A/N: NOTE TO MY READERS AND FRIENDS: My first novel, CHASE, has been published and is now available for download from BN DOT COM and AMAZON DOT COM. PM me for more details and the link/instructions if you're interested, and thank you all for giving me the support and encouragement to follow my dream! I owe this to you!
Some of the hardest decisions are made out of love for everyone but ourselves.
DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.
He heard the door open, he knew it was her. He swirled the whiskey around in his glass and said, without looking over his shoulder, "You're home late."
"Yeah," she said. "Without you, Cragen jammed me up with more paperwork than necessary and Tucker…let's just say I'm lucky I still have a job."
He scoffed. "You're not the one that has to worry about not having a job." He swung back the whiskey, made a face, and slammed the glass down.
She raised an eyebrow and walked over to him, thinking about how wrong he was. She sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of him, and picked up his empty glass. She looked at it as she turned it in her hands. "Is this necessary?"
"Do you have any idea what I almost did tonight?" he asked, licking the remains of the strong drink from his lips.
She bit her lip and dropped the glass onto the table. "You signed them," she said. "Cragen told me. He also told me that you confused the hell out of him. What happened?"
He scoffed and said, "I babbled like an idiot, Liv. I kept handing them to him then taking them back. I almost cried in front of him when I thought about you, without me. I didn't think it would be so fucking hard to leave."
She sighed and said. "Well, now you don't have to." She got up, took three steps, and folded her arms. "You're not…"
He looked at her, worried, and he cut her off. "What does that mean? Tucker? Did he get you in some kind of trouble? I took the heat for this!"
"No, I'm not in trouble with Tucker," she said. She shook her head, rolled her eyes, and took a deep breath. "El, I don't know how to tell you this…"
"You quit?" he asked, sitting up straight. "I told you that if I had to go…"
"I didn't quit!" she snapped. "Can you let me finish a goddamned sentence?" She exhaled again, and shook her head. "It's bad enough you signed those damned papers and were just gonna leave without telling me!"
He scooted forward on the seat and rested his elbows on his knees. "I couldn't…I was just thinking about it, Liv. I realized I can't do this without you." He sighed and looked at her, seeing her angry eyes. "Sorry. Go ahead. What are you trying to say?"
"I just…we might have a problem," she said, turning around. She stepped back again and said, "I thought…I thought I had it figured out. Give you what you wanted, be there for you, and that would be it, to prove that I was staying."
He nodded and got out of his seat. "This isn't about…I know you're not leaving me, baby." He reached for her and she backed away. He furrowed his brow, hurt and confused. "What the hell, Liv?"
"El, I…" She took a deep breath, looked at him cautiously, and said, "I'm late."
"I know, you're like an hour…" he paused, confused for a moment, then his eyes bulged. "Late. As in late. Like pregnant late."
"As in…I think so, yeah," she said, shaking her head. "This is not what we need right now. So not…I mean, I wanted to talk to you about it, maybe a few years down the road if we were still…"
"We're still gonna be…so, wait, you think you're…but I thought you were on the pill!" He wasn't angry, just shocked, and he tried to express that. "Baby, this is just…wow. Are you sure?"
"No, I'm not sure," she snapped, turning to him. "I know, okay? I know this is bad. I know neither one of us wants this right now!"
"Who said anything about this being bad?" he asked, walking over to her.
She looked at him as if he just told her he was an avid Satanist. "Are you nuts? We can't have a baby! I can't have a baby," she spat, laughing bitterly. "You're divorce has only been legally final for two days, we aren't even really…this isn't a real…"
"You're the one that's nuts," he interrupted, his voice dry, scratchy, hurt. "We've got a couple of problems, but this is real. More real than anything I've ever known in my life. You love me, don't you?"
She closed her eyes and dropped her head. "Yes," she whispered. "You know I do."
"Doesn't get more real than that," he said, storming up to her and grabbing her shoulders. "Look at me," he said, staring into her eyes. "I love you. If that isn't pretty fucking clear by now, then…God, I need you, Liv. This is beyond love."
"And we're possibly bringing a baby into this," she said, cupping his face. The panic in her eyes was clear. "We're not stable enough for this."
He kissed her, hard, trying to make it clear that he was happy, and ready. He pulled away and said, "We can be. We will be. Just…we need to find out…definitely."
She nodded, biting her lip still. "You're sure you're not upset? Not mad?" she asked. She ran a hand down his arm and said, "You've already got four kids, you don't even know if…"
"I know I want kids with you," he whispered to her. "I've known that since…since the moment I realized I felt this way about you. This isn't a good time, I'll admit, but it's not something we can't deal with. We can handle this." He swiped his left thumb under her right eye, and he whispered, "If we have something to handle, that is." He kissed her forehead and he whispered, "I'm so sorry, baby."
She wrapped her arms around him and buried her head in his chest. "We're not ready for this, El," she mumbled.
He looked up, toward the ceiling, and he sighed. He knew she was right. "We'll just have to get ready, then. Won't we?" He pulled her tighter to him, rocking her a bit, and he sighed. He didn't know how he would calm things down enough to prepare for a baby, no matter how badly he wanted to do it.
