"We've been at this for hours," I whined, hanging the earphones on the stand. Recording was definitely not as fun as it sounded.
"You're almost there, just clear your mind. Stop thinking about anything other than this song. You are so close, Peyton." John said over the loud speaker. The tour was almost over. A part of me was sad, but a larger part of me was ecstatic. We were in a professional recording studio in California. We bought 12 hours worth of studio time, but they were almost up. I sighed. Instead of making it just one acoustic guitar and two voices, we had the rest of the band, along with Julia, record the back track on the song. She mastered it in two takes. She was a pro at this, I however, was just the opposite.
"Can we take a break?" I asked John. I watched him through the window, shaking his head.
"No, we only have an hour left. None of your takes are good, Peyton. What is going on?" he asked me.
"I don't know! This is scary," I confessed, looking around the big empty recording booth. "Is there anywhere smaller we could record?" I asked. John thought for a moment, and then talked to the producer sitting next to him. The producer nodded and walked away. John stood up and entered the recording booth, gently closing the door behind him.
"I have a few ideas," he informed me. He lightly started rubbing my shoulders and I closed my eyes, waiting for him to tell me his ideas.
"Frank is setting up a small booth similar to the one I recorded Black and White in. It is tiny, but not as scary."
"Alright. What are your other ideas?" I asked him.
"I will sing with you."
"You already recorded your part," I told him, as if he already didn't know.
"Sometimes it's easier when you aren't alone," he sighed. That seemed like a weighted sentence. He meant that in more ways than just recording.
"Are you okay today?" I asked, turning around to face him. He dropped his hands and nodded.
"Alright, let's go do this." I smiled at him. We walked down the hallway to a small room. It was smaller than the utilities closet we had that band intervention in back in New York.
"Are we both going to fit?" I asked him.
"Yeah. It won't be comfortable by any means, but it will be fine," John said, pulling the curtain back. It was dark, except for one tiny light on the stand. John stuck his head out and gave the thumbs up to Frank. I put the headphones on and waited until the song filled my ears. I watched John as he sang the first verse, waiting for my cue. I started singing, but I knew that my voice was still off. I stopped singing and looked at John. He stuck his head out to tell Frank to stop recording. We both took our headphones off and I sat down on a stool.
"This is hopeless. What is wrong with me?" I leaned back against the wall.
"Your voice is tired. I will be right back," he told me, exiting the sound booth. God he smelled extra good today. If I were to guess, he did it for me. I knew how he felt about me, and being this close to each other, was not good for me. I was still dead set on proving to Eric that I could be who I once was. But John smelled so god damn good.
"Here," he said, pulling open the curtain and thrusting a steaming cup of hot tea into my hands. It spilled over the brim and I stood up instantly, pretty much throwing the mug on the stool.
"Ouch!" I yelled, cradling my hand against my chest.
"I am so sorry!" he cried out, grabbing my hand. "Holy shit, I am sorry," he said, lightly kissing my hand.
"It's okay," I replied, lightly pulling it out of his grasp. I grabbed the cup of tea and started sipping it. I didn't realize my throat hurt, but the tea soothed it. I set the cup on the floor and looked at John.
"Let's not record this next take, let's just practice one time, no pressure, to see if we can warm up your voice," he suggested. I nodded and picked up my headphones. He made the motion to Frank to playback the song. This time, I was so on, it wasn't even funny.
"That was so amazing!" John high-fived me.
"Too bad we weren't recording that," I sighed.
"We were. I wanted to see if it was actually recording that scared you. Obviously it is, because you almost nailed that. I think we need one more take, though. Just in case."
"We recorded that?" I laughed. "Amazing. Okay, one more take. I don't need you in here anymore," I informed John.
"Ouch!" he faked hurt, and gave me a hug.
"I am proud of you," he told me.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because, I look back at camp and how terrified you were to sing, even in front of me. Now look at you, you are singing in front of sold out venues, recording a song with me. I am just proud of you."
"Well, I am proud of you." I looked up at him, still embraced in our hug. "I always knew you would make it big. I want to thank you. If it wasn't for you, I would have never realized how much I love singing."
