Chapter 26. If you need to fall apart

" A person who truly loves you
is someone who sees the pain
in your eyes,
while everyone else believes in the
smile on your face. "

Garcia walked towards him and hugged him. Hotch smiled , it was so good to see her. It was so good to see them all.

" How are you feeling? " Rossi asked after Garcia backed off from the hug.

" I will be okay, I ques. Feeling little weak and tired still and It hurts, well , everywhere. But I will be okay with some time. " He said. The breathing was hard still , but he didn't want to make then worry about him.

" Are you sure? " JJ asked and smiled. She knew exactly what he was going to answer. And she were right.

" If I were you, I wouldn't be worrying about me right now. " he smirked. She smiled too.

" I think we should leave you two alone. I'm pretty sure that you have a lot to talk about. " Morgan said and Hotch nodded gratefully. So they left the room.

Hotch walked next to JJ's bed and looked at her.

" How are you? " Hotch asked quietly. He didn't know anything else what to say. He's never been speechless before. He just had absolutely nothing to say. It was just enough to see her there. Just to hear her breathing. He didn't want to say anything , because he were afraid that she were just a dream.

She smiled. " I think I will be okay. I just.. "

" I know. Believe me, I know. "

They just looked each other, They didn't need words. They knew. They knew how much it hurts , how much pain one man can cost. How much it meant to them to be together.

" Hotch.. I'm sor.. " but Hotch quieted her by pressing his finger to her lips.

" Don't. You don't have to. " He said.

" No , Aaron, I do. Just… " she said and took deep breath before continuing. " Don't say anything before I'm ended, okay? And Aaron , you're wrong. I really should apologize. I really should. I've been thinking. There is so many times why I should apologize. I do mistakes all the time. And I "confessed" to him because I though that he would let you go. And I were wrong again. He just kept torturing you. And you didn't "confess". No matter what happened. And I understand if you don't love me anymore after all what …" she got stopped. Hotch kissed her.

She felt how his hand went slowly to her neck and to her jaw line. She welt his soft lips against her own and the all pain disappeared. She felt how this warmth went straight through her body. It felt so perfect. She missed that feeling.

" I said don't interrupt me until I'm finished. " she said.

" No, you didn't say that. You said that I don't say anything until you were finished. And I didn't say anything. I just didn't let you finish. " he teased and JJ tried to be mad at him , but it was impossible.

" You are mean , and I hope you know it too. " JJ smiled.

" Oh, I know. And I'm pretty proud of it sometimes. " he said. " And hey , JJ, listen to me. " He went serious. " You don't have to apologize anything. You hear me? "

" Yes, I do. I've cost you so much troubles and I've let you down so many times. " JJ said.

" JJ, you've never let me down. And you never will. And there is this one thing you should know. I didn't "confess " to him , because I he could torture me , he had less time to torture you. But when you made me promise not to 'confess ' and next thing I hear is him shooting you. And it was all my fault. I thought that you were dead one whole day and little more. And I can't even describe the pain I felt then. " Hotch were quiet for few seconds and she noticed how badly it hurt him to think that.

" And I kept my promise , but you have no idea how badly I wanted to say that I killed him , so he could kill me too. But that would've been too easy. It was my fault that you got shot. I wanted to suffer. I deserved it. " He continued and it was JJ's turn to shut his mouth.

" You shouldn't think that way. It wasn't your fault. Just , please , believe me. There were nothing you could've done. And there is this one little thing. You are in worse shape than I am. And you still came here to see me. " She smiled and put her hand above his.

He leaned closer her an kissed her slowly and softly. It felt so wark, so safe. Like nothing could hurt them when they are together. Not anymore.

" You should get some rest. " he said quietly. She nodded. He took her other pillow behind her back and helped her to lay down.

" Aaron. " she said tiredly.

" Yeah? "

" Can you come back later? " she asked and she looked like her eyes couldn't stay open much longer.

" Nothing could keep me away. " he smiled. " Try to sleep a little. I see you when you wake up. And JJ. You know that I love you, right. And there is nothing what could ever change that. "

" I love you too. " she whispered. She put her head to her pillow and closes her eyes. She felt save. First time for a few days. She felt warmth , she felt loved. " It'll be okay. " she hears Hotch's voice from somewhere far. And she knew that he were right. Well, he always were.

He left the room , but stayed behind the glass for awhile. Looked at her when she fell asleep. She looked so calm, so happy. So beautiful. He wont let anyone to hurt her ever again.