Chapter 25:

Boiling Point

I close my eyes and concentrate my energy. "Darkness Phoenix, I summon thee. Come forth and serve your mistress!" I feel a great gust of wind sweep my hair all around me, and as I open my eyes, the Phoenix appears just outside my window and enters my room. I smile as she makes perch.

"You summoned, Nefertiri?"

I nod and pat her chest. "I am in need of your council, Phoenix." She nods, settling down to listen. I start to pace. "Where do I begin? I just feel so lost ever since Atem died. I don't have my best friend, my lover, my confidant. My husband is dead. I don't know what to do." I wipe my eyes before the tears fall. "And now it's harder than ever to rule. You would think it'd be easier than being second-in-command, right? Wrong. The Council of Domestic affairs is doing everything they can to get me to abdicate the throne. It's ridiculous. I know they have spies all over the court and are just sitting back waiting for me to mess up. I've never had to walk on eggshells like this before. It's like every little thing I say or do is being carefully scrutinized. I can't make a move without someone reporting it to those arrogant jerks. Any decision I make is criticized. Any decree I proclaim is questioned. I can't do anything anymore! I know they're upset at the prospect of having to answer to a woman, but look at Hatshepsut! She was one of the greatest rulers Egypt has ever seen! I'm not comparing myself to her, but still. A woman is just as capable of ruling as a man. Sometimes even more. A man thinks with his pride; a woman thinks with her head. I could care less about glory. I just want what's best for my country." I sigh heavily.

"Nefertiri, you know men are going to resist being led by a woman at all costs. Especially one who was born a servant. They feel as though they've been usurped. They're losing control of the people, and they know it. They'll do anything to retake the reins of power. You just need to continue to rule with the dignity and grace you've shown thus far. You have the people on your side. The Council will not risk a revolt, or worse yet, a civil war. You're doing a good job, and remember. This is what Atem wants. They can't challenge that."

"That's not even the half of it. I've been having these… dreams. I just hope they're dreams. I see so many awful things. I see Ahmenhotep coming into my room at night…" I start to cry, "And doing things to me. Just like he used to. And I don't have Atem to protect me anymore. But the thing that scares me the most." She wraps her wings around me in a comforting embrace. "I see Yujin dying. I see them killing my baby. I… I envision them murdering my son." My cries turn into hysterical sobs.

"Calm down, Nefertiri. The stress of solitary rule is getting to you. No one is going to hurt little Yujin. He is he heir to the throne, and—"

"That's all the motive anyone will need! If he dies, anyone could usurp the throne and end the Eighteenth Dynasty (1)! I have to protect my son at any cost."

"You needn't worry. I will look after the boy. No harm will come to him while I'm here, all right?" I nod slowly. I appreciate her trying, but I know that even with her protection, my son isn't entirely safe. "And while we're at it, what is this I'm sensing between you and Shadi?" she asks slyly.

I can feel a heavy blush tinting my cheeks. "Shadi and I are just friends right now—"

"Right now, anyway," she teases.

"But seriously." I start to pace again. "I find a measure of peace when I'm with Shadi. He's sweet, and caring, and kind, and comforting… he's just so strong and cunning; he's supportive and gentle. He's really been there for me with everything that's happening," I start to blush again. "And boy is he handsome. I'm just scared. I don't know if my feelings are really genuine, or if I'm just projecting my grief from Atem's dying. I just don't know."

"You're not projecting anything, Nefertiri. You forget that I know your heart, better than you do sometimes. You're feelings are the genuine article; you're just now getting to express them. I can understand why you might be a little apprehensive."

"I'm just so scared, what with everything going on with the Council, I don't want Shadi to get hurt. And I know I'm being selfish, but I honestly don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, not when I have such a wonderful man here to love me. You know my heart, so you know that I love him. I really do love him, and I—" I turn around to pace again when I notice Shadi at the door. "Oh my Ra! Shadi how long were you standing there?"

He gives me a sly smile. "Long enough." He looks to the Phoenix and bows his head. "Your spirit beast?"