He smiled and let go of me. "Alright, let's finish this. We are almost out of studio time." I poked my head out of the curtain as he went and saw Julia and the rest of the guys out there. They all smiled at me and started cheering me on. I laughed and went to record the last take. I did it, in my opinion, flawlessly. This song meant so much to me, and if I had all the time in the world to work on it, I don't think I could get it any better than the way it sounded when Frank played it all back for all of us to listen. It was perfection. I even got teary eyed. John laughed and pulled me close to him.
"Good job, kid," he whispered.
"You too," I smiled at him.
"This sounds fucking sick," Jared said, nodding his head.
"Sick," Pat nodded in agreement.
"Thanks guys," I smiled.
"Celebratory drinks!" Kennedy yelled.
"Go ahead guys, I have to talk to Peyton," John said. They all left and so did Frank. I sat down on the desk and waited for John to say whatever it was he had to.
"I really don't think you know how excited I am for people to hear this," John told me, looking at all of the knobs and levers on the sound board.
"Me too," I told him. "Is that all you wanted to tell me?" I asked standing up.
"No," he shook his head and finally looked at me.
"Well, what else?" I asked. He took a deep breath and closed the gap between us.
"What are you doi-" but my sentence was cut off with his lips, almost forcefully finding mine. I pulled away and just looked at him.
"I don't want to part ways when we get home tomorrow. I don't want you to go meet Eric," he rested his forehead on mine. He grabbed both of my hands, and swung them lightly between us. "I love you," he whispered. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I just stood there, glancing towards the door, wishing I could dash out of it before John said anything else.
God he smelled good.
"I know you don't want to hear that, and I know that you don't want me, but I just felt like I needed to tell you that," he confessed after he figured I wasn't going to say anything.
"I know you love me, John. You told me already. I just really don't know what I am supposed to say here," I said, finally looking up at him.
"This song, it's not just a song for me. It's so much more. It's not just words. It's how I feel," he said, letting go of one of my hands, and gently running his fingers through my hair.
"John," I sighed, lifting my hands and gently pushing him away. He looked hurt, and his pained face hurt me. "When we get home tomorrow, I am going to meet Eric. I know you don't want me to, but don't you want me to be happy?"
"Of course I do. I just know that we could be happy together."
"I love Eric," I shrugged, sitting down on the desk.
"I know. I know." He sighed. "If you knew how much I loved you, Eric wouldn't be an issue. I can give you so much more than he can."
I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him. "You will always be one of my best friends. That's really all I can give you."
"Let's go find everyone else," he pulled away from me.
"Fine," I sighed. He walked all the way to the venue keeping at least a three foot distance between us.
We met up at the bar inside of the venue. It was their last show, and they were pumped. We all stood around a table with our drinks in the air as Kennedy gave us a toast.
"To the band, for getting this far and working through our problems. To this being our last show of tour, and may we, for the love of god, rock hard. To Julia, for being a genius on the guitar and for making our Garrett such a happy boy. To John and Peyton, for recording one of the best songs I have ever heard. And to me, in hopes that I get laid tonight!" he yelled, and we all laughed. Everyone clanked their glasses of various alcohols, except for Pat, Garrett and myself, who all had water. Julia and I only had one drink, and then we parted ways to go set up shop. We unloaded the heavy boxes out of the trailer and carried them inside. I didn't have to use my crutches anymore, thank Justin Richards. After we set up merch, we didn't feel like hanging out with the boys. We needed girl time.
"Are you ready to be home?" I asked her. She shrugged.
"Nothing's really waiting for me there. My home is wherever Garrett is, I guess." She replied, sitting down in a chair. I sat down in mine too.
"Are you ready to be home?" she asked. "Wait, don't answer that. I already know the answer," she chuckled. I smiled.
"I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight." I confessed. "Tomorrow is the start of the rest of my life. I'm so ready for it."
"Good," she smiled. Out of nowhere, one of my heroes walked up. I got a legit boner just looking at him.
"Hi, are you Peyton and Julia?" he asked us. I nodded. "John said that I could set up my merch with you guys, since I don't have anyone to look after it. Do you mind?" he asked.
"No, we don't mind," Julia said. He lifted a box onto the table and I couldn't help but stare at his mustache, in all of its glory.
