one hand while keeping a tight grip on Will, which dashed Will's hopes of escaping. It appeared the pirate was extremely strong with a lot of rum through his veins and an obstinate determination.

"There you two are," Jack crowed, as if he had caught Norrington and Barbossa in the act of doing something incriminating. They looked at him and blinked slowly, Barbossa was sitting behind Jack's desk while Norrington sat on the other side. They had a bottle of whiskey between them and it seemed they had consumed quite a bit of it, judging from there bewildered expressions. Barbossa was the first to recover.

"What are you doing in here you great idiot," he roared, "I told you I ain't interested in your stupid festivities so if you've come with a mind to start on that again you'll be leaving with a bullet in your chest."

"I am much affronted mate, after all we've been through," Jack pouted. "I actually came here bearing Will, who has something to say to you two about missing his here superlative revels, superlative of course because they were organised by me onesies with no help from you two bilge rats. Go on tell em mate." He pushed Will in front of him.

"Jack I honestly don't mind," Will said, glad to be free of Jack's hold he attempted to turn around and quickly escape from the cabin. Unfortunately Jack just grabbed him again and promptly turned him back around.

"Now, now don't be like that mate," he said, "A man should not be afraid of his emotions. Go on, tell em what you think of them."

Will sighed and his shoulders slumped as he realised Jack was not about to leave him be.

"Here I'll tell them then," Jack growled grumpily as Will didn't say anything. He shoved Will into the nearby chair next to Norrington and then proceeded. "I believe what young Mister Turner was attempting to relate was that he was much aggrieved that you and you" at this he pointed at both Norrington and Barbossa, "Weren't willing to join in the celebration of his bachelorhood after his recent and hurried union with young Elizabeth Turner. Though odd it may be to have a bucks party after marriage, it is a thing that all self un respecting men must go through. And though we be in the middle of the ocean without a brothel or pub in sight, I tried my hardest to give Will some of the joy that a single man can have on this here ship, so he could realise his violent error in judgement and proceed to break their young Lizzie's heart to which I would swoop in dashingly and perform a marriage of my own if you get my drift?"

They all looked at him in stunned silence, trying to decipher some of the drunken tirade into English.

"I would hit you for that, if you weren't so drunk," Will frowned at the last part.

"What for mate? Just stating the facts as they here now are," Jack said innocently. "Asides the point of all that is I'm hurt you two didn't even try and get in the spirit. I mean you," at this he jabbed Commodore Norrington who looked down with disgust at the offending sooty finger. "Commodore..."

"It's Admiral," he snapped, he had been correcting people all the way back about that, to no avail it seemed.

"Commodore," Jack repeated more loudly grinning, "I mean what's this now. I thought you'd given up on her good and proper. All happy bout being Admiral still and all. Heading to Port Royal to regain you're good name and come out the navy hero. Made your peace wiv it as they say. And then here you are sulking way bout her being married and all even though you should know mate it ain't exactly a blissful state to be in, rather painful I've heard. Specially with the likes of a rum burning, deceitful, pirate."

"If you've quite finished insulting my wife," Will snapped getting up.

"Oh, so you realized I was talking bout her then mate," Jack grinned, delighted that the whelp wasn't as naive and dull as he used to be, and congratulating himself on a job well done at training him. "Cottoned on pretty fast there eh? Wonder what she would think of that..."

"Maybe I'll go see," Will said, hopefully attempting to head for the door again. Before he could take one step Jack had pushed him back into his seat.

"Sit, here have a drink," Jack said commandingly, he quickly grabbed the whisky from the table, took a swig of it himself, then shoved it in Will's hand. "There...no wait," he looked around, and then finding a ridiculous hat sitting upon the desk he shoved it on Will's head. He stood back and grinned. "That's more like it, pretty as a picture. Now revel!" he waved his hands at Will and watched expectantly.

Will rolled his eyes and then took a swig of the bottle, thinking that he might as well be drunk if he was going to be forced through this torture.

"Now that won't do at all mate," said Jack, taking in Will's despondent demeanour. "Here I know, we need a game! Anyone got any ideas"

"How bout a knife fight," Barbossa suggested. Jack made a face at this.

"Now that's no fun at all mate,"

"Depends on the one who's getting knifed, and on the one whose doing the knifing," Barbossa grinned at the prospect.

"No," Jack said quickly, "Decidedly not."

"Well it should be up to Mr. Turner to decided, shouldn't it," Barbossa pointed out, thinking that the mood Will was in would probably leave him favourable to any suggestions which would leave Jack hurt, hopefully maimed.

"No, seeing as I'm the one whose organised the revels and am in fact Will's best man it is actually up to me." Jack declared.

"He's your best man?" Norrington asked derisively.