I nod, all too aware of the heavy blush tinting my cheeks bright red. "The Darkness Phoenix." She nods to him before flying out the window and disappearing. "Shadi, how much did you hear, really?"

"I heard everything." He comes to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my forehead. "So you think I'm handsome, do you?"

I can feel the blush deepening. "You weren't supposed to hear any of that."

"It was for a good reason. I came to fetch you for your meetings with the Council of Domestic Affairs. Have they really been trying to usurp your throne?"

I nod to him as we leave my rooms. "They've been doing everything they can, but I'm not leaving. Atem wanted me to rule, and I intend to do just that."

"I'll talk to them and let them know that the Pharaoh's parting wish was for you to retain your throne."

"No, thank you. I don't want you fighting my battles. Don't take it personally."

"I understand." He escorts me into the throne room and takes his place beside his fellow Guardians.

"Ah, finally. It's good to see you, Your Majesty," Menes, a lower courtier, begins.

My face becomes an icy glare. "Don't proceed to lecture me about punctuality, Menes. The meeting doesn't start until I arrive anyway." My glare softens. "Let us begin."

"There are only two matters before the court today, Your Highness," Narmer, a Councilman, starts. I smile softly. Maybe this meeting won't be too bad after all. "The first is a manner of finance. It seems as though some funds have come up missing in the royal books."

"And have you found the reason for this?"

"No, the accountants are going through them again as we speak."

I raise an eyebrow. "Who found the error in the books?"

"I did," Mahado begins. "I was checking them to make sure everything was in order for today's meeting, and I brought it to the Council's attention just this morning."

"I don't know how this happened," Ahmenhotep inserts. "I personally selected the accountants and—"

"And did it ever occur to you gentlemen that your 'hand-selected' accountants are at fault here? I mean, really. Who checks behind them? I never would have been aware of the issue had Mahado not gone over the books to prepare for this gathering." I look to Mahado and nod my head in thanks. He gives me a soft grin.

"I assure you, there's—"

"I've heard enough. I want them all brought up on charges of fraud and high treason at once."

"Don't you think that's a bit harsh?" Ahmenhotep protests.

"No I do not. They have been stealing money from the people of this country for Ra knows how long. People have gone into debt because of these lecherous men, and I will see them brought to justice."

It is Menes' turn to glare. "We should have known as much. Atem was a fool to marry such a stupid, cold-hearted bitch. May he suffer all his days in the afterlife as we suffer now."

I fly off the throne before anyone knows what's happening. I grab Menes by his neck and lift him high above me before slamming him against the wall. My voice is slow and deliberate. "Say what you want about me, Menes, but if you EVER insult my husband again I will personally rip your fucking throat out and throw your body to the dogs." I slam him back against the wall. "You would do well to remember your place." I drop him to the floor before storming out of the palace and on to the far banks of the river. I kneel down and splash some water on my face. I can't believe I got so angry, although I can't say I'm entirely surprised. I've always had anger issues. I just hope it doesn't consume me, not again. I shake my head and start to walk away when I feel someone grab my arm.

I turn around to see Shadi looking rather afraid. "Nefertiri, I—what just happened?"

"I'm sorry, Shadi, I just lost my temper."

"You did a little more than that. You cracked his skull Nefertiri. If I hadn't been there to stop the swelling in his brain he would have died. What's going on?"

I sigh heavily. I knew this would come up, but I didn't think it would be so soon. "Shadi, if we're going to be together the way we want to someday, there are things about me that you must know."

He takes my hand and guides me outside the palace gates, to a peaceful spot along the river where the most beautiful lotus blossoms grow. He sits down with me and wraps his arms around my waist after he picks a gorgeous white flower and gives to me. "I'm listening."

I take a deep breath. "Okay, Shadi, the thing you need to know about me is that I get angry. I get very angry. At times I have fits of uncontrollable rage, and I can barely recognize myself."

"I'm sure it's not that bad, Nefertiri. We all get angry, and sometimes it's—"

"Shadi you don't understand. You saw what just happened back there. I fractured a man's skull just for speaking ill of my husband. And that's not even the worst of it, Shadi. I've killed a man."

