SEDKDA Chapter 26 – Dark and Light

I walked into my house and was shocked to find Edward there. He was on his knees with his hands running through his hair. When he looked up at me, his face was contorted with anguish.

"What…what are you doing here?" I asked as I tried to cover the tears I had been shedding the last week over him and his finding out about the book the way he did.

"I can't do it Bella, I can't live without you," Edward said in a broken voice. "I can't be alone. Will you take me back? Will you have me as yours?"

"But what about the book? I lied to you…" I started to say but he had jumped up and covered my mouth with his hand.

"I don't care, I just need you," he said then removed his hand from my mouth only to replace it with his lips as his tongue delved into the depths of my mouth.

I moaned into the kiss and wrapped my arms around Edward, afraid to let him go. His arms enveloped my body before he picked me up and carried me to my bedroom.

I started to undress myself quickly as he did the same. We needed to reconnect our bodies, our passion, our physical display of our love for each other. He finished undressing first and quickly ripped the rest of my clothes from my body before shoving me back onto the bed and crawling up over me. I felt something slip onto my hand and looked to see that Edward had returned the ring to my left hand.

We didn't speak; we just let our bodies get reacquainted with each other. I moaned as he slipped into me before covering my mouth with his again. The union of our bodies was perfect as he quickly pumped into me. My hands searched his body, finding purchase wherever they could. I just couldn't get enough of him. I needed Edward closer to me, deeper within me, and with me forever.

I felt my coil begin to tighten and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, trying to hold him to me but they didn't find anything. There was nothing to grab onto. I opened my eyes and watched as my perfect vision of Edward dissolved right before my eyes. I looked around me and saw I was kneeling in his house, crying as Leah turned away. Looking at my hand I realized that the ring was gone.

I started to bawl in uncontrollable lurches, my mind, heart, and soul shattering once again as I relived the moments where I lost Edward. The room spun around me and I was back in the hotel suite watching as Edward walked out of the room and away from me.

I started screaming out for him, begging him to turn around, to look back one more time. I felt hands on me, shaking me, and I heard my name being shouted.

"Bella! Bella! BELLA!" Alice screamed and I sat straight up in bed, into her arms, and cried my heart out. "It's ok Bella, it's ok," Alice cooed as she held me. "It was just a dream, only a dream."

I nodded into her shoulder. It had been just a dream just like every other night, day, and time I had tried to sleep. It was always the same and always felt so real. I just couldn't let go of the hope that Edward would take me back one day.

My tears eventually dried and Alice went to get me a glass of water. I hadn't left my apartment since the day my life had ended. Alice had taken to staying here over the last month, afraid to let me be alone. I didn't have the heart to tell her that all she was doing was waking me up into my real life nightmare every time she woke me up from a screaming dream. I would rather be in the dream than in real life.

The only noticeable thing I remembered was the day the package arrived. I was sitting on my bed when the doorbell rang. I slowly made my way there in a daze and found a package leaning up against my door. I carried it in and looked down to see who it was from. That was when I noticed the familiar script of Edward's.

My hands shook as I carefully peeled back the tape and opened the flaps. Inside were some of my things I had apparently left behind at his house: a razor, some shampoo, a light jacket, and my coffee cup. Inside the coffee cup was a key and I recognized it as the key I had given Edward for my apartment.

This was the final realization that he wasn't coming back, that he was through with me. He gave me back my key. I held the coffee cup, the key inside shaking because of my trembling hands. I screamed out and threw the coffee cup on the kitchen floor, shattering it. The key slid under the stove as I collapsed on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

I looked at the broken shards and reached out to pick one up through my tear blurred gaze. I held the jagged piece to my wrist. One simple slice and this would all be over. Just a bit of pressure and I could forget about all this permanently. I pressed it into my skin, not noticing the pain as it started to split it. Alice walked in then and found me and that was the day she decided to stay indefinitely.

***SEDKDA***

I didn't know how much time had passed since Edward had walked away from me but I was aware of the season changing from fall to winter. My dad arrived at some point but Alice still wouldn't leave my side. He slept on the couch, too much of a gentleman to displace Alice from the spare bedroom. Days became nights and the time passed without me noticing.

I tried to go through the motions for my dad, getting up and taking care of the house. I washed dishes, cooked meals, and ran laundry through, but I didn't speak to anyone unless spoken to first. After about a month of my dad being there, I thought I had him fooled. He seemed to be preparing to go back home.

I went into my room to shower and turned it on before remembering that I had washed the towels that morning. I wrapped in my robe and opened my bedroom door but heard my dad talking on the phone.

"I'm telling you Dr. Gerandy, she isn't the same person anymore. Ever since they broke up she has been spiraling downwards. Sure she goes through the motions but I think she is only doing that for my sake... Well yeah, there is a family history… Her mother… She also has Lupus… Yes, she's been taking her medicine but I think it is only a matter of time before she ends up in the hospital from it… Doc, she is trying so hard, I've never seen anyone try so hard, but it just isn't working. She is going downhill fast and I would rather get her into the hospital now before we have to call the ambulance for her… Ok… Ok… Thank you Doc. I'll talk to her and try to get her to come in on her own this week… Thank you too… Bye."

