Harry and Tonks: a love story chapter 26

I hope that this chapter is more enjoyable than the last also just so you know, part of it is in the past tense because she is reflecting back on the day and events in her life. Then it goes into present because it is what is happening there and then.

Tonks POV (all the way through the chapter)

Ok. So maybe I overreacted, just a little. But I mean seriously, I know I sound like the jealous girlfriend but I, I actually don't know why I said what I said but I can't take it back now, and it is actually real. At least venting about it'll get it out of my system entirely so next time I see him, after I apologise, at least things will be back to normal. Well hopefully happy normal because every time we see each other it ends badly. Which I don't want to happen anymore: I really think I love him; I don't want to fight with him ever again but… I don't know. It's like we bring out the best and the worst in each other at the same time.

When I left Harry I didn't leave the grounds straight away: instead I went and sat under a tree, thinking about everything: Harry, Hermione, my screw-ups, work, family – everything really. I've really screwed up my life: I went out with that jack-ass Eric Delko, who stole all my money when I got close to him, meaning that I had to move back home for a year when I was 19. Then in Auror training, I almost failed Stealth and Tracking because when I should have been revising and practising, I was out partying.

I stopped all that when I qualified last year: stopped dating the 'bad boys' – stopped dating really – I focused on work and on catching the bad guys before they could turn into major threats, or do anymore harm in the world. I thought I'd sorted myself out: I had an amazing job, brilliant flat and life was good. Then Voldemort returned, and Kinglsey singled me out to ask me if I wanted to join the Order: of course I accepted, to show that I'm not the ditzy (but smart) girl I was at Hogwarts, to prove that I can assist in the winning of this war. Things stayed pretty good: and after that, when I met Harry, (and started with him) things were really, really great for me.

But then, things started to go bad again: Sirius found out about us, and he made me check Harry's trustworthiness by blackmailing him even thought I protested because I mean come on, Harry's his godson for crying out loud but no, we had to go through with it and Harry found out and we almost separated but no, we were strong enough.

So things were ok in my love and home life, but the Ministry? Not so great. Fudge was searching throughout every department, with Lucius Malfoy pushing it, for Dumbledore supporters so I could not mention a single thing to Kingsley at work for fear of being overheard, nor could we recruit more people. So we were still in a pickle (still are to be honest, even though Dumbledore's continual declarations of Voldemorts return has persuaded some people to join… like Calleigh Caine who before was wavering, now she's fighting for us in the Order, digging on disappearances and trying to put a better spinon Harry at the Daily Prophet (she's a journalist).

Now everything has gotten even worse.

My flat has been repossessed because I couldn't keep up the payments because I've bought a few things for Grimmauld Place as I'm there so much (and it's pretty damn ugly) and just sensors for me so I don't fall over as much. I had to clear everything out and move to Grimmauld Place, just as we were planning the blackmail process, so when everything went to pot I was with Sirius.

Then Kreacher threw all my clothes and personal effects out (the ones that I didn't take with me on my little travels to the north, to track someone who could be a Death Eater (Kingsley thinks he is) but the official story is that he attacked a lot of people (which he did, we just didn't mention the Death Eater possibility)) which pissed Sirius off (he gets so pissed off at nothing, since Harry left especially). Basically everything has just gone que-skiff over the past month or two and everything has just built up and up and I haven't talked to anyone about it. Then when the whole jealousy thing happened, I just exploded – if I had spoken about what had happened before, I wouldn't have reacted the way I did – I wouldn't have mentioned it at all.

I really wish that I could just lift this calm, cool façade I've had on since I joined the Order – completely in control of everything I do, nothing can get in my way – but I can't because if I do that now I'd feel like a complete failure and everyone would think

Oh Tonks shouldn't be in the Order: we were right, she's just too young.

And I can't have that. The Order is the thing that's keeping me going on – without them I don't know, maybe I'd just completely crack up, and then my life would just completely fall to pieces. Because, at the minute, I imagine my life to be a building showing cracks – nothing irreparable – just a bit run down. But if I lost the Order, it'd be like someone shoved a load of TNT (this is a Muggle representation) into me and then detonated it. I'd be shattered, completely irrevocable.

