A/N: Oh God, everyone. I'm so sorry it takes me so long to update. As my profile says under my 'For all stories' section, my school started up 2 weeks ago, and I'm currently taking basically 4 college classes. Homework usually takes me 4-5 hours to do that work, and by then I'm completely tired. Weekends are the only time I have to write and post, it seems. So… I'm so sorry. I refuse to give up on my stories completely, but I'm letting you know that things will be delayed some.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of the characters used in this story.

Chapter 26: Simple Caresses

I don't know what it was that drove me. Maybe I've never had a sense of direction before. But after L hung up the phone with me, something drove me, and told me to run.

I didn't know where exactly, because L's directions were vague, but somehow I knew I was getting there. After all, not getting there just wasn't an option.

My heart was aching, not because of the running, but from the anxiety of what Near would be like now. What was I going to find? There was something in one of the options to that question that pushed me to go faster.

I was afraid. Maybe… Near would be dead by the time I got there. In any sense of the word.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, I found the place and ran straight in –ignoring all the stares I knew people were giving me. Of course none of them mattered. The only thing I needed to do was find room number 25. He'd told me Near would be there.

I went up five floors to the top –figuring I could just make my way down from there.

The hallway was devoid of people, and again I ran down it. My eyes surveyed each door, and thankfully the rooms started at number 20.

So, after only a moment or two, I finally came to a stop at the door labeled '25' in gold letters. The door was cracked open, and no sounds could be heard from within.

My heart was racing, maybe from what might happen, or maybe from all of the running I'd done. I didn't have the time to pick between the two right now.

I pushed the door open and looked around the entrance and living room that the front door showed to. The room looked just as immaculate as any other cleaned hotel room would. It didn't look like an evil man had just committed such a disgusting act.

My eyes surveyed the place quickly, just to take it all in; then let my eyes fall on the cracked door of what could only be the bedroom.

There were no sounds to be heard from within.

I went over and, after swallowing hard and bracing myself for what I might see inside, I touched the wood door and pushed it open until it lightly hit the adjacent wall.

My heart fell from my chest when my eyes took in the reality before me.

I didn't want to believe what I was seeing, but it was there… it had happened.

Near was lying on his stomach on the bed –which was clearly visible from the doorway- one arm dangling off the bed. His body was as pale as the white sheets that covered him, but I could just tell how lethargic his body was.

I couldn't help but think… maybe he was dead.

"Near…" I heard myself say in a whispered tone. Near didn't move in the slightest.

A wave of worry rushed over me and drove me to go forward, moving around the bed and kneeling in front of him. Near's eyes were open, but seemed to not even notice me as they stared right past me and into the wall. There didn't seem to be any life left in him.

"Near…" I said again, my hand instinctively coming up to rest it somewhere on him. But I stopped myself, as I didn't know where to put it. Near was broken everywhere, and thus nowhere was safe for my once safe touch.

I didn't know what to say, and I knew if I just left it at this, then he wouldn't speak to me either. "I'm…" But I couldn't finish it. I wanted to apologize, and I wanted to tell him so much. But… as my eyes rest on his broken figure, and I thought about how this was all my fault, I knew I just couldn't do it.

His eyes seemed to slowly come back in order to look at me, and I watched as his mouth parted, to form words. "Why didn't you come, Mello? Why did you lie to me? Why weren't you here?"

His voice was so broken –more so than I'd ever heard it before, and it just ripped my heart to shreds. Because I knew my honest answer would never be good enough. Near had put his whole trust into me… and I'd failed to keep him safe in his time of need.

"I'm sorry, Near." I finally forced myself to say. Something was on auto in me, as the words just seemed to rush out against my will. "I know I fucked that whole thing up and destroyed all those promises I made to you."

I paused, but he didn't say anything, and his lifeless expression didn't change at all.

"I'm sorry, okay?" I said. I just wanted to try and fix things now instead of dwelling on what I'd done wrong.

Though, I couldn't deny that I wanted him to know I'd tried. "When L called I was already in the city. Look," I quickly pulled out Roger's black cell phone that I'd stolen earlier and showed it to him. "I stole Roger's phone and ran all the way here just so I could be in the general area when he called."

"So why…?" Near asked, his broken voice trailing off at the end. I tried not to think that his voice might just be like that because of all the screaming he'd probably done earlier.

"Why did it take so long?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I couldn't find this place." I said honestly. "I'm sorry, Near. So sorry." What more could I say?

