"What. In the hell. Was that." Tattletale clenched her jaw and stared at me. "I've watched plenty of people making complicated plans, including Accord, and none of them gave me a headache before."
Shrugging, I answered. "I think I might have just made sense of what a god said, while doing so was still useful."
Unless this blows up in our faces, which seems more than a little likely. Loiosh inserted.
I ignored my familiar, which he understood to mean that he could very well be right.
Tattletale stared at me again. "This Verra you told me about?"
"Yes."
"The one that abducted you."
"That's the one."
Tattletale looked at Loiosh. "Does he really have a sane plan, or is it some stupid male ego thing?"
Loiosh laughed in my mind before replying, making sure to send it so I would hear it, even though Tattletale could have read him just fine if he'd simply thought it in his own head. Definitely some of both.
"You could have just asked me." I objected.
"Your familiars are saner than you in some ways, even if they are hyperactive, murderous twits. Also, they don't make my head hurt when they think."
"You've watched me think before."
"Yes, but today, you are making my head hurt. I've never actually watched you with my power when you've been fighting."
I sighed as both Rozca and Loiosh bobbed their heads, enjoying what they perceived as a compliment, then replied. "Just what I need. My familiars' heads getting even bigger."
What had been barely-detectable mental laughter from the two jhereg got much louder.
Cautiously, the leader of the Undersiders, my boss, asked. "So, what's the plan?"
"I need to hit Lung with a rock."
Tattletale blinked. Her eyes stayed closed for a full second then opened again. "I'm sure I didn't hear that right. Say it again."
I couldn't help but smile at her expression. "You heard it right. I need to hit Lung with a rock. A specific rock. Imp found it stuck on my forehead when I rescued her. She put it in her pocket before I blew out the wall for her to escape."
"Ugh." Tattletale stared at me for about two seconds, then used her right hand to cover her face for a moment, pinching her nose between thumb and forefinger before dropping her hand rapidly to her waist in a clear sigh of disgust. "So, we need to find Imp, who has no phone right now, and get… a rock… from her."
"Yes, that's the first step." I nodded.
While speaking to me, Tattletale turned her head to look towards Parian, obviously wanting someone else to validate her belief that I was out of my mind. "You're seriously going to throw a rock at Lung, and expect it to do something."
Parian shrugged, bit her lip slightly, and responded. "Bullshit powers, Tattletale. Remember, Foil told us that he used his sword to knock her blade out of her hand, and the blow was blade-to-blade, with Foil's power active. He got out of a Grey Boy bubble, and killed Jack Slash inside another bubble."
After Parian had her say, Tattletale looked back to me, clearly wanting me to say more.
I complied, and spoke again. "I'm going to throw a rock at Lung, and I'm confident that Verra expects it to do something."
"What sort of something?"
I shrugged. "I'm not sure. She's the demon goddess, patron of magic, assassins, and thieves. It probably has something to do with stealing something or killing someone. Likely stealing something, since I can't imagine why she would want to kill anyone here."
Then why not just tell us to steal it, whatever it is? Stop being logical, Loiosh. Remember, it's Verra. Point.
Tattletale paced back and forth in front of me. "Are you saying that you think a rock can kill Lung?"
"It's Trellanstone." I said, trying to think how to explain the staggering value of the material, and the power potential it might have if it actually had been enchanted by a god.
Tattletale stared at me. "Go on."
"I have no sorcery here. I couldn't tell if it was enchanted, but it is nearly inconceivable that a piece of Trellanstone of that size, and worked, would be magically inert. Trellanstone is more rare and valuable on our world than any raw material I've heard of on any of the worlds here. A piece about the same size as the one Imp found on my forehead channels the power of a sea of chaos to allow the entire nation of Dragarea to simultaneously utilize as much sorcerous power as they can manage. Even during wartime."
Tattletale's eyes met mine, head tilted, both hands on her hips, arms akimbo. "From what you've said about how your nation depends on sorcerous power, that's impressive."
I took a deep breath, ignoring the wobbly sensation in my legs. "Frankly, it scares me. I can't even imagine what degree of return Verra is expecting from this. I'm convinced all the gods are insane, but I don't want to think Verra is so insane that she would risk Trellanstone for something unimportant. Whatever this is, it's big."
We hope. I would have preferred you agree with me, this time, Loiosh. Not my job. Besides, you're treading that scary path again. What path? The one that leads to actually thinking like Verra well enough to understand her. Good point.
