Chapter 26

She woke up with a sleepy John rubbing against her a little, and she seemed to feel his excitement against her thigh, but nothing worse. Somehow it felt as a relief, that he could feel heat already, it must mean his life was no longer in danger.

Being a hot-blooded person herself, with rather strong urges, she could understand his body taking over for a few moments, in that strange state between sleep and awareness. She was curious what would happen next, if his body took him too far she could always wake him.

His hands stayed exactly where they should, enjoying the feel of her soft flesh, but not feeling her up or touching her breasts or thighs. One hand rested on her tummy, and the baby reacted to it. Somehow, that gave Melissa a kind of trust in John, if her baby didn't feel any badness in him, she would feel more inclined to trust him herself. Of course her logical mind objected to that, how could an unborn baby feel someone's intent when a normal person couldn't? A baby probably didn't even have a complete brain yet, in this stage of the pregnancy.

But the feeling remained, and since Melissa had started to follow her feelings just a little more since hormones first raged through her body, she didn't deny it further.

Suddenly the shape beside her snatched his hands back and turned away from her in one quick move, curling up in an instant. Street reflexes probably, he must have woken up. She turned towards him and very gently stroked his hair.

'I couldn't help it, I was still asleep, please don't hurt me.' A muffled voice sounded from within the ball of skin and bones.

'No-one will hurt you, John. Not even if you do something wrong, but you didn't. Your body enjoyed being safe, and lying against a woman, but you controlled it and respected me. Please try to relax, I promise you will be safe.

Why don't you tell me how you got your London name, John?'

That was a good idea, distracting him. He turned to face her, looking much better already for a night's sleep and some food, and she supposed, a little love. He snuggled back against her, no hardened parts touching her now, she felt sad for him, his capacity to love damaged by the way he had tried to make a living. She wanted to help him love again, but it was just not possible, she had more than enough men to please already.

But at least his subconscious still felt excitement, and there was always Lukas to cure any trauma, though that might be a bit too intimate yet. There was a lot of old pain between those two men. Too bad John was a ladies-man, or George might have been willing.

Although George did have a very caring spouse who liked young men who spoke Greek. Though John wasn't very young anymore, he was small and slight and rather appealing, and with plenty of love he'd get his youthful look back, quickly.

An idea started to take shape in her mind, and she let it simmer there, for John dared enjoy her stroking now, leaning into it like a cat, closing his eyes in pleasure. Innocent pleasure.

After a while he spoke: 'Every time I introduced myself as Dionysus, they shortened it to Dion, and that naturally became John. So I kept the name, I wasn't a jolly, drunk god anymore anyway. I yearned for wine, and not being able to afford it, deprivation made me sick for weeks, but if I had continued my drinking I would have died long since. Being drunk when it freezes is deadly.'

Melissa pictured the god she had met in Greece, just half a year ago, and the difference in looks, but also in manners, was stunning. Except for his gauntness and haunted look, this was a normal man, not the bored and lazy creature full of pathos.

'Do you want to eat again?' she asked him.

'Yes, please!' was the logical reply.

Melissa sat up, and found Lukas already gone from the bed, probably off for a run, Paul still fast asleep. Everything was as it should be.

She dressed, and got John a woollen jumper, he would need an extra layer until he started to put on some fat.

Melissa was glad most of her skirts still fit her, being very loosely cut, but of course corsets were out of the question, they just didn't fit anymore, so she had switched to blouses. Not for the first time, she wished she had Katarina close, to order some special dresses for when she got really big, something a little more flattering than the Victorian idea of maternity clothing.

'Where's Lukas?' John asked, with something like panic in his voice.

As nonchalantly as possible, she replied: 'Off for his morning run, most likely. He always runs for an hour, to stay in shape. It makes him very happy. He usually runs by friends, who own a really large estate close to our home, with woods and grassy hills, where he doesn't have to hide his hoofs, and where he can swim naked. In summer that is, even Lukas isn't crazy enough to swim in winter. We thought he'd never get used to the cold at first.'

John nodded, he knew all about that.

'They did give me a really good coat, you know, and warm clothes. They gave me every chance to make it here, except that there is no sense of community here. In our country, I would have been taken in by someone and put to work, but here no-one cared.

Hermes probably didn't know, through my hardships I learned that gods, including myself as I used to be, are much more fallible than we like to believe, living on the edge has taught me how human we actually are. Magic wouldn't have saved me, though needing love desperately made it harder to survive.

I realize only now that your friendship feeds me as well, I thought I needed to make love to stay young. But it is much easier, and much more real this way, making love to someone I didn't care about and who didn't care about me always felt wrong but I thought I needed to do it.'

She took him to the kitchen for the food, and though he did look around with amazement, he kept following her obediently.

'Please be your own person, John. If you want to stay back a little to admire Paul's little palace, please do. Do you want coffee?'

