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Chapter 26
Dealing with it
Jaina's P.O.V.
Rosalie placed me in the passenger's seat of her car. I saw Bella in the driver's seat. She reached over and brushed the hair from my face.
"Bella's gonna take you home." She whispered. I didn't want to let her go, I didn't want to leave the safety of her arms. I was scared, seeing Bella, her shirt torn a handprint bruising across her face only reminded me how close she came to enduring my fate. It was all because she was trying to rescue me. I didn't deserve her. She came alone; I wondered why she didn't wait for the others. It dawned on me then how much she truly did love me. But I didn't deserve her love. I didn't deserve any of their love. I was a walking tragedy. It wasn't fair. I thought the worst was behind me
"I'm scared Rosalie." I said, my voice shaking.
"Don't be, were gonna make them go away Jaina." She said, giving me a sad smile. She looked over to Bella and gave her a serious look.
"Get home to Carlisle. Do not go to the hospital. Carlisle will treat both of you at home." She said with seriousness and compassion in her voice. With that she turned and headed back into the cabin.
Bella drove us home fast, I felt so guilty and dirty. I felt utter worthlessness. The things they said to me, and the things they did to me, were unspeakable. Whenever I moved I felt pain. I closed my eyes and wished to be healed but it was futile and terrifying.
The opposite started happening. My pain became worse, my nose began to bleed. The once effective gift I had harbored was now turning against me. I quickly stopped when I realized my bruises began to darken and a gash in my thigh had split even more.
"Bella! It's not working! Oh god, I'm bleeding more." I exclaimed.
"Stop trying! Please it will be okay, were almost there." She cried. The look on her face when she saw that I had caused more damage was frightening. My mind was cracking. I couldn't get their faces out of my head. I couldn't stop feeling their hands on my body.
I felt my stomach turn; I began to breath deep, trying to hold back my urge to vomit. I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt and fault. Look what I had done. If only I stayed with Bella. If only I stayed home and let Jasper continue to school me, I wouldn't be in this situation and Bella wouldn't have her shirt torn and a hand print across her face.
I couldn't stop blaming myself. How will Jasper look at me now, knowing I've been polluted? I only had sex with Jasper; now three other men had been where only he had. I am so disgusting; I know that is how he will feel too. I cried silently hoping Bella wouldn't hear. When she pulled up into the drive, she got out and screamed for Esme and Carlisle. They heard her and ran out to the car. Esme gasp holding her hand over her mouth, her eyes were stirring with shock. Carlisle had to pull her out of his way so he could open my door.
"I got you little one" he said picking me up, and carrying me inside. He had no idea what was going on. He was at work and Esme was shopping.
"Where are the others?" Carlisle asked Bella. She didn't answer. From the look he gave her she didn't have to. He shook his head back and forth and a wash of disappointment coated his face. I knew that it was my entire fault. Now he would have to deal with this because of me. He looked down at me and forced a smile onto his face.
"It's going be okay, they're going to make it right." He whispered. I was confused at his words. His face told a different story then what he was saying. Carlisle carried me into the house, and laid me down on the couch. He ran back to his office and came back with a medical bag. He pulled out a scissor and cut off my skirt. Bella helped pull off her coat. Carlisle placed a sheet of cloth, over my private area, and one over my breasts.
He looked at my wounds, and turned his head to Bella.
"Bella sweetheart, tell me what happened." He asked, looking sternly at her. It was like he was bracing himself, he already knew it was awful, but he needed to put a face to the wounds on my body.
Jaina was raped by three boys, they beat her and left her to freeze to death in a cabin 20 miles out of town." She explained her voice shaking. It was the quick and dirty version. If she wanted a detailed version he would have to wait for me to explain. He looked down at me.
"What were you doing out of town, I thought you were in school?" he asked inquisitively. Bella answered for me.
"A girl from school asked her to leave campus for lunch. She didn't know where they were going." She explained.
"Did you know your attackers?" he asked me
"No and yes." I tried to explain but it didn't make any sense.
