Still partially hung over from the previous day's party, my transformation — alone, this time, as my inebriated friends had barely made it out of bed on Saturday, let alone down to the Shack — had left me in a worse state than that to which I was accustomed. I had returned to the castle Sunday morning aching, tired, and looking like I had been in several fist fights, so Madame Pomfrey had insisted I stay. In fact, she had locked the door herself to assure I wouldn't wander off until she had thoroughly confirmed that I was fit to be up and about.

I missed lunch and dinner under her watch, so when she finally released me with just enough time to get back to Gryffindor tower before dark, I took a detour to the kitchen, where several of the house elves already had a full meal waiting for me.

Hungry as I was, I could barely stomach a bite of the delicious food, in part because I was still nauseated (I made a mental note that, no, firewhiskey and veritaserum did not mix well and the combination should be avoided in the future) and in part because I could almost still feel the ghost of Sirius' lips pressed to mine and this time had certainly not been a dream and no one had forgotten, I was sure of it from the puckering faces Peter had made at me the next morning.

I thanked the elves for my untouched meal and made my way cautiously in the dark to the Fat Lady, who frowned in an expected disapproval as I muttered the password.

The common room was already empty, the other students having gone to bed to rest up for Monday's classes, so I ascended the stairs to the dormitory quickly. Yet, I hesitated at the top of the stairs, for just inside the door I swore I heard James whisper my name.

"-dunno what you were getting at, daring Remus like that, you sodding-"

"Bloody hell, can't a bloke dare his mate to do anything without everyone getting all up in arms? You've had a stick up your arse about this all day!"

"But snogging him? What would possess you to-"

"Am I under interrogation? Prongs, it was a game. Besides, it wasn't the first time."

My heart or my stomach or something shot into my throat, blocking my airways, threatening to suffocate me. I didn't want to hear any more but my unoxygenated muscles refused to move away from the door.

"What?"

"We, erm, you know... we..." Sirius' soft voice trailed off, and I could only assume he was making some sort of awful hand gesture to demonstrate to James just exactly what we had, erm, done.

"At least," he continued after a painful moment, "I think we did. It was after the match against Slytherin. Stuff's still, you know, hazy."

So I hadn't dreamt it, then. In a small way, it made me feel a bit better, but it made me feel worse in a much, much larger way.

"You have actually, royally fucked up everything, you know that Padfoot?"

"What? It's not like I'm going to snog you. I'm not some bloody poofer or—"

"I don't bloody care if you like to snog men, Sirius, that doesn't matter. What matters is that you snogged Remus, and he— well, he fancies you."

At that moment, I think if I had been capable of breathing I would have vomited.

"What?"

"Merlin, Padfoot, are you bloody blind?"

"He fancies me?"

I was so busy plotting inconspicuous ways by which to dispose of James' body that I forgot to listen to was he said next, though I did hear what sounded an awful lot like Sirius saying, "well maybe that's not so bad."

"How is that not bad!"

"Well, do you mean, like, properly fancies? Not like you fancy Evans, right? Because it isn't like I've never thought about the occasional snog with him or anything, and it is a bit flattering..."

I wanted to rip my heart from my chest because, despite knowing that there would be nothing worse than being Sirius Black's occasional snog when he ran out of eligible girls, I couldn't help but think that maybe there would be nothing better than the feeling of his lips on my neck or his hand snaking its way down the front of my trousers...

There was a loud thump just on the other side of the door.

"-the FUCK!"

"That was practice. Is this some ruddy ego trip for you? Having your best mate fancy you? You're a sick twat and if you kiss Moony again, I swear to god, you sodding wanker, I will break your fucking jaw."

Sirius was shouting, "I'm your best mate, shouldn't you be siding with me?" but I had heard enough for one night. I made my way down the stairs, half thinking that a couch would have so suffice, and half thinking that, yes, it was exactly like how James fancied Lily, and almost envying James, almost thinking that things would be much, much easier if Sirius hated me.

I couldn't meet Sirius' eyes at breakfast the next morning. In fact, I had trouble meeting anyone's eyes. I was scared of the looks I knew I would find on each of their faces — regret on Sirius', pity on James'. Needless to say, the awkwardness that permeated the hesitant conversation was enough to take away my appetite long before I'd even filled my plate with food.

"Are you okay?" Peter whispered from his seat next to me, concern spreading across his face.

"Not feeling great," I said, and it wasn't entirely a lie.

"You should take it easy. Go to the hospital wing. Your face is bleeding and you're white as a ghost. I'll run down and tell Slughorn you're sick before I head to Herbology if you want."

"Thanks." I gave him a half-hearted but honestly grateful smile before standing up to leave the Great Hall.

I didn't go to the hospital wing, though. I'd had enough of Madame Pomfrey's fretting and hovering over the weekend and was less than eager to let her worry about a few remaining scrapes that I could take care of myself.

Instead, I started to make my way towards the Gryffindor common room, and was halfway there when I realized that it wouldn't be long before Sirius was back there, frantically trying to finish Arithmancy homework while the rest of us were in class. I changed courses, heading instead to the library where I figured I could sleep at one of the tables in the back.

Or, more likely, I realized, not sleep. I hadn't finished my Arithmancy homework yet either, and I still had an essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts, and a pile of research still to do before we could perfect our prank. Not to mention I was supposed to be tutoring Gideon in Transfiguration later on that day, and Prefect rounds that night, and—

I fell to the floor, feeling a large partially healed cut on my arm split back open and start to bleed. I blinked the stars out of my eyes before looking up to see what I had run into while lost in my thoughts. Or, rather, who I had run into.