So what do I do? I think that it's pretty simple really: I need to talk to Hermione, explain how I reacted and why (I do get that she has been the only female to ever care for him in his life besides Mrs Weasley), then I need to talk to Harry (or both at the same time if possible). After that, I'm going to work extra hard to make some more money – overtime and everything, including all those extra reports I can type up for 20 galleons a report (really good value, considering I get paid only 11 galleons, 2 sickles, 1 knut, per hour) then I can get myself another flat (and keep it this time), and then gradually make friends in departments with people who I think could be possible Order candidates and sort it out. That'll really help me with my confidence and self belief, as well as helping our side.

Hopefully I can stay out of trouble with Fudge and Umbridge (who apparently in the Christmas holidays is coming round all the departments with Fudge and interviewing us to see if we are loyal to Dumbledore or not, so trouble can't exactly be averted there but anyway I can just lie – sometimes I lie pretty damn well, especially if it's to save someone I care about ie Dumbledore and myself – and keep myself out of it) and actually keep my job. The job is what I think is keeping my life together.

I manage to stop myself from crying just abouts, and I decide that now it's a little later that I should leave and walk back to my room at the wizarding pub in Bakewell – I have to say it's pretty liberating knowing where I went to school for all those years: it's an Auror knowledge benefit because 'I am protecting the wizarding world and by association because they are wizards, I need to know where to Apparate to incase of emergency at Hogwarts'. I walk off to the side of the grounds and climb over the wall, magically aiding myself because, lets face it, even if I increase my height by Metamorphising, I'd probably end up injuring myself climbing over the wall. Ok, now I am out of Hogwarts grounds I can Apparate so firstly I reillusion myself – it's easier if I'm apparating into the semi-wizarding village (in the wizarding bit of course – the Muggles never venture into that section, they think it's all 'druggies' etc) because if a rippling shadow appears, the locals always hex it: training and reflexes from the Voldemort era still remin intact in these residents – these were the ones who lost everything to him – they killed entire villages: this one actually only had half it's people left and that's including the Muggles – Muggle story was that someone blew it up).

I land with a 'pop' in a secluded road in Bakewell and automatically look around me for Death Eaters, just incase – that's what Sirius, Remus and Dumbledore told me to do because they want to know whether or not Death Eaters are going around and killing at all – or even poking around. But I'm not just on the look out for cloaks and masks – I know the identity of Death Eaters who are pretending to be regular wizards but are actually his followers in hiding – like the wolf in sheep's clothing.

Nothing. Until – what is that? A movement in my peripheral vision alerts me and I jump towards it with my wand extended fully; my mouth open to utter an incantation incase I have to (I'm not the greatest fan of non-verbal spells – I can do them but if I can talk why bother? Only if I'm in a battle situation will I use non-verbal for an advantage) – when figures step out of the trees to my left, to my right, behind me and from the house in front of me (when I'm facing that way – I'm completely surrounded) all wearing cloaks and masks – thanks for the help in identifying you. Uh-oh. I send up a (non-verbal) shield at full strength and wonder what I should do – Apparate away if I can and alert Kingsley and Remus, or fight and try and alert them with the mobile phones I made them buy because then we can have instant communication if we cannot leave where we are. Genius innovation what the Muggles created.

Suddenly one of the 4 shoots a red jet of light at me but my shield deals with that with absolutely no problem. I pull the phone out of my pocket discreetly and want to curse – no signal! The only downside to the phones is the temperamental signal: you can hold it one place and have full signal but move it 90 degrees and have none. So how can I alert the Order? Think Tonks, think! I send a jet of light at 2 of the Death Eaters – it's a flame actually that when you cast a shield charm it turns into fire and incapacitates you for over 5 minutes – so I only have to deal with two of them. Thankfully, only the Order know of this spell because Remus created it last month and it has never been seen before ever.

Ok, so how does Dumbledore contact us when we have something to do: a place to check out whether or not Death Eaters have been there or if we need to track them for a while. Erm, he writes letters, sees us directly and THAT'S IT!

In the last war, Dumbledore invented this method of communication that you use your patronus and non-verbally say this spell (Innuenodes) then think in your head what you want to send to someone. When you've finished, you say the spell again, then think of who you want to send it to and if there is a level of priority. It's effective, but it was only invented just before James and Lily died so there was no need to use it.

