Parallel
As Memories Beckon
Rinoa followed Squall back to his usual place – still remaining silent the whole way as he walked toward the veranda a little once again. She scanned the area for a moment – its appeal a little more inviting than the rest of the world, interestingly.
She looked ahead at Squall. She was afraid to ask, but she had to know. It was only a little bit later, but there was still a chance, right? Still…given the events of their encounter, she was hesitant, nonetheless. Squall still seemed so unwilling to even look at her. She had no idea what could be on his mind – even more so than usual. She didn't want to annoy him – the fear of what he might say next pulling at her horribly. He'd had such cold, harsh words before. If they could get worse…she didn't really think she wanted to know.
Still, despite her fears and concerns…it was still Squall. She was never one to hold anything back, especially when it came to him. However he may take it...she had to take the chance.
She took a step forward– her hand cupped over her heart as she slowly brought out the words.
"…Squall. Anything yet…?"
She stared at him closely as he kept his back turned to her for a moment. A sense of dread and discomfort at the silence loomed over her, but she tried to ignore it. This was the hardest thing for her than anything else in her life. That Squall had forgotten her, had taken a toll like she'd never experienced. It filled her with a terrible heartache that she tried to fight and conceal – but, she had to wonder exactly how long she could keep up the act. She had never expected this to happen. It was the one thing she hadn't prepared herself for. Traveling through time to find Squall was no hesitation for her – but, to find him just to discover all memory of her was no longer existent…it was a pain she couldn't easily heal from. She had to make him remember. She had to.
Squall just kept staring ahead. He didn't know how to respond to everything that was going on. He'd had his share of weird events in this world – but, this was beyond the usual. The strange girl had just appeared out of nowhere and started spewing out claims that they knew each other. If that was the case…why didn't he remember her? How could he be sure she was telling the truth? What did she want him to say exactly?
He sighed as he glanced at the ground – the same reaction from Rinoa upon seeing this.
"…I'm sorry." she said, softly.
To her surprise, Squall now turned toward her – his expression less cold this time, instead bearing a look of confusion. She looked at him curiously as he spoke.
"You claim to know me. How?"
Rinoa lowered her head again. It was hard for her to explain – not because she didn't know how…but, because it hurt too much that she had to. How exactly did she tell him? There was so much to say that she was afraid it'd be too much. She didn't want to bombard him with stuff when he was still struggling to even remember her.
She thought to herself as she tried to think of the right words.
"Um…well…"
She glanced at Squall and could see it in his eyes – he truly was curious. Despite how cold he had been when they'd first reunited, he was now standing before her, waiting; willing to listen and hear her out as she would try to explain - those empty gaps in his memory so desperately yearning to be refilled. It was enlightening to her, in the least. He wanted to know; begged to remember her from deep within, whether he could feel it or not. It was all up to her. If there was truly any hope…she had to try.
She nodded lightly as she finally found the words.
"We, sort of…we're an item, you and me."
Squall tipped his head in question as he looked at her closely.
Rinoa tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her heart again as she continued trying to refresh his memory.
"We were together. Everyday - you and me. We met four years ago when you were on a SeeD mission to Timber."
She looked down at the ground again as she closed her eyes.
"…I remember it perfectly. The moment I saw you, I…"
She went silent for a moment and Squall looked at her in anticipation of more – now, a bit more confused by her words as one thing stuck in his mind: SeeD. What in the world was a SeeD?
Rinoa tried not to cry as the memories of their time together played in her head – all still fresh on her mind like it had just happened. The joy from those thoughts mixed with the deep pain and sorrow of Squall forgetting it all, filled her heart with an immense despair; a suffering like she'd never known – and never thought she'd ever feel with him. He was supposed to be her knight: someone whom would give her piece of mind and spirit and always protect her. It was too hard to believe; to accept that he could have really, possibly forgotten such a key point in their lives - try as she might.
She looked at Squall again as she kept trying to fight the tears, nearly breaking down once again right in front of him. That surely wouldn't have helped the current ordeal in the least – most likely only serving to confuse him more and turn him away once again. She couldn't stand for that to happen. This was already hard enough on her.
"…Don't you remember anything?" she asked, her voice cracking a little, "…Squall?"
