Sorry this is late. I've had it done for awhile, but my internet was being dumb so I couldn't upload. I've already got most of the next chapter done! Yay!

"When it was dark, now there's light

Where that was pain, now there's joy

Where there was weakness, I found my strength

All in the eyes of a boy…"

Rumors of Perfidia

I awoke with a groan, a deep pain stabbing at my side. Before I could snap my eyes open, I felt an unusual warmth on top of me.

Slowly I cracked my still droopy eyes against the blinding white extreme of the snow. There was a fine blanket of snow covering my lap and the empty, black foxhole supporting me. Alfie was sound asleep on my shoulder with his arms wrapped around my neck. I held my legs crossed to keep weight off my ankle.

Spina and Eugene were nowhere to be found. I felt a ping of fear… the white forest made me feel isolated. Even though I had a child hanging off of me, it worried me that I couldn't hear or see any of the men.

Did they forget us? Why would they leave us? No, Easy would never do a thing like that to me. I shook my head, shrugging the unpleasant feeling of abandonment off of my shoulders. This war was a nightmare that constantly ate away at me.

"Alfie," I shook his small back. "Alfie can you wake up for me?"

"Huh?" he mumbled, squirming and stretching.

I gently pushed back his shoulders, "Honey, I have to get up."

He looked at me, sleep lining his facial features. He seemed as confused as I was when I woke up.

"Do you want to come see Winters and Lewis with me?" I mustered a smile. I still needed to have a conversation with Nixon.

"Momma…" he breathed, steam escaping his small, drawled up mouth. "I don't want to go out there."

He was ruined. "Baby," I smiled, it even more difficult now. "I'll protect you, alright? Nothing like that will ever happen again to you."

I grasped his hand tightly and pulled myself up. Alfie quickly wrapped his arms around my leg. He happened to choose my bad leg. The pain in my ankle had spread in the night and now engulfed my entire lower leg. I climbed out, wincing with every step. He stood on my boot like he always did. I wasn't sure if he was growing and weighed more, or that my ankle was severely sprained, but I hadn't felt a pain like that since D-Day. My heart overthrew my body, because I didn't care how much it hurt, I would do anything to have this boy safe. I knew this especially if he did leave me and go back to the states. I knew he wouldn't be there, and that would shatter my heart, but it didn't matter.

Snow clung to the long needles of the trees. It had snowed a fair amount in the night, adding to the deep amounts on the ground. My foot crunched through the layer that had froze in the night. The jagged edges of the ice cut through even my boots, hurting my ankle even more.

Just a ways further.

Finally the officer's tent was in view. A thick layer of snow was being brushed away by a man I recognized as Lewis Nixon. Nix had a broad set of shoulders and a neat, small waist. His head sat proudly on his shoulders with a dark head of hair. He was handsome, despite his addiction.

Winters was jabbing his bayonet blade into a frozen container of water. As an organized man, he had his shaving supplies neatly set out on a cloth. Even in the dead of winter in Bastonge, Captain Winters still had to shave.

"Morning, Loretta!" Lewis cheerfully called, waiting for me with wide arms. I held one hand on top of Alfie's hair and I embraced Lew with the other.

"I do hope it is a good one, Lew."

He gave me a tight, understanding squeeze. The stinging smell of whiskey hung around his uniform and it made my stomach knot.

I couldn't swallow the 'ow' that forcibly jumped from my lips. Lew leaned back, "What's wrong?"

"Let's just say that trees are hard objects, Lew." I flashed him a quick wink, even though I was positive my rib had just broke through my skin.

Winters brushed white foam onto his pink cheeks, "What brings you this way, nurse? I already gave Doc Roe my morphine."

I chuckled, recalling the story of the shitting Kraut, "Just wanted to talk to my old friend, Lew, if that's alright?"

Nix's face lit up and he nudged me with his hands in his coat pockets, "I'm special, Dick."

"Oh, you're special alright," Richard replied, showing rare form.

