Twenty five

"Mr. Tepes, you're alone today?"

Adrian glanced up from his reading, and smiled cautiously at Eliza Zenni. There was still that edge of familiarity, the sense that perhaps he ought to know her from somewhere... but she was closer in age to Anna than to him, and Anna was the youngest of the four of them. He wouldn't have known her from his time before the Degasi crash.

"Not quite," he smiled slightly glancing over at another table. "Anna, Trevor, and Sypha are over there, debating the pros and cons between the places we've managed to agree on. I'd like to have it waiting for us by the time we land, but I suspect we'll be in a hotel for several days while they talk it out."

Eliza glanced over as he did, and he saw amusement touching her mouth, softening it at the edges. He'd once seen that look on another woman, but...

"I... wanted to ask you a question if I may, Mr. Tepes."

Intrigued, he sat up a little, putting the data pad down after marking his spot so he wouldn't lose it.

"Please, have a seat," he invited. "I don't know if I can answer your question, but I'll try."

Eliza sat, and fluffed out her short hair for a moment, looking almost uncharacteristically nervous.

"...My grandmother was on the Degasi ten years ago," she finally said. "But I'm too junior a physician to be allowed to know the contents of the reports you've had submitted to Alterra and other doctors. I know you're the only survivor, but..."

"Your grandmother?" Adrian urged gently.

"...She was a doctor. She's the reason I wanted to be a doctor." Eliza sighed a little. "I just... can you tell me what happened to Liesse Montblanc?"

Adrian blinked. Stared. Leaned back in his chair. Now that it had been said, now that he knew, all the little things she'd done, the little habits he'd subconsciously recognized made sense. The reason he felt comfortable with her made sense.

This was Liesse's granddaughter.

"She..." He took a breath, and swallowed the lump in his throat. "My apologize, Ms. Zennni. Liesse was... a very good friend to me. Rather like an aunt at the end."

"She lived with you?"

He allowed himself a small ghost of a smile, and willed himself to calm down; if his heart rate elevated too much, he'd have Anna over here in a panic of her own.

"She's the reason I lived," he said with some effort. "Liesse was... brilliant. She worked herself to the bone trying to find a way for us to live. I... I'm sorry, but I don't know what happened to her. She went out and simply... never returned."

He remembered that time with an awful sort of clarity that he wished he didn't. Waiting for several hours was no hard task, but then it became a day. Then two, then five. He'd gone out to look for her, but he hadn't found the Nautilus.

He hadn't found Liesse.

"I'm sorry," Eliza said, reaching over to put a hand briefly on his. "I didn't mean to stir up painful memories."

"It's... not your fault," he replied, a pained smile crossing his face. "In your place, I would have wondered too."

"Do... do you want me to get one of them?" And Eliza tipped her head towards his partners.

Adrian considered for a moment, then nodded.

"Anna, if you please..."

"Of course."

Eliza gave him a somewhat awkward, fleeting smile, then got up and went over to the other three. Adrian closed his eyes, and focused on a breathing exercise until he felt Anna's hand on his shoulder.

"Adrian?" Her soft, worried voice held as much professional as personal concern. "What's wrong?"

He turned, and pressed his face against her chest, curving one arm around her. Here was a doctor, a friend he had saved. Here was a lifeline to hold onto as he fought free of the mire of memories.

Anna's arm wrapped around him in reply, and she rested her cheek on his head. He listened to her breathe, felt the hand that stroked his hair, and felt her squeak when he pulled her down onto his lap so that they could both be more comfortable. It was rude, but he couldn't help the need to hold her close, remind himself that had might have failed once, but the second time he had not.

Other hands touched him after a moment; he recognized Trevor's on his shoulders, just resting gently, and Sypha's hands ran through his hair, comforting and soothing.

They were there. They were all there, and it was okay.

"Anna, I think you're worrying a little too much about price," Sypha said, leaning back from the table. "Adrian's already said he'll handle it."

"I know," and she tucked her knees up against her chest. "I don't like that."

Trevor snorted a little, and lightly bounced a ball of paper off her head, making Anna turned and glare at him.

