Hey, a new chapter is up! I lost the motivation to write, but recently gained it from reading a few kawoshin fanfics and a few one-shots. I left you guys on a cliffhanger, kind of and didn't want you guys to wait any longer. so, enjoy this chapter!
Chapter 26
It's shallow to be thinking this way. The emptiness inside me is slowly growing. Almost enveloping my whole body. I have no idea how long I've cried. My hands are wet from crying into them. I hate feeling this way. I wish to disappear, and to never be found.
Taps came from the windows of the living room. The rain is heavy tonight. The perfect weather to drown myself to sleep; alone. Soft thunders rang through out the house. Everything is silent, except for the roaring of the rain. I let out a shallow breath and slowly lifted my head, from its propped position. The light is dim and my hands glisten with tear stains.
I'm depressed. I've gotten bad again. How can I change this? I don't want to hurt anybody else.
My life dramatically change since the day I met Jaden. I can still perfectly remember seeing his bright smile. It radiated and made us all...happy. He's the only person who could hold so much joy and excitement.
If we hadn't been together, he would still be happy and moved along, searching for a brighter future without me. Of course, we'd still be friends; nothing more though.
I groaned into my hands and cringed. Since I arrived home from school, my mind has been clouded with nothing but horrible thoughts, especially since I found out about what was Chi's true plan. I still can't believe I fell for it. I was too gullible. This shouldn't have happened. Every little mess was created by Chi and her fucking plan.
Still, how can she hate him? He never harmed her in any way. Well, she was jealous. Actually envious of him. I just think she shouldn't have done that. I'm sure she knew it was going to end very badly though.
Poor Jaden was extremely hurt by her. I hurt him, too; which makes me a terrible person. I doubt he will forgive me. I don't deserve him at all. But-
I want him back.
A knock on the front door woke me up from my thoughts. I whipped my head towards the sound. Who would be knocking at my door so late at night, especially when there's a heavy thunderstorm? I slowly lifted myself from the couch and made my way towards it. Before I opened the door, *I wiped the marks of sadness from my face.
When I did open the door, I was met with a rush of wind and rain splattering on the porch. Drenched from head to toe, stood a familiar brunette. My chest became numb, and my voice was caught in my throat. My eyes widen at the sight of Jaden standing on my doorsteps. His hair was all mangled from the rain. His usual bright brown eyes, were now bloodshot and dull. He stared at me and hesitated to speak. I noticed as he glanced away and whispered, "Can I come in?"
"Y-Yes!" I quickly answer ushering him inside. With this opportunity, I took a closer look at him. His clothes were drenched and covered in mud. Had he been running? Why is he even here?
I moved around and faced him. I watched as he slipped his wet shoes off. A closer look and his socks were also wet. "J-Jaden." I began to speak in a soft voice. His brown orbs glanced at my face, but quickly darted to stare down at the floor. "Why are you here?" I finally asked after hesitating.
Jaden opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. He thought over what to say and finally began to reply. "I...was at a party..with Johan. Um...everybody was drinking and smoking. I-I watched as Johan was dared to kiss another guy."
My eyebrow twitched at the mention of the party where everybody was drinking and smoking. I can't see Jaden at a party like that. I would never allow him to even go to a party like that. Johan must have brought him along. Now, Johan kissing another guy? That's surprising. I never expected him to actually do that.
"He was drunk, so...he really didn't know what he was doing. Well, m-most of the people there were all drunk." Jaden shifted uncomfortably. He continued to scan around my hallway. "I-I got uncomfortable and decided to leave...but I shouldn't have." He muttered. His mouth formed a small frown. His lips quivered.
My chest began to hurt even more. I anticipated to grab onto Jaden. Something bad happened to him, I have a weird sensation about it. What happened?
Jaden grabbed tightly to his wet shirt. "Some guy...he grabbed me a-and was touching me." He uttered.
My breath hitched and anger boiled inside me.
"He tried to rape me." He cried out.
The air between us got tense. I refrained myself from blowing out my anger. I swallowed hard and let out a nervous breath. I moved to wrap my arm around Jaden's shoulders. "Come on. Let's get you out of these wet clothes." I whispered. He slowly took small steps. I lead him down the hallway to the bathroom.