'Art is even more rare where I was than food. Yes, I'd like to look around a lot, and I would like to try coffee, I've never had any. I wish I could go to Lukas' friends at the manor house, I haven't seen even the slightest bit of nature in months.'

He was examining the design of the cupboards, preferring to stay close to her after all. Melissa suspected he was afraid of running into Paul. Oh well, he'd get over it once he saw Paul was really very gentle, just protective. Melissa thought it was a matter of days before John would be included in Paul's protectiveness, and then he'd feel that much safer because of it.

She decided to give John a nice taste of Greece, they had found a little shop that sold really good olives and Greek-style cheese, and neither would be too rich for his stomach. Some of the bread the guys liked to bake for themselves, and coffee, completed the fare.

They sat down, and Melissa saw John try to not fall on the food, but eat it slowly. As he tasted the olives and the cheese, his eyes filled with tears, and he just let them roll down his hollow cheeks until they fell on the table. There was little pathos left in this new incarnation of the once-bored god.

He ate only a little, but it took a long time, for he savoured every morsel with intense pleasure, and some sadness too, for his lost homeland.

'Do you think I will ever see my land again?' he asked in a choked voice.

'You can go through the portal any time,' Melissa replied, and he said bitterly: 'To be a hunted exile again, a being without magic, the lowest of the low.'

'Lukas had no magic, did you see him as inferior?' Melissa managed to ask this without judgement colouring her voice.

John bowed his head, and admitted: 'His magic had not been taken from him in shame, like mine, and he was always very dear to me, but yes, I did see him as inferior for having no magic. And still he loved me, knowing I saw him as some kind of pet, not an equal partner. How much our situations have been reversed. He is very powerful, even on this world.'

'Lukas takes you very seriously, and he will help you become self-sufficient, as Paul and I helped him. And even if you can never return to your own world, you will have a good life here. But I find you a different person already, John, so all may not be lost. Did you just say 'again', were you hunted before in your own world?'

'Didn't anyone ever tell you?' he wondered, 'no, of course not, they wouldn't even know. He wouldn't have told them. Zeus is my father, too, and Hera really hates me, she tried to kill me repeatedly when I was still very small and not come into my own as a god. I ran and ran from her, until I got my powers, my own followers and worshippers and didn't need to run anymore. But she still has it in for me, she wants me killed.

Frankly, if the other gods had left me on our world with my magic blocked, I wouldn't have survived a single day, she'd have gotten me.'

'But why did you look down on Lukas when you started out as a mortal yourself? ' Melissa did not understand.

'I guess I was an arrogant piece of trash with an inferiority complex. I was so afraid of his rise to power that I betrayed everything in myself that was ever of any worth, my love for Lykos Hermeides, my nephew. That terrible crime can never be redeemed.'

Melissa had never had any patience with the Greek gods' tendency towards pathos, so she said dryly: 'I'm sure Lukas will find a way in which you can make up for it, don't worry.'

Poor John didn't have the energy to keep up his self-reproach, so he sipped his coffee instead.

But he clearly had a little trouble with the taste of coffee, he was too polite to say he didn't like it, but Melissa could see it in his face.

She offered him some of her own tea instead, she could still only appreciate Frances' brew now, and said: 'You'll get used to it. It gives a nice kick in the morning.'

Just then, Paul entered the kitchen and greeted Melissa with a warm embrace and a kiss. He said: 'I followed my nose to the coffee, if you don't like it, John, I'll have it. Lukas out running?'

John was holding on to his chair, frozen up, fear in his eyes.

Paul ignored his reaction, maybe remembering his own fear, poured a cup of coffee, and only then looked at John, asking conversationally: 'And, do you like my little palace?

Swallowing audibly, John found his voice, though his body did not relax: 'I've seen riches, owned them, but your place is different. It is not opulent, just perfect. I have not explored yet, to be frank, Paul, I didn't dare. My mind tells me to trust you, but my instincts tell me you are dangerous and to flee from you. I'm sorry, I cannot help it.'

Of all the people Melissa knew, Paul would be the first to relate to John's fear, and he said: 'I understand, I've been there, John. Do you dare to challenge the fear?'

And he opened his arms and invited John to sit on his lap. 'I have come to like cuddling guys, Lukas needs a lot of love, too. Don't worry, the chair will hold.'

That worked, it moved John's attention to the slim, elegant chair instead of to his fear, and he found he could move again.

'It is beautiful, everything here is beautiful. Your dolphin necklace is the most beautiful thing I've seen. I'll try, please forgive me if I fail.'

And with that, John got up and sat on Paul's lap, Paul's hands on his shoulders, lightly, not restraining him. Nothing happened. Paul sipped his coffee, life went on, as John fought his urge to run, and won.

He really looked at his host now, and observed: 'Your hair is shorter, and darker, and you have more of a beard. You're a good-looking fellow, in a rugged way. You smell nice. May I try to sit against you?'