"You all right?" Fin asked, watching Elliot chew on his pen. "Strange, you comin' here instead of waiting for her at her place. Only a fool would come into this place when he doesn't have to."
"Oh, uh, yeah," Elliot said, turning his head. "I just, uh, well, you know how I get when something's wrong with Liv."
Munch chuckled. "Yeah, you get all hot and bothered," he said. "It's just a check-up, right? She's not sick. Or at least she hasn't been." He narrowed his eyes and said, "You know something we don't know?"
"I know her," Elliot said, tossing the bitten pen onto his desk. "She won't go home. If something's wrong, she's gonna come here to avoid it. Thought I'd have a better shot at meeting her here."
Fin nodded. "That's Benson," he said. "You never told us what they suspended you for, ya know."
"Yeah," Elliot said, narrowing his eyes. "You don't wanna know."
Fin cleared his throat, leaned back, and smirked. "I do, actually. They suspend you, but they don't say shit to Olivia? That ain't right, You two never do anything without each other, so either you really fucked up, or she did and you took the fall for her."
Elliot ran a hand down his face. "Put it this way," he said. "We both screwed up, but Tucker was in charge."
Fin rolled his eyes. "I got ya," he said. "I don't know what you did to get under his skin, but he has it in for you. In the worst way."
"Don't I know it," Elliot scoffed. He heard footsteps behind him and he stood up fast, turning to face the door. His heart dropped when he saw that it was just Tucker. "You," he spat.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Tucker fumed, pointing at Elliot. "You were given a formal…"
"I'm not on the clock," Elliot interrupted. "I just…I'm waiting for something."
Tucker chuckled. "What? A pink slip? You waiting for me to haul you in on something else?"
"He's waiting for me," Olivia's voice declared from the doorway. She felt uncomfortable as everyone's eyes fell on her, and she took a deep breath. "Well, the good news is it's nothing life-threatening."
Munch looked at her with worried eyes. "But that means that there's bad news," he said. "God, Benson, what is…"
"It's nothing," she said, shaking her head. The tears in her eyes were clear, and her lip trembled slightly as she tried to control herself. "I'm just…well, guys, I'm a little bit…pregnant."
Fin was on his feet in a second, Munch ran to her side, and Tucker glared harshly at Elliot, who was too stunned to move a muscle. "You?" Tucker hissed.
Elliot licked his lips and looked up at Tucker. "Me," he said, nodding only once. He got off of the desk, and he pushed Fin and Munch out of the way. He took both of her hands and he squeezed them until she looked at him. "Yeah?" he asked, when her eyes finally met his.
She pressed her lips together as her eyes turned downward, letting the tears fall, and she nodded, falling into him with a soft sob. "I don't know how…I'm sorry. El, I'm so sorry."
He chuckled, rubbed his hands up and down her back, and he said, "I'm not. We'll get some new furniture, we'll talk to the kids tonight, I should probably call Kathy before she hears it from someone else."
She pulled away from him and sniffled, then looked up at him. "What? You're…you're not…"
"I told you last night," he said, still smiling, "That I wanted this. This is just way too soon, and we're not prepared at all, but it doesn't mean I want it any less." He grinned wickedly, then, and leaned into her. "And with your hormones firing off in a thousand directions, I won't be the only one with an insatiable need for sex." He wagged his eyebrows and she laughed, which made his heart melt. "There's my girl. You want this, Liv. It's okay to want this."
She took a breath and nodded, and she let out another happy laugh through her tears. "Is it?"
He nodded, and he kissed her forehead. He knew Munch and Fin were staring, and he knew Tucker's ears were smoking behind him. He didn't turn away from her fully, he simply shot a look over his shoulder. "Who the hell did you think it was?" he asked with a smirk.
Fin folded his arms, shook his head, and said, "Honestly? I thought it was Tucker."
Olivia rolled her eyes. "You would."
Tucker snapped, "I wouldn't. Ever.." He looked at Olivia, feeling just a little pang of jealousy. "Not with her. No offense, Benson," he said, trying to smile at her.
"None taken," she said. "You hate me as much as I hate you."
Tucker nodded, but he bit the inside of his bottom lip. Something that only Elliot noticed.
Elliot smirked. It all made sense now. He turned back to Olivia, kissed her forehead again, and said, "I called Rebecca. I'm gonna see her twice a week, and George is there if I need him. I'm really gonna work on this. I wanna give you the real, stable, life you and our child deserve."
She sniffled again and looked into his eyes. "You can wait a few months," she said. "You were right about those hormones," she joked.
He laughed and pulled her hands, leading her toward the office. "We have to tell him."
She nodded, and she squeezed his hand. "You think he'll be pissed?" she asked, knowing the answer.
"Honey," Elliot said, as he raised his hand to knock on the door, "I think he's gonna kill me." He kissed her again, took a deep breath, and knocked hard. He knew what Cragen would say, and he was ready for it."
A/N: What does Cragen do/say? How do they break the news to the kids? And will this bring them closer together, or tear them apart? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212