She looked at him closely – her eyes watering drastically as her ability to fight the tears waned and she was no longer able to contain how she really felt on the matter.
Squall saw the expression on her face and turned his head a little – closing his eyes as he thought to himself. He didn't know the girl, he was sure of it. But, at the same time…he couldn't stand to see her cry. Despite her unexplained appearance and bizarre claims, she still seemed so innocent; so sweet and caring that he couldn't bear to see her upset.
He turned his back toward her again.
"…I'm sorry." he mumbled.
Rinoa winced at his words, squeezing the tears out of her eyes as they rolled down her face. How could this happen? How could everything they'd been through together be wiped from his memory? What was going on? She felt her heart break – even worse then when she'd thought he had died. It was a pain that nothing could compare to. She hoped so much she could wake up from this horrible dream and be back at Balamb Garden – Squall lying next to her to let her know everything would be alright because he was there. She longed so much for those days again – but, they all seemed like such a fantasy now.
"How could you forget me? You promised: promised you'd never let anyone or anything hurt me," she thought, "How could you do this to me?"
Squall kept his back turned, unable to block out Rinoa's sobbing and sniffling as she stood in silence - crying to herself. A part of him just wanted her to leave so he could be alone and not have to hear it. However…the other part of him was barred down with a high regret and shame. He wanted to believe her – a strange sense inside of him telling him what she said was true. Still though…how could be believe such a thing? He had no recollection; no proof to go by that would allow him to accept such claims. He didn't know what to think; what to believe. It was all so confusing and conflicting. Things already didn't make sense - the words Ultimecia had spoken still engraved in his mind. Now, this girl comes out of nowhere and starts filling his head with incomprehensible thoughts? He had enough to worry about. He didn't need anything else bearing down on him.
He turned back toward her slowly – her still crying as he looked at her for a moment.
"Stop," he said, turning his head a little as he put his hand on his side, "...Please."
Rinoa tried to calm herself down as she wiped the tears from her eyes. She hadn't meant to cry; hadn't wanted to. She just couldn't hold it in. The reality that faced her was too much. Squall had forgotten her. How could she not take that to heart?
Still, she managed to recollect herself – her tears slowing down as she looked back at him, her eyes rather red from all the crying. She waited for him to say something else – a bit of hope in her eyes as she looked at him.
It took a moment, but he brought himself to look at her again – the look on her face just as unbearable as when she'd been crying. It wasn't like he'd said anything special. He just couldn't stand to see her in tears anymore – that was all.
"Look. I don't know who you are, or where you came from," he stated, "…But, I don't mean any offense."
He turned his head away again as he folded his arms and closed his eyes.
"…I'm sorry."
Rinoa glanced at the floor again.
"…It's okay," she said, quietly.
Squall sighed as he turned his head forward again.
"I don't know what's wrong with me. If what you say is true: that we know each other…I'm willing to believe you."
Rinoa perked up a bit at his words as she looked at him in a bit of delight – trying not to make it too obvious, however. She didn't want to seem too eager when she felt they were finally beginning to make progress. The hope still lingered: that he could remember – and they could finally rekindle what they once had.
He folded his arms again as he turned his head away once more.
"…I just need time."
He looked back at her, a blank expression still evident on his face - but she could see it in his eyes: that what he said was true. He really was willing to accept everything she claimed – a fact that began to bring back the hope and joy she had first felt upon reuniting with him. If time was all he needed…she was fine with that; whatever it took to reawaken those distant memories buried deep inside of him. They were in there, somewhere – engraved in the back of his mind; deep inside his heart. There was still hope for things to be as they once were - and that fact brought a faint sense of joy to her for a moment.
"Squall…" she said, a hint of happiness in her voice, as she again cupped her hand over her heart.
He looked at her again – his eyes locking with hers as he appeared to be struggling with something. It didn't seem to be anything serious or of great concern. It was more like he was trying to get some sort of clue: the slightest hint or sign that might help spark his memory even a little. He looked at her closely, studying her face for a moment as she stared back at him in a bit of question – a confusing blend of discomfort and hope swelling inside of her.
"What did you say your name was again?" he asked.
"…Rinoa." she answered, slowly stepping forward a little. She wanted to say more; start to explain something, but she didn't want scare him by saying too much. She had to take it slow – as hard as it was to hold back.