He didn't say anything in response, despite everything I wanted. Instead, he watched me for a long moment, before slowly beginning to turn his head the other way. I felt like, just by that action, he was pushing me away; that he didn't want my help anymore.

Before I could stop myself, I reached up again and rest a hand on his shoulder –instantly feeling the way he tensed under me, and pulled away slightly. That hurt, but I knew I should have expected it. "Near," I began to try, "Please just let me make this better."

He paused for a long moment, before finally asking, "How?"

I didn't even need to think before I spoke, "First by getting you cleaned off and dressed." My words made it sound so simple, but I was sure that we both knew that I meant more than that.

Thankfully, after another moment he turned his head to face me once again, and gave a small nod. I could feel my heart lifting in my chest. At least he wasn't completely turning me away because of my mistake.

I smiled in my sheer delight and nodded back to him as my hands moved to help him, "Here, sit up for a minute." I could just tell he didn't want to be touched by the way he tried to do it all on his own.

He was finally sitting up on the side of the bed; the white sheet from the bed was draped around his body. He was looking down slightly, but I couldn't read his expression completely. Maybe it was pain, though. I wouldn't be surprised.

"You want me to find some pain medicine or something?" I offered, watching him carefully.

But he shook his head, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was because he really wasn't in pain, or he just didn't want to show it to me.

I didn't say anything of it, though. If he wanted to try and hide it, then who was I to draw it out right now? So I simply nodded, then reached over to his pile of clothes that had been sitting abandoned not too far away and drew them closer. I didn't know what to do from there, though.

"Here, I'll…" I caught myself before I could tell him I'd leave, and instead trailed off. I couldn't leave this room, it felt like. If I left him alone… I didn't know what he would do to himself. For some reason, that was my biggest fear at this moment.

Instead, I just moved away a bit and turned myself around so I was looking at the wall. I wouldn't leave now.

There was no sounds for a long moment, but then I listened as Near stood from the bed, and I could hear the movement of clothing. I closed my eyes as I tried to calm down. Instead of worrying, I simply tried to think of what I would do from here on out.

I didn't even register the lack of noise from behind me then, when I suddenly felt cold, but gentle, fingers touch my hair. I let my breath out in a heavy exhale. Somehow, Near's touch was what I'd needed to relax me again.

I turned slightly to him, "Near?"

"Mello…" Was all he said back, but in the mere utterance of my name it just seemed to hold so much in it.

'He must feel so disgusting right now…' I told myself. With that thought, I turned more to him and took his hand from my hair –holding it in place. "Let me get something to help clean you off a bit."

But before I could make any movements, I observed the way he drew away from me, and a look of hurt and shame crossed his face –like he'd done something wrong. It was then that I understood.

He thought I didn't want him to touch me yet. When in reality, it was quite the opposite.

I brought his hand closer to me again and rest it against my cheek in order to silently show him that that hadn't been what I'd meant. I moved unconsciously under his hand in a sort of nuzzling motion; then moved his hand down to my lips.

It was there that I forced myself to stop. 'You're going to fast!' I told myself.

"I'll be right back." I told him, so I could get something to clean him a bit. Not only that, but I wanted to look away from those beautiful grey eyes so I wouldn't be so overwhelmed by this insatiable need to be close to him.

However, before I even had the chance to move, Near moved closer to me and into my lap –both his arms wrapping around my neck and his fingers lacing into my hair.

I was startled, and for some reason all I could think was that this could be too much for him. Thus, my body tensed and I had to pause in returning the embrace.

Near spoke before I could ask about this. "Please don't leave me." He said quietly. "I'm sorry for this, but something is screaming that I need this. Please hold me back Mello, if only one more time."

His words nearly broke my heart. How was it that Near always had this effect on me?

I didn't even need to think as I relaxed, and let my arms wrap around him. "Of course, it's alright, I won't leave." I assured him as my eyes closed. "I told you I'd be here, didn't I?"

I felt so at ease right here, and part of me thought that, if I didn't have to, I would never want us to move from this spot. It didn't matter what had happened in this room, or how Near was now. We were both calm, and eased this close to each other.

It was strange, we could so easily be each other's destruction, but at the same time, we were each other's comfort too.

A/N: Originally, I went farther than this, but I really wanted to end it here and then let them get back in the next chapter. Anyway, I really liked this chapter. Hopefully all of you did too! As I said in the beginning AN, I don't know when I'll be able to post again, but I'll definitely be writing whenever I can find the time. So… yeah. Let me know what you think! And vote in my poll if you haven't already! Thanks!

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-Forbiddensoul562