"Thank you," he smiled at us. "I am Austin," he held out his hand. Julia shook it first and then I did. I didn't let go. Austin stared at his hand for a few seconds, and then pulled it back. I blushed, because I didn't realize that I was still holding onto it. "I need to go sound check, but I hope we can talk after the show."
"I.. I.. me too," I stuttered. He smiled and turned to walk away. Julia was laughing so hard, she was practically rolling on the floor.
"Oh my god, I made an ass of myself in front of Austin Gibbs. What is my life?" I asked, face palming.
"Your life is lame," she was laughing so hard she was snorting.
"How does Garrett even like you with all of that snorting?" I practically yelled and then joined her in laughing.
After we calmed down, we talked for a while until people started coming in. I was in such a good mood; I didn't care if they were snotty, spoiled 14 year olds. I waited patiently until Austin Gibbs played. His music meant so much to me. He was, without a doubt, one of my favorite artists. He finally took the stage and the second I heard him play his harmonica, I got goose bumps. He was one of my heroes, there was no doubt about it.
I was so caught up watching Austin, that I nearly jumped 10 feet in the air when someone came up behind me and whispered "Guess who," in my ear.
"Shit, you scared me," I gasped, trying to catch my breath. "Um, John Gomez."
"Nope," he chuckled. I would know that chuckle anywhere. He was my god, after all.
"Holy shit, Justin!" I spun around and practically jumped on him. I looked over to where Julia was, and smiled to find her arms wrapped around Nicholas Santino.
"How have you been?" he asked, stealing my chair. I shrugged.
"That great?" Nick asked, leaning against the merch table.
"She's just ready to get home tomorrow," Julia piped in. I nodded.
"Good. It is all Halvo talks about. I can't wait until you guys finally unite so he will shut up," Justin laughed. I smiled. It made me happy to know that he was as excited as I was.
"Are you guys playing tonight?" I asked. I didn't know Austin was, so it wouldn't surprise me if they were.
"Nah. Just catching a ride to Arizona. We have a meeting with Tim tomorrow." Justin replied. I was bummed that they weren't playing, but stoked that they were riding with us to Arizona. Nick turned to Julia to start a conversation of their own, so I plopped down on Justin's lap and laid my head on his shoulder. That was the good thing about Justin. He was always there for you when you needed to talk, no judgment.
"Spill," he smiled, leaning his head on top of mine. So I did. I told him everything that had happened with John that morning. We talked for what seemed like hours. Somehow I ended up with my legs thrown over one of the arms of the fold out chair, my back resting on the other side, still sitting on top of him. We were deep in discussion until John calling my name from on stage pulled my attention away. I looked over at Justin, letting him know our conversation was far from over.
"Knock 'em dead, kid," he smiled. I grabbed Julia's hand and told Nick to watch the stand. He nodded and watched us run up to the stage.
"What are you doing?" Julia asked me.
"Last night of tour, you are playing." I yelled behind me. John Gomez handed her his acoustic guitar, and I grabbed a microphone.
"We're going to play a song that Peyton and I wrote. It's called 'All Over Again.' I hope you guys enjoy it."
All I could think about was this morning and how awkward it was between John and I, and singing the song at the moment, didn't sound appealing.
"Wait," I said into my mic. John looked at me with a confused look.
I ran offstage to say something to John Gomez. He looked at me like I was crazy, but nodded and headed off to the merch stand. I walked back on stage and waited until John reached the table.
"I don't know if you guys noticed, but we have two of my favorite people on the planet here tonight. You may know them. Together they make up 2 out of the 4 members of a little band called 'A Rocket to the Moon.'" I smiled towards them. They both shook their heads. I rolled my eyes and looked over at John. He rolled his eyes at me, but I didn't care.
"Who wants to hear them play a song?" I asked the crowd. They all cheered extremely loud.
"But it's the middle of our set," John practically yelled into his microphone. I shrugged. John walked offstage, but the rest of the band stayed. Justin and Nick made their way onto the stage and Nick wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He stole my mic.
"I am tired of A Rocket to the Moon songs. Anybody in the mood for some Brighten?" I looked over at Justin, but he was already looking at me, smiling. I smiled back. He stepped up to John's mic and strummed his guitar, making sure it was in tune.