"I don't like feeling in debt to someone, even if he's..."

What was he? It was still too new, too nebulous for her.

"It's not being in debt if we're all living together," Sypha pointed out. "Either that or we're all in debt."

Anna just shook her head a little. She knew she was being stubbornly unreasonable about it, she just couldn't really help herself. She didn't like the idea of someone paying all her expenses without her doing something in return. It dredged up memories she'd rather forget, of places and people she'd left behind.

Another paper ball bounced off her head and she glared at Trevor again.

"I think we should go with the garden one," he said, giving her a small smirk. "We're going to be stuck on Torrens for a while, might as well have something we can mess with."

"We could grow food and decorative plants," Sypha said with a nod. "And there's plenty of above and below-ground rooms that we can each have our own space."

It was tempting. She'd always wanted a garden, a chance to grow things of her own. To live around green things for food and colorful flowers.

"We could even put in a fishpond. There's more than enough room. And," Trevor stretched lightly, "if it makes you feel better, we can talk to Adrian about splitting the costs. We all have backpay from Alterra for at least the eight months we've been gone, especially since he got their bullshit fee waived."

She glanced at him, then away; he understood why it was hard for her, but he was trying to be considerate and not air the story. She appreciated that.

"We'll be in a hotel for a couple of days at least anyways," Sypha said. "We can talk more about it then if we need to."

Anna nodded, and got to her feet.

"...I'm going to go for a walk," she said, not looking at either of them. "Could one of you...?"

"I wanted a nap," Trevor said with a shrug. "Not sure I'm half as cuddleable as you are-"

"Says the cuddlefish."

Now it was Trevor's turn to scowl, flushing just slightly. Anna gave him her best innocent look as Sypha snickered, then slipped out the door before an offer of company could be made.

She took a lift up to the botanical section of the ship, and wound her way through the paths until she was in sections where few people actually roamed. Finding a bench, she dropped down onto it with a tired sigh and rubbed her face. She would have to talk to Adrian about it, to make sure he wasn't insulted... and maybe it was time to talk about it too. Even Trevor only knew some of what had happened.

Anna brought her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. It wasn't fair that old memories still had the power to hurt like this. The event, and the person behind it, were five years gone now. It shouldn't still be this difficult.

But it was.

If she had gotten a little farther away, another trans-gov over, it would never have even happened.

Abruptly she shook her head, then got to her feet. She needed to work off the restless, fretful energy first. She didn't really like the gym options on the Pirouette, but running herself down might do better.

Or...

Anna hesitated, then nodded.

A swim would do her some good.

"...it's been a few hours. Do you think we should look for her?" Adrian asked uncertainly.

"She'll be back," Trevor replied, though he looked concerned too.

"What's the problem this time?" Sypha asked, her tone worried. "The garden home is pretty much perfect.."

"It's not the home, it's..." Trevor sighed, and glanced at Adrian. "She needs to pay some for herself. There's..."

After a moment he shook his head lightly.

"I can't tell the story. Anna has to. I only know what I know from her, and from... when I went and got her out."

"Can you tell us what you do know?" Sypha asked.

Trevor sighed a little, expression going unusually serious.

"So, there was a guy she saw not long after she left her parents house for college," he said reluctantly. "She was only taking a couple courses so she could work and save for more to go from just ordinary to... well, I don't know. She wanted something before medical, but..." he shrugged a little, absently turning the paper ball in his hands. "I'd been gone maybe... three years at that point. Hopped jobs, trans-govs, done a shitty job at keeping in contact, but she found me anyways when she moved out and let me know her new place. Couldn't talk much, or long, but..."

He shrugged lightly.

"She met this guy, Quinn... Quinn-something. She only ever called him Quinn, anyways. Didn't say much about him, but I guess he was pretty taken with her. Moved her into his place, paid a lot of her expenses for her. I think she was okay with it at first, but... Well, the calls started getting weird. He'd hang out in the background and she seemed uncomfortable with it. He'd tell her it was time to be done and she'd say goodbye, even if we were still in the middle of a conversation."