"So, what's the rest of the plan after finding your rock? You did say you have a plan."
"First, I need the Trellanstone from Imp, then I need a sling, and after that, I need to talk to Foil."
You aren't going to tell her the best part? Loiosh sent to me, while Tattletale was looking at him.
Tattletale looked from Loiosh to me. "Out with it, Zorro."
Whose side are you on, Loiosh?
I took a deep breath. "Then I challenge Lung to single combat to the death. I don't think he'll be able to resist that. If I try to get close in a street battle, he'll kill me out of hand, maybe even by accident."
Parian scowled at me, and snapped, in a very rare display of anger. "You call that a plan? Why not just ask Tattletale to shoot you in the head and be done with it? Lung is quadrupedal and still forty feet tall at the shoulder now. His fire aura is so intense, I've had to replace the original cloth around Foil with fiberglass cloth, which was not easy to find. Even with that, she's still having to stay away from him for several seconds to cool down every time she makes an attack run on him. I'm not sure you can even breathe unprotected within a hundred feet of him, and I can't create two sets of armor like Foil's, and keep them both repaired."
I looked at Parian and pretended to consider what she said for a few seconds. "If we don't do it now, we don't know that Dragon will let it happen later. Sometimes there's a window of opportunity for a hit that you can't afford to miss." I looked towards the docks, where another plume of smoke and a massive rumbling noise indicated that yet another warehouse had been demolished.
"It might seem crazy, but to me, it all seems to add up. The gods tend to be very good at making fate bend the future in ways that favor their bailiwick. Like I said before, Verra is the god of magic, thieves, and assassins. If she's driving this, using me as a tool, I'm not going to do what she wants by running away."
Tattletale was looking at me with a sour expression, clearly having noticed that I wasn't seriously considering what Parian said. "Are you going to manage to do what your god wants if you're dead?"
"Maybe. Assassins don't always survive a job."
Verra told you to live, Boss. How effective would it be to tell me to die, Loiosh? Not that I plan on trying to die. Didn't you already try to throw your life away once today? Could we take the rest of the day off and try again tomorrow? I saved Imp, Loiosh. Who are you saving this time? Maybe nobody. Maybe us. Maybe Verra. Maybe all reality. I can't know. So, you're willingly doing what Verra wants, even though you don't know why? I think so. Is that really being yourself? I think Lung needs to die. Well, that definitely feels like you, but are you sure it needs to happen now? We know we can kill him later, fairly easily. Yes. The gods don't generally expect their agendas to be completed on mortal timetables. We found the Trellanstone today, after it had been hidden, stuck to me for months. It almost certainly is meant to be used today. You think. It might have been stuck to you earlier today. That's not sufficiently divine, I don't think. Gods like being showy, and doing the whole deus ex machina thing. Boss, do you realize that you're psychoanalyzing gods and spontaneously inventing bullshit logic to justify what you want to do? Well, Loiosh.
I could feel a wave of frustration and anger from my familiar, but I forced myself to ignore it as he replied. Fine. You win. Rozca and I will go try and find Imp to get the stone. If she's doing rescue operations, she has to become visible to help guide people, and she'll be working with Foil.
Loiosh and Rozca shot off from their perches into the air, startling Tattletale and Parian.
"Parian, please tell Foil to let Imp know my familiars need the rock she found stuck to my head earlier, if she sees Imp before Loiosh and Rozca find her."
"As opposed to the rocks that currently occupy your head?" Tattletale shot back at me with a frustrated tone.
"I already have those, apparently in abundance, according to several people I know." I grinned back at her.
** Four minutes later **
We found her, Boss, and have the stone. Great. Parian made a sling for me. Can you even hit him with a sling stone? Lung's huge now, Loiosh. I've seen you try to hunt with a sling before. The stone went behind you. I know what I did wrong that time. Did you practice since then I'm practicing now. That's not terribly reassuring.
Tattletale was staring at me. "Lung is smaller than that building, for now. If you can't even hit the broadside of an office tower, your David impersonation is going to be very much unlike the parable."
Parian was not very happy, sweating and looking nervous. "Foil can't keep distracting him much longer. I'm running out of fiberglass cloth. Lung is hot enough that he's starting to create puddles of melted asphalt wherever he steps, and heavy enough that he's collapsing the roadways just from stepping on them. Foil can't protect my construct mount's feet with her power."
