Chapter 26: Poor Maeglin

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

-Anonymous

"Tuor," I said gravely, "what would you say if I told you that for a while when I was younger I wasn't pretty at all?"

"Well, I'd certainly be surprised," said Tuor. "And I'd also ask you to elaborate."

"Okay, then. Back when I was a teenager, up until I came of age, really, I was awkward, super-skinny, and kind of ugly, actually. Which is why there's no portrait of me during that time. Dad says I was a pretty toddler, though."

"Interesting," said Tuor, stroking his chin. "So is that why you don't care about being attractive? Because you know what it's like to notbe?"

"Yeah, I guess so," I replied. "You know, it's funny. Usually when I tell people that I used to not be beautiful, they're like 'Well, you definitely are now.' I mean, hello? Obviously I'm not ugly now! That's why I said I used to be!"

"People are stupid," said Tuor. "Except you, of course."

"Thank you," I said, tossing my hair. "I have to get back home now—Dad hates it when I'm late for supper."

"He told me that he wasn't strict about punctuality," said Tuor, smirking.

"He said that because he was trying to make a good impression on you," I said. "He's quite smooth, is my dad."

"Why would he bother trying to make a good impression on me?"

"Who wouldn't?" I asked seductively, smoothing down his hair. "I know I wanted to."

Tuor laughed. "I see you've inherited your dad's smoothness. Well, if you've got to go to dinner then you may as well go. I'll see you tomorrow." He kissed me quickly and departed, leaving me alone in the courtyard. By now it was late spring, and I'd never seen the city so beautiful. This was probably because I was now a lovestruck semi-normal girl instead of a cynical, pessimistic politician, but nevertheless, the gardens were in full blooms, the weather was perfect, and I was perfectly happy.

Yes. Again. You'd think I'd learn.

After a few moments of enjoying the perfect-ness of everything, I ran like heck inside, where Dad and Maeglin were waiting for me at the supper table. Dad raised an eyebrow at me as I sat down.

"Late again, I see," he remarked. "You know, Idril, you have been late much more often for the past few months. Is there something going on that I should know about?"

"Um, no," I said innocently. I was not about to tell him that I was late all the time because I now had a sort-of boyfriend. That wasn't information that I wanted to be publicly known.

"Anyway, isn't the weather lovely these days?" I continued.

"Yes, the city is doing extremely well," said Maeglin. "I can't believe that anyone could think that we're doomed." He looked at me pointedly when he said this. I rolled my eyes.

"Of course, it never hurts to be cautious," said Dad. "That's why I've increased the defense around our walls somewhat. We need to be prepared for whatever happens."

"That's better than nothing, I guess," I said. "But still, don't you think that the God of the Sea knows what he's talking about? If he said we should leave, then we probably should have."

"Please, Iluvatar, not this again," groaned Maeglin. "Idril, we all know your opinion, but we're not going back on our decision. It's too late to leave now. Get over it."

Gods, he made me mad. But I was sick of getting into this argument all the time, so I just sighed and said "Whatever."

"I wish we could have a meal once in a while that doesn't end in you two fighting," said Dad. "Maeglin, what has been wrong with you lately? You've been in a snit since January."

Since January? Uh-oh…

"I'm fine," said Maeglin sharply. He went back to eating as fast as he could, and set down his fork about ten seconds later. "Excuse me." My cousin stood up and stormed out of the room.

"Hey, Dad, can I be excused too?" I asked. "I think I need to go talk to Maeglin. Maybe I can figure out what's going on with him."

"Go on, go on," said Dad. "And good luck."

I stood up from my chair and followed Maeglin out into the hallway. He was standing in front of the Graffiti Wall with his back to me, in the exact same position Tuor had been just before I'd had my first real conversation with him. That seemed like ages ago…But enough reminiscing. I had business here.

"Maeglin," I said. "We need to talk."

He turned around. "Hello, Idril."

"Enough with the pleasantries already. Something's up with you. You've been acting like even more of a jerk lately, and that's saying a lot. What's going on?"