I pried Alfred off of my leg and met his eyes, "Go see what Captain Winters is up to, won't you?" I gave him a gentle shove and he dashed over to sit on Winters' knee. He was such a fine child.

Dick looked up, a lather still on his face. I mouthed a 'thank you', and he seemed to understand.

"What's that? Are you trying to be Santa Clause?"

Winters laughed and began explaining the process of shaving. He almost made it sound like a religion.

My heart plummeted. Christmas was around the corner, and Santa Clause wouldn't be able to find a lost child in the Ardennes forest.

. Nix took my hand and raised his eyebrow to listen.

"I need to somehow get the boy to the US. It's too dangerous for him here…"

"You're just realizing this now?" he teased, squeezing my hand.

"Lew…" I warned. "Please."

John Julian practically stumbled into the officer's tent. He had dark hair, pleasant young features and a pink nose to match everybody else's. Julian was a replacement who was in the same foxhole as Babe Heffron.

"Yes, trooper?" Winters asked, not taking his eyes from Alfie.

"I, uh…" he faltered. "The uh, men, sir. They sent me to see if any new rations had come in."

Lewis turned his shoulders and gave Dick a look.

"As soon as they come, we'll let the men know. Dismissed."

Julian gave a half-ass salute and exited the frozen officer quarters. John gave me a puzzled look before disappearing into the blank trees.

"Anyway, Lew," I pushed forward, lowering my voice so Alfred couldn't hear. "He can't stay. Do you have any way to send him to the states?"

Lewis was lost, "Do you have any family left in Oklahoma, Lots?"

My eyes grew misty, "Everybody is dead. I have a good friend, John, back home. Could he keep Alfie until I get back?"

"How old is he?"

"1 quarter of a year older than me," I said, croaking. I remembered back to the fishing hole that we argued over. I remember Johnny thinking he had seniority over me. I was eight and he was nine. God, it seemed so long ago.

"It would be breaking more laws than we can count. You can't just take a boy from an English orphanage, take him into a war and expect to be able to send him to America."

Tears were boiling in my eyes by now. "Lew, I've already done two of three of those things. This has to happen."

He raked his fingers through his thick, black hair. "I'll work on it, Loretta. But there are no promises."

"Thank you," I said genuinely, swinging my around his neck. Lewis hugged me back careful not to snap my ribs.

"Alfie? Lets go…" I called, starting out of the tent. He did not immediately run and cling to my leg like I expected him to. I glanced over my shoulder to find him immersed in a story told my Papa Winters. Alfred was hanging on every word as Dick showed him his rifle.

Lewis pulled away his flask that was running low on Vat69 and gave a brilliant smile, "I'll make sure he gets back to you. Might be good for him to have a break."

The captain threw up his arms, "Probably good for Dick too, eh?"

Lew smiled at his best friend. "See you around, Lottie. Stay safe."

"Same goes for you, Lew. See ya." With a wave over my shoulder I made my way through the white forest, trying to keep my footsteps light. The line was spread so thin, I was careful to walk straight east. I know I should be the one making Alfie feel safe, but without him by my side I felt scared.

Quickening my pace, I came to a cluster of empty foxholes. There were no remnants of soldiers being here but faint footsteps going further east. The still falling snow was quickly covering the size 9 tracks. Everybody was size nine.

It occurred to me that these tracks were most likely Julian's, so I trusted where they leaded me. The only benefit to this damn snow was that it kept my sprained ankle iced up past my shins. Hopefully this would bring the swelling down so I could manage to take off my socks before trench foot set in. A medic's nightmare.

I heard they're chatter in the distance, muted only by the utter stillness in the trees. I held my footsteps light- they were whispering secretively about something.

Curious, I leaned heavily against a tree as my body was tired.

"I'm telling you guys, she's got her sights on everybody else but Sergeant Randleman."

She? I was the only 'she' in miles.

Malarkey sat up, guilt lining his freckled face, "That's just wishful thinking, boy. Everybody wants some of Loretta."

They were talking about me.

