Well, it's a string of awesome events for me the past few weeks or so, and coming up too! I'm doing cancer research at Uni of Chicago with my old bio teacher and today I successfully handled biohazardous chemotherapy chemicals for an experiment, Peter Capaldi is the Twelfth Doctor, I'm going to Gen-Con next week with one of my friends and I'm cosplaying both Terra Branfor and Lloyd Irving, and I'm trying to work on my Tifa Lockhart and everyone's favorite Edward Elric for whatever I have next!

I'm also getting pumped for the moving since I hated my old school, I just finished doing character designs for the protagonist of my book series, and now I'm updating!

Again, thanks for all the reviews, especially last time! When we get to a thousand, I plan on giving you all a special bonus chapter made of the crack you all love, plus plenty of surprise cameos! This fic is almost on the first page!

Anyways, I don't own anything except the list itself.

301: I will not tattoo on my stomach a "Tummy Symbol Transmutation Circle" and annihilate my foes with the Care Bear Stare.

Mustang knew all about Hawkeye's horrifically tattooed back, but when she shamelessly displayed to him her newly tattooed stomach, he was at a loss. Usually, it was Ed or Havoc pulling these types of ludicrous stunts, but...

"Hawkeye," he started with shock and awe and a bizarre mixture of horror and hunger in his dulcet tone, "why do you have an enormous bloody scythe tattooed on your stomach?"

"I have decided to become Deathbear in order to better combat the Homunculi, sir," she replied in all seriousness.

"And I'm Asskickingbear!" Ed hollered from the other room, eavesdropping as he had been Hawkeye's cohort.

Mustang needed a new desk immediately afterwards, as his original desk splinted when his hard head smashed into it, having fainted in shock.

302: Giving Alphonse a lightsaber and dying him black won't make him Darth Vader.

"Hey Alphonse!" Jerso called as their odd party traversed the tunnels beneath Briggs. "Yoki tripped over a box of dynamite again up ahead. A live batch."

Al regarded the chimera with soulfire eyes of doom. "He is as clumsy as he is stupid," he droned, marching past the chimera to find the offensive rat.

Yoki didn't even see him coming. Al snatched him up by the mustache and lofted him in the air, eliciting shrieks of indignation and pain. "You have failed me for the last time, Lieutenant Yoki!" He bodily hurled Yoki into the wall, knocking the weasley man unconscious. "Take him away!"

There wasn't anywhere to take Yoki, though, so Scar ended up dragging the worthless bum all the way. "You Amestrians take your Star Wars roleplay too seriously..."

303: I will not write the children's book "If You Give Winry a Wrench."

Winry brained Ed after he published the story. It was far too truthful and mentioned her abuse of him once or twice, after all.

304: -Nor will I write "If You Give a Ling a Lunch."

The series written by one Edward Elric became beloved amongst Amestrian youngsters...as well as all of his old buddies from the Promised Day who chuckled at how Ed trod on the Xingese Prince's personality.

305: I will not refer to Homunculi healing as Time Lord regeneration.

"Ling!" Ed and Al both screeched as their friend underwent the horrendous transformation to become a Homunculus. His body became engulfed by orange light as he died in a sense, coming back from the brink of death as he accepted the Philosopher's Stone. And then...

"Hello!" said a new man standing where Ling had just been. "I'm the Doctor!"

306: Alex Armstrong is not allowed to offer free hugs.

"FREE GLORIOUS SAMPLES!" a shirtless Armstrong bellowed, his sparkles glittering wildly.

"DO NOT WANT!" Mustang yelped like a helpless little infant, fleeing from the clearly insane man.

"What was that?" said one of the new men stationed in Mustang's office in order to complete paperwork.

"Major Armstrong took his shirt off again," Hawkeye hazarded a guess without even glancing up. Seconds later, a terrified Roy Mustang crashed through the window, with a welcoming Armstrong in pursuit, and Hawkeye was lauded as a seer by the more superstitious of the lot. Mustang's old men just shared a knowing snicker.

307: The Homunculi lair is not Doofenschmirtz Evil Incorporated.

"We need to find a way to infiltrate their stronghold," Ed murmured as he, Mustang, Al, and Ling gathered about the table.

"That won't be a problem," Mustang drawled, lazily dismissing everyone's concerns with a wave. "I have Agent P already scouting it out."

"Hey idiot, for the last time, you aren't king of the platypuses!" Ed snapped, facepalming with his automail arm and causing himself a mild concussion as a result.

"You're right," Mustang admitted quietly. Everyone only had an instant to bask in his defeat before he forged on, "I am their Platypus GOD!"

308: Envy is not secretly Lady Gaga.

"Are you wearing a meat dress?" Lust asked in disgust one day.

"This is the flesh of my enemies, Lust!" Envy shot back. It was a lie, the dress most definitely consisted of cold cuts.

309: The Philosopher's Stone cannot be found in the Castle Aaaaaahhhh.

Al made up a little ditty as he and Ed began their trek to Eastern Command.

"Bravely bold Sir Edward strode forth from Risembool! He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Edward! He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways! Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Edward! He was not in the least bit scared to be blown to metal bits! Or to have his face blown up, or his arm all busted! To have his body split, and be transmuted away! Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Edward! His leg caved in and his flesh boiled out and his limbs both removed and his fan girls all out and they'll eat his face and his body as well and-"

"I don't care if you cost me an arm and a leg, continue singing and I'll kill you!" Al wisely shut up.

310: Alphonse Elric cannot transform into a truck, gun, or especially a Volkswagen Beetle.

With Al turning into an Autobot, the brothers obtained a new theme song...

"Alchemists, more than meets the eye! Ed and Al wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Homunculi! (Alchemists, he's bigger than a fly!)"

311: For the sake of all that is inside his stomach, I will never pull Gluttony's finger.

Envy tried it just once, and out came three Philosopher's Stones, Marcoh's alchemy notes, a few rotted limbs, Zuko's honor, series three of Sherlock, and M. Night Shyamalan's directing skills. As well as three tons of methane gas.

312: Stealing the pants someone is currently wearing is not Equivalent Exchange for anything.

"MUUUUUUUSTAAAAANG!" Ed yelled at the top of his impressively uproarious lungs as he lunged at the retreating Colonel. Apparently the man decided good payback for making him wear a miniskirt oh so long ago was making Ed dash around in his skivvies in a sick, twisted game of tag. Hughes made sure to get pictures, and they filled an entire album.

So what was everyone's favorites! I liked them all this time around...And I've written both If You Give a Ling a Lunch and If You Give Winry a Wrench, so feel free to check them out on my profile!

Anyways, I'm really in a quizzing mood, so here's a deal: you guys can ask me anything you want! ...Within reason, meaning no invasion of my privacy (not telling my last name or my specific location, stuff like that). I saw a Facebook page doing this and really wanted to do it.

As always, thanks for even reading, and double thanks for letting me reach five hundred favorites and follows, as well as nine hundred whopping reviews!