"Peyton can pick the song," he said, absentmindedly tuning the instrument.
I thought about it for a moment, and then knew which one I wanted.
"What She Really Wants," I answered. He nodded and started playing the song. Soon, the whole band and Julia picked up and joined in on the song. It sounded amazing. Nick and I shared a microphone, and even though my voice cracked on a few notes, I didn't care.
My life was finally back on track. I was seeing Eric tomorrow.
The rest of the night was a blur. I halfway remember peeing in some bushes. I definitely remember petting Austin Gibbs' mustache. I remember John catching Phil and some chick getting it on in his bunk. It was the last night on tour, and I was with some of my favorite people in the world. Of course I was going to partake in the festivities. Did I feel bad about it? Not really. I didn't do anything morally corruptive. I promised Halvo I would drink less, and I had. The only thing was that the second hangover was definitely worse than the first. We were almost to Arizona when I woke up. I was lying on one of the couches, Justin was on the other and Nick was lying in the floor between us. I yawned and sat up, wishing I hadn't. I let my head fall back on my pillow. I wish I hadn't have done that either.
"Stop moving. You are too loud and my head is killing me," I heard someone mumble. I looked over at Justin, who had his hands over his face, shielding his sensitive eyes from the light.
"I wasn't even that loud!" I whispered.
"You don't have to yell, shhhh," he whispered back.
"Fuck you guys, I was sleeping. Stop being so loud," Nick mumbled.
"Peyton, can I talk to you?" I looked up and saw John leaning against the wall. I didn't want to talk, but I guess we needed to. I stood up slowly and tripped over Nick, my whole body plummeting onto Justin.
"FUCK!" Justin yelled, and I giggled.
"Shhh, inside voices." I whispered as I stood up and followed John to the back room. He closed the door and I sat down on one of the couches, waiting for him to say something.
"I don't know where to start. I am so mad at you right now," he informed me, pacing back and forth.
"Mad at me? What did I do?" I asked.
"You have been doing stuff all tour during our sets that look unprofessional for us and you don't even care. Like last night, bringing Justin and Nick up there in the middle of our set. Why?" he asked. "Couldn't you just sing the damn song with me?"
"No," I sighed. "I didn't want to."
"Why not?" He looked hurt.
"Because yesterday in the recording studio, you freaked me out with all of that 'I love you' bullshit. That song is about love and second chances, and singing it with you after everything, I don't know. You said that song is more than just a song to you. It's how you felt, and I am sorry, John, I just don't feel the same way."
"That didn't give you the right to bring Justin and Nick up there."
"You're right," I stood up and threw my hands in the air. "My bad. I screwed up, again." The bus came to a stop, and I guess that meant we made it to Arizona. "Thank you Justin Richards!" I exclaimed, throwing the door open.
"Thanks for what?" Justin asked.
"Um, you know. For things," I mentally hated myself for forgetting they were on the bus. I ran down the aisle and threw the bus door open. The heat hit me so hard, but I didn't care. I skipped and grabbed my suitcase out of the storage under the bus. My dad was supposed to pick me up, but I didn't see him. He was always late though. I sat down on my suitcase, waiting. Almost everyone's ride was already there, waiting. Julia left with Garrett and Trey. John's brother Ross was there to pick him up. Kennedy rode home with Jared and Tessa.
"We won't leave you here." Justin informed me, pulling up his bag to sit on. Pat, Justin and Nick were all waiting on Tim to arrive.
"Thanks guys." I smiled at them.
Thirty minutes after Tim arrived, Nick handed me his phone. It was too hot to be sitting outside, and I needed to find out what was taking my dad so long.
I dialed the number I knew all so well, and felt my heart sink a little when it went straight to voicemail.
"He's not answering," I sighed. "Do you guys mind giving me a ride to my apartment?" I asked.
"No problem," Tim smiled.
Being smushed in the back between Nick and Justin might be some girls dream, but not mine. It wasn't that I didn't find them attractive, because believe me, I definitely do. It was the fact that they smelt delightful, and I hadn't showered in a few days. It was a little on the embarrassing side.