Charlie hung up the phone and I closed my door, crumpling up behind it. I hadn't fooled anyone. I just had wanted to keep him from hurting but I was only hurting him more. I had to get my life back. I had to regain control. I couldn't let Edward rule my life anymore. I had to get better for me, for my dad, for Alice.

I started to get out of the house, go to the store, and initiate conversations. It was hard, extremely hard, but I managed to start living one day at a time then one week at a time. I began speaking to Jessica about my book tour and the release date for it.

I had decided on a local bookstore here in Seattle for the release. It was the same one I had met Jasper in. It wasn't the large mega chain but it was large enough and even had a small coffee shop next door. I thought it would be the best place for it seeing as how it was a part of my book.

I had also started working out and found that it helped keep me healthy, as healthy as sex had, but it wasn't near as fun. I did miss the exciting sex life I had come to have but wasn't allowing myself to go find just any guy to fill the other half of my bed. I had found the perfect guy already and had messed that up so I was asexual for the time being.

I was nervous about the first book signing we had scheduled but was excited about it too. The book had hit the shelves last week and the first signing was in a month to give the people a chance to read the book and get the word of mouth out.

***SEDKDA***

The day was finally here for my first ever book signing. I had foolishly been practicing for the last week signing my name over and over and over and over and over until my hand cramped and needed ice. I didn't want to not make it through today though I didn't know how many people would be there.

Alice and Jasper were driving me there and had stayed the night so Alice could help me get ready. I had found out a few months ago that Jasper had been staying during my zombie state. I remember the day I walked into the guest room with a tub of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, two spoons, and a stack of chick flicks. It was just after my realization that I needed to snap out of it and live my life or I was going to end up like my mother.

I knocked twice and opened the door and found her lounging on the bed and I heard the shower running. She looked startled and told me she was going to get in the shower in a sec but then the water turned off. She flew off the bed as I crossed the room towards the bathroom. I wanted to know who was in my house. As she was blocking the door it opened to reveal Jasper wrapped only in a towel with his hair dripping.

He blushed and Alice stammered and then explained that he had been staying over most of the nights. I was shocked to find out that he was there for most of my episodes and was also there the day I broke down over the box Edward had sent me. I was so out of it that I hadn't even noticed him being there.

I was glad that he had been there though, for Alice and for me. Jasper really was a great guy and I'm glad that Alice and he had worked out. She didn't even seem bothered by the fact that Jasper and I had slept together. I found her with a copy of my book shortly after the release and was mortified to have her reading it until I saw her trying to pose in some of the positions he had used on me. I had to run away so my laughter wouldn't give my spying on her away but I didn't see her or Jasper for a few days after that. My guess is that he unleashed his Kama sutra knowledge on her.

I was thankful for them, however. Alice had become my personal stylist in the absence of Rosalie. I found out that she was no longer working for Jessica. She had apparently started her own company of some sort providing style tips and shopping for others. It was what she had been doing but now she was her own boss.

Jess filled me in at my last visit with her and had actually hired Alice on a trial basis to replace Rose. Jasper had actually retired from the military and Jess suggested that I would need a body guard, something that Jasper was quite good at with his combat skills and "Major" past.

He and Alice escorted me to the bookstore and I almost had a panic attack when we arrived and I saw the line was wrapped around the building. There was no way that all these people were here for me, was there? Alice flitted inside once the car had parked and Jasper stayed right by my side as we entered the back of the store.

I was starting to hyperventilate when I saw that the line of people was, indeed, waiting for me. Jasper used his weird calming ability on me and soon I was feeling better. I don't know how Jasper always managed to do it but it was like he was able to actually influence my emotions. Someone brought me a bottle of water and I made a quick trip to the ladies room with Alice to relieve myself and for her to do a final touchup on my makeup.

Finally, it was time to sit at the intimidating table next to the extremely large display of books and pile of pens. I took a deep breath and looked at the line of eager faces waiting to speak to me and then nodded to the employees of the store who removed the red velvet rope that was keeping them back.

My table was quickly swarmed with people but it wasn't as bad as I expected. I was shocked to hear how my book had helped one couple explore more sexual boundaries and another woman told me how my book saved her marriage. There were many people that thanked me for writing about a subject that many considered private. I came across a few weirdos that were practically uber obsessed but for the most part, everyone was eager to meet me and ask me a question or two.

I had been steadily signing and talking for a few hours and knew I would need a break soon. I motioned to Jasper that I would be stopping soon and he made a break in the line telling the people behind the break that I would return in about thirty minutes to an hour. Some grumbled but most just stayed where they were.

I had lost track of the number of people that I had talked to and had began to just look at the book while signing my name instead of their faces. It seemed to make the time go by more quickly. I was finally at the last two people in line by show of their feet. My neck was stiff from looking up so I just kept my head down as I asked who to sign the book for.

The name I was told made me instantly look up and I found myself looking into a very familiar face as I felt a smile break across mine.