I spun up a rock in the sling and released it, completely missing the building. "Loiosh has the stone and is coming this way. We need to meet with Foil."
Tattletale tapped on her Smartphone for a couple seconds, then relaxed her arm and let the hand holding the smartphone drop to a relaxed position by her waist.
While Tattletale was taking care of her part of the plan, I needed to practice. This was made more interesting due to my left hand's bones being fused together to firmly grasp Lady Teldra. I had to do everything right-handed.
First, I set the sling on the ground, put a rock in it, then picked up the two lose cords, all with my right hand. Then I spun up the sling and concentrated, trying to get a feel for the weapon, and pretending that every joint in my body didn't feel like it was lined with sandpaper.
After a few revolutions, I released the stone. It hit a car in front of the building I was aiming at.
Tattletale groaned. "Do you really think this-"
I interrupted her as I dropped the sling pocket to the ground and arranged the cords so I could pick them up cleanly. "I'm getting better. Let me keep practicing a few more times and I'll be able to knock an apple off your head."
"If I couldn't see that you are utterly confident in yourself, I'd be ordering you to stop."
"And I'd be ignoring that order, Tattletale."
After a moment of thought, Tattletale barbed me back. "How did you survive where you came from? You always talk about planning, but you don't seem to do it very well."
I turned to face her and met her eyes. "That's a very good question, but the fact that I have survived until now should give you at least a little reason to trust me. Instincts are important. I hate to act with no plan, but even when I can't plan, I trust myself. A god sent me here to do something. Gods do weird shit to reality. I have a very bad feeling about what might happen if I don't follow through with this."
Tattletale winced. "You hurt my head again, Zorro. Literally. Are you doing witchcraft?"
"Maybe that's Verra's influence. I'm not doing witchcraft, and Lady Teldra not touching my mind right now."
"Maybe." Tattletale's phone buzzed and she looked at it. "Foil has broken off from Lung and is headed this way at best speed. ETA one minute. She will only have a few seconds here before she has to go back and keep distracting him if we want to keep him out of populated areas."
I picked up the sling, spun it up, and released. I almost hit the office building a hundred feet away. "I'll be ready."
Parian groaned, and looked at Tattletale.
As I reloaded the sling again, I heard Tattletale say "He's absolutely certain he can do it, Parian."
Parian's voice responded, sadly. "I'm watching him do the same thing over and over again, and seeing the same results. Expecting something different seems-"
"Yeah." I broke in. "I know the quote. Thanks for the vote of confidence."
Spinning up the sling, I fired off another rock. It hit the building. Barely. "See? I'm getting better."
"Are you using rocks the same weight as the Trellanstone?" Tattletale asked, with what was obviously fake innocence.
"Doesn't really matter at this range with a sling."
Really boss? I think so? Oh, as long as you're sure. Shut up, Loiosh.
The next two stones, I chose a little more carefully for weight. While practicing, I intentionally kept my back to Tattletale because I knew I'd see a smug expression on her face.
Both stones hit the building. Somewhere roughly around the middle of it, plus or minus about half the width of the building.
We're here, Boss. Anyone ever tell you that you look good in a rubber ducky print toga? First time I've heard it. With any luck it'll be the last. You worded that very poorly, Boss.
I stared at the shifting colors of the stone for a moment before looking more carefully, checking to see if I had seen everything inscribed into it when Imp found it.
The stone still read "Anoint me with the blood of the dragon." It didn't seem to have any other markings that held meaning to me. I did, however, recognize elder sorcery runes, which, after the last time I'd played with chaos, had been on my ignore list of things to think about. I was careful not to think about what they might mean.
I held up the stone so Tattletale could see it, and her head snapped back like she'd been slapped. "Ow. Fuck. Zorro, that thing is painfully wrong in so many ways."
I clenched my fist around the stone, concealing it again. "Enchanted then, though I was already fairly sure. There are elder sorcery runes on it."
"If you want to use me as a guinea pig or magical mine detector, please warn me next time. That hurt. Badly." Tattletale groused as she rubbed her forehead with her left hand.
"Sorry, we're a bit short of time right now."
I heard hooves approaching rapidly, but the sound was echoing from nearby buildings and I couldn't triangulate
Where is she, Loiosh? Can Rozca see her? Yes, she's approaching from your left.
I set the sling on the ground, put the Trellanstone orb in the leather pocket, and then collected the strings, lifting the loaded sling as I waited for Foil to stop.