We pulled up to my apartment and Justin stepped out of the car to let me out. He grabbed my suitcase for me.
"I'll walk you to the door. Just in case some psycho killer is waiting for you in there after being gone for a month," he smiled. I laughed and nodded. As soon as I opened the door to our apartment, I realized how much I had missed being home. Everything was as we left it, so I hugged Justin goodbye.
"When do you go back to California?" I asked him before we pulled away.
"Either tomorrow or Sunday. We aren't here for long."
"Well, we need to get together before you go."
"Of course we will. Have fun tonight," he smiled and walked out. I closed the door and fell onto the couch. I looked over at the table and saw my cell phone sitting there. I didn't feel like listening to everything right now.
Two hours later, I was sitting under the gazebo. It took my car a few tries before the engine finally turned. It had been sitting for a month.
I wondered how long it would be before Halvo got here. Not long I hope. My make-up was already starting to run and my hair was falling flat thanks to the Arizona heat.
Three hours passed, and there was still no sign of Eric. I had started pacing and stopped worrying about the way I looked. It was hopeless at this point.
Two more hours passed, and I was starting to get hungry. I tried not think about it, because I knew I couldn't leave until Eric got here, otherwise he might think that I wasn't coming.
I laid down on the small bench and closed my eyes. He would be here soon, I just knew it.
I woke up to someone shaking the hell out of me.
"What are you still doing here? Everyone has been worried sick about you! Why don't you have your phone?" he asked. I groggily sat up and looked around the deserted park. I glanced down at my watch and saw that it was 5 in the morning.
"He didn't show up," I bit my bottom lip as I felt the tears already start to form in my eyes. "He didn't want me," I cried out. I stood up and buried my face into Justin's chest. He cradled my head against him with one hand and leaned his head on top of mine. His other hand was wrapped tightly around my back. It was the only thing keeping me from sinking to the ground.
"Shhhh, I'm sure something happened," he whispered into my ear. "I knew how excited he was."
"Have you… talked.. to him?" I choked out.
"No, I haven't. Nobody could get a hold of him either," he answered, lightly brushing the hair out of my eyes. I knew he was trying to calm me down, but I didn't want to be in this park for another minute.
"Can you take me home?" I asked, wiping my face with my palms.
"Sure, come on," he said, draping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close. There is a god, and his name is Justin Richards.
"How did Tim let you take his baby out?" I asked as soon as we got into Tim's car.
"I drive like a grandma, so he's okay with me taking her out," he answered, patting the dashboard. I nodded.
"Actually, could we make a detour, I need to check on my dad."
"No problem. Just lead the way."
We rode in silence the whole way, my tiny voice only filling the car when I gave directions. I was defeated, and felt horrible, but I wasn't going to cry over Eric anymore. He made his decision. I would have to live with it. I could do that.
We pulled into my old driveway. I missed this house. I usually saw my dad once or twice a week, and going a whole month without seeing him, was downright painful.
"His car's here," I observed, sighing in relief that I would finally get to see him. "Do you want to come in? If you have somewhere to go, that's okay. My dad's a pretty cool man," I smiled.
"So I have heard," he laughed. "I'm game, let's go." I knocked on the door and nobody answered. I waited a tiny bit longer, but he never came. So I just used my key.
"Dad?" I called into the house. The tv was on in the living room, but when I entered, he wasn't sitting in his chair.
"DAD?" I called as loud as I could. Nothing. I ran through the whole house looking for him.
"He isn't here Peyton," Justin told me as I ran past him again to double check.
"I know, but if he isn't here, then where is he?" I felt like I was about to have a panic attack.
"When was the last time you talked to him?" he asked me.
"Uh, a few days into tour. I don't really know." I went to his answering machine to see if there were any clues there. It was blinking, indicating he had messages. I hit the play button.
"Isn't that like, invasion of privacy?" Justin asked.
"SHHHH," I demanded.
The only message he had was from James, his partner, asking where he was.
This was getting to be too much.
"Take me home, now. I need to check my phone." I ran out of the door. Justin trailed behind me. I grabbed the keys from his grasp and ran to the drivers seat.
"This is not the time for you to be driving like a grandma."