Squall tipped his head – his expression changing to one of enticement. A sense of familiarity swept over him for a brief moment as he looked at her.
"…Rinoa…"
She looked back at him closely, trying not to get her hopes up again, but still unable to contain some of the joy she felt. However, it quickly faded once again as he said his next words.
"…Nice to meet you."
Rinoa sighed as she stared at the ground again. She was relieved she hadn't gotten too excited or she'd be crushed once more.
"…Yeah. You, too…Squall."
She closed her eyes again in a bit of disappointment. It wasn't like she could have expected him to remember just like that anyway, but even so – for that brief moment, try as she had…she couldn't help but hope it had been possible. She missed him so much. She just wanted to be able to have that time back: feel his arms around her once again as they held each other close like they used to. It seemed so long ago; so far away. A part of her had to wonder if they'd ever get them back – as painful as it was to think such a thing.
She thought to herself for a moment before trekking past Squall to the veranda as she kept her eyes on the ground. She sighed again as she looked up at the dark sky.
"Wait for me a little longer," she thought, as she thought of her friends back home, "I can't leave. Not just yet."
She looked down for a moment as she appeared to be lost in deep thought – Squall looking at her in question once more as she turned toward him.
"Squall?" she asked.
He didn't reply – just staring at her closely as she took a deep breath.
"…I don't care how long it takes," she said, "However much time you need, I'm willing to provide it."
He kept looking at her - listening closely as he took in what she was saying.
"Even if you don't remember, I do," she stated, "What we had - it was too special to let anything tear apart."
She shook her head as she said those words – again, reflecting on all their time together before his "death". Her heart yearned desperately for those times. But, because they were so special…she was willing to do whatever it took to get them back – even if she had to wait. As long as she and Squall could be together again…anything was worth it.
She looked at him again as she spoke once more.
"I'm not leaving you, Squall. Please…don't push me away."
Squall closed his eyes at her words as he thought on them for a moment. It was clear to him she wasn't going to give up. She was so sure of what she was saying; so certain she could help him recall those lost memories she was convinced he had locked away – however it might have happened. Despite his inability to still recall anything, he couldn't help but be enticed by her persistence. He felt for her – wishing so badly he could remember something about their time together so she might cheer up. The thought of her smiling, for some reason filled him with warmth – a feeling he hadn't felt as far back as he could remember. That nagging feeling from before pulled at him more now, giving him the strange sensation that she was telling the truth – as crazy as it all seemed right now. He only hoped, in time, that he could remember…for her sake. He just wondered if time was enough.
He opened his eyes and looked at her again – nodding lightly as he turned around slowly. Rinoa lowered her head again and turned toward the railing – her hand to her heart once more as she took a deep breath.
"Rinoa...?" Squall asked.
"Hm?" she asked, lifting her head again as she looked at him.
Squall looked away for a moment as he thought on his words, turning back to Rinoa as he slowly brought them out. One thing she had said before still stuck on his mind – and he couldn't shake it. If it truly regarded his past – he had to know.
"That thing you said - about how I was some sort of…SeeD or something. What was that all about?"
Rinoa turned her head away again as she thought to herself once more – recalling the first time she and Squall had met.
"It was how everything got started," she said, quietly, "…The whole reason we met."
Squall looked at her curiously as he kept listening. Rinoa decided to skip over the parts about Zell and Selphie – not to label them unimportant, but so she wouldn't give him too much information at one time. She recalled the time when they'd danced at the inauguration ball – perhaps the best moment in either of their lives aside from when they'd first kissed. She was blown away by how good a dancer he was – only to learn that SeeDs were required to learn various skills, which had only impressed her more.
"We'd actually met once the night before," she stated, "The night you had made SeeD."
She looked at him.
"We both saw each other across the room – and I asked you to dance. You were hesitant at first, claiming that you couldn't."
She laughed lightly at that memory since it had turned out to be a lie. She would have been mad – but, she had been too taken in by his looks and charm to really care, despite how stoic he was at the time.
Squall looked at her with an honest intrigue as he saw her smile. It comforted him to see such a sight as that warm feeling overcame him again. He wanted her to keep talking. For some reason…he was pulled in every time she spoke.
"The next day was when we officially met," she explained, "I was part of a resistance faction. You came to help us establish peace in Timber."