Foil halted abruptly. She was a powerful mounted figure, very imposing, and in no mood for small talk. "I can't stay more than a few seconds, or he'll track me here by scent or take to the air."
"Use your power on this sling and the stone." I commanded, holding out the sling and stone. "I need it to kill Lung."
Foil's head swiveled from me, to Tattletale. "Is he serious?"
"Entirely." Tattletale shrugged. "Like imp says. Bullshit powers. That rock does worse things to my head than his sword."
"First, you had a magic sword. Now you have a magic pet rock. Does it talk to you too?" Foil's right gauntlet lost its shiny appearance as she disabled her power on the cloth. She reached out with that unprotected hand toward me and I moved closer, holding the sling up as she started a warning. "Remember, if you touch the shining part of the sling or the stone, it will destroy any material it touches that isn't already touching it when I use my power on it."
Nodding, I thanked her. "I understand. After you do that, I need you to go back to Lung and tell him I challenge him to a 1 vs. 1 duel to the death at the same warehouse we originally fought in."
Foil's hand stopped moving. Her head, fully enclosed in shining armor, turned slightly, to face me more directly. "You're going to fight Lung in one of his most advanced forms, wearing a rubber ducky toga, with a sling."
"Exactly."
"You're a fool." She hissed. "But your powers are bullshit powers, so I'll do it."
"Thank you." I smirked at her. "It'll be a good story, either way, I'm sure."
Foil finished leaning forward from her mount, reaching down to the stone and sling I was holding out for her. Then she touched the stone in the sling.
Nothing happened.
I looked at her. "Time critical here, Foil."
"I can't."
"What do you mean, you can't." My voice was rock steady, not even a quiver of concern.
She touched the stone again. "I can't use my power on it. I can feel it there, with my fingers, but my power can't connect to it."
I turned to Tattletale. "Time for plan B."
Tattletale sighed. "Plan B is running away, isn't it?"
Nodding, I agreed. "Yes. Without Foil's power on the stone, it can't penetrate his body."
Boss, we have a problem. We have lots of problems. What's the new problem, Loiosh? Rozca says Lung just took off, and he's flying a search pattern. Verra's teats. If she's listening, is it really a good idea to be cursing her? She's used to it by now. How likely do you think- Very. He saw Rozca and me the first night. He'll see you now, almost certainly. There's not enough smoke and flashing lights to confuse his vision, and the light from Foil's armor is very distinctive.
I saw a huge shape approaching our group at an angle through the smoke of several burning buildings. Wings nearly two hundred feet across held Lung's stupendous reptilian form in the air with deceptive ease. Each beat of the wings brought the sounds of windows breaking and wreckage being stirred by torrential winds.
"Don't move." I hissed.
Everyone went completely still.
After about a second, Tattletale slumped. "Enhanced senses. He saw us."
As Tattletale spoke, Lung's shape moved with absurd grace for a body longer than a city bus, not including the long neck and longer tail.
"Shit. We're fucked." Foil cursed.
"I'm almost tapped out, and there's nothing fireproof nearby other than what Foil is using." Parian sighed.
Tattletale stepped forward, past me, projecting her voice, though it was probably unnecessary. "Lung. We need to talk."
The sound that came back from Lung was not encouraging. Thunder with an undercurrent of laughter.
With impossible grace and speed for the largest living thing I'd ever seen, Lung maneuvered himself for a landing on the four-lane street. He folded his wings so he would fit between the buildings, and fell the last forty feet to the ground.
The roadway cracked and buckled.
Tattletale fell to one knee, balancing herself with a hand to either side of her.
Parian stumbled and would have fallen if she hadn't used one hand to grab a street sign next to her.
Foil, her mount immobile because Parian was stunned, leapt off her shiny cloth horse and ran to get between Lung and the rest of the group.
I had jumped into the air as Lung hit the ground. My feet returned to the ground again after the worst of the shockwave had passed. I still wobbled a bit, but not enough to endanger my balance.
A wave of hot air displaced by Lung's landing dried and tightened my skin painfully, and it was hard to breathe.
Loiosh and Rozca had hidden themselves out of Lung's view, and Loiosh was extremely concerned.
Boss, is there a plan C?
I stared at the draconian mouth opening wide, no more than fifty feet from us, and saw the glow from inside that mouth growing more intense.
I'm working on it, Loiosh, I'm working on it.