"Well look at what Lizzie had for a maid of honour," Jack said looking Norringto up and down. "Honestly I'm thinking she got the short end of the stick mate."

"Elizabeth asked you to be her maid of honour?" Will asked surprised,

"No, yes, I mean she told me she considered me her best man," Norrington corrected. "It was a private conversation."

"What?" Jack asked at his direct look. "Wasn't very private now seeing as you had it up on my deck, well was it then? If you really wanted privacy should have gone off in a long boat or something mate. Asides she mentioned me name in it so I had a right to listen. And you should really be nicer to me, seeing as us three are gonna be joint godparents when the first niblet appears, heaven forbid." He shuddered at the very thought of an annoying smelly, squirming child.

"What?" Will stood up explosively at this. "She's already talking about godparents and, and .... children?"

"Now that was not part of the conversation," Norrington denied. Looking at Will's anxious face. He sunk back down into the chair in relief as he saw the honesty in Norrington's face and the mischievous grin on Jack's. Barbossa snorted with laughter, which he attempted to turn into a cough as Jack's grin turned to him, in fear that Jack would think he had made him laugh.

"Well bound to happen sometime, it's the problem with marriage innit?" Jack sighed, going over to his desk he sat down. "All fun and games wiv the honeymoon, then comes the squirmy screaming mistakes."

"For someone who hasn't actually been married, you seem to think yourself quite the authority Sparrow." Norrington commented sarcastically.

"Aye true enough Jack hasn't been tied down by holy matrimony," Barbossa answered instead just as Jack had opened his mouth, "But he's come mighty close, a bit too close for comfort in some cases."

"That is absolutely a slanderous lie," Jack protested, his voice going an octave too high which confirmed something in Barbossa's words.

"Really and who was the unlucky woman?" Will asked, feeling recovered enough to rejoin the conversation and somewhat intrigued.

"He's a fraud," Jack cried loudly, "Can't believe a word he says."

"Oh really Jack," Barbossa turned to him grinning, "Then how come there's a song about one such case then?"

"Really, it befits a song?" Norrington asked, "Well it must have been some story then. Pray do share."

"No, no," Jack snapped, waving his hands in agitation, "There will be no sharing, I forbid it!"

Barbossa raised his eyebrow, then slowly but surely, he got up, took in a liberal amount of air and sung in an off pitch voice, with plenty of volume but not much tone. It was a testimony to how drunk he was that he was singing, or maybe it was a testimony to how far he would go to annoy Jack.

"Oh Molly yes Molly she was a fine lass

Had very fine assets and a most shapely ass

But no one could tame her, that fiery dame

For Molly was free and would remain the same

___

Then came along Captain Jack Sparrow, as bold as brass

Went up to Molly and said what a mighty fine ass

She slapped him and sent him away

But Jack wasn't dissuaded and started anew next day

___

Now Jack had charm and Jack was fine

And Molly found herself relenting over time

And afore she knew it chaste Molly no more

She was creeping every night, out her father's door

___

Then Molly she started to find herself falling

For old Jack's charm more each and every morning

So she decided it was time to make things official

Oh poor old Molly, how very wishful

____

She put out a finger and demanded a ring

And Jack feeling the fire, started to sing

"I'll get you a ring darl, truly I will

Just give Jack some time to with gold his hold fill"

___

Now Molly she agreed and off Jack fled

With no intentions of Molly to wed

And when she found out about his deceit

Well let's just say old Jack's still fleeing from her, fast on his feet"

At his finish both Norrington and Will clapped, laughing. Barbossa nodded his head in acceptance of their adulation then promptly sat down. Jack was pouting, and looking slightly green, though that may have been because he'd drunk almost the whole bottle of rum during the song.

"You just made that up on the spot," Jack attempted to recover control over the situation.

"Come on Jack a whole song," Will pointed out, raising his eyebrows. Jack's pout conceded the point. "So did this Molly ever catch up with you?"

"Obviously not, I'm alive arent' I?" Jack pointed out. "And she certainly won't be any time soon, I'm smarter than that."

"It's a bit harsh though," Norrington commented. "Leaving her like that Sparrow. Doesn't your conscience ever work at all?"

"I saved her," Jack protested.

"From what?" Norrington raised his eyebrows. "As horrible as it is to be tied to you, if she wanted it, though I can't for the life of me understand why, you owed her that much. After all you did take her virtue, if the song is to be believed, though I'm not entirely satisfied on that account either."

"From an eternity of entrapment," Jack pointed out as if it was obvious. "Marriage is a horror people can only conceive after entering the most unhappy of states. So see I'm actually the hero of that there story, as always."

"If it's only a horror you can conceive after being married, which it isn't for the record, then how can you know?" Will enquired.

