Hello everyone

Well what can I say? I'm so sorry for the delay in updating this. It wasn't because I was blocked or because I lost interest but because I was temporarily filling in for the head of my department at work while she was on maternity leave. Thank god she's back! Not only can I start writing again but I can have a social life, woohoo! Join me in the happy dance? Anyway, here's the next instalment of First Cut. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Lots of dark and twisty from Snape in this one, oh how we love some dark and twisty Snape! And an interesting side of Dumbledore that we don't see very often, I feel like I'm only scratching the surface of it here but look forward to exploring it more in the future – I would love to know your thoughts on it.

I'd just like to thank everyone for their continued support of my writing, for the lovely reviews and messages and for the alerts and follows. I'm eternally grateful to you all. And I hope you will all continue to let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy it.

Happy reading!

Lillibet x

Chapter 26

It had been three weeks since Minerva had talked to him about taking the Head of House position and since then, Severus was becoming more and more unconvinced by the idea. It had to be the most ridiculous idea the Headmaster had had in a long time. When he had been asked to visit the Headmaster in his office he was sure it was to take back his offer of promotion. It hadn't been, of course and the meeting had only resulted in leaving Severus feeling completely fed up.

Albus had been quick to suggest that Severus make arrangements to shadow Filius in his next tutorial session with the Slytherin's. Reluctantly Severus had done just that and he was now on his way to meet with Filius an hour before the first Slytherin student arrived.

Severus had spent a large part of his afternoon pacing the space between the student's desks and the teacher's desk in the Transfiguration classroom. He stormed backwards and forwards, ranting about how he would make a terrible Head of House and all he received from the Transfigurations professor was the occasional grunt to signal that she either agreed or disagreed with him. At one point Severus glared at her as she continued to mark her papers until she finally looked up at him.

"You've gone quiet," she said. Severus crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against one of the desks, his glare deepening.

"Oh, noticed did you?" Severus said sarcastically. "I thought you had forgotten I was even here."

"Don't sulk Severus, it really doesn't suit you," she said, grinning before she turned her attention back to her marking.

In his surprise Severus made a loud choking noise in the back of his throat, somewhere between a laugh and a scoff. Minerva looked up at him again.

"I honestly don't know what you'd like me to say," she admitted with a sigh. "I've told exactly what I think on the situation and now my only advice is to do as Albus suggested. Shadow Filius, give it a try and if it doesn't work out then you don't have to take the job." Severus just stared at her for a moment.

"That's your advice?" He asked, his face and body still portraying his sour mood. "That's the last time I come to you for assistance."

"It's not like you have anyone else to go to," she bit back. Severus smirked, their eyes catching for a moment before he turned on his heel and left the classroom.

Even now the thought of their banter made him smirk. To other people their words might have seemed cruel, as if they each harboured a hatred for the other. Every so often their moments would turn to arguments and childish spats where they each tried to outdo the other. It was about getting one up on the other rather than trying to hurt one another; although Severus had received a scolding or two from his colleague when he had over stepped the line.

With his thoughts agreeably elsewhere, Severus unfortunately found himself suddenly outside Filius's door. Severus let out a heavy sigh and before he had even raised his hand to knock on the door it swung open to reveal a bright smiling face.

"I thought it would be you," Filius said, standing aside. "Come in," he said. Severus did as he asked without a word and once he was inside Filius patted the back of a chair that was positioned in front of his desk. "Sit down my boy, sit down." He seemed full of energy but Severus wanted to be very far away from this room. Instead of escaping, he watched Filius prepare tea while he chattered away about something Severus could care less about. "So I think congratulations are in order," Filius said as he handed him a cup of tea.

"I haven't been given the job yet," Severus muttered, placing his tea on the desk without taking a sip.

"A slight technicality," Filius said with a shrug and a smile. "The board will agree to your promotion despite your limited teaching experience. Promoting from within is essential when possible in any school. You already know the students and the schools inner workings; what you have is an asset that on this occasion far out weights experience."

"Which is what?" Severus asked with a frown.

"Knowledge," Filius replied with excited eyes. "You've been teaching them every day and I know some of the students have already begun to trust you. I heard they are already coming to you with their problems and worries." Severus watched a slight smile break onto the older man's face, "Minerva told me," he said. Severus shook his head.

"Any chance to gossip," he remarked darkly even though he knew she wasn't really the type.

"You don't fool me boy," Filius said in an off handed manner as he made his way to his bookshelf and began to search for something. Severus turned to watch him closely. "I know you don't really mean it," he said as he pulled a large emerald green leather tome from the shelf. Severus could see it had Slytherin House: tutorial notes written down the side, but something else was already distracting Severus's mind.

"What do you mean?" He asked Filius.

"It doesn't take a genius to see how you feel about her," Filius said as he sat behind his desk and opened the tome at the right date.