"I'm lost, sweetheart, did you know them?" Carlisle replied.
"I didn't remember them…When I first got here we went to the mall and some boys were being mean to me about my stitches. They kept making comments and then Jasper hit one of them. When I got out to the cabin they recognized me, and said that because he broke his nose, they were going to break something of his. Then they….They…" I couldn't talk anymore. I was reliving it, and it was horrid. Carlisle looked immensely sadden by this.
"I understand." He said. His voice was low and barely audible. Then he pulled himself together and looked at me.
"Have you tried to heal yourself Jaina?" He asked.
"Yes but it only gets worse. I don't understand." I said my voice weak and hoarse.
"Try again for me, I want to see what you're saying by it gets worse." He requested. I closed my eyes and wished for it. I heard something start to crackle, Carlisle looked distraught.
"STOP!!!" he screamed. I looked down and noticed blood pouring out of my arms and I felt it drip out of my nose. Where my scars were once healed started to open into fresh cuts. Not deep, but my power began to reverse the progress I had made. Esme gasped.
"Carlisle, look at the flowers." She whispered. He looked over at the end table next to the couch where Esme placed fresh flowers, and noticed they were dead, and withered to the point of crumbling.
"When did you pick those Esme?" he asked glancing over to her.
"This morning dear, just like I always do." She replied. Carlisle ran his hand over his face sighing, and looked down at me. Carlisle then looked into my face, his eyes widened.
"Jaina your eyes, the blue cracks you had before are now black." He said stunned. He pulled his light out and shined them into my eyes. He sighed, putting his light in his pocket.
"Your degenerating Jaina, instead of healing your destroying." He explained.
"How is that possible?" I asked, weak and confused.
"What happened to you has seemed to have reversed your gift. Maybe you always had the ability, but only harnessed the healing, but maybe now because of this tragedy, you are now harnessing the darker ability. How do you feel right now, what emotion is driving you?" He asked.
"Shame." I said closing my eyes. I felt tears roll down my cheeks.
"Oh Jaina. Sweetheart, this isn't your fault. I need you to know that it's not. Don't blame yourself." He whispered. I felt my heart break, I knew he was lying. I couldn't stand being the cause of them breaking their promise to their family; the promise to never take a human life.
"I can tell you're angry with me, your children are out there because of me. There breaking a promise to you because of me. I'm not worth it. All I've done is bring your family pain! I'm so sorry Carlisle. The last person I wanted to disappoint was you. You and Esme are the only parents I have now. I never meant for this to happen. I should have never left. I got Bella hurt too! How can I not feel ashamed? I'm sickening! My husband will never look at me without disgust again." I cried. My body felt like it was burning from all the damage, my insides were screaming. I was trembling, I was emotionally wounded.
"No Jaina! I'm not angry at you. We love you like a daughter. I know that this is not your fault. Nobody asks for this. There are people in this world that are simply evil. I know. Rosalie had a similar incident. It wasn't her fault. I know in time you will know that this wasn't yours either. As far as Jasper, he is out there breaking his vow to never take a life. Please don't let it be in vain. Don't take the guilt on yourself. The people who did this will never hurt another person again. What you went through, will never make Jasper look at you in disgust. He loves you. We all love you!" He said with great emotion. I knew he was trying convince me but it wasn't working. I just squeezed my eyes shut trying to block out the faces swimming in my head.
"Esme will you please put a sheet on the dining room table and get Jaina a pillow. I need to do a full exam." He said looking down at his bag. She didn't respond just ran and got the area ready.
"I hope you feel comfortable enough with me doing this. Esme will be in the room with us." He said explaining. I shook my head yes. I trusted Carlisle. I knew what needed to be done. He gently lifted me off the couch and carried me over to the table. It was prepared. Carlisle placed himself at the end and asked me to scoot my bottom to the end of the table. I felt his gloved hands examine my privates. He told Esme to set him up with a sutcher. They had torn me pretty bad.
