Demon with a growing Heart
Chapter 19,
Never Ending Thoughts
Broken pieces of fine wood once aging whole now in the gloved hands of it's owner who is currently yet again troubled with his thoughts...
A few minutes ago the crow demon has returned from his sleep on his favourite tree, surprised that he again managed to fall asleep.
The first thing Sebastian did when he came back was to fix his poor and forgotten instrument and then he simply sat on his bed, thinking.
He felt so lost and unsure since the whole heart thing because it has confused him, and made him act in ways far from demonic.
He did not truly understand why he followed it and why he actually wanted to protect his young master and fill him with happiness, hasn't he always simply just wanted to become more powerful?
And The Shadow, he was created for one thing only and that was to eat the souls for his master, since the master had to follow contracts, and then give the soul energy to said master.
Now he isn't sure anymore what he wants, what his true wish is.
''Do I want to devour that delicious soul? So young yet already filled with lots of strong negative energy….
..No what am I saying? I can't, I just can't.
He wanted me to actually take it before the contract was done but I did not take it even if a part of me really wanted to take it…''
Sebastian said to himself and then shook his head with a deep sigh.
''Why can't I stop with those thoughts when I have already decided what to do? I want the child to be happy and live a long life and forget about the past…..and I also now know how to do that….''
Taking another sigh Sebastian just stared at his left hand where the contract sign was, hidden beneath the glove.
''Will I ever succeed to become….a parent? A father….to someone who has surely forgotten what it is to be surrounded by a loving family?''
Feeling that he would soon rage out again, and not wanting to break his precious violin again, he opened his closet and put it on it's usual place and then just stood in front of the closet, doing exactly nothing.
Not even thinking Sebastian continued to stand there until he suddenly let out a sinister and slightly hysterical laugh.
''Heart? Parent….FATHER? I have simply been in this contract for too long! Demons, POWERFUL DEMONs, do not do feelings! I am one of the strongest, the one that can control shadow magic and even managed to create a way to cheat through the contracts!
I should not let my….temporarily role as the Phantomhive Butler take over!'''
Scaring himself with what he just said, Sebastian put his hands over his face and took deep calming breaths to think clearer and remember what has to be done.
''I must keep my true self in, I can not continue like this! What if I say something that will make him fall into more deeper darkness? DARKNESS? SOUNDS SO-SO…..NOT PERFECT! True self in Sebastian! Your young master needs you!''
Not knowing what to do with his never ending thoughts or how he could possibly succeed in becoming a father when he can't even keep his true self in Sebastian simply sat down upon his carpet, leaning his back on his closet and closed his eyes.
''I should have never made that….contract…'' was the last thing the exhausted butler said before he once again fell asleep, not wanting to think about anything and just relax.