He never spoke a word. He began to shake from the cold. When we reached my bathroom, I told him I'll be back with fresh clothes. I was a bit scared leaving him alone. I still can't believe what happened to him.
I scanned around my drawers searching for clothes. Jaden's thin and a bit shorter than I am. These clothes will fit him big, but at a time like this, it really doesn't matter. I grabbed one of my pajama pants, a dark shirt and clean pair of boxers. This will do.
I walked out of my bedroom to find the lights flickering. I groaned, knowing the heavy thunderstorm is causing all of this. I hope Jaden isn't scared. I scurried over to the bathroom.
Right on the closed toilet seat, Jaden propped himself right on it, stretching his legs out. His whole body looks slim. "I brought some clothes for you." I spoke. He stared up at me, but quickly looked away.
I sighed and moved towards him, placing the pile of clothes right by the sink. I knelt down to his level and tried to find any emotion in him. He continued to avoid any eye contact. "Look. I understand you're uncomfortable right now...but I really need you to cooperate with me." I whispered. Jaden bit his lip and slowly moved his gaze to me. "That's better." I smiled gently. The corners of my mouth twitched causing me to frown. I can't even hold a smile.
Jaden looks helpless.
"C-Can you help me...g-get out of these c-clothes?" He stammered to ask. I nodded my head and watched as he got up. He lifted his arms up, giving me an easier time on slipping his shirt off. I grabbed onto the him of the immensely wet shirt. I desperately tried to slip it off, but the shirt felt very heavy. I clenched tightly on the shirt and forced it off Jaden's head. He let out an exhausted breath.
"Um." I awkwardly stared at his wet jeans. "E-Even your jeans?" I asked. Jaden gave a confused expression, but finally understood. A small blush appeared on his cheeks. Everything around me seemed to stop. I could feel my hot tears, begging to pour out. It's seems like forever since I've seen his cute blush. I've missed those times when ever his cheeks grew to a rosy pink color. They always made his eyes bright.
But right now, he's at the brink of tears. This is entirely different.
Jaden sat down again and stretched his legs out. He unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down to his thighs. My eyes wandered down to his legs. They're so thin and pale, especially his thighs. I took a deep breath and leaned down to pull on his jeans. Jaden let out a whimper as I pulled down harshly. "I'm s-sorry." I stuttered.
He let out a shaky breath and replied, "It's okay." Again, I pulled and pulled. His jeans finally slid down to his ankles. Another pull, and his jeans came completely off.
I looked closely at his neck. It was filled with bruises, from thar disgusting bastard. A few scratch marks are faint on his neck. The sight of them make me want to vomit. I can't allow another person touching him like that.
I stood up and threw his jeans to the floor. I passed by Jaden to turn on the bath. Jaden's body is freezing cold. He needs to bathe in warm water. Twisting the faucet on, steamy water gushed out. I peered over my shoulder to see Jaden hugging himself. It's hard restraining myself from hugging him.
"The water should be warm enough for you." I spoke as I turned off the running water. I got up and headed towards the door, before stopping. "I'll make up some tea, okay?" I announced. Jaden remained silent. His eyes were firmly fixed on the tile floor. With that, I let out a sigh and left.
What the hell have I done?
Jaden was about to get raped and I wasn't there to stop it. He actually got hurt. Fucking Chi. I blame everything on her, but then again, I was gullible.
I stepped into the kitchen. The lights were dim and everything was in place. I'm the only person who uses the kitchen often. This place has to be neat and organized.
Right on the stove, I placed a tea-pot and waited for it to boil. My eyes roamed around the kitchen. I wonder if Jaden is already in the bath. I need details on what exactly happened at that party. Did Jaden drink or smoke? Now that I think about it, his clothes reeked of smoke and a bit of alcohol. Also his breath lingered of vodka. He definitely drank at the party.
I began to rub my forehead with my hand; this headache is killing me. Just when I was going to give up..he shows up. Wait. I reopened my eyes and stared blankly at the floor.
Could this be my chance to fix everything?
But he got hurt and I wasn't there to stop it.
I can feel my legs giving in. How much longer can I keep my emotions locked in? I bite my lips and let my mind wander off. My chest and heart hurt. My eyes are burning. I want him to forgive me. I want him to know how I much I love him. I just want Jaden to be happy.