Adrian half-closed his eyes, and let out a slow breath.

"I got concerned, so I made a special trip out to see for myself what was going on. I didn't like it, so when Quinn was out, I convinced her to pack up and we found her a place of her own that same day."

Though judging from the evasiveness Trevor had done more than just that. Sypha and Adrian exchanged a look, then Sypha leaned forward.

"How many times did you punch him?"

Trevor grinned sheepishly.

"A few. But not until I'd gotten Anna out. She never talked about it much, but I stuck around for a while so she could adjust-"

"And to keep Quinn from showing back up," Adrian cut in, amused.

"That too, yeah. It wasn't easy getting her to do what she wanted. It's still hard," and Trevor grimaced. "And of course you two know how she is about putting others first..."

Adrian sighed a little, nodding, and Sypha smiled wryly.

"Do you think she'll tell us the story?" he asked, flicking one of the crumpled bits of paper across the table.

"Well, we can ask," Sypha replied with a small shrug. "It can't hurt to do that, can it?"

It could, and they all knew it... but after a moment Adrian shook his head a little.

"I'll ask."

"No, we'll ask," Sypha said, reaching over and poking him gently. "She's not just yours, you know."

Adrian smiled a little ruefully; Sypha was right, but he was worried that she'd find telling all of them too much.

Before he could express these ideas, the main door slid open, and Anna wandered in, looking tired... but calm again. Adrian eyed the towels she had draped around her curiously; had she gone to one of the saunas, maybe?

"There you are," Sypha was half out of her seat, smiling, before Anna came over to the table. "We were worrying."

"...sorry," Anna looked briefly down at her hands, somewhat sheepishly. "I... I needed to work off the anxiety. I went swimming."

Adrian sat on his reaction; the thought of her in a swimsuit was... more enticing than he wanted it to be. True, they'd all worn wetsuits on 4546B, and those didn't exactly leave much to the imagination, but at the same time...

"Is something up?"

"...kind of?" Trevor offered after a minute. "We wanted to talk about... Quinn."

Anna's concern faded into a flatness that made Adrian's heart hurt.

"Only if you want to," Sypha said quickly. "It's okay if you don't, we just-"

"No, I..." Anna sighed. "I was thinking about it. It'll... this whole issue might make more sense if I do. Can I have a shower first, though?"

"Of course," Adrian said, his voice gentle. "We won't push you to speak before you're ready, Anna.."

She half-smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes, and stepped past the table, into the bedroom., nudging the door closed behind her Adrian watched her go, then jolted a little as Trevor kicked him lightly.

"I'm not saying join her in the shower," he drawled, "but maybe catch her before she gets in there and give her a hug. You know you want to."

"...I do," Adrian said quietly. "But perhaps I shouldn't. What if... she doesn't want comfort from me?"

"You're not going to find out if you don't take the chance," Sypha pointed out gently.

He looked down at his hands briefly, considering. Then sighed and got to his feet, following after Anna... though he gave a perfunctory knock on the door before he stepped in so that he wouldn't startle her.

"Hm?"

"It's me... may I come in?"

There was a faint squeak, and a shuffling sound, then the door opened a crack. Most of her was hidden on the other side, but those green eyes peered up at him nervously.

"Did you need something?"

"Yes... but if you don't want me to come in, it's all right," he said, keeping his tone soothing.

There was a marked hesitation, then she stepped back, and pulled the door open enough so that he could slip inside. Politely he kept his eyes away from her, closing the door gently behind him, then extended one hand slightly.

"...Adrian?"

Confusion was better than unease.

"I wanted a hug," he said simply. Then he added just a touch of humor, "And maybe a kiss, if you're inclined to be generous."

There was a sound from her that could have been laughter at any other time, though she didn't take his hand.

"You're not... looking at me," she said after a moment.

"I don't want you to be uncomfortable," he replied gently. "This isn't a professional setting, it's a personal one, and I want you to be at ease."

"...I'm wearing a robe," she said after a moment, and there was something in the undercurrent of her voice that suggested he'd surprised and pleased her. Good. "It's safe."