"You shouldn't be driving Peyton. You are too worked up and-"
"Shut up!" I demanded, stepping on the gas pedal. Justin just sat back and closed his eyes.
"When you wreck Tim's car I'm not going to bail you ou-"
"SHUT UP!" I yelled. He smiled and nodded. He knew I wasn't trying to be disrespectful, I just needed to get to the bottom of this.
I threw the car in park and jumped out, running full speed for my door. I grabbed the cell phone off of the table and turned it on. It buzzed, what seemed like a million times before I could go through my missed calls and messages interrupted.
I had 42 voicemails. I skipped the ones from Halvo, and anyone else who was unimportant until I found the one I needed.
"I'm calling for Peyton Smith, to inform her that her father, William Smith, was admitted to the Tempe St. Luke's Hospital on August 19. He suffered a heart attack the morning of the 19th. You were the only emergency contact he had in his phone. It is very urgent that you call us back as soo-" I snapped the phone shut.
"My dad had a heart attack yesterday. He had a heart attack before he was supposed to come pick me up. Justin we need to go to the hospital now. Right now," I buried my face into his shirt, and his arms comforted me for the second time today.
"It's going to be fine, shhhh Peyton," he whispered, trying to comfort me. "I'll drive. Faster than normal, promise," he told me, grabbing the keys from my back pocket. I nodded and grabbed my phone. He led me to the car and pretty much booked it to the hospital. I was proud of him for driving out of his comfort zone.
"William Smith?" I asked the lady at the front desk. She took her time looking at her chart, over and over and over again. I was fidgeting with anything I could get my hands on, waiting for her to answer.
"For Christ's sake!" Justin yelled. I had never seen him raise his voice. Not once, so I was taken aback. He grabbed the chart from the lady and scanned it. She started yelling and making a scene until he dropped it back on the counter and grabbed my hand.
"418," he informed me. He pushed the button on the elevator and I shook my head.
"I'm scared of elevators," I confessed.
"Oh, well we can take the stairs," he assured me.
"That will take too long," I sighed.
"It's up to you."
"Just hold my hand and don't let it go." He nodded in agreement. As soon as the elevator stopped on the fourth floor, I dashed off of it. I had always been afraid of elevators.
We found room 418, and I knocked quietly.
"Come in," I heard my dad's voice call out, weakly. I sighed in relief to hear his voice. I ran in and carefully threw my arms around him.
"Daddy, I missed you so much," tears were steady rolling down my cheeks by this point.
"I missed you too, baby," he replied. His arms were confined by needles and wires, so he couldn't hug me back. The sight of him, laying helpless on a hospital bed broke my heart. I pulled away slowly and looked at all of the machines. They scared me.
"Who is this?" dad asked me as he spotted Justin standing awkwardly by the door.
"I'm Justin," he introduced himself.
"You wouldn't be Justin Richards by chance?" my dad asked. Oh god dad, shut up.
"The one in the same," Justin smiled.
"So he's the one you refer to as god?"
I closed my eyes and wished that this moment would pass.
"Shut up, daddy." I was sure my face was as red as it had ever been before in my life.
"I'm sorry, she does what?" Justin asked, clearly intrigued.
"You know. Instead of saying Thank God, she says Thank Justin Rich-"
"OKAY!" I practically yelled. Both Justin and my dad chuckled. This was so not funny.
"Okay Mr. Smith, it's time for you afternoon medicine. Oh, I see you have some visitors!" the nurse smiled as she rounded the corner.
"This is my daughter, Peyton. This is her friend Justin."
"Oh so you are the infamous 'Peyton.' It's a pleasure to meet you. Your dad has done nothing but talk about you all day today."
"Well, she is my whole life," he chuckled. I kissed his cheek. He was mine too.
"Your father is a real flirt too," she giggled.
"Of course he is." I smiled, taking a seat in the chair.
"He should probably nap now. You guys should come back in a few hours."
"Please don't make me leave," I pleaded. "I haven't seen my dad in a month and I just really need to be near him. It may sound weird to you, but please."
"Well…" she debated. "Okay, but he needs to sleep. Don't distract him." I nodded. She left and I sat down in the chair.
"You don't have to stay, Justin. I am sure it's going to be boring just sitting here."
