"So I can finally see"

Clary

We're silent for a few beats and then Jace asks, "Why hasn't Izzy come to see me?"

"She's been dealing with the detectives and school but she's going to come see you soon." I tell him.

"She is?" He seems surprised.

"Yeah," I reply.

"When do I get out of here?"

"Soon. The doctors just want to run some more tests to make sure you're okay."

"I feel okay."

"They just want to be sure."

Jace nods. Then asks, "Why hasn't Alec come to see me?"

"He's been really busy. Izzy says Mr. Lightwood isn't taking it too well." I admit.

"He blames me." Jace looks at me with a question in his eyes, clearly hoping I correct him.

I'm honest with him. "I don't know Jace. Izzy and Alec are trying to make Mr. Lightwood see reason."

He nods looking like he's been punched.

I sit beside him on his bed and I gently take his face in my hands. "It's not your fault. Mr. Lightwood's just grieving. He's wrong if he blames you. This isn't your fault."

"Okay Clary." He says quietly.

Clary

Jace is out of the hospital a few days after our conversation. No one but me ended up visiting him. It's not because they don't care. Izzy's been shackled down by dealing with the detectives, keeping the school informed of her brothers' whereabouts, and trying to plan Mrs. Lightwood's funeral. Simon's been helping her, but he told me he knows he's not enough to take the edge off her anxiety. She didn't visit Jace because she was worried she would break down on him which wouldn't exactly help his recovery. Alec has been trying to help Izzy with the funeral, but he's also been fighting with their dad. Apparently Mr. Lightwood has been considering removing Jace from the house. He's trying to find Jace some kind of long-lost relative to stay with. Alec has spent every moment trying to convince Mr. Lightwood otherwise.

I wheel Jace into the hospital parking lot and Izzy meets us at the door. She jumps out of the car, helps Jace up and hugs him. "I missed you my dear idiot brother!" She exclaims.

Jace hugs her back and says, "I missed you too Iz."

Alec gets out of the car and Izzy reluctantly moves so Jace and Alec can do that weird man-hug thing. Then Simon gets out of the car too and gives Jace a fist-bump which is all their I-tolerate-you-you-tolerate-me relationship can handle. Izzy and I roll our eyes at them. Izzy and Alec help Jace into the back seat of the car while I put the wheelchair away. He doesn't need it anymore, the nurse just made me wheel him out so he didn't have to deal with stairs.

I sit beside Jace in the car and Izzy drives us to the Lightwoods' house.

On the way there, Jace asks a question I've been dreading discussing. "When's the funeral?"

"Tomorrow. We made sure you would be out of the hospital so you could come." Izzy says.

Jace's lip quivers for a moment. "Thanks." He says quietly and I take his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You're part of the family too-I wouldn't make you miss it." Izzy replies.

Jace nods and looks out the window with great interest which is quite difficult since he's sitting between Alec and me.

When we get to the Lightwood residence, we walk through the gate to see boxes and bags scattered around the staircase that leads into the house. They all have Jace's name on them. Mr. Lightwood walks out with two boxes and drops them on the ground.

"I don't care where you go. You just can't stay here. Not right now." Mr. Lightwood says.

Jace's face falls but he constructs a neutral expression within seconds. "At least you're doing this so I can finally see."

"See what?" Mr. Lightwood asks.

"Where I stand with you." He replies, picking up a box.

Mr. Lightwood's fierce expression softens and he looks almost like he's sorry for what he's doing for Jace but he doesn't say anything. He just watches Jace as he walks out of the gates and keeps going without looking back. Izzy and Alec start yelling at Mr. Lightwood and Simon grabs Izzy as she tries to launch herself at her dad.

I follow Jace.

He's sitting on the sidewalk, leaning against the exterior of the house where the others can't see him. His face is expressionless and he's not moving. The cardboard box is in the street and cars are running it over, along with its contents…it looks like sheet music.

"I'm sorry Jace." I whisper.

He shakes his head.

"Maybe you can stay with Magnus." I suggest.

He nods.

"He's grieving Jace. That's why he's being so cruel. He doesn't really want you out. You don't deserve it. This isn't your fault." I tell him.

Jace shakes his head. "To love is to destroy. I've destroyed everything." He whispers.

Then he gets up and runs away.

Jace

I get up and run. I don't turn around. I can't be here. I can't see her and know how much of a risk I'm taking with her. I don't want to destroy her, but I might. I'm poison. I need to leave. She tries to catch up to me but I run faster even though I just got out of the hospital and I know I really shouldn't be running anywhere. I'm trying to save her life and even though every step tears a new hole through the shattered remains of my heart, I don't slow down.