I covered my mouth and shut my eyes close. He won't forgive me. He never will. It's too late.
"J-Jaden..." I cried softly. Tears don't spill out. My chest feels like it's being ripped apart.
The sound of water spilling, breaks my thoughts. I turned around and quickly turned off the stove. The water is covered in bubbles. Carefully, I pour the hot water in two mugs. I stared at the steam drifting around. I wish I could turn into vapor, then I would be out of this mess.
What tea? Which tea would Jaden like? I shrugged and reached inside the cabinet. I pulled out two bags of my favorite tea and placed them individually inside the mugs.
My mind began to linger back. The thoughts of that bastard touching Jaden like that, flooded my mind. I cringed and knelt down. I can't take this anymore.
I want everything to be okay.
After what seemed like forever, I stood up and pulled out the soggy bags. Steam still lingered. Carefully, I grabbed them by the handle and made my way out the kitchen.
The rain is still heavy and the thunders are much louder now. A bright flash appeared as I passed by a window. My footsteps rang in the vast empty hallway. I glance towards the bathroom door. It's wide open and the lights are closed. Jaden must be in my room.
I wandered inside and found him standing, facing the window. His hands clenched the window sill, as his glistening brown eyes gazed outside. "Jaden." I whispered. He turned around and I'm stricken with shock. Tears streamed down his stained face.
Jaden placed himself back on his feet. My pajama pants are long on him and my shirt is a bit big. I watched as his expression changed. His lip quivered as he began to speak, "Why?"
I'm taken aback. I continued to hold the mugs in my now shaking hands. "Why what?" I questioned.
A hiccup escaped his small mouth. "Why...d-did you leave me?" He asked. He continued to cry silently.
I clenched both mugs and forced myself to not answer. I still believe he doesn't deserve me. I'm horrible and good for nothing. I'm not suitable for him.
"Y-Yusei, please...t-tell me." Jaden cried out. He ran his hand over his eye. Tears still came. He bit his lip harshly, restraining himself from letting out a whimper.
My blank expression told him everything. I'm not going to answer. I just can't!
At this point, Jaden was desperate to make me spill everything. "Tell me! Why did you break up with me?!" He yelled. His cheeks were flushed and his chest was rising. His bangs were getting wet from his tears.
"J-Jaden..." I spoke out. My eyes wandered else where. I can't even look him in the eye.
His hands shot up to his face. Jaden sobbed and cried out. His whimpers could be heard throughout the room. "Y-Yusei!" He screamed. His shoulders and legs shook.
I'm terrible.
God, kill me now.
He doesn't deserve this.
My deep azure eyes fixate on his composure. Everything about him is broken. His heart, his solitude, his mind. Can I even fix this? I'm doubting myself again.
There's a deep silence. Jaden has stopped crying, but he continues to cover his face. He's now hugging himself tightly.
The soft thunders ring throughout the house. Rain continues to pour, drowning out the dark silence. A flash, and a big thunder appeared. Jaden slightly jumped.
Is the tea cold? My hands are still clenching the handles.
Every weight of this situation is weighing me down. I can feel my arms and legs giving in.
"This...wouldn't b-be happening..." Jaden began to speak again. His gaze is fixed on the floor. His small hands clench onto his shirt. Tears still come and go. "If you didn't break up with me." He spits out.
I stop myself from showing any emotion. However, it's all true it's my fault. Everything is my fault.
"I needed you.." Jaden's mouth quivered. He slowly brought his brown eyes up to mine. I see every little emotion in them. Sadness, anger, helplessness, hurt and just about every little bad emotion. His tears glistened in the dim moon light. "I called for you." He whispered.
"When?" I finally speak again.
"When he was touching me." He confessed. My eyes widen at the reply. "I wanted you to come to my rescue." Jaden cracked a smile and chuckled. "I know...it was stupid of me." He laughed out. His laugh grows louder, but abruptly stops. His hand now covered his left eye. Then, the tears come again.
"I needed you! You weren't there!"
I cringed and took a step back. I can't stand to see him. I shut my eyes and hope. Hope that he'll stop.
"You were suppose to be there for me!" Jaden cried out.
A shaky breath escaped my mouth. My arms are giving in. The mugs are shaking from my emotions.