"I'm not leaving you," he smiled and sat down in the chair next to me. I nodded, thankful. I didn't want to be by myself. I guess he knew that.
My dad was asleep within twenty minutes. Justin bought a pack of cards from the gift shop and we played card games for almost an hour.
"Do you want to talk about Eric?" he asked me, cautiously.
"Not really," I sighed. "I'd rather just forget about it." He nodded, shuffling the cards again. "I just want to know, you know. Why didn't he come last night? He told me that he would be there no matter what."
"He told me he would be there come hellfire and brimstone." Justin told me. "Something had to have happened."
"Well, I don't want to think about it right now."
"Don't take this the wrong way, but you could do better."
"What?" I asked. I thought Eric was one of his best friends.
"You and Eric were good together, don't get me wrong. But that's all you were. Whenever I saw you two together there was no passion, or anything. It just seemed like you guys were friends who kissed more than anything. You could tell that you cared for each other a lot, but that was it."
I nodded, I could see how he would say that. We didn't really show PDA. I stood up and looked t my dad. He looked so peaceful. I was ready for him to wake up so that I could talk to him about everything. I turned around and faced Justin.
"What were you and John like together?" he asked me.
"We were just the opposite of Halvo and I. We were full blown passion, but not as much caring." I sighed. I didn't want to think about John right now.
"I never saw you two together, but that wouldn't have lasted."
"Yeah, I know." I sighed, looking down at my dad.
Justin stood up and walked over to me. "Everything will be okay," he whispered, grabbing my hand. I nodded and looked over at him.
"I want to try something," he whispered so low, I almost didn't catch it.
"What?" I asked.
"I'm going to kiss you," he informed me. I had never thought of Justin like that, and the thought of kissing him didn't excite me at all. I would give it a try though. I just nodded.
He placed his left hand on my cheek and his right arm around my back. My breath hitched at the closeness and my body was suddenly aware of how close Justin was. What was going on? This was Justin. My friend. Nothing more. He cautioned me with his eyes that he was about to go in for the kill. I nodded and watched his face get closer and closer to mine. My eyes instinctively closed and I was knocked breathless when he took most of my weight into his arm and swung me so that I was leaning backwards. I opened my eyes and locked my arms around his neck, afraid he would drop me. He chuckled and lowered his face to mine. I looked into his blue eyes, and saw something there I had never seen before. Fire. Passion. The moment his lips touched mine, I was captivated. His kisses weren't invasive or rough, they were soft and slow. I felt his tongue run slowly across my bottom lip, asking for entry. I granted him access, and was surprised by how natural kissing Justin felt.
My mind couldn't wrap around the fact that I was kissing Justin Richards. He stood me back up straight and slowly pulled away, stroking my cheek with his thumb. I was speechless. What do you say to the person who just gave you the best kiss you had ever had in your whole 21 years?
"Uh," I tried to think of something to say. He just smiled and kissed my forehead.
"I have wanted to do that for years," he confessed.
"Years?" I asked.
"That night that you were passed out in our van. I stayed with you all night. Eric was just there when you woke up the next morning. I had to go help Nick do something."
"Why didn't you ever tell me?" I asked, trying to wrap my head around this.
"You liked Eric," he shrugged. "I just wanted you to be happy."
"Kiss me again like you just did, and I will be happy for the rest of my life," I whispered, and he smiled the biggest smile I have ever seen in my life.
He wrapped his arms tightly around me and brought his lips to mine again. This time, we were interrupted by my dad's heart monitor going crazy. I broke away from Justin and looked at the machine.
"What's happening?" I cried out. A doctor and a few nurses came in, and ushered us out of the door. I fought and kicked them, until they finally gave up. The doctor ripped open my dad's hospital gown and got the defibrillator ready. The first time they shocked my dad, I screamed. I felt Justin's arms wrap around me in an attempt to pull me away.
"Peyton, you don't need to see this," he told me.
"Dad, don't die! I need you," I cried out, struggling to get out of Justin's grasp.
"Get her out of here!" the doctor yelled. The nurses struggled with me for the second time. I was not above scratching or biting.
Then that god awful noise filled the room. The long, body numbing tone. You know the one. The one that tells you that you just lost someone close to you.