"Only four stitches and they will dissolve in a couple weeks. You won't have to do this again. I need to swab you for diseases, and then I'll take a blood sample. Looking at the rest of your wounds, they will heal on their own. I will give you an anti biotic, to help prevent any infection, but you do know that there is a risk of aids. I know once you're on your game, you will be able to heal your blood. I am also going to give you a pack of pills, called the morning after pill, it's to prevent any pregnancy you may incur during a rape." He said as he swabbed me.
I felt a course of disgust permeate me again. It wasn't Carlisle tinkering down there it was his words; Pregnancy and Aids. I internally panicked and thought what if I have an incurable disease and I can't ever heal myself again. Carlisle noticed.
"Jaina Sweetheart, breath. It will be fine. I'm sure you're going to be fine. I will rush the test, we will know in a few weeks, and then we will test in six months. I promise Alice will know the results long before we get them back. It's just for her visions. I have to do this so she can see the outcome. You'll know as soon as she does. I also want you to have faith that you will be able to heal yourself again." He said, he was doing his best to sooth my alarm. I nodded hoping the outcome would be good.
"I just want to heal myself. I just want to make all this go away." I cried.
"You will, when you're rested, I'll have Esme bring you up some dead flowers, focus on them, instead of you. When you regenerate them then you can try again on yourself. When I'm done, I want you to go bathe, and then get some rest. When Jasper gets home, I'll have him check on you." He said. His voice was soft.
"You're going to feel a little pinch." He whispered, after prepping my arm for blood samples. I hissed as he pushed the needle into my vein. He was quick and pulled it out, placing a plastic band aid over the top.
"Would you like Esme to carry you up to the bathroom?" he asked. I looked over at her, and shook my head yes. She walked beside me and cradled me in her arms. She walked me up the stairs and sat me on the toilet, as she turned on the shower. The steam started to fill the room. I stood on my wobbling legs and opened the shower door.
"Just call me when you're ready and I'll help you get dressed." she whispered. Her face was a mask of concern and love. I nodded.
"I love you." she whispered.
"I love you too Esme." I croaked.
The second she left I broke down, a wave of relief that I was alive mixed with the anguish of what happened crashed over me. I sobbed loud and hard to the point I couldn't breathe. I grabbed the washcloth and started to scour my skin with it. I lathered it up over and over and ran it over my broken skin. Blood was running free as I scrubbed off the scabs working my best to get the feeling of their hands off of me.
It didn't take long till my skin was inflamed by my intent to wash off the layer of flesh that had there bodies imprinted on it. But it wasn't enough, nothing would stop it. I became angry. I threw the washcloth down, and leaned my forehead against the wall slamming my fists into the tile. I screamed till I couldn't scream anymore.
I pushed away from the wall turning so my back was against it and I slid down to my bottom, wrapping my arms around my legs, rocking back and forth. I buried my face in my knees and wept silently. I must have stayed like that for a half hour, when I heard a gently knocking on the door. I heard it open and a silhouette formed in the fog covered shower door. I looked up as the door opened slowly. Bella stood before me holding a large towel.
"Esme was worried, you've been in here for over an hour." She said softly; then her eyes widened in horror.
"What have you done to yourself?" she asked with a mask of shock. I looked down and noticed my skin was completely raw and bleeding even more.
"I can't get it off of me." I said looking down. I felt more shame, for making her worry. She reached in and turned off the water and kneeled down in the wet shower, stroking my hair.
"It's going to be okay, Jaina. We're going to get through this together. You and me; just like old times. You're a tuff girl, you've endured so much. You're going to make it through this, one day at a time. I swear you're already invincible. You're a survivor in every sense of the word. Don't let them win. Don't let them destroy you. Don't be there victim, be the one who survived" She said with compassion.