"Timber…?" he asked, a bit confused.
Rinoa laughed lightly again.
"It's where I'm from…technically. SeeDs are sent all over the world to thwart any threats and keep the peace."
Squall thought about that for a moment. He couldn't quite imagine himself taking on such a task. Sure, he was a good fighter – but, world peace? He found that hard to swallow. It seemed a bit corny to him, to say the least.
Rinoa looked down again as she thought of one specific moment during that time. Before then – before they had worked to establish Timber's independence from Galbadia. Before they had set out on their quest to save the world from the threat of the sorceress from the future, Ultimecia, and thwart her plans for Time Compression. Before any of that, right when they'd met that day after the ball, there had been that first special moment of many between them: when she had happily jumped into his arms in excitement that SeeD had come to help them. She'd had no hesitation. They didn't even really know each other yet, but Squall had still caught her – swinging her around as she was filled with joy. Even if it was just a natural reaction to such a situation, she didn't care. It had still happened. He had still done it. It was the first time she had felt his arms around her – and it had felt so good.
She choked on her words for a moment as she was conflicted on whether or not to mention that. Would such a revelation be too much? He was listening right now, sure – but, if she brought that moment up…would he continue to? The thought of him closing up from her again hit her hard. It was the last thing she wanted to happen. They were finally, really talking after that rough first encounter since she'd arrived here. Why risk ruining that?
She looked at Squall again as he looked back at her in anticipation – waiting for her to say more while wondering if she was okay.
"Rinoa…?" he asked.
She shook off the fears that had just come to mind as she took another deep breath – jumping ahead to her point as she looked at him again.
"You're the ideal member of that elite force, Squall," she stated.
Squall was a bit shocked by her words – now even more confused as he looked at her in surprise.
Rinoa glanced down for a moment as she spoke her next words.
"…You're known as the "Legendary SeeD" back home. Your efforts in saving the world have been commemorated all over for the past four years."
Squall didn't know what to say or think about such news. Legendary? Him? It seemed so odd – filling him with a weird feeling undetermined as excitement or unease. The thought that he could have possibly held such a title…it was too hard to imagine.
He looked at Rinoa again as he walked toward her – stepping up next to her as he looked out over the dark world for a moment, sighing as he thought to himself.
"I don't remember any of that," he mumbled, "I try to, but…I just can't see it."
He looked at Rinoa intently.
"Something tells me you're right – and I want to believe it. I want to believe what you say…Rinoa."
She looked at him closely as he spoke - the tone in his voice: the clear regret and pain he had at not being able to remember his life with her - it filled her with sorrow once again…for him.
Squall grabbed the railing as he lowered his head.
"…I just can't," he said, shamefully, "I'm sorry."
Rinoa felt the tears swell in her eyes again as they began rolling down her face almost immediately. She wanted to hug him once again; hold him close and let him know she was there – the urge swelling inside of her to get a taste of that past she so desperately longed for once again, but something held her back. It wasn't the right moment. As hard as it was to resist…she had to refrain; had to wait until Squall could openly welcome such a thing. She could see how much he was already struggling to accept what she had just told him. She couldn't rush it…no matter how she felt.
Squall lifted his head – looking at Rinoa once again as she caught a glimpse of that pain in his eyes. He wanted to remember her - she could see it. It killed him not to able to recall a thing, especially since most of it involved her. He was overcome with a terribly unbearable blend of shame and regret. She had never seen him so vulnerable before. He needed her now, more than ever – even more than before. She could see it all too clearly.
"Forgive me…Rinoa," he said, his voice shaking a little, "...I'm trying."
Rinoa kept crying as she looked at Squall – nodding her head lightly as she saw the most hope yet that he could still remember her and their time together. She couldn't give up. He was reaching out to her; begging her to help him remember – she could feel it. It wasn't too late. They could still get back what they once had and be together like before – before any of this had ever happened. It was the one thing she wanted most…and she wasn't going to let it slip away; let it become just a memory. It was her turn to save him…and she had every intention of doing just that.
"Squall…" she said, tears still rolling down her face.
They stood there together in silence, looking at each other closely as Rinoa smiled lightly at him once again - her face and actions a silent promise that she would be there for him to the very end.