The one that shatters your whole world.
The sound that rips the air from your lungs.
That one.
"Time of death 4:32," the doctor said, putting the paddles down. I fell to the ground. No tears were falling, no sound was escaping my mouth.
I was in shock. My whole world had just been ripped from me.
The one person that meant everything to me was no longer alive. No longer capable of breathing. He no longer had a pulse.
He was gone. The nurses mumbled their condolences on the way out of the room, but I knew they could care less. I stood up and walked to his bedside. I grabbed his lifeless hand and put it to my cheek. I didn't know what to do, so I started babbling like a crazy person.
"That time that you took me to the Grand Canyon instead of Miami for spring break, and I told you that I hated you, I didn't mean it. I loved the Grand Canyon. It was beautiful. And that time that we went to Seattle to visit grandma, and we got in a fight and I ran away, I am so sorry for that." The tears started falling and I started sobbing. There was no controlling it anymore. I was no longer in shock, the reality sunk in.
"And that time that you cooked that god awful chili and I told you that it was the best thing I had ever tasted, I lied, but I didn't want to hurt you. Don't do this to me," I sobbed onto his chest. I wrapped my arms around his body and held on for dear life.
"Don't leave me, daddy."
Then we heard it. The faintest of beeps. The tiniest of beeps, I wasn't even sure if I made it up. I looked at Justin, and he was looking at the monitor. He heard it too. He ran out to get the doctor, and I sat up.
"It happens sometimes, okay? He's gone. There is nothing we can do about it," the doctor was saying as he walked into the room. "I'm sorry for your loss Miss Smith, but he's gone." Then it happened again. The doctor had a strange look on his face and he called the nurses.
"We can try one more time, but I can't promise you anything. His heart isn't very healthy right now, it may not keep a beat."
Ten minutes later the dumb doctor left the room, his head hung in shame, because he didn't try hard enough. He didn't care enough to keep pushing on. He gave up on my dad. I didn't though. I knew he wasn't done.
He had so much left to do in his life.
"I thought…" he stopped to take a few breaths, "you liked my chili."
"Don't you ever die on me again, you bastard." I cried and held his hand. He squeezed as tight as he could and nodded.
"We need to get your heart healthy, dad." I said, wiping my tears.
"How do we do that?" he asked.
"Eat Cheerios, duh." I smiled. Justin walked beside me and grabbed my other hand.
"Are you two together?" my dad asked me.
"No," I shook my head.
"Not yet," Justin smiled, confidently.
"Not yet," I agreed.
"What about Joe and Eric?" he asked me.
"Joe?" Justin asked.
"I don't like JOHN like that. Eric stood me up last night. Justin has always been here for me though."
"I always will be."
"I like this guy," my dad chuckled.
A few minutes later they took my dad for tests. They told us that the tests would take hours, and that we should go eat or something and come back later.
As we were walking out of the hospital my phone was vibrating in my back pocket. I retrieved it and stared at the screen. Eric.
"Should I answer?" I asked Justin's opinion.
"If you want an explanation, then yes," he smiled.
"Hello," I answered, flatly.
"I am so sorry…"
"What happened?" I asked, curious.
"Well, I was on my way to the park when John called me. He said he wanted to meet up. He's been my friend since the third grade, what was I supposed to do?"
"Okay, so you met up with John and…?"
"He took me out for a beer. One thing led to another and we were trashed. I couldn't drive or even walk."
"I see," I sighed.
"Can we meet up?" he asked. I looked over at Justin. He was smiling at me, waiting for me to get in the car.
"I don't think that's a good idea." I told him.
"Please?" he asked me.
"Go talk to John, who, by the way, did that on purpose. Don't you see Eric? He didn't want to patch things up, he just didn't want you to meet me."
"No, he didn't do it on purpose. It's not like him."
"It is though," I sighed. "Good luck with your rekindled bromance, Eric. I can't do this anymore," and with that, I snapped my phone shut and climbed in the passenger seat.
"Where do you want to-" but I cut him off with my lips. Kissing Justin felt new and exciting, and I almost felt like I could do it for the rest of my life, and never get tired of it. It was unexpected and perfect. It was what I needed right now. He was what I needed right now.