She hooked her hand under my arm and pulled me to my feet. I took a shaking step out of the shower. Bella caught me in her arms wrapping the towel around me. Blood instantly soaked through the large cotton towel, as I made my cuts worse by scrubbing them. She let me put my weight on her as we walked out of the bathroom, into my room. She had already pulled out clothes for me. I dried off the best I could and she helped me dress. I pulled on a pair of Capri pajama bottoms and a black tank top. She combed my hair and pulled it into a pony tail. I was lucky that the cuts stopped bleeding on their own, I would have felt even worse ruining my clothes and blankets. I crawled into the center of my bed and laid on top of the blankets curling into a ball. Bella sat next to me stroking my face. The feel of her hands on me sent chills inside me. I kept telling myself, its only Bella, it's only Bella. I closed my eyes and prayed I would fall asleep.
Jasper's P.O.V.
I hung up the phone with Alice and we found Rosalie, She had burned the cabin down, only glowing embers remained.
"It went up quick and burned hot, I used the gasoline I found in the back of the truck." She said smiling. I looked around and didn't see the truck anymore. What I did see was small specks of metal littering the ground and a set of 7 metal cubes of what I suspected used to be there truck. She compacted the metal so tight that it almost looked smooth aside from the wires, rubber and cloth that poked out of them. She picked up two of the cubes and ran, she came back and picked up two more and ran again. When she came back for more, I picked up two and she picked up the last one, and I followed her as we ran.
There was a large river, over 20 feet wide and god knows how deep rushing, about 7 miles away from the cabin. She chucked the cube in and I did the same. She brushed her hands across her pants ridding her fingers of metal slivers that were sticking to her.
"There, all evidence the evidence is destroyed." She said a serious tone in her voice. She looked at me, and smiled. I couldn't return her smile. I felt a wave of failure.
"What's wrong Jasper?" she asked.
"I didn't protect her. I wasn't there in time to stop them."
"But you did, they would have raped Bella, and killed them both. Jaina and Bella are alive because we stopped them." She said looking me with an intense gaze as if trying to see if her words were truly understood. We began to walk back to the cabin, to where the jeep was parked. We walked faster than humans but slow enough for us to continue talking.
What did Alice have to say?" she asked.
"She caught the fourth one, and made it look like an accident. Her visions are clear, were safe." I said running my hand over my face.
"Do you regret killing them?" she asked.
"No, I only wish I could have hurt them more." I said flashing her serious look.
"Do you?" I asked. She stopped walking and faced me.
"No! I will never regret it. What we did was justified. They deserved every ounce of pain they got." She said her voice was stern. I nodded in agreement. We continued back, and found Emmett and Edward talking. Edward looked distraught.
"What have I done." He whispered to himself, looking on the verge of crying. Emmett placed a large hand on Edward shoulder. I could feel waves of self loathing emanate from Edward, but the girl on my right was emanating rage.
"Don't Edward, Don't you dare feel bad for protecting the woman you love. I found pictures of at least five other girls in the glove box, and what they did to Jaina was a walk in the park. They deserved it." Rosalie hissed. His head snapped up, and stared at her.
"I'm a monster." He bellowed.
"No you're not. They're the monsters. Imagine what would have happened to Bella if you didn't do what you did, in fact don't imagine, see for yourself!" she screamed. She reached into her back pocket and threw the photos at Edward. The photo's hit him in the chest and fell to the ground scattering at his feet. He looked down and picked one up. What he saw made his eyes grow wide. He picked up the rest and started thumbing through them. I leaned over his shoulder and stared at picture after picture of different girls, bound and gagged, bloodied and bruised.
Some were of them assaulting them, others were the aftermath. The last few pictures made both of us gasps. You could tell the girls were dead. One in particular, broke my heart. The last photo was of a young girl maybe 14 years old, if not younger. Her blue lips and unfocused eyes, stared at us. The one I killed had a handful of her hair raising her head up off the floor, a huge smile plastered to his face. It reminded me of a photo a hunter would take; holding their latest kill by the horns posing for their picture. I immediately felt Edwards guilt lift, and was replaced by a felling of Justice. He knew then we did the right thing. He handed the photos to Rose. She put the photos in her back pocket.