"What's going on?" Maeglin looked me in the eye furiously. "What's going on? That filthy, arrogant mortal has had his hands all over you for months and you're letting him get away with it. For heaven's sakes, don't you have any pride?"

"What's pride got to do with it?" I said. "I love Tuor. I don't care that he's a mortal, or that he's from a poor family, or that he doesn't have good grammar or nice clothes. He's the only person I could ever love."

"He's not good enough for you," Maeglin said. "You're way out of his league, and you know it. Why can't you fall in love with someone whodeserves you?"

"Oh, like you?" I snapped. "Like you're so perfect, just because you happen to be of the same species as me and you're of about the same social standing? What makes you think that you deserve me because of that?"

"He'll never be able to love you like I could."

"I don't want your love," I said. "I don't want you, Maeglin. And I never will."

"Is this the cousins thing again?" Maeglin demanded. "We're royalty, you know. It would be fairly easy to get around that."

"No, it's not that. You're just not my type, Maeglin. We're not meant for each other. I'm sure you could eventually find someone very nice if you stopped obsessing over me."

Maeglin shook his head. "No, I couldn't. I'll always love you, Idril, no matter what."

"Then I guess you're going to be disappointed all you life," I said quietly, turning to leave. "Because I'll never love you, no matter what."

"Wait, Idril. One question."

I looked back over my shoulder. "Yeah?"

"What is it about Tuor that you find so irresistible?"

"He's not polite to me," I said, smiling wickedly. "Not at all."

Now that must have stung, hearing me use the same words to describe Tuor that I'd also used to describe Maeglin's father. But as I walked away, I felt more proud than guilty.

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In a rare show of un-Maeglin-ness, my dear cousin refrained from telling Dad about my relationship with Tuor. Why this was, I couldn't tell you. Maybe he realized that if he told Dad anything, not only would he lose all chance of my ever having any affection for him, but I'd probably kill him as well.

Well, I probably wouldn't have gone that far. But I'd have been ticked off, you can be sure of that.

My friends couldn't understand at all why I was so insistent about Dad knowing nothing, as Dinniel proved when Meleth and I were over at her house (yes, she had a house now. Just as I'd predicted, she and Enerdhil had finally gotten the money together to buy a small cottage by the palace) for lunch the day after my conversation with Maeglin. Enerdhil was off working, so we had the place to ourselves.

"He probably wouldn't be mad at you," said Dinniel. "If anything, he'd be pleased. Didn't he say that he wanted to see you happily married?"

"It's not that I think he'd be mad," I said. "It's more of a pride thing. I told Dad straight out that I'd never fall in love or get married. He'd never let me forget it if I changed my mind."

"I don't think that's true," said Meleth quietly. "I think he'd just be really happy that you've found someone so perfect for you. Your dad's not a bad guy, Idril. He's kind of stubborn and old-fashioned, and he makes some dumb decisions sometimes, but he really cares about Gondolin, and especially you."

I looked at her, surprised. "Wow, Meleth. I think you know more about my dad that I do."

"Well, you're not the only smart one around here, you know," said Meleth. "So whenare you going to tell your dad about Tuor?"

"I'm not sure," I said. "Not for a while yet, at least. Maybe I'll just let him find out for himself. Wouldn't you just love to see the look on his face?"

"Yeah, it'd be hilarious," said Dinniel. "But let's get back to our original conversation. Did Maeglin really freak out that badly?"

"Totally. I actually feel sorry for the poor guy. I mean, he really likes me, and I can't possibly like him back. I can't even feel any kind of warmth toward him. If he wasn't so creepy, maybe I could actually love him as my cousin."

"Your family is so complicated," Meleth sighed. "I'm so glad that my cousins are all girls."

"Yes, yes, rub it in," I said, smiling and rolling my eyes. "My family's weird; yours is normal. Your dad respects what intelligence you have; my dad is barely aware of my intelligence. You guys are both way luckier than me. I get it!"

"But you have better hair than us," said Dinniel. "So it balances out."

Thank the Gods for my friends.