"I love Lottie and all, but I think something is up. She kissed Joe Toye on the cheek last night." Spina ratted, shifting his weight as he sat on his haunches.

He asked for a peck. Jesus, Speen.

Julian annoying added, "And I just saw her practically hanging off of Captain Nixon at the officer's quarters."

What? I was just being friendly!

"And she never seems to mind sleeping with Doc Roe, does she, Doc?" Babe chirped in, almost with a jealous tone.

Gene squirmed uncomfortably, "We're really close guys. I don't think she's one to fool around… she's got issues, you know."

Issues? Thanks, Gene…

I embraced the pine tree tighter, feeling my heart knot a million ways. The men I cared for so much were talking down on me.

"I wonder what Bull thinks. Must hurt like hell to see her rubbing up against Easy like a cat in heat." Skip chuckled at his own joke.

Ouch, Skip.

"Guys, I don't think we should be talking about cowgirl like this. If she knew- she would be hurt." Malarkey defended me against the grain.

I took that as my cue to step in. Steady heart… don't cry.

"Whatcha all talking about, boys?" I whistled, innocently walking over to their circle.

Babe Heffron sat up straight immediately after hearing my voice. "Well, I-I was just telling the guys about Hinkel."

"Since when is my name Hinkel?" I spat, standing my ground.

Their faces became paler than the white snow surrounding them. None of them had anything else to say.

"Why?" I struggled to keep from croaking. "Why would you ever conjure up the idea I love anybody but Bull?"

Some opened their mouths to reply, but the tears began falling before I let them speak. I turned on my heel and began running away in no particular direction. I didn't care if I ended up on the German line, I wanted to get away from these cruel men.

"Brave!" Gene called behind me, his accent laced with sorrow.

I balled my fists against the pain that tore at my ankle and side as I ran faster. I ran and ran until Kingdom came.

B.o.B.

Darkness swept and I crumbled down. My wet face hit the ice crystals and my head pounded.

Bull was angry at me, storming around in circles, pointing his pistol in my face at the mention of my name.

My back lurched in pain once I allowed it to relax. My hands left prints in the snow and I gave up for a moment, purely to know what it was like.

B.o.B

"Shit, Shift, what's that?" Hoobler hushed his comrade into a crouched position, "It's breathing…"

Donald waved the sniper on, their rifles pressed firmly on their shoulders. They cautiously neared the heaping pile of human.

"Holy shit, its cowgirl." Don gasped, falling on his knees.

"Loretta?" Shifty asked with urgency thick in his voice. He guided his hand over her face to feel her breathing. "What in God's good name is she doing out here…alone?" The Virginia native looked up at Hoobler, whose round face was wrinkled in concern.

"Cowgirl?" He took her hand, his rifle thrown in a snow drift.

Her tired eyes didn't flicker to life. The smile from her broken lips was absent and her chest rose and fell with nothing but an ounce of life. She was giving giving up a go and it sucked away her light.

"She needs to get back so Doc can take care of her." Shifty noted, taking one of Loretta's limp arms and wrapping it around his neck. Hoobs followed Shift's example and they brought her up. "Why is she out here…alone?"

"I don't know, but it worries me, Shift."

Her dead weight wasn't even comparable to a male soldier's.

"Shift, I can carry her. Here," he handed Darrel his M1. Shifty almost unwillingly handed her over. Donald easily swung her up into his arms. Shifty kindly unwound his scarf from his neck and tenderly tucked it around her pale, lifeless face.

"Please be alright, cowgirl. We need you," Shifty nearly croaked, walking through the forest with Hoobler by his side.

Loretta's boots swung loosely with each heavy stride through snowdrifts. Hoobler thought he felt her move and Shifty wishfully thought he noticed her lips twitch.

Giving up wasn't a good taste to have, but Loretta held it longer as she remembered their cruel, false words.

B.o.B.

"MEDIC! We need a medic over here!" Hoobler panted and he held me tighter than before. The sound no field medic wanted to hear sounded awfully strange without being under fire. It echoed through the trees and turned heads.