Given permission he turned, extending his hand a little more to touch her cheek lightly. It was a robe all right. One of the short ones, tied tight around her waist, leaving her legs bare from mid-thigh down. Her hair was loose, auburn waves around her face, making her look a little younger, a little more vulnerable.

She was looking up at him with an unreadable expression, and after a moment he just cupped her face gently, letting his thumbs trail over her cheek. She leaned into the touch, and her expression took on an uneasy cast.

"You... didn't come to ask about...?"

He shook his head a little.

"Sypha wants to know too, and so does your cousin," he replied. "I wouldn't side-step them in this, and make you tell a difficult story more than once. Truly all I wanted was a hug."

Though he'd heard the innuendo riding Trevor's voice at his suggestion that he get it, he wasn't going to press for more than Anna was willing to give.

After a moment she moved in, and almost shyly looped her arms around his waist, tucking her head against his chest. He draped his arms gently around her shoulders, and rested his chin on her head, smoothing one hand over her hair as he throttled down his body's response to having her close. It wasn't the first time, of course... every time he'd held her recently, he'd wanted.

But he choked it down, held it back. They'd only truly kissed for the first time a few days ago. For some people, a few days was enough time. For her... he wasn't sure. And until he was sure, he wasn't going to let his desires run rampant over something so delicate.

So after a few moments he let his hands slide off her shoulders... and was surprised when she didn't emulate.

"Anna?"

She looked up at him, and there was a distinct blush to her cheeks that he couldn't help finding appealing.

"I'm... inclined... to be generous"

Adrian blinked, then smiled faintly at her. He'd mostly been teasing to ask for the kiss, but she didn't tease in that manner. She slid her hands around, up to his shoulders, and stretched up, pressing her mouth delicately against his. He slipped his arms around her again, and returned the kiss with care. Both because he didn't feel like getting dizzy again, and because he didn't want to press too hard against these new boundaries.

Which was why he pulled back, despite wanting more. She should be allowed to shower in peace, decide what she wanted to say-

The rest of his thoughts flew right out of his head when Anna inexpertly but determinedly kissed the side of his neck. Reflexes from what felt like a lifetime ago had him shifting his grip on her, arms moving down to her waist and pulling her up against him so that she could more easily kiss him like that. She didn't kiss hard, didn't try to leave a mark, but the fact that she'd done it at all left him feeling shaky with surprise.

"..Anna?"

Her fingers curled a little in his shirt, and he felt her shrink in a little on herself.

"S... sorry. I just..."

He shook his head a little, carefully, then gently put her back on the floor. He didn't, however, let her out of the circle of his arms, though he made sure she could if she wanted.

"You surprised me," he said softly. "But in a good way. May I ask why you did that?"

She flushed, and looked away.

"...I just wanted to... to know..."

"Know what?"

Her voice dropped.

"...if you might... want me like that. Physically. The... the way Trevor and Sypha... I'm sorry, it... never mind."

She started to pull away, but he closed his arms around her a bit more, then shifted a hand until he could touch it to her chin, nudge her gently into looking up at him.

"Sexually?"

The blush on her cheeks grew darker, but she nodded after a moment. Adrian hid a smile, and let out a slow breath.

"Anna... do you want me like that?" he asked gently.

She hesitated noticeably.

"I don't... know," she finally said. "I'm not... I've never... I don't usually look at people like that. With that in mind. I know Trevor does. Sypha too, sometimes. Mostly they look at each other like that. I'm... I'm not opposed to the idea. It's just never been the first thing I look for with... with people."

He nuzzled her temple lightly, letting his fingers comb briefly through her hair.

"I don't either," he admitted. "I can admire a person for their beauty, the aesthetically pleasing qualities, but I must know the person before I start feeling a sexual desire."

Adrian was quiet for a few moments, just letting her absorb the words.

"...do you know me?" she asked timidly.

He smiled a little, and lightly kissed her temple.

"I know enough," he murmured, his mouth just lightly brushing over the curve of her ear. "I'd like to show you some... if that's what you want too."