Severus was frozen in place, his eyes staring at Filius. The older man's matter of fact tone had left Severus feeling uneasy. It was as if he knew something that he didn't and from the way he said it.

"What are you referring to professor?" Severus asked in a clipped tone. Filius looked up in surprise as if he wasn't even aware that he had company.

"We'll..." Filius cleared his throat and looked uncomfortable. Severus eyed him coolly. "I only meant that you have a solid friendship with her, that you... perhaps care for her more than you let on..." Severus thought the older man looked as if he regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth. But it was too late, Severus was already seething and he wasn't about to let his colleague off the hook so easily.

"You speak of things you know nothing about," Severus said through gritted teeth.

"I meant no offence by it," Filius said, wringing his hands together worriedly. "Why don't we just forget I said anything?"

Severus could feel his blood boiling but he did as Filius asked and tried to put it out of his mind. He watched the older man return to the book, watched his eyes flicking back and forth over a list of names. Before Severus could query which of the students they would be seeing Filius slammed the book shut loudly.

"No, I'm sorry," he said, standing up. Severus frowned but kept his eyes on Filius as he moved around the desk and began to pace his office. "I don't know why you keep yourself so closed off!"

"What do you mean?" Severus asked, his defences quickly building again.

"I mean, why won't you allow people to see you for who you really are?" Severus was about to interrupt but before he could, Filius continued, his face slowly turning red from frustration. "Take this moment for example; I told you that I could see your true feelings showing through that stern exterior for a very dear friend of mine. I know you care for her; I dare say you may have even fallen in love with her. I know this because I take the time to look at you both and I can see the difference you have made to each other's lives. What I don't understand is why you won't allow her to see that, why keep pushing her away? Minerva is a wonderful woman; she's the kind that is hard to come by, she's caring and kind but a match for any man. Why keep yourself so isolated when you have the affection, trust and loyalty of someone like that?"

Severus felt as though he had fire coming from his ears. His stomach was churning and he had a white knuckle grip on the chair arms. He looked up at Filius whose laboured breathing showed the level of anger he held back.

"You speak out of turn old man," Severus said darkly. Surprise filtered into Filius's eyes but Severus ignored it. He stood up slowly from his chair. "You want to know why I keep myself so closed off? It's so people like you can't poke their noses into my business! You think that your position in life has given you the right to pass judgement on others and offer your observations of those around you. You're wrong! What have you ever done professor? What do you know of people like me? My feelings for... her... you were wrong. I do not care for her as much as you would say, in fact, she is merely an opportunity. I'm using her to my own advantage and I have learned to tolerate her because I must." Severus paused and took a deep breath. "I don't think this arrangement is going to work professor, I no longer wish to take part in these sessions. I don't even know why I'm still here!"

Severus turned away from Filius and marched toward the door. Behind him he could hear Filius scurrying behind him but Severus opened the door and slammed it behind him just as he heard Filius call his name.

Severus was furious. How dare that man speak of such things when they were not true. He felt his chest tighten suddenly and he paused in the silent, empty corridor. It wasn't true... was it? He pressed his hand to the wall to steady himself as he felt his chest tighten even more. Of course it wasn't true! He noticed his sudden difficulty breathing. It wasn't true he thought to himself one last time before pulling himself together and marching in the direction of the Headmasters office. There were a few things he wished to discuss with the old man.

A few moments later Severus arrived at the eagle statue. He stormed the familiar spiral stone steps and jumped onto the landing before the stairs had stopped moving. As he neared the door to the Headmasters office he could hear voices coming from inside. He didn't bother to pay his usual respects and knock before entering but instead barged in. The voices immediately turned to outrage and they began shouting over one another to be heard.

"How dare he walk in here unannounced!"

"... wouldn't have dared do such a thing during my tenure..."

"... insolent..!"

"... he could have been busy boy!"

Severus clenched his fists tightly as he stared at the unoccupied Headmasters desk. He felt his anger peak.

"Will you all shut up?!" He shouted loudly over everyone. There was a moment of stunned silence before the first former Headmistress shouted back.

"How dare he!" The voice rang out, breaking the quiet. To Severus's annoyance, the other former Head teachers soon rediscovered their voices too.

"Shut up?

"We'll I never..."

"... you're never too old for punishment boy!"

They continued that way for some time and Severus could feel his already bad mood becoming even worse.

"Did you hear that Dumbledore?" Asked one of the former Headmistresses. "I hope you heard what he said!"

Severus looked up to the balcony overlooking the office where the Headmaster's private chambers were located. Dumbledore was looking down at them with interest, the familiar mischievous glint shining behind his half moon glasses.

"I did Flora," Albus said with a slight smile. He looked squarely at Severus and his smile slipped a touch. "Did you wish to speak with me?"

"Yes," Severus said in a clipped tone.