"Remus? Oh, Merlin, are you okay?" Lucas asked.

"'m fine," I mumbled, standing up and brushing myself off.

"You're bleeding! Did I—"

"No. No. That was already there."

He looked concerned, so I quickly added, "I was helping Peter with Charms this morning and, well..."

I laughed as I trailed off, and his face eased into a smile, and I was relieved that my joke had seemed to assuage his concern.

"Is that why you're out of Potions?"

I nodded and lied, "I was just in the hospital wing."

And then, it occurred to me, "Wait, why aren't you in Potions?"

He shrugged. "Slughorn kicked me out?"

"Why?"

"Er, well..." His face flushed a deep red and he looked at the floor. "Severus was insulting you, so I hexed him."

"You what?" I couldn't help but laugh at the image.

"Bat-Bogey Hex," he mumbled, and then began to laugh as well. "He was being a complete git, calling you lazy and Slughorn was agreeing, and so I hexed him, and Slughorn told me to report to Professor Flitwick, and when I told Flitwick he laughed, too. What are you up to?"

"I was going to go to the library to finish my Arithmancy work. I've been having some trouble with it."

"Well, you want me to help you out?" He asked, gesturing down the hall. "I've got to grab my book from the common room first."

"That would be great, actually," I smiled, a strange warm feeling filling my chest.

"Have you ever been in the Ravenclaw common room?"

I shook my head, and he smiled and grabbed my hand. "Come on!"

Three floors up, we stopped in front of an old, solemn-looking suit of armor, and Lucas stepped in front of it and said, "Hey, wake up!"

The Knight slowly shifted, raising its faceplate with one hand, and a low, soothing voice uttered, "I'm the part of the bird that's not in the sky. I can swim in the ocean and yet remain dry. What am I?"

Lucas laughed. "You're off your game, buddy. A shadow, right?"

The Knight lowered its faceplate and stepped to the side, saying, "Enter."

We climbed a spiral staircase quickly and entered a large open room, almost the entirety of the walls covered floor to ceiling in shelves upon shelves of books — everything from large tomes of magic books to leather-bound muggle classics, all alphabetized like a giant private library. The portion of the room that wasn't shelves was a giant bay window that looked out over the great lake, and sunlight streamed through the window, falling on the grand blue armchairs that sat scattered throughout the room.

The room was empty, and he turned to me and said, "Unfortunately, you aren't technically allowed any farther than this. But just wait for a minute, and I'll grab my stuff from my room, okay?"

I waited in the doorway on the balls of my feet, my breath held inexplicably, for what felt like an hour before he ran back down the stairway on the other side of the room, brandishing his textbook and a scroll of parchment.

"Got it!"

"Library?" I asked, turning towards the door.

"There's no one here, I doubt any of the other Ravenclaws will be too mad if we just work here."

So we did, our homework sprawled hastily across the mahogany table in the center of the room, me in one of the surprisingly comfortable arm chairs, he standing behind me, leaning over me to point out the errors he could spot in my work, his warm breath in my ear.

"Where were you during Arithmancy?" Lily asked me at dinner that night, whispering ferociously under her breath as she pulled me down the table, away from James and Peter and Sirius.

"Lost track of time."

"Well, I think we should talk about what happened Friday," She said, looking over her shoulder towards the end of the table where Sirius sat.

My stomach sank. I had nearly succeeded in my goal of completely forgetting the events of the weekend, but it was just like Lily to not let me ignore my problems until they went away. I decided to feign ignorance. "Friday? You mean when you kissed me? Lily, honey, I know I'm incredibly handsome, but it was just a kiss. I just don't feel that way for you."

"Ha, ha," She rolled her eyes, but her face immediately flushed pink. "You know that's not what I'm talking about, Remus."

"Look, Lil, I was having such a good day until right now. Can you just let me wallow under the pretense of ignorance for a while?"

"No, I can't." She crossed her arms and stared at me severely. "You can't keep hiding from your problems, Remus. We've had this conversation a thousand times. Things aren't just going to go away if you pretend like they never happened, especially when you sleep two beds down from him."

"But it would go away if you'd stop talking about it. I'm perfectly happy ignoring it altogether. In fact, I'll have you know I spent a very nice afternoon today with a completely different guy and didn't even think about him once, so I think ignoring the problem is the perfect solution." I stood up, frustrated, and picked up my bag to go, but she stopped me before I could walk out.

"Don't do this, Remus," She spoke in a low voice, her tone very serious. "Don't pull away because you're afraid of what could happen. What you and Sirius did isn't going to go away, and it's going to change things between you. It already has. I'm not going to tell you that talking about it will make everything better, but ignoring it will definitely make it worse."

"What Sirius and I did was a stupid dare and nothing more. Look, I've got a lot of work. I'll see you later."

For what felt like the thousandth time in just a few short days, I couldn't bear to go back the the common room. It felt terrible, like in some strange way my home, my sanctuary was being taken from me little by little. Everywhere felt like a war-zone. And so, yet again, I headed for the library, my head aching and my stomach lurching.

Peter was already at my usual table when I'd arrived, which was strange as I hadn't noticed his absence at dinner. He was buried up to his shoulders behind a pile of books on the floor, hunched over a large, ominous-looking tome, from which he was frantically copying notes.

"Hey, Pete. What're you doing?"

"Some research for the prank," he mumbled, not looking up from the page. "Wanna help?"

"I, uh, I've got a lot of work to do. How's it going, though?"

"Fine. Yeah, it's great."

I sat down, pulling out my Potions books, and set down to work. My mind, however, had other plans, and before I knew it I was drifting off to sleep, dreams of the past weekend not far from my mind.