He felt her shiver a little, then she tipped her head up and gave him a small, shy kiss. He kissed back with care, letting his hands slide very slowly down her back, and back up. She curled a little closer to him, her fingers curling loosely in his shirt, and she made a faint sound of what seemed to be unhappiness when he pulled back. But he only tipped his head slightly towards the door at the other side of the room.

"You wanted a shower," he said softly. "It may be... prudent."

She blinked at him in confusion.

"First?"

He smiled a little, and nuzzled her softly.

"No. During."

He watched as she blinked, trying to follow what he was saying; the lightbulb went off a moment later and while she blushed, she also nodded.

Adrian loosened his hold on her, and let out a slow breath as she slid out of it. He slid a hand along her arm until he had her hand, twining his fingers with hers, then gently pulled her towards the bathroom.

Trevor and Sypha both looked entirely too smug, and maybe a little flushed themselves when Anna and Adrian rejoined them in the kitchen area. Anna eyed them, then decided it was probably better for her mental state if she decided to remain ignorant of whatever they'd done to occupy themselves while she was indisposed. She felt shy as it was, and this was already going to make for an uncomfortable story.

"I met Quintain Janaro when I was just starting college. I'd recently.. left home, and was just taking some general courses so I could have a foot in the door when I'd really decided what I wanted to do. He..." Anna hesitated. "We partnered up for a class project. I did my half, he did his, we got a good grade, and I thought that was the end of it. Except... except then he started showing up at the end of my other classes and walking me to the next one, or walking me to work. He even walked me home a few times. He never asked me to speak, and seemed to take it for granted that I didn't mind... listening.

"At first, I didn't," and she looked down at her hands, then laced her fingers together tightly. "I was... flattered, if confused, by the attention. I didn't understand what he saw in me, and he never tried to explain. It just... became assumed that we were a couple, and when he asked me to move in with him, I agreed."

"Why?" Sypha asked, confused.

"He presented the idea logically," Anna admitted, smiling a little ruefully. "I didn't have a lot of money to spare, and college in that trans-gov wasn't free. He said that since we got along so well, we should room together, and it would... free up some funds for both of us. We found a small apartment that was affordable for two college students, moved in, and... well, for a little while, it was okay. We split the rent and the utilities, I tended to buy the groceries and cook, Quinn... kept the apartment neat."

Adrian slipped an arm around her, and she leaned against him reflexively.

"I... I don't know when it started to change. I picked up a few more classes and had to take on fewer hours at work. He said that was fine, he had enough to spare to cover things."

Somewhere in that space, Quinn had asked her for sex, but she wasn't going to explain that aspect to anyone but Adrian. But she could remember it, the very brisk tone, the... lack of concern for whether or not she was comfortable. True, it wasn't a regular request, but the lack of care for her had come through the loudest in those moments.

Adrian's hand soothingly rubbed little circles on her back and she sighed.

"Slowly, Quinn started... paying for everything. And I mean everything. If I expressed an interest in something, I would later find it in my room. When we went out for food, he stopped letting me pay for my half. He... he said it was so I could put my funds towards college, but he also criticized the choice of classes. He thought I wasn't... reaching for my full potential? Something like that.

"Suddenly, nothing I was doing was right. I wasn't behaving properly enough, I wasn't taking things seriously enough. Whatever it was, it wasn't enough."

Anna bowed her head, hands locked tight enough that her knuckles were white. Adrian's arm tightened around her, and she jumped a little when another hand covered hers. She looked up in surprise as Sypha squeezed gently, then again when Trevor leaned over in a sort of... draping hug.

It helped.

"He never... he never hit me. It was just... constant criticism. Control. I don't know, maybe he thought he was... was helping me be a better person?"

Trevor's snort over her head suggested he didn't buy that for a moment.

"Trevor got me out," and she leaned back a little against her cousin. "Well, he kind of pulled me out, really. I... I didn't know what I wanted any more, it was just easier to go with the loudest voice in the room. It... it was hard to adjust to being on my own again. Paying my own bills... I had to find a new job, cut back on classes... eventually I transferred out, as much to avoid running into Quinn on campus as I did to get to the school where I wanted to be."