So, lets think. Damn stop attacking me! God, they don't give up at all do they – attack, attack, attack: I respond to their attacks mechanically with defensive, then offensive spells – simple Auror and Order training. So the simplicity of it all means that I can send my message now.

Right ok. So Innuenodes. Help – I'm in Bakewell on the secluded road of Pine Close and there are 4 Death Eaters here. I've incapacitated one with the flame spell but the other two are still attacking – fiercely. Require at least 2 Order members for back up: now.

Now Innuenodes again and to Kingsley, Remus and Dumbledore and HIGH priority. Now relax from the entire thoughts and 'poof' the Patronus besides me – invisible to everyone else – has disappeared leaving me again.

I focus on the Death Eaters again, putting effort into beating them: twirling my wand and making elaborate arm movements to put more strength and power into the spells I send out – the opponents are struggling to keep in it but I only have about 2 minutes until the other two come out of the incapacitation and then I have less and less of a chance of getting out.

3 minutes since I sent that message. No signs so far of the Order. Where are they?

I'm in real danger here. I'm not sure how long I'm going to last. The other two are no longer distracted – 5 minutes since I sent the message – so I have 4 opponents, two of which are very, very angry.

I move and twist and turn around, fighting for my life – literally – sweat on my face: where are they? – I can't carry on much longer, before in my shield bubble I created, 3 other figures join me: Sirius, Remus and Dumbledore himself. We fight it out until, after about 15 minutes (and they almost lost to us – we'd have captured them of course) they all gave up and left before we caught them.

That was scary. But also exhilarating, amazing – everything I imagined a Death Eater duel would be: in all technicalities, I won!

"We beat them!" I exclaim to my comrades and they smile before Dumbledore makes his excuses to get back to the castle before Umbridge notices and Remus has to go back 'underground' with the werewolves, leaving me and my dear cousin.

"So cuz, do you enjoy getting into fights?" Sirius teases me, noticing the grin of pure ecstasy on my face because of my win.

"Of COURSE Sirius – just like you: family trait eh?" I respond with, to which he laughs and rumples up my hair which annoys me – he laughs even harder.

"See Harry today?" he asks, to which I nod and he smiles and says:

"Next time you see him, tell him I give him all my love and hope that he doesn't get into fights as much as his girlfriend: god Tonks, you've beaten Harry's record!" he tells me and I look in faux shock mode.

"Come on then deary, lets get you to your hotel before you get into another fight!" he laughs, putting his arm around my shoulder, transfiguring his appearance so he looks completely different and nothing like Sirius Black, 'mass murderer' and we walk off into the village to the pub where we order butterbeers and sit there and laugh for the rest of the night before Sirius goes home and I go to my room, thinking about what I can say to Harry and Hermione: I decide to write a letter:

Harry and Hermione

I have to say I am so sorry for my actions today. I, I was under a great deal of stress that I have told no-one about: I sort of forgot about it but it was building and building inside of me until this one little thing just made me explode.

This is my deepest sympathies but I really want to talk to you both sometime: would you write back and tell me when? Please – I really need to apologise.

Please write back – I honestly apologise and I know I was wrong but please forgive me.

All my love (and to you Hermione my deepest friendship)

Dora

Xxx (this is for Harry but Hermione I love you as a friend)

I charm it so that nobody – not even Dumbledore, Umbridge or Fudge; god not even every wizard together – could open it but Harry and Hermione together, alone. If they try to – and fail – then try to burn it, it simply looks like it is burned but instead pops up in the bag of Harry: on the front of the scroll it doesn't say who it's for, besides when it's in front of Harry and Hermione.

I attach it to my owl and send it off giving him a boost so that he'll reach them before morning post and they can read it before breakfast – hopefully.

So all I can do is sit here and wait…

This chapter was a lot easier to write – what do you think to maybe every other chapter or so in Tonks' perspective?

Also, is this length better: do you prefer it like this or not?

Please review

p.s I am changing my penname to Vicky199416 just so you are all aware and if you look for me, you can find me.

Vicky xx