Chapter 25 – A Privilege
We slowly made our way back to Camelot. Merlin wouldn't let me bind Morgana's hands, so he had to keep his eyes on her the whole time, but he didn't seem to mind.
Despite everything Morgana had done to him, despite everything she had planned, he still cared for her. I was surprised to see that, because I always thought he was just as illiberal against the sorceress as the knights and most inhabitants of Camelot were – well, maybe Arthur was an exception. He always tried to reason with Morgana, but she was his sister after all and though he hadn't known she was his by blood, he had always regarded her as someone important and close to him, and now she was the only family left he'd got, except for Gwen. I wondered if Merlin's gentleness with Morgana had something to do with her importance to Arthur.
Still, I was wary, and Morgana glaring at Merlin whenever she had the chance with eyes full of anger and hurt and something resembling regret wasn't helping with that. Now that Arthur and the knights were on their way to Camlann, I had flashes of all the things that were meant to happen – including, despite having Morgana captured, images of Gwaine dying.
On our way to the cave we had had the good fortune not to run into bandits. On our way back we weren't so lucky. To cut a long story short, we managed to escape without serious injuries and left behind a group of somewhat bloody (thanks to Gwaine's sword), bruised (Morgana wasn't as helpless without magic as I would have thought) and singed (Merlin had almost gotten us all killed by using fire as his weapon of choice) bandits and made it back to Camelot – but we lost a lot of time.
When we reached the city, the sun was already rising again and the streets were unusually empty without the familiar red-caped men. The citadel was on limited guard by the older or wounded knights who couldn't accompany their King. If Mordred chose to take another road, they could take Camelot easily, but even without Morgana returning I doubted he would change his plan. After what happened to Kara, he was just as keen on revenge as Morgana was. Had been. Should be now. Whatever.
While we walked across the courtyard, I watched Morgana closely. Her face had paled even more than before, and I saw a huge variety of feelings in her eyes. I doubt someone could understand what she might have been thinking then.
Evil isn't born, it's made. Where had I gotten that quote from? I couldn't remember.
We brought Morgana to the cells. Merlin did all the talking, his presence keeping the guards from doing harm to the now powerless woman. He told them we had taken Morgana prisoner on Arthur's order, and they nodded after a while and let us through. Being the manservant of the King apparently had its upsides.
We happened to cross Sir Morholt on our way to the dungeons, a very reliable, sensible, already elderly man who had been knighted at the same time as me, and Merlin decided to trust him to look out for Morgana so that no harm could come to her. Morholt was the only person he confided in about taking Morgana's power away, too.
Merlin wouldn't leave the dungeons before he made sure Morgana was as comfortable as she could be, bringing her food and drink and an extra blanket. When we left, I knew he left with an unsatisfied feeling, because that was the same one I had.
Merlin was already on his way to the main entrance again when I caught his arm and stopped him: "We can't, Merlin."
"What?"
"We need to rest first."
"There's no time for that, Will! They'll need us!"
I sighed: "I'm just as keen as you are to join up with Arthur and the others, believe me, but we will be no help when we're not able to hold a sword or think clearly. We will need a few hours of rest, you know this just as well as I do."
Merlin sighed and nodded. We hurried up the stairs to Gaius' chamber.
The moment my head touched the pillow, I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.
"Where are you going, Merlin?"
I was confused when the warlock didn't turn for the stables, but headed straight for the exit of the courtyard instead.
"We'll never catch up to them in time when we make our way at the same speed as they do, and besides all the horses are gone. I have another idea, but we'll have to leave town first."
I followed him, jogging down the empty streets, with a very bad feeling about the whole idea thing.
We left through one of the little exits in the outer wall for which Merlin had a key and made our way through the trees nearby as fast as possible.
When I heard Merlin take a deep breath and then roar out familiar words, I saw my bad vibe concerning his idea confirmed: "O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!"
Mere minutes later we reached the clearing close to Camelot which I had seen so many times in the show, but never in reality, and it was far bigger than I imagined it.
A few minutes passed. Then there was a roaring of pines, the wind moaned and Kilgharrah simply was there, when before he had not.
I had seen so many things by now, but the appearance of the dragon took me by surprise nonetheless. He was gigantic. With every beat of his wings the trees bent and when he landed, the ground shook. When he breathed in, you could feel the air move and – a shiver went down my spine – there was a faint but distinctive heartbeat, much slower than average. I could actually hear the dragon's heart beating.