"So... you would feel better if I didn't pay for everything about wherever we end up staying after the hotel?" Adrian asked.

Anna nodded a little, blushing a bit.

"I know it's... I know you can afford it. I know you want us all to... to stay together. I just..."

She fumbled, trying to find the right words than wouldn't insult him. She knew on a gut level that Adrian was not like Quinn; he wouldn't pay for everything as a means of controlling her, making her dependent on him. For one thing, Trevor would probably punch him. But...

"I need to contribute," she finally said. "So I don't feel like... like I'm being a burden. Even if that's not how you see it, that's how it feels to me."

Adrian nodded a little.

"Is there a general agreement on which place is best?" he asked.

"I'm still voting for the garden house," Trevor said, and she could hear the smile in his voice.

"I like that one too," Sypha said. "Especially if we can remake the garden however we want to."

Adrian nodded, then nudged Anna gently.

"Would you like to own the garden?"

She blinked, and looked up at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, what do you think of the garden in the pictures?" he asked. "Is a garden you'd enjoy?"

"It's... okay, I suppose. Not... I don't think it's what I would have done..."

He was going somewhere with this, and she didn't entirely understand it.

"If I gave you the garden to remake as you wanted, and could afford through your own wages... would that help?"

Startled, Anna leaned back a little, then looked up as Trevor chuckled a little.

"You were always trying to grow things," he said with a small grin. "Seems like a good compromise to me."

She looked at Adrian uncertainly.

"You wouldn't..."

"I will only do what you ask of me, if you ask it," he said with a small smile. "The garden, its layout, and all the plants would be yours to purchase, plot, and arrange as you desire. Will that help?"

Anna thought about it; living with them was more than prudent, at this point it was necessary. She didn't want to be in an apartment by herself where she couldn't hear Trevor and Sypha bickering playfully over something, or away from this beautiful, kind man who made her body and heart sing. But she needed, in some way, to feel like she was making a contribution to that life. Needed something she could control herself, inasmuch as it was possible.

After a long moment, she nodded.

"I... yeah. I think so."

Adrian leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"Okay. Then we've decided. We'll still have to stay in a hotel for a few days, but I should be able to have the house paid for within a week after we land. We could, of course, make our own furniture," and he grinned a little as she giggled, "but I think it will work better if we tour the house and then use this company for what we want to buy."

"Do you think it'll be that easy?" Trevor asked. "Landing, I mean."

"I think I'm going to have to deal with an obnoxious amount of press, and it won't be very fun," Adrian replied. "But with you three? I will manage."

Anna leaned against him softly, and Adrian's arm tightened just slightly around her.

"It's so weird to think we're going to be on actual solid ground again in only a couple of days," Sypha mused, propping her chin in her hands. "We've been on ships for months..."

"And in the depths for years," Adrian murmured softly.

"...I have an idea," Trevor said after a moment. "Let's go and get something to eat, and save worrying about the rest for when we land."

"...sounds like a plan to me," Sypha said with a smile.

Anna glanced at Adrian who nodded slightly in agreement, then nodded a little herself. Soon enough they were going to have to deal with more people than they had in the past eight months, than Adrian had in over a decade.

But for the moment, they could just be a group of datemates and family, enjoying their last few days on a ship. And it would be enough.

Personal log, Anna Torres

Less than two days until we reach Torrens. We're set to dock at the Alterra spaceport on the largest moon, and then we'll shuttle down to Eltaria, the main city.

Somehow we've managed to acquire a large number of things since we arrived on this passenger liner. I'm still not entirely sure how... Trevor thinks it's funny, especially since Alterra's the one basically footing the bill since we found Adrian. It feels strange to have clothing this nice, and I've never had jewelry at all before now...

I'm still a little uneasy about the house, but... a garden. A real garden, that I can plan, pick plants out for, and change the way I want to, as I come to afford it...

Trevor says he's going to work in the Alterra warehouses for a while, and Sypha's going to be in one of the Eltaria labs. It's going to be strange, I think, all of us scattered apart for work. But...

But we'll all come back to the same place.

To each other.