"Doc, Doc!" Shifty called and I heard the familiar thud of Gene's bag hitting his thigh. "We found cowgirl out away off from the line-"

"Jesus Christ," Eugene spat, and I felt the heat of his body move closer to mine. Severe darkness still enveloped me, and no light crept through my eyelids. I only felt the slow, rhythmic beat of my heart. I did not feel my limbs, and for once I wasn't cold.

"Oh my God, what's wrong with Loretta?" Babe Heffron cut through the snow drift behind us. Guilt was coursing through every syllable of his words.

Don was still holding me close, and I could smell his unique scent. Every man in Easy had a different smell about them. It wasn't cologne, but the humanly odor that could easily be distinguished from another.

"What happened? Why is she like this?"

Gene buzzed around Hoobler and I, barking orders at nobody in particular. "Those men… they fucking cut her last string. She can't take anymore and Heffron goes telling everybody that she is having an affair with the captain." He wrapped blankets of pure wool around my legs. "They've done her in…" Gene whipped around to make dead eye contact with Julian and Babe. "After all this woman has done fo this company."

"I'm so sorry…" John murmured, words crinkled in remorse.

"Loretta?" Malarkey came next. "What happened? She get hit?"

Gene didn't reply, but instead cut away at my boot laces. My ankle and lower leg had swelled so much he wasn't able to manage to get my boot off. It did not hurt as he moved it around. A feel of rigor had locked it up and I still waited in darkness.

I faintly heard a sob in the distance, but it arrived with panting and tearless cries.

"Momma? Wake up… you're alright. C'mon…" Alfie begged. He shook my arm and pressed his forehead into my Airborne patch. "Momma, wake up. I miss you."

I flickered to life like a light bulb that had a little, but enough life left. My eyes bolted open and I was shocked by the white that flooded my vision. I felt the pain in my side, the gnawing in my knees and the searing in my ankle. I let out a groan and rolled tighter into Don's chest.

"Doc…" he said in almost a whisper. I folded out my arm to feel for Alfred's small face. "She's awake."

Eugene seemed like he expected it. He spoke like he still had hope I would pull through. "Good…still hold her still. I need to splint this ankle before she's too awake."

"Too stubborn to let you do it regardless?" I heard Shifty say through a relieved smile.

"Yes," Gene replied with a sense of irritability, but a smirk at the truth.

I squirmed in protest, "Hey now…"

"Lottie!" Alfie cried and took my hand that was hanging miserably at my side. My skin was so rough and calloused in comparison to his young skin. I wanted to give him a life where the calluses would not be from abuse, but from playing outside like a free child should.

Finally able to open my eyes fully against the wincing, I saw two sets of fiery red hair hovering above me. Their eyes were pressed into shapes of regret and sorrow.

"Loretta…" Babe breathed, taking his hands from his pockets.

Malarkey looked like tears, "We're sorry for what you heard us say. We really feel awful."

I shut my eyes back up again and pressed my face into Don's chest once again. I didn't feel much like accepting apologies. I didn't feel like thinking of the nightmares. I didn't want to think about my father and his abuse. I didn't feel like trying to live.

Alfred was the only reason I still made an attempt to fill my lungs with air.

"Should we get Bull?" Julian suggested.

"…or maybe Toye or Nixon?" I croaked, but tried to hold my voice steady. Though my voice faltered, the impact of the words were still strong. They left to get Denver, their tails between their legs.

"Set her down on that tarp, Private. I need to wrap up that broken rib."

"Shit," Hoobler said in amazement as he took me over. "She has a broken rib, too?"

I pulled Alfie along with us, never taking my hand from his.

Gene hovered over me protectively as he unbuttoned my olive shirt. Hoobler tried to distract Alfie with a dramatic tale about how good of a shot he was. Hoobler didn't want a family or a purple heart; he just wanted to be known as a good shot.

"You're lucky you didn't puncture your lungs, Brave." He began wrapping thick layers of bandages around my rib cage. "It's really bad. Hopefully it will mend on it's own."