"I know people," Jack countered. "People who are married in fact."

"Like me," Will said, "And I'm quite happy, blissful actually Jack."

"Aye," Jack waved that point away as if it was an annoying insect, "But this is only the honeymoon stage mate. Then there'll come the settling down bit, and the having to come to meals at certain times, and having to bathe every day, and having to get a respectable trade." He shuddered at the very thought. "Then will come the squirming festering parasites, which drain you of your very life and at that exact point you will think mate 'Oh how I wish I listened to Captain Jack back when I had a chance'." He put on a soprano voice in apparent imitation of Will.

"You know you were once the child of someone too Jack," Barbossa pointed out with a mean grin.

"Yes an unfortunate state of life I like to forget," Jack gave him a sour smile.

Will watched these proceedings with interest, but there was something nagging at Norrington which he had to have satisfied.

"Do you even know where this Molly is then? Or did you never care to see whether she was still alive or not?" he enquired, still marvelling at Jack's lack of sensibility.

"What would you think she would die of, a broken heart, a bit clichéd innit?" Jack enquired derisively.

"She's still alive," Barbossa said, "Working in her father's inn in London."

"So you know her then?" Will asked.

"Aye," Barbossa leered, "Quite well."

"No knowing of that sort was had between them, I mean have you taken one look at him mate," Jack hastily rectified.

"Well we've certainly smelt you," Norrington said with disgust.

"Jack," Will asked, a thought occurring to him. "Do you still have some feelings for this woman?"

"What on earth would make you say such a blasphemous thing, take that back." Jack said horrified at the mere thought.

"Well you just seemed rather defensive just now," Will pointed out.

"Was not," Jack said, "Just pointing out the obvious. Now whose up for Drunk Tongues?"

"What?" Norrington asked.

"It's an infamous drinking game mate, I'm surprised you of all people haven't heard of it," Jack said, looking grieved. "Mate you haven't lived until you've played it."

"Is this a game you've invented Jack?" Will enquired.

"Obviously," Jack said. "Now the rules are these, you must drink six glasses of whatever toxin infested alcoholic beverage takes your fancy, then after the sixth you must say the tongue riddle. If you get it wrong well then you get to sleep on the floor, whoever wins gets the bed."

"Obviously you invented it," Norrington commented, rolling his eyes.

"It's a fools game for drunken fools," Barbossa muttered.

"Well then you should have a heap of fun playing it then eh," Jack grinned. "Unless you're getting too old for the likes of these here games, in which I would completely understand..."

"All right I'll play, but only because I will," Barbossa growled, glowering at Jack.

"There we go," Jack said clapping his hands together. "Gentlemen prepare you're tongues and stomachs."

"Jack I really just want to..." Will began to protest.

"Shut it," Jack said, quickly clamping his hand over Will's mouth. "Now seeing as it is you're bucks party, you have to stay the night here to make the night tomorrow much more fun. So you must ask yourself William, would you rather spend the night drunk or sober, savvy?"

Will sighed and nodded his head in compliance, to which Jack removed his hand and grinned. He then turned to Norrington with an enquiring look. "What Commodore, no protests?"

"It's Admiral," Norrington corrected sufferingly, "And I figure if I too am forced to spend time on this ship with the likes of you I might as well be drunk. Consider it the last hurrah to my piratical career, as short lived as it was thank goodness. So what is this supposed riddle then?"

"Sailing ships on shipwreck cove is sufferingly hard if you're sober. But the suffering pirate sails ships in spectacular serenity scurvy as sailing to shipwreck cove in a squall with the sentiments of sailing."

'I think remembering that will be our main problem," Will said.

"Well there is a shorter one bout strumpets," Jack said grinning, "Which I suppose would be fitting in these circumstances. Course if Lizzie happens on by don't blame me."

"No this one's fine, so who goes first?" Will asked resigned.

When Elizabeth came in search for Will, for fear Barbossa had also shot at him, or worse Jack had engaged him in what he considered an intellectual conversation which ended in complete confusion, she found an odd sight.

There in Jack's cabin lay Barbossa, Norrington and Will all in states of complete unconsciousness, lying upon the floor. Will's head (decorated by a ridiculous hat) was on Norrington's lap who in turn had his arm around Barbossa.

And there, spread eagled on the bed all by himself, lay Jack, snoring softly, a small smirk upon his lips.

A/N: Haha I had fun writing this, hope you have fun reading it. Please review. Oh and come talk on my forum about POTC 4 to pass the time if you want a links on my profile : P Oh yeah and this on no uncertain terms is NOT going to be Jack/OC or Jack anything, or anyone anything except for Will/Elizabeth. Jack's only love is the sea as he says : P