"I'll destroy them when we get home. I want to show Carlisle, so he can see we truly did do the right thing." She said, with a somber tone.
"I'm sorry Rose, you right. After seeing those, I know we did what was right." He said
"What they did to Jaina should have been enough." She hissed. Edward looked down feeling ashamed. I knew he had a hard time, killing. It came natural to me, but it was different. Edward was good, through and through. He had a big heart. I knew he used to kill murders and rapist, but even then he never took comfort in that fact. I knew it took a lot for him to stand with us, and take them down. He did it for Bella. He did it because they hurt the one he loved, but for some reason until he saw that they too have killed, he couldn't justify it. I knew now that he had accepted it, and it would not haunt him. I patted him on the shoulder.
"Let's go home, I know you want to see if Bella is okay." I said my voice compassionate. He smiled. Emmett half smiled at me and climbed in the back with Rose. I got in the driver's seat and drove us home.
When we arrived home, I felt a wall of worry pour out of the door way. I saw Carlisle and Esme waiting for us in the front room. Esme ran over and hugged me.
"She's upstairs." She whispered telling me exactly what I wanted to know. Edward walked over to Carlisle, a look of worry plastered on his face.
"Son, I'm not angry with you." Carlisle whispered pulling Edward into his arms and hugging him. Rosalie pulled out the photos and handed them to Carlisle. He looked shocked as he skimmed through them.
"I'm shocked, at the lack of humanity these men held. I cannot pity them." He said a serious tone echoing in his words. He handed them back to Rosalie.
"Destroy these, we don't want Jaina or Bella to see what they were truly capable of, they have suffered enough." He said softly. Rosalie took them and walked over to the fire place, turning the switch, a soft hum of gas poured out, as she hit the ignite button and it was ablaze. She tossed the photographs into the fire, and watched them burn. I left them, as they began to tell Carlisle exactly what happened. I ascended the stairs, wanting desperately to hold my beloved in my arms. I knew I was fortunate to find her broken instead of blue lipped and unbreathing. I opened the door slowly to not startle her. I saw Bella sitting on the bed, and Jaina curled into a ball. She sat up slowly, and faced me. She gasped.
"Your eyes" she whimpered. Her eyes widened as did mine, I knew she was looking at my eyes red as rubies and I was staring at hers. Once a mosaic of aqua, crystal blue and green now were almost black with a webbing of green. I watched as those eyes looked from my face and trailed down the length of me. I knew I was still covered in their blood.
I wanted her to see evidence that they were gone. Not to mention we shared her room now since the wedding. I was shocked to feel an emotional shift, it was brief but her emotional tidal wave of grief, guilt and disgust was altered and I felt an emotion from her that made me know I did right by her. It was a brief glimmer, of satisfaction. It quickly faded back to the dark storm of emotions that were swiftly tearing her apart.
"Bella, I know Edward will want to see you, you should go to him." I whispered. Bella smiled sadly at Jaina and kissed the side of her face. She then sat up and walked swiftly out the door, pausing briefly, she stopped next to me and looked up at my face.
"Thank you Jasper, for everything." She said, placing her small hand on chest and patted me. She then dropped her hand and left out the door closing it softly behind her. I looked at my wife, as she slowly climbed off the bed and walked toward me. She stopped about six feet infront of me, her face was downcast, she couldn't bear for me to look at her, I could sense it.
"I' m sorry." She whispered and then started to cry. I wanted to hold her but I was covered in blood. She fell to her knee's holding her hands over her face.
"I'm so disgusting, I'll understand if you can't love me anymore. Please forgive me." She wailed. She wasn't making sense. How could I not love her? I knelt down in front of her, I wiped the dry blood from my hands as good as I could on my pants and placed my hand on her shoulder.
"I'll always love you. I'm not disgusted or feel that you did anything wrong. Please Jaina you have to know that this wasn't your fault." I said my voice soft. She looked at me, her eyes brimming with grief.
"You had to kill because of me! If I just stayed with you like you wanted me too, none of this would have happened." She cried.