"Well of course you did. You were at war; you did—"

"NO, Shadi this is well before that." I tuck some hair back behind my ear. "It happened when I was seventeen." I sigh heavily. "I… He…"

He tightens his grip around my waist and kisses my forehead. "It's okay, Nefertiri. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, no, I need to. If we're going to be together someday, you need to know everything about me. I wasn't always the stately queen you're holding in your arms."

"Indeed. I remember watching you as a servant. You were always so quiet and shy. It's like you were trying so hard to be invisible. But I always knew there was something more to you." He chuckles softly. "Do you remember the first time we met?"

I smile softly. "That seems like forever ago. I was seventeen, and I had just had my son. He was sick with a bad cough. I had heard about this new palace healer. The priestesses had said you were exceptionally gifted, and I only wanted the best for my son. So late one night, I wrapped him up in a thin cloth and took him to your room."

"I'll never forget the first time I saw you with your little son in your arms. You looked so scared."

"But even though it was so late, and you were clearly exhausted, you took such good care of him. You fixed him right up. I can't thank you enough for that."

He rubs my back. "It was nothing. Even now I can remember your sweet smile as you thanked me."

I sigh heavily and shake my head. "Anyway, it happened when I was seventeen. But it started when I was fifteen. There are a lot of things you don't know about me." I tuck some hair behind my other ear and sigh heavily. "I was repeatedly raped between the ages of fifteen and nineteen by the so-called Priests of Ra."

"Oh, I—"

"Let me finish, let me finish," I softly chastise. "Like I said, it started when I was fifteen, and I didn't know what to do. I was devastated. I was alone. But more than anything I was afraid. There were so many of them; I knew that resistance was futile. So I let them do awful things to me. One man in particular… he would sneak into my room at night. That's how I got pregnant with Anon. I didn't know what to do. I can actually remember the times when I would lie awake praying to miscarry, but I never did. So I had my baby, and looking back I never regret any of it. How could I, when he was the only positive in all of that?

"Anyway, it was just after I had had Anon. He was a little more than a week old. At first he was allowed to sleep in my room with me. It was on one of those nights that it happened. He was sleeping peacefully, and as usual, I lie awake in bed. I had just turned over to go to sleep when I heard someone sneaking into my room. All I remember thinking was that I would do anything to protect my son… He was in my room and on top of me before I knew it." I swallow. "I'd kept a dagger in my room and was waiting for… my son's father to try and come take him away from me, and so I instinctively grabbed it. But when I looked upon the face of my attacker, it wasn't him. I tried to scream, but Sehetepre put a hand over my mouth and told me that if I screamed he would kill my 'bastard' son right in front of my eyes." I start to shake. "I don't know what came over me. I just remember feeling so scared, but even still so enraged, and seeing red. The next thing I knew the dagger was in his neck, and he was bleeding everywhere." I lick my lips before I continue. "But I couldn't stop there. I just remember going into fit of rage, just stabbing and stabbing over and over and over again. And before I knew it there was this… thing, that used to be a man, but was now a bloody mess of flesh and bones."

He looks shocked. It's the same look Atem wore when I told him. "You killed Sehetepre?" He shakes his head. "They said it was one of the most brutal murders anyone can remember—"

I look down in shame. "I'm not proud of what I did, okay! Like I said, I don't know what came over me." I run a hand through my hair. "I just… one second I saw Sehetepre on top of me, and just like that in my mind's eye it was Ahmenhotep, and he was touching me and beating me and raping me, and I—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute." He looks down at me. "Are you telling me Ahmenhotep raped you?"

I can't bear to face him. "Shadi, I can't… Please…"

"Wait. Wait. Is he your son's father?" The look on my face says what my mouth won't. "Nefertiri, I can't believe what you're telling me. I—How in Ma'at's (2) holy name did Atem let this man serve on his council, knowing that he raped you?" Shadi exclaims.

I shake my head. "He didn't know! No one knew. No one besides Mahado… you're the first person I've ever actually told." He shoots up and starts for the palace. "Shadi! I… please. Please don't do anything rash." I wipe my face with my hands. "I need to handle this in my own way."