"What happened to our promise?!"
My eyes shot back wide open. Promise. Our promise. I completely forgot about it. I promised I would never leave him alone.
What the hell, Yusei? What were you doing? You were suppose to keep it. It was a promise after all.
Every emotion of his, flows to me. I can feel sadness, anger, hurt and helplessness. I...understand now. I was gullible in this whole situation. Jaden won't be happy unless, he knows.
I love him.
I want him to be happy.
He can't be this way.
The mugs slipped from my hands, as they lose my strength. They clashed with the floor, breaking into pieces. They crumbled and scattered everywhere. What once was warm tea, now covers the carpet floor. What a wet mess.
My whole body loses strength. I slowly fell to my knees. Jaden stepped back as he watched me crumble to the floor. His expression, is nothing but shock.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I began to confess in a loud tone. I've been holding everything in. I have to let it go. "Everything was my fault. I'm the reason you were getting hurt."
"W-What?" Jaden asked with a confused expression.
"I broke up with you because you were getting hurt!" I yelled. My cheeks were now stained with my tears. The warm sensation lingered down to my chin. I watched as my tears fell to the floor. "It was Chi's plan. She planned to break us part, but I know you already know this." My voice cracked and my throat grew dry. "You knew this, but you were so scared of telling me. I don't blame you."
Now, it was Jaden's turn to fall to the floor. He landed on his knees and stared blankly at me.
"Her plan went perfectly. You were getting hurt because you were with me. I didn't want you to get hurt anymore, so I thought it would be better if we broke up. If we weren't together, you wouldn't get hurt. How pathetic I am."
"Yusei." Jaden whispered. I slowly moved my gaze to his brown eyes. His tears welled up and slowly dripped down.
"But, I was fucking stupid to believe all that. Breaking up with you only caused you more pain. You even almost got raped because of me." I cried out. My voice was hoarse and my eyes were clouded with my tears. "If we were together, that would never have happened! You wouldn't be crying and we wouldn't be having this damn conversation!" I yelled out. Finally, I let everything out. I sobbed and cried. Whimpers escaped my mouth. How unmanly of me.
"I still love you! I want you to be happy!" I shook my head and gripped the carpet floor. "You can't be happy without me! I can't be happy without you!" Jaden's eyes widen. His mouth hung wide open. His voice desperately begged to be let out. "But, you don't deserve me! I'm a horrible person. You can't possibly still love me after all that I've done!"
"Yusei!"
"Please, just let me go. I don't deserve you." I whispered. "I don't even want to be alive after what I've done. I can't live, knowing I hurt you this much."
"Stop, Yusei-"
"I want to disappear. I want you to learn to live without me."
"Stop, Yu-"
"I want to die."
"Stop, Yusei! Just stop!" Jaden screamed as he threw himself on me. His thin arms wrapped around my neck. He laid down his head on my shoulder. "Please...don't say that." He said in a soft voice. "I want you to stay."
Using all the strength I had left, I lifted my arms and hugged Jaden back. The feeling of hugging him, returned. I never knew how much I missed holding him in my arms. I've longed for his touch. I pulled him closer to me, and rubbed my nose in his hair. His scent lingered into my nostrils. "Jaden." I finally spoke.
"Yusei, it's not your fault. Chi tricked you. She wanted you all to herself." Jaden spoke in his gentle voice. His hands cradled the back of my head. "She hurt me, not you. So, please...don't say that you don't want to be alive!"
"But, I slapped you in the face."
"Because I said something I shouldn't have!" Jaden pulled back and stared right in my eyes. His cheeks were terribly stained. "Yusei, I understand that you meant well. You never meant to hurt me, but wanted what was for the best." Finally, after months of being separated, his mouth curled up into a small smile. "I will always love you, no matter what. So, don't blame yourself." He whispered.
I reached up and cupped his cheeks. The softness of his skin, never left. Tears formed in his eyes. Using my thumbs, I wiped them away. "Jaden, I love you." I finally smiled. This caused Jaden to blush and giggle. Our eyes met; both filled with nothing but happiness and love. Our heads leaned in, our warm breaths collided. After two long months, our lips met. Jaden's soft and plump lips enveloped my own. We both longed for the feel of our kisses. His sweet taste lingered. My tongue trailed his lower lip. He smiled and gladly opened. I immediately thrust my tongue inside. Jaden moaned into the kiss and pushed himself closer. The kiss was passionate and tender. His warmth invaded me. My hands, now held his small back. Jaden reached up and tangled his hands in my hair.