I was more thankful for Gene's skilled fingers than for my luck. The last thing I needed was to be exposed before everybody. He quickly buttoned up my shirt and bundled me back up due to my limited mobility.

"How does everything feel? Do you want some morphine?"

I pushed away the brown box. "Nah, keep it for somebody else. I think I have a box in my bag if I really need it. Say, where is my bag?"

"In our foxhole. Do you want it?"

"Yes please, I feel weird without it." I chuckled lightly but it was more of a cough.

"WHERE IS SHE?!" I gasped at the massive boom of Bull's voice. "Boone! Why the hell isn't anybody taking care of her?"

He dashed to my side and took my face and looked like tears. Gene was getting my bag and Hoobler was with Alfie.

"Babe, relax. I'm in good hands. Everything is fine!"

He panted, "You don't look fine! Jesus, Boone… what happened?"

"Gee thanks for the compliment, Bull."

My small joke blew right over his head and he fussed around me. "She needs to go to the Aid Station!"

"Babe, there is no Aid Station. I'm really fine."

The night was falling.

"I want to take her with me, Doc." Bull abruptly demanded as he scooped me up. "Penk and I's foxhole is one of the ones further off from the line. She'll be safe there with me."

Gene shifted his weight, "How is Penkala's arm, by the way?"

Bull drew me closer, "He's getting along fine, but needs a change of bandages."

"I'll come around later to do that and check on our nurse," Gene said with a smile, knowing I wasn't fond of the word 'nurse'. I preferred 'medic'.

"May I take her?" Bull asked anxiously.

Through cracked eyes I saw Gene give a gentle shake of his head in agreement. At that Bull practically began running north towards his hole.

"Alfie…" I whispered, flailing my arms around.

Bull let out a breath of air, "Alfred! Come on now, boy!"

Like a bullet from a magazine, Alfie darted from Spina, Gene and I's foxhole and wrapped himself around Bull's leg.

I wasn't fond of journalists from back home, trying to make war seem so cinematic. But if I wanted any picture taken for the cover of LIFE, I would want Bull carrying me through the Ardennes forest with our child latched to his leg. A family portrait of sorts, in the middle of a frozen war.

B.o.B.

"How are you feeling, babe?" Bull worriedly asked once he returned from his patrol shift.

"I'm feeling and living…and that's what matters." I mustered a faint smile as he slid down the foxhole wall. He was careful not to wake Alfred and Penk who were both leaning against each other in a slumber.

"The boys gave this to me for you. They told me to tell you 'sorry' about a million times." Denver settled to my left and kicked out a heavy wool blanket. He tucked the one Gene had offered earlier around my legs before wrapping me up in the fresh one.

Finally once I was all settled and tucked in to Bull's satisfaction, he broke the silence. "Why did this all happen?"

I sighed heavily, "I caught the men talking about how I'm having an affair with Nixon and Toye and the other men."

"What?!" Bull yelled, nearly waking up Alex and Alfie.

I held a shaking finger over my shivering lips, "Shhh. It's not true… that's why I'm like this. It really upset me they would even think of that."

"Pisses me off too!"

"Well, whatever. They're sorry and it's over."

There was a long pause.

"I am the only one you love, right?" Bull asked carefully, like I was about to hit him.

"I love every single one of these men." I whispered and sat up. My protesting ribs were bound together so it wasn't as painful. I placed a deep kiss on Denver's lips and fell back. "But you've got my heart, Denver."

He smiled and fell back against the foxhole wall. Bull lifted me gently onto his lap and tucked my head into the crook of his neck as I did to him in the barn in Nuenen. I tucked my arms into his chest and nestled in as far as I could. My legs were stiff with pain, but I felt a warmth grow everywhere on me. Bull reached down and placed a pleasant kiss on my neck and traced my rounded jaw line with more kisses.

"I love you, Boone."

I practically purred, as he moved his hands along my battered body. "And I you."

Thank you so much for reading- reviews and feedback are what keep me going!