My wonder turned into terror when the dragon lowered his big head and totally ignored Merlin by instead staring straight at me with his golden eyes. I couldn't help but look back at him, my own heart beating fast, trembling like a leaf in the wind. It was like he could see right through me and was entirely sure he had every right to do so: Everything I did, everything I was going to do, every thing that was me was for him to see and, even more importantly, for him to judge. I felt myself cower beneath his glare, so intelligent, knowing, so...
When the dragon spoke, his voice was every bit as tremendousas I had imagined: "It's been a long time since I met one of your kind, tale-changer."
"You know about us?", I exclaimed in surprise, and then wasn't sure if I was allowed to speak. If Kligharrah wanted, he could crush me with a simple flick of his mighty claws.
But to my immense surprise, the dragon bowed his head with something I felt was a smile: "I know many things, and I have met people like you more often than you would imagine."
Now that I was really looking, I could see that the dragon was old. Ancient. And there was a certain sadness around him, something I had met with before: The dragon was going to die. Soon.
"Though you", he continued after a moment's thought, "are not like the others. You are different."
"Why?", Merlin asked, speaking for the first time. He looked back and forth between us, our haste momentarily forgotten.
"How long have you been here, changer?"
"Longer than I was supposed to", I admitted, "I have been here for more than three years now."
It felt like eternity, but compared to the dragon's age it was the mere blink of an eye.
The dragon nodded and there was a deep rumbling in his throat, like he was humming in thought.
"I see you have been warned before about the threat you are posing to this world." It wasn't an accusation, just an observation.
"I had hoped they were mistaken", I murmured and voices in my head were laughing: Nothing! Unravelling!
"They were not, though they certainly didn't understand the meaning of what you do."
"I hoped it to be otherwise... – I can't leave now." My voice was quivering and I looked away from the great dragon's head hovering above me.
"And that is not what I'm asking. I know what it is you do, and it has been done before, and it will be done again. Not always is the outcome as we had hoped. Many times before danger hasn't been averted and our world still continued to exist. Even while we speak, the story is in flux because of your presence. There is danger in that, but there is also hope." He paused to take a deep breath before he continued: "But when you have done what you set out to do, you will have to leave. As long as you possess the power to change the story, to change even fate, you can't remain here or our world really will unravel."
I nodded slowly. I understood.
Merlin stepped forward: "Kilgharrah. I would not have summoned you if there was any other choice. I have one last favour to ask."
The flight on the dragon was one of the most unpleasant experiences in all my life. One of Kligharrah's wings wasn't working properly, and his flight was lopsided. I was in constant fear of falling or being thrown off, it was cold, and the ground was very, very, very far down below. Meanwhile Merlin was all amazement and excitement, like he had never done this before. While I was clinging on to the dragon-scale which looked most trustworthy, shivering in the ice-cold wind, Merlin was whooping in joy, despite the awkward heeling.
Then finally, after what seemed to have been hours, the dragon landed in another clearing and Merlin and I climbed down from his back.
I murmured my thanks, knowing that having been allowed to be carried by the dragon was a privilege, but I still felt like I should kneel down and kiss the ground simply for not moving beneath me.
The dragon's piercing gaze was again upon me, and so I stood with wobbly knees and looked back at him when he suddenly asked, sounding genuinely interested: "What is your name?"
I was so surprised I accidentally told him my birth-name: "Zoe."
Merlin looked at me with his eyes wide open.
This time the dragon smiled widely: "How fitting", he said in amusement, and then his face became solemn again: "I know it won't be easy for you to leave, but as I said: As long as you possess a tale-changer's power, you can't remain here." There was another awkward pause I didn't know what to make of, and then the dragon added, with his head bowed slightly, "Thank you."
I bowed, too, still trembling, not only because of the flight.
The golden eyes of the dragon shifted to Merlin, and his expression softened even more: "It has been a privilege to have known you, young warlock – the story we have been a part of will live long in the minds of men."
Merlin's eyes were full of tears as he nodded, but he said nothing.
We both stared after the dragon as he flew off, our minds full of an overwhelming feeling of loss and endings that were coming closer.
A/N:I was in need for a name and I chose Sir Morholt, who was one of the Knights of the Round Table in one of the classic Arthur-stories. He has never appeared in the series (and I think he should be dead by the time of Camlann, but well, as I said, I just needed a name... ^^)
For all those who don't know – the dragon-language is in fact ancient Greek: Both Merlin and Kilgharrah know the meaning of our changer's name, as Zoe is derived from the ancient Greek word ζωή, meaning "life", also interpreted as "soul". Philosophers like Sokrates or Platon have their own interpretations of what "Zoe" should be like, these interpretations include not only to live, but live a good life and how especially destiny, both in good and bad forms, is connected to life. Its all very interesting and also on Wikipedia, so I won't go into detail.
Reviews appreciated!