This is perfect.
Finally, we parted away for some air. His cheeks were a cute, pink shade. "You're so adorable." I whispered, as I caressed his cheek. Jaden grinned and nuzzled his cheek against mine. "J-Jaden. Do you forgive me?" I asked.
He was silent for a minute, then he answered, "Yes. If you promise to never leave me alone ever again."
I smirked and kissed his cheek. "I promise, and that's a promise I'll never break." My gaze trailed over to the mess. Jaden pulled back and glanced over. "Uh..we should clean this up." I mentioned.
"I'll clean it up." Jaden announced as he stood up. He stepped towards the bedroom door.
"Ah, Jaden!" I called to him. He turned around and tilted his head in confusion. "Isn't this your first time being in my house?" I asked.
His wide eyes blinked in a daze. "Oh, yeah it is!" He replied. "Why?"
"Well, then you don't know where the kitchen is."
Jaden let out a loud laugh. "Don't worry! I'll find it; your house isn't that big." And with that, he skipped out the door, in search of my kitchen.
A bright smile appeared on my face. I stared down at the floor and held the front of my shirt. I can't believe everything that just happened. Jaden actually forgave me! I'm possibly the happiest man on earth right now! A warm sensation appeared on my cheeks. I'm actually blushing. I feel like it's the first time we've confessed our love for each other. I'm just glad he's not mad at me. We can finally be happy again.
"I'm back!" Jaden yelled with joy. In his hands were paper towels and a trash bag. He went around and dropped to the floor. He handed me over a paper towel, and together we began to clean up the mess. He carefully threw the pieces of glass in the trash bag. I watched as his hands gracefully moved. "I guess that's fine." Jaden sighed. He glanced at me and smiled.
"I'll take this to the trash." I mentioned as I got up. He handed me over the rest of the paper towels and slowly moved to my bed. I quickly went out the door and made my way towards the kitchen. The kitchen was the same as I left it. So much for making tea. I froze and thought about Jaden's wet clothes. "I should wash them for him." I spoke.
I scurried to the bathroom and saw his clothes lying in a pile over by a corner. I reached down and picked them up. "They're all soggy." I cringed at the feeling. The laundry room isn't far from the bathroom. A step next door, and I threw them into the washer. "Tomorrow I'll dry them." I mumbled.
When I returned to my room, I was met with Jaden sprawled out on my bed. When our eyes met, he smirked and curled under the sheets, like a cat. My mouth curled into a smile. I stepped towards my bed and crawled under the sheets. Surprisingly, they were warm. A fluff of brown hair popped up from under the sheets. My pair of azure eyes, met his bright brown eyes. "What are you doing?" I laughed.
Jaden's arm wrapped around me. He laid his head upon my chest. "I can hear your heartbeat." He whispered.
"It's beating for you."
"You make me warm, just saying that." He nuzzled his nose into my shirt. "Yusei."
I stared down at Jaden, and watched as his eyes squinted every few seconds. My love. My life. My everything. He's here. He's back with me. I never want to let him go ever again. I never will. "You'll tell me everything from the day we broke up, to the party, right?" I asked.
"Hmm, of course. Tomorrow though."
"Of course." I kissed the top of his warm head and whispered, "Go to sleep, love."
A smile formed on his face. "Goodnight, Yusei."
"Goodnight, Jaden." I watched as he slowly closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. His head remained laying on my chest. He softly breathed from his slightly parted lips. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer.
Before drifting to sleep, I kissed his forehead and whispered, "I love you."
He's happy.
I'm happy.
Finally.
* A lyric from Cactus in the Valley - LIGHTS (This song sums up how Yusei was feeling)
they're back together, yay! I hope you all are happy and just having a party or something. sorry if I made any mistakes, like with the past and present words, I have a problem with those.
so, with the sudden motivation, I'm going to go work on the next chapter! (I should update my other story) remember to leave some lovely reviews! I really want to know your reactions about this chapter!