"But what if he—I mean, without Atem here to protect you at night he could very well—"

"Present moment excluded, I am never more than five hands away from my swords. BUT," I start to blush, "if it will make you feel better, you're more than welcome to sleep in my bedroom."

It's Shadi's turn to blush. "I, um… well… I…"

"Then it's settled. You will join me in my room tonight. I only pray I don't snore." He loosens up at that. "But back to the matter at hand. I really should apologize to the councilmen. That would be the noble thing to do."

"Agreed, Your Majesty," Shadi says with a smile before holding a hand out to pull me up. He takes my hand and his and I'm up and in his arms. I blush softly, and he takes the liberty of kissing my forehead lovingly. "You're going to be fine."

"Only with your faith in me." I manage a grin as we walk hand-in-hand until we reach the palace gates. At that point, we let each other go and assume a safe distance. He silently escorts me to the throne room where I retake my seat. The Council remains here, discussing the events of the previous meeting. I give them a few minutes while I gather my thoughts before clearing my throat. All at once they drop and place their hands over their hearts, the traditional sign of respect for royalty. I'm surprised at that, but I won't let them see it. "Gentlemen, I have returned to inform you of my deepest sorrow at the way I acted today. I'm absolutely appalled that you all had to see me like that. I promise on penalty of divine punishment of Ma'at that I will never act in such a dishonorable way again." I look to see some of them nod and others voicing their forgiveness, all of it tentatively.

"It's quite all right, My Lady Queen Nefertiri," Mahado comforts, choosing to address me by one of my most formal titles. "We understand that you were angry, and also that Menes, over the years, has not been the most agreeable member of your royal court."

"Well I thank you for that, Mahado. But the matter still remains. My dear late husband Atem is still the Pharaoh here. His throne may be empty beside me but he still rules on in our hearts and minds. My title is no longer Queen Regent (3) as it had been while he was away at war; I am now the Queen Dowager (4). If it so pleases you, you may address me as your Lady Dowager." I allow them all a moment to process this. "On the same token, Atem has always been, and will always be my first and true husband and you must respect that. His memory is very dear to me, and I refuse to have his name sullied by the likes of you, or anyone else for that matter. And with that, I'm done. Dismissed."

The councilmen leave and scatter about the palace, but Mahado remains. "Are you sure you're all right, Nefertiri?"

"Quite," I manage with a slight smile, glad that Mahado at least asked after me. "If you really thought I was going to let those old fools get to me, you must not have been paying attention all these years." I let lose a soft chuckle.

"Of course, not. I only meant that you might be tired considering—"

"Nonsense. I've slowly been gaining my energy back, and I'm almost my old self again. I'll hear no more on the subject. Now, if you two will kindly excuse me," I rise from the throne, "I'd like some time to myself. I have a lot on my mind, and I see meditation in solitude as the only solution."

"Of course, Lady Satiah," Shadi says as I leave the throne room. I exit the palace and go back to the where the most beautiful lotus blossoms grow, pleased that no one is here. I smile as I sit down on the riverbank and dip my feet in the cool water. Here I find the peace that now eludes me in the palace. In that place, everything reminds me of Atem. Every tile on the floor; every brick in every wall; the paintings, the light fixtures, the flames IN said light fixtures. I never find any relief from my anguish in there. Out here there is fresh air. Out here there is cool water. Out here there is no one to call me Your Majesty or Lady Dowager, or whatever.

It's not long before I find myself in deep meditation, and further on to deep sleep. With the water lapping at my lower legs, it's no marvel that I sleep for hours. I awaken, albeit begrudgingly, to a hand shaking me gently and soon realize that it's well after dark. "I'm sorry to awaken you, Satiah, but I um, I..." I recognize Shadi's voice at once.

"Oh, right, right. Of course," I try to rise, but since my feet have been submerged in cold water so long, they are utterly opposed to movement right now. "I can't seem to get my balance about me." I blush, thoroughly embarrassed.