"Jaina baby, you don't understand. Yes I killed him, and I enjoyed every moment of it. We did everything in my power to make them suffer. Sweetheart, if not for yourself for the others that weren't as lucky as you to survive, don't you feel guilty for the justice I carried out." I said, my tone soft but serious.
"Others?" she asked.
"Baby, you were not the first, but I made sure that you were the last, to fall prey to those sadistic ruthless motherfuckers. Rosalie found photos. They weren't just sadistic rapists, they were killers. Those sick motherfuckers took pictures of the girls they raped, and some of the ones they killed." I said feeling even more justified.
"Pictures, Oh my god. They took pictures of me, there on my phone. They left me there to freeze, but they came back for my phone, that's when they found Bella trying to help me." She said, astonished realizing how lucky she was they they left her to die, instead of just ending her themselves.
"How bad did they suffer?" she asked
"Severely" I said.
"Thank you." She whispered, looking down. I knew she still felt disgust, but the guilt was lifted. She knew in the end, that she suffered for the greater good. In the end, her assault was the catalyst that ended the lives of four malicious killers. I only hoped that was enough for her to grasp onto so she could make it through this.
"Adrian" she whispered snapping her head up looking to me for answers.
"Bruised but not broken, and Alice took care of that one." I answered. I saw her eyes swim in relief.
"I have to clean up. We will talk more if you want, after I shower." I said half smiling at her. She looked me up and down again as I stood. She just pushed herself back onto her bottom and sat Indian style. I went to our closet and pulled out a new pair of Jeans and a t-shirt. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I kicked off my blood-soaked shoes and peeled off my bloody clothes throwing them in the empty hamper.
I would burn them later. I turned on the water to scolding hot and climbed in letting the hot water spray the dried blood off of my body. I showered as quickly as I could not wanting to leave her alone for any amount of time. She looked awful, her face was so bruised and her lip was split. She had a cut above her eye, making her eye swell black and blue. She wore a tank top and it revealed all sorts of bruises and bites on her shoulders and arms. I got out and dried off. I pulled on my jeans and grabbed my dirty ones to fish out my wallet when I came across her phone. I picked it up at the cabin. She said he took pictures. I didn't want to look but I had to. I opened her phone and looked at the array of photos they took. Her face was bloody and she had tears staining her cheeks. I then looked through her videos and sure enough they recorded it. It was of the one I killed. He was raping her.
I shouldn't have looked. It wasn't just the visual it was the audio. She was begging for him to stop, screaming her heart out and he laughed. It slammed a wall of grief into me I couldn't contain. I squeezed my eyes shut unable to continue watching and I crushed the phone into tiny pieces. I should have followed her to school. I should have protected her better. I wish I could go back and make him suffer more. I honestly didn't know where to go from here. I didn't know what to do or what to say to her to ever make her feel happy again. I could feel her disgust, her anguish. She was silent and not crying but I could still feel it all the same.
I tried to block out her feelings. I pulled myself together. I needed to be strong for her. I picked up the pieces and tossed it into the trash. I brushed my teeth, trying to get the taste of his blood out of my mouth. I stared at the mirror, telling myself over and over that it was going to be okay. I took a deep breath, and left the bathroom. She was still sitting on the floor. Her face buried in her hands. She wasn't crying, just sitting. I knelt beside her and she moved her face to look at me.
"Everything hurts." She whispered.
"You should get some sleep." I replied,
"NO! I mean no. Every time I close my eyes, I see their faces." She explained. It scared me to see her like this. I reached my hand out to caress her face and she flinched.
"I'm sorry; I don't know why I did that. Will you help me up and get me a glass of water. I got to take all these pills." She said pointing to her bedside table. I held out my hand and helped her to her feet. She gasped in pain and then hobbled over to the bed and I ran and got her a glass of water from the bathroom. She looked so sad as she took one pill at a time. When she was done, she scooted back onto the bed.
