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Lost

He was gone. He had left me, he broke every vow and promise he had made to me. He took everything, he took all my love and joy but only left me with a letter that I refused to read. Admittedly it didn't hit me at first. The first week I pretended like everything was okay, like everything was normal; just to numb the fiery pain in my heart. It was easier to pretend like it never happened like he was just out hunting than to accept it. When it truly did hit me, that was it; it felt as if my heart had been ripped out my chest. I felt disorientated like I didn't know which way was up or down, I was alone. Rosalie came out to the hanging chairs where I sat to speak to me.

"Hey what's up mongrel?" She said in a cheery way.

"Nothing I'm just-. Nothing."

"Waiting?" She asked, the question that would lead to downfall.

"Yes." I confessed.

"Leah you've been waiting everyday for a week now, he's not-"

"Don't say it!" I interrupted. The tears flooded my eyes and raced down like a tap. The pain struck my chest again and I yelped in agony. Rosalie hurriedly placed her arms around me and comforted me just as Bella came out. She placed her hand on my knee as I continued to cry in pain. This was my lowest point I was weak, even SheBitch had been scorned and stayed quietly inside when I desperately needed her to come out.

"Leah, he's gone. You've still got us though." Although me and Bella were civil now and were somewhat friendly to one another, I still didn't like her. I think it was more jealousy because I knew she was a decent person and appreciated how she stuck up for me and my babies.

"Listen IsaBitch I don't need your pity. You don't know that, he may just be on a little breather, a break. You've got your perfect dream husband, your perfect daughter, your perfect life so why don't you leave me alone." I spat out. I needed to be spiteful and angry to know I was still somehow me, not just this sad sap who I barely recognized. She didn't take offence, her face showed she understood what I was trying to do and she grab hand and squeezed lightly before leaving. I cried, screamed and yelled until I was sick. I repeated this all night and Rosalie, my mother, Carlisle, Seth and even Charlie tried to calm me down. I couldn't stop, it was all I had left. Eventually the best everyone could do for me was sending Jasper and Cataleya to change my mood, it numbed the pain barely but enough to send me to sleep.

"Thank you." I whispered to them as I drifted into unconsciousness. Those were the last words I spoke for a long time.

When I woke up, I was shattered, broken. The pain was too much and I closed myself off into a corner of my mind. Everything my eyes and ears witnessed were distant as I roamed in my mind, reliving memories, dreaming, fantasizing of him. When people spoke to me I couldn't reply or respond, it was as if I was in autopilot; my body would do the necessary things when needed. My autopilot would let me eat and use the bathroom. Yet everyday I would find myself at the hanging chairs waiting, where he left me. It was like I'd managed to imprison myself into my own mind and set a steel trap so no one could come in. I heard Edward say he could no longer read my mind, it was empty. Empty, that's right, that's what this was, lost, disorientated, meaningless, empty. Emily, Sam, Quil and Annawan had even visited from La Push to try and help me. Even then i couldn't respond. I spent two months in this mummified state, no talking, no response to anyone, nothing. I often wondered if I had died but hadn't yet realized but if I was dead I wouldn't feel this burning pain in my heart, in my soul.

It wasn't until the second month he came, my savior. I was sitting lifelessly on my usual spot, still waiting. I had blocked everything out for over two months now, but somehow he bought me back, revived me.

"Leah? Sweetheart...listen to me." I could hear his voice, the first voice I could actually understand. In my mad confinement in my head, voices couldn't make sence, I couldn't understand, except this one.

"Leah come on!" He urged. His face still blurry like all the other ones I'd forgotten.

"This is my fault, so I'm sorry." He confessed.

"Maybe if I had done things right, this would have never happened. But it's time for you to come back to us meu amor."

"Don't you think we've tried that! She never responds. She doesn't even look at you anymore, it's like she looks straight through you." A familiar voice snapped. I knew this was Rosalie, she had been with me everyday all day long. She was there during my screaming night fits and comforted me even though I never responded to her.

"I think-I can hear her." A comfused voice came from the other direction.

"Maybe you didn't try hard enough...Leah? Come on, it's time to focus on the babies, let it go. I'll be here, I'll be here for you." That's all he had to say, I was done wallowing in self pity. My eyes opened wider for the first time in months and I actually saw. I saw my family sitting looking worried around me and finally I saw him, my savior.