"Then come up," Albus said, his smile increasing again. "I've just had the elves bring up some tea."

Severus walked quickly up the stairs, glaring at the portraits and trying to ignore their snide comments as he passed them.

"What can I do for you Severus?" Albus asked from his armchair by the fire. Severus stood at the top of the stairs and made no move to join him. He was in no mood for anyone's hospitality. "Weren't you supposed to be in a tutor session with Filius?" Albus asked when Severus made no attempt to start the conversation. Severus couldn't stop the frown that creased his brow at the sound of his colleague's name. "Did something happen?"

"I wish to discontinue my lessons with Professor Flitwick," Severus said through clenched teeth and he noticed the way Albus's eyebrows raised slightly.

"You need to shadow Filius if you are to become the Head of..."

"I do not want it!" Severus snapped. "I want nothing to do with this and if you won't allow me to drop it then I will resign."

"No need Severus," Albus said gently, raising a hand to calm Severus' tirade. "I wish for you to remain here at Hogwarts and in your current position."

Severus felt the tightness in his chest lighten as if some had just released a belt that had been tied around his body. He hadn't expected it to be so easy.

"However..." Albus began. "You will still take the role of Head of House." Severus felt his chest close up again.

"Why?" Severus asked, the tightness reaching his voice.

"Do not forget what I have offered you," Albus snapped back, his voice taking on a hard edge. "You will accept this position."

"Why?" Severus asked again. "There are far superior teachers here that..."

"Because I want to know what is being said," Albus interrupted. Severus scoffed; he should have guessed.

"You want me to spy on the children," Severus stated. There was no need to ask it, he knew exactly who the Headmaster would call on for the dirty jobs. The Death Eater.

"I want to know what whispers are being passed around," Albus said. Severus could hear the underlying meaning in his words.

"You want me to spy on the students?" Severus repeated, not bothering to cover his motives as Albus had.

"It's what I hired you for," Albus said coldly. "Isn't it?"

"I never thought you would stoop to that level," Severus said, narrowing his eyes at the Headmaster. Albus shrugged and Severus knew what he was thinking; at the end of the day it was Severus who would be doing the spying, Albus could stay on the moral high ground.

"A few years is all I ask," Albus added. "This generation has been heavily influenced by Voldemort's rein. I'm hoping they will open to you. I want us to be prepared in case the children are planning to do anything once they graduate."

"And once they have you'll get rid of me?"

"Of course not, unless you want to leave," Albus said.

"I don't want the job," Severus said again.

"You have no choice," Albus said, taking a sip of his tea. "I have already submitted your name to the school board; they will have finalised the paper work today."

"And if I refuse it?" Severus tested him.

"You can walk away right now if you wish," Albus said to Severus' surprise. "But what do you have to go back to? The Ministry would throw you in Azkaban without my employment. So I suppose it comes down to this; what would you prefer?" He looked over at Severus. "My offer of sanctuary and in return you undertake any tasks that I ask of you or... a life time in prison with the Dementors?"

Severus let his words sink in and he knew that Albus was right. There was nothing left outside this castle for him and a lifetime spent in prison would be the end of him.

"I think it's in your best interest to stay," Albus added, breaking through Severus' thoughts. Severus looked at him squarely and gave a mirthless laugh.

"Don't you mean yours?" He said coldly.

"There's no denying that I will benefit greatly from this," Albus said standing up from his chair.

"Of course not," Severus mumbled under his breath. He watched Albus walk towards him and Severus knew his time in Albus' presence was over.

"I suggest you carry on as you were," Albus said, walking Severus down the stairs and toward the office door. Severus marched through and got onto the moving the staircase without saying another to Albus. "Goodnight Severus."

"Yeah," he called over his shoulder as he continued to walk away from the Headmaster.

-x-

Severus marched along the cold corridors, his mind churning with everything everyone had said to him during the course of the night. As he walked he considered each person that he had come to count on since arriving back at the school.

Albus had presented the forgiving father, a warm and mischievous character that had the ability to liven up a room when he walked into it. He had made Severus feel important and worthy, special even. But underneath it, Severus knew he was just another one of Albus' pawns in the overall game plan.

Filius became his carefree, jovial brother. A comrade, someone he knew he could trust. But as it turned out he was just like the rest. He liked to gossip and poke his nose where it didn't belong. His only interest in Severus was one of intrigue, of deceit.

And Minerva... he paused briefly in his thoughts. Minerva. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. Minerva had done him no harm except befriending him. But he believed that she was the reason he was in this mess. She had made him weak. She had lulled him into a sense of safety and in his weakened state he had latched onto her. Severus scoffed as realisation dawned on him. She had purposefully ensured through her kind actions that he had no choice but to depend on her completely. He thought back to his days in prison and how patient and dedicated she had been. And because of that he had counted down the minutes until her arrival, he had taken comfort in her soft skin and femininity... but it had all been a lie. The only thing was he wasn't sure what she was up to. What could Minerva McGonagall get from him? Could it have been knowledge or power? He thought it unlikely. But he'd been wrong about everything else so far, who was to say he couldn't be wrong about this too?