She looked exhausted as she tried to fight sleep. I did the only thing I could think of. I pushed relaxation into her, wave after wave till her eyes couldn't stay open. She collapsed on the bed and I covered her up. I sat there the rest of the night clear into morning. She struggled with sleep, tossing and turning, even flailing. I put my hands on her shoulders to hold her back onto the bed, and pushed deep waves of peace and relaxation into her. It was like fighting a storm. She cried and murmured, and there was nothing I could do. No matter how hard I tried to comfort her, the monsters in her dreams were winning.
The sun rose high in the sky when I released her from her artificial slumber. She looked into my eyes, fear flashed till it registered that it was me.
"Happy Birthday Jaina." I whispered, and held out the gift I bought her. She smiled and took the box from my hand, but she didn't open it. She set it down next to her. She turned pale.
"Jasper…" she said just staring at me. She pushed me away abruptly and she ran into the bathroom. I could hear her gasp for breath as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Then she began to cry. I opened the door to see if I could help her but she started screaming at me.
"GET OUT! I'm fine! Just give me a minute!" then she started to vomit again. I closed the door and ran to get Carlisle but I realized he was at work. I went downstairs and grabbed a bottle of water, and some crackers. I went back upstairs in time to see her stumble back to the bed.
She looked at me but she couldn't smile. There was something swimming in her eyes.
"I can't do this Jasper. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to live anymore, I just wanted to be happy, but it wasn't in the cards for me. Every time, I think it's really gonna work out something shitty happens. First my family dies, then the phoenix, and drowning. Then it was us. My own husband couldn't touch me without the urge to kill me. I didn't complain, knowing how hard it was for you, but now the last person to touch me, the last person to be inside of me, isn't you. It's unbearable. I don't think I'll ever be able to let you touch me again, without feeling like I will somehow make you dirty." She whispered. It killed me to think she was afraid she was going to somehow, pollute me, when I killed that motherfucker and drained him dry. My eyes were proof that I would kill for her, and I did.
"How could you think that baby?" I whispered, stroking her cheek.
"I'm never going to be good enough for you. Look at me. I'm pathetic. You deserve so much better than I could ever give you." She whimpered, holding back the tears that were border lining her eyes.
"You're too good for me! Don't think that for a second that you're not." I replied.
"I failed you. You trusted me to stay out of trouble, to just do what I needed and come back to you. I'm so sorry. I just can't stop feeling like you will resent me and think that I somehow asked for it." She cried. The tears spilling down her cheeks and the emotions she was feeling was almost crippling.
"Asked for it, Jaina…I saw the pictures, I saw the video on your phone. You far from asked for it!" I said raising my voice. The video flashing in my head, only deepened the pain I already felt.
"Oh God" she whimpered down casting her eyes.
"That wasn't you having sex with them. That was them violating you in the worst way possible because of me! If anyone should feel at fault it's me! I should have just let it go, but I couldn't let them talk about you like that! They did this to you to punish me!" I said raising my voice. I needed her to know where the blame laid. It was my fault. I felt a wall of guilt engulf me. I couldn't look at her any longer. Saying it loud made it real for me. I accepted the blame. It was mine to deal with. I couldn't stand seeing her bruised, as a penalty for my pride.
"Jasper, look at me." She whispered. It took everything in me to face her again. Her eyes were swimming in remorse.
"Even if the incident at the mall never happened, I'm sure that they intended on raping Adrian. Me being there was only a bonus." She said looking at me nervously. I couldn't believe that she wouldn't let me hold the blame. I knew she was right. That's what they did; they lured innocent girls out and assaulted them. I shook my head back and forth and then looked up at the ceiling. I didn't want her to see the emotions twisting in my eyes. I had to push it down. My sorrow was getting the best of me. If I could cry I would be. She was so damn compassionate when it came to me. She never let me take the weight off of her shoulders. She took the cross I wanted to bear. She took on the guilt.
"Jaina please, it's done. I don't hold you responsible and you don't hold me responsible, let the guilt lay where it belongs; on them." I whispered.
"Okay. I'll try." She said giving me a sad smile.