"No worry." He scoops me up in his arms, and instantly my mind starts to work against me. The notion of Shadi carrying me to my bedroom, joining me, even if it isn't in that special way sets my heart to racing. I find the strength to calm down and drive my thoughts elsewhere. He ushers me to my rooms and further to my bed. "I brought you a treat," he says before handing me a tray of goodies. I take one and taste it. I can't help but savor every delicious essence of the dessert. Upon further inspection I find the tray to consist of spheres of sweet dough rolled in honey and topped with sugar. To say that my mouth is in ecstasy is an understatement. I can't thank Shadi enough for bringing me this food.

Once the tray is cleared I rise to take a bath. "Shadi, I'm going to take a bath. Feel free to make yourself comfortable." I start for the washrooms.

"Nefertiri, I can't. I feel so strange in here, knowing that Pharaoh once slept—"

"Actually he didn't. After Atem died I was experiencing the same problem. So I had the rooms rearranged. If I remember correctly, this used to be the sitting room. The study area is the room that Atem and I used to sleep in. I even had the furniture replaced. Atem never so much as laid eyes on any of these things."

"I thank you for that, Lady."

I nod and smile softly. "Now, if you'll excuse me." I continue on my way to the washroom and let my cloth slide down my back before coming to rest at my hips before closing the door. I look down into the tubs. Fresh steaming water, just like I like it. I wriggle out of my cloth and pull my hair up before fetching my favorite soap: lavender, jasmine, and vanilla combine to indulge me in a sensory experience like no other.

I slide into the water up my neck and let it soothe my aching muscles as I let the awful memories of the day fade from my mind. I start to wash, letting the essences melt the tension off of my body. I find it time to rise and gather my lavender vanilla oil. As I pour it in my hand, I can't help but think to ask Shadi to oil me tenderly. I smile at the devilish thought before it wisps away. Thank goodness. I certainly can't face Shadi with that on my mind. He'd see right through me, even without his Millennium Key (5).

Once my skin is moisturized and smelling just right, I pull down a sheer nightgown, extra coverage for my breasts of course. I pull it down and over my body and watch it cascade about a hand or so above my knees. And with that, I enter my bedroom once more.

I'm surprised to see Shadi changed and ready for bed, reading some scrolls at a table in the corner. He doesn't even look up at me. "You're a tease, you know that Nefertiri."

I feign surprise. "Excuse me. Whatever do you mean?" I sit on the bed.

He folds his scrolls and joins me. "Don't act like you don't know. Did you really have to start disrobing in front of me? It took all my strength not to come and join you." He blushes heavily.

"My my aren't we so forward." I plant a kiss on his cheek. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping you would accompany me." He smiles at that. "But for now I've got to get plenty of sleep. I'm going to need all my energy to go out into the kingdom tomorrow."

"You're right. Do you think you can handle it?"

"Of course I can. I've gone out plenty of times."

"True, but not as Queen Dowager."

"You're right, but I know I can do it. I've always been able to rely on the people's support. They genuinely like and respect me. I'll be fine." He nods solemnly as I pull out the covers. The moment soon becomes awkward. "I, um… I guess we should, uh…" Shadi pulls the covers back some more so that I can climb into bed.

Once I'm comfortable, he joins me after a minute or two. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"It was my idea," I say as I turn over. "I'm comfortable with you. The question is are you okay with this?"

"I, uh… I…" he kisses me softly to let me know that he's comfortable with me as well. I lay down with his arms around me and soon drift off to sleep.

1-The Eighteenth Dynasty was the time period during which Akhenaton, the Pharaoh popularized to be Atem's father, ruled.

2-Ma'at was the Egyptian goddess of justice who's Feather of Truth was used to weigh a person's heart.

3-Queen Regent is a title used to recognize a queen who ruled in her king's stead.

4-Queen Dowager is a formal title which refers to the widow of the current king.

5-The Millennium Key grants its user the ability to look into the soul of anyone s/he wishes and also read their thoughts.

Well I certainly don't think that was one of my better chapters. The flow was choppy and the diction was forced, among other things. But what really matters is what you think, so please leave a review.

Dead Reckoning