Severus paused and clenched his fists tightly. He looked to his right and saw the moonlight reflecting off the lake, pouring through the windows. He considered the sight for a moment then turned sharply on his heel and headed down towards the lake, his mind growing ever darker as thoughts of Minerva filled his mind. He strode across the grass as quick as he could until the sound of pebbles crunching under his feet filtered the air as he reached the bank.

He began blasting the pebbled bank with any hexes that sprung to mind. He watched the damage he was doing spread over the ground and he felt a gradual freedom overtake him. Finally he lifted his wand to the sky as his mind darkened even further and shouted "Avada Kadarva!" The green light exploded into the night sky and for a moment he revelled in the stillness that fell around him. In the quiet he heard rocks slide against each other behind him and he spun around, wand raised at the figure before him.

"Severus..." Minerva's voice trembled slightly and Severus could see the fear in her eyes. He lowered his wand slowly but kept it tightly in his hand as he turned back to look across the lake.

"What do you want?" He asked in an unfriendly tone.

"Filius said your session didn't go well," she answered. Severus could hear the hesitance in her voice and had he been in any other frame of mind he probably would have been sorry. "But I'd say it was worse than he let on," she added after a moment. Severus sneered and turned to look at her. He watched Minerva take a step back from him and took note of the mistrust in her face.

"Good observation," he snarled. "Come to check up on me? Are you making sure the Death Eater is doing as Lord Dumbledore ordered?"

"Don't call him that," Minerva snapped, her confidence back in an instant.

"Why not?" Severus challenged, stepping around her. "They're more alike than you think. Both of them are manipulative, selfish..."

"How dare you say such a thing?!" Minerva gasped, her eyes watering. "Albus helped you; he gave you a second chance, a home, a job. He..."

"He gives nothing for free Minerva," Severus said quietly as he began to walk around her in circles. "He only agreed to our arrangement because of what I could offer him. We had a deal." And he broke it, Severus added in his mind.

"What could you offer him?" Minerva asked, stepping away from him so he could no longer circle her.

"Information," he said with a sneer, stopping in front of her. "The Dark Lord liked to own people, liked to remind his subjects of his favours. It kept them in their place, reminded of the dept owed. Your sainted Dumbledore does the same thing. You all do." Severus began to walk away but Minerva lunged forward and grabbed his arm, turning him to look at her.

"Do you include me in that?" She asked, her eyes blazing. Severus considered her for a moment and he felt an unreasonable, yet strong desire to hurt her.

"You've changed me Minerva, you've made me into something I've never wanted to be. You forced yourself into my consciousness without asking and being a bull headed Gryffindor you assume it's ok. You are an elitist pureblood looking down at the rest of us. You saw me as a pet project, someone to nurture, someone to save. Well let me tell you Lady McGonagall I don't need you..."

"You ignorant, ungrateful... you think... you truly think I'm as selfish as that?" Minerva asked. Severus could see the hurt he had so desired to inflict upon her.

"I know it," Severus continued. "A person is only as powerful as those they have underneath them. What greater standing than having a hand in reforming a Death Eater? This must make you look very good in your social circles." Severus was no longer sure of what he was saying but the deepening hurt and betrayal in her eyes spurred him on. Was he enjoying it?

"You think I befriended you for my own gain?" Minerva asked with a surreal and sudden calmness. "Then I suppose you're right, I did." Severus hadn't been expecting her to admit it but he allowed her to continue talking. "I thought we were friends, I thought I could be myself around you, I thought I could confide in you. You were the only person that saw me for who I am really am, the only one to understand me. And I thought I knew you as well as you knew me. But I was wrong, I don't know you. I never have and for that I suppose I'm grateful." She took a deep breath and shook her head slightly. "I thought I'd found something that I thought I'd never feel again... thank you, Severus, for reminding me that people will only disappoint."

Severus turned his back on her to look over the lake. He could no longer bear to look at her. He couldn't stand to see her sadness, the tears that had began to roll down her cheeks. He didn't want to be around her any longer.

"Just let me be Minerva." His voice sounded hard and cruel and when he eventually turned around he realised she had gone. He looked toward the castle and he spotted her figure walking along the path, her shoulders hunched. He watched her for a moment as a sickly feeling began to spread through his stomach but before he could register what it was he turned away angrily.

"Good riddance" he muttered under his breath. He turned slowly once again to look at the retreating figure and he wasn't sure if he really was glad to see the back of her. A fleeting moment of panic filled his chest and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

He waited for the feeling to pass... and it did rather quickly.

Just as it always did.

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