Life was so much simpler on the road. It was just Andrea, Michonne, and me. The three of us worked together to survive. We risked everything for one another even though we didn't know all that much about each other. During that time, who we were before didn't matter. It was who we were in that moment that made all the difference.

Andrea has such a different life now. She is becoming the true leader she was born to be. The people of Woodbury look up to her and I know she is trying everything in her power to keep them safe. The Governor is her opposition, but I have faith that she will prevail. I mean, life hasn't stopped her yet. I doubt she's going to allow it to stop her from accomplishing her goal now. I'm proud of the woman she had become. I just wish she would be around here more.

Michonne has a different life as well, but not in the same way. She is still distant, quiet, and distrustful. I knew that was something about her that wouldn't change. I just didn't think she would be that way toward me. After all the hell we had been through together, she acts like it didn't even matter. I didn't want to choose between going with her and staying in Woodbury with Merle and Andrea. That might be one of the biggest regrets of my life, especially knowing what I know now. I always trusted her instinct, but I had a moment of weakness. Maybe this would all be different if I would have just gone with her.

Both women are in such different places in their lives, but I'm not. Being back with this group makes me feel like I've gone backwards. I learned to control my anger out there and utilize it. I never fought verbally or physically with Michonne or Andrea. I never even dreamed of it. Here, all of that practice seemed to have just disappeared. All I want to do is isolate myself and fight anyone who tries to get in the way of that. This is exactly what I did as a kid and that was probably the worst part of my life. I looked for this group for the better part of a year, but now that I'm here, I'm starting to believe that it was a mistake to have come back.

Shane suggested we leave. Him and I just risk it all to be on our own. I turned him down because I didn't want to leave Daryl and Merle again. That's what I thought at the time. Maybe I turned him down because if I was going to go it would be by myself. I loved Shane, but if him and I were to venture out there on our own, we would be dead in days. We were both survivalists, but that would have been shadowed by our chemistry. We're not good together. All I do is pick fights with him over the dumbest things. The two of us can hardly hold a conversation without it escalating into a screaming match. Sure, it's nice to think that things would be different if it was just the two of us, but I know it won't be. He'll piss me off in someway, we'll argue, walkers will hear, and then it would be the end of us.

My back rested against the metal sheet they had placed on an outdoor walkway for cover incase there was another attack. This was the most peaceful place I could find in this godforsaken hellhole. It was the place with the most light, the best smell, and no one was around to bother me. I doubted Shane, Daryl, or Merle would be able to find me up here. It was the only place that seemed to mostly be untouched by the group.

While thinking about the past day or two, for some reason, my finger began to trace the scar on my hand from when I cut myself with my knife back at the farm. It was a deep thought like the one I was in now that caused it. I played with my knife as I thought about the future and how to make a relationship work. It's funny. I still don't know the answer to that. With how much arguing we do, I firmly believe that our relationship isn't working. However, I felt lost without him. Maybe it is working, but in our own way. I could just be lying to myself. I don't know anymore.

My hand quickly moved to the scar on the back of my head. Although it remained unseen due to my hair growth, I could still feel the jagged line. It was originally there from the beating I took from the Vatos back in Atlanta. That had to have been a year ago now, maybe less. I've started to lose track of time. Whether it was a year or a day, it felt like a lifetime ago. Things were completely different then. That was when Daryl and I believed we were all each other had left and Daryl took that far more seriously than I could have imagined. I knew he felt as if I was pulling away from him when we went to the CDC and I spent a lot of my time with Shane. Our relationship was under a lot of stress after that. I don't ever want him to feel that way again.

This wound was reopened when Daryl and I fell down that cliff while looking for Sophia. That was an experience I would never forget. It was all just so surreal. As blood drained from my head into the surrounding water, I spoke to my dead mother, someone that I missed very much. I knew she wasn't real, but god was it nice to just see her again. She told me that I needed to find Daryl because he needed me. It was hard to believe that my brother needed me. I was always the one that needed him, even though I never liked to admit to it.

My scar was something I knew I could get over. Scars riddled my body. One more wasn't going to make a difference. It was the events after that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Andrea shot Daryl thinking he was a walker. For that one second, I believed my brother to be dead and it was the worst feeling I had ever felt. It was that second, that moment that I felt truly alone. Daryl was my only remaining family and I thought I had lost him forever. That is not a feeling I would wish on my worst enemy.

There was a moment during all of that where Shane thought I was dead. I was at that point where death was about to take me, but his voice stopped me. He pleaded with my, begging that I not leave him, not yet. I knew that I wanted to spend more time with him. We had just started. The two of us weren't finished yet. Are we now? If I were to be on that bed today, would my lungs still fill with air at the sound of his voice or would I finally be able to rest knowing we did the best we could? I tried not to believe that. We haven't been trying our best. That was a fact.

The tips of my fingers grazed ever so slightly over my neck and I instantly forgot about the pains that I had been feeling and started to remember the pleasures. It wasn't just the sex that was good, it was every little moment in between. The water from the water truck when we were stuck on the highway, the car he fixed up just for us, the CDC, me falling on him after I sat in a tree, when he originally shaved his head, sitting on the RV believing that I was the luckiest woman, hugging when I saw him for the first time, even the slow dancing. These were the moments that I could never trade. I wanted to make more moments like these and there was nothing stopping me except for me. In order to keep making these memories, I needed to get my act together and stop feeling sorry for myself. I needed to fix this.

I finally pulled myself up and gained the courage to walk back into the prison. Without acknowledging the other group members, I stepped quickly through the corridors and found my way to the courtyard. The snarls of the walkers were nothing compared to the loudness of my heart beat. With each step I took, my heart pounded faster.

Shane was facing the fence, but his head turned to the sound of my footsteps. His posture immediately dropped. "Ariel-" he started, but I put my finger up signaling him to stop. He froze, completely thrown off by my weird gesture.

I closed the gap between us. My hands ran gently down his arms until they met with his wrists. I pulled his arms around my neck and I faced the opposite direction. I held his arms there as if he was giving me a hug from behind.

His unshaven face scratched against my face as he whispered, "What's going on?"

I only shook my head. My throat didn't want to produce the words. Speaking would only ruin the moment.

We stayed in this exact position for another hour before Glenn came out to relieve Shane from duty. He didn't say anything about the strange encounter either, but his confusion was written all over his face.

I pulled myself away from Shane, but I didn't break contact. My hand still gripped onto his wrist and I guided him back to the cellblock. All eyes were on us, but I felt as if I was in a trance and chose to completely ignore them. Instead, I brought Shane to the second floor cell where we had resided the night before and began to undress him. Reluctantly, he began to undress me as well, but didn't try to do anything in a sexual manner. He knew this wasn't about that. Once we were both down to our underwear, I pointed down the bed and he climbed in. I laid myself down next to him and immediately drifted to sleep.