'Be my guest, as I said, I like cuddling men these days,' was Paul's open answer, 'test your fear of me, I am actually quite a nice guy. I've been told my love is so strong it burns, very powerful stuff, once you get used to it.'

John put his arms around Paul carefully, slowly, and then he laid his head on the taller man's chest. One of Paul's arms closed around him, the other stroked his hair, his shoulders, his back, innocuous places.

He did smell nice, this big guy, and his touch was very light, very loving. Of course he had to be nice, Lykos, no, Lukas, better get used to that, wouldn't have loved him if he weren't. It did feel good to have those large, strong hands hold him and stroke him. One hand moved a little to more sensitive places now, his face, his throat, and still he didn't feel fear.

'You smell nice as well,' a deep voice said, 'I smell soap, and yourself, and Melissa, she let you cuddle her, didn't she? Did you feel the baby move?'

At the mention of him touching this man's wife, John froze again, but there was no challenge in Paul's words, and then he mentioned the baby.

'I did, I did feel your belly move, Melissa.'

She observed quietly: 'I know, I felt the baby react to you.'

'He must like you then, John,' Paul said, holding the emaciated man who had once been Lukas' worst enemy with two arms around him now. 'Do you believe now that I mean you no harm? Will you come with me for a tour of my house? I'm very proud of my work and I like to show people around.'

John nodded, and replied: 'I do, my mind is convinced that you mean me no harm, and my body almost. Please don't blame me if it still betrays me every so often. I've been hurt a lot by strong men, and your demeanour is rather imposing to a small guy like me.'

He was small, even for a Greek man, his weight had made him seem larger than he truly was, and now he was greatly diminished, almost a boy in stature, though his face betrayed his age and his experiences.

But they would soon have him back to a normal weight, and a more trusting attitude, and most important of all, Melissa found she liked him, she didn't mind having him around.

That would make him a lot easier to live with, she knew he would not be going anywhere else soon, and she did not mind one bit.

John's fearful attitude towards him had stirred Paul's own memories a lot, he clearly remembered his own skittishness after having been tortured and abused for just one day, by a slight but powerful young woman. What John must be feeling after months of humiliation and depravation by men much stronger than himself, was something he couldn't imagine, and he felt sorry for the smaller man.

Somehow his manner towards John adapted itself to the hands-on, familiar ways Ophius, Hermes and Galan had shown him once they had become friends, and it was clear his loving treatment of John was already putting their guest at ease.

Paul showed him the living-room, and the bathroom, which made a huge impression on John. He gawked at the mosaic, and asked: 'Did you make all of this after your visit to our world? You must have been very busy then, and very talented, to translate our style to one so markedly your own.' Paul noticed he stood in front of the satyr figure longest.

Slowly putting an arm on John's slight shoulder, Paul smiled and replied: 'Actually I made it even before I saw your beautiful country and its fabulous mosaics. This sprung from my fantasy, from how I imagined your ancient culture to be. And you are right, it took me longer than half a year to design and make.'

'Has it been half a year? It feels much longer, as if I have been selling my body for food and some love for years and years. How can a man be reduced to nothing at all so quickly?' As he spoke these words, he looked directly at Paul, who saw John's eyes overflowing again. It was not pathos, but true hurt, and Paul could understand it so well.

'I was reduced to a quivering wreck in just one night, John,' Paul said, wanting to hold the man before him, comfort him, but loath to frighten him with his touch, 'if Lukas hadn't take my fear away I would still be afraid of women I didn't know very well.'

John looked up at Paul, a mixture of unbelief and guilt clearly visible on his expressive face. 'It's the harsh truth, John, even the strongest man can be broken.' Paul opened his arms to John, to prove to him he had been forgiven, and that he was aware the smaller man needed a lot of love to be restored.

Very slowly, John moved towards Paul, and let himself be wrapped in the taller man's arms. The feeling and the scent were already familiar, and it was so good to be held in a loving embrace, of someone who had been through a similar experience, and wouldn't think less of him because of his fear.

Slowly, John started to realize why Lukas was so very fond of this man, that he had found Dionysus' secret hideout and threatened his old friend against his very nature, to get Paul back. As John held on to the incredibly muscular chest, he felt so safe, so protected, he felt his grief ebb and let go of his fear for this large man at least.

He said: 'Thank you, Paul, I needed that. And thank you for your forgiveness, of course you had already said you forgave me, but feeling it makes it much more real.'

They went on to the workshop, and John observed: 'This is a very comfortable place to be, you must all be very happy to be here.'

Paul replied: 'We are, we work hard but it doesn't even feel like working. Lukas is a very good craftsman too, he loves making things with his hands.'

Somehow, John seemed to understand: 'Before I became immortal, and bored with life, I used to be very happy growing things. Vines, mostly.' He said this with a knowing grin, 'but also wild flowers, beautiful trees, I liked the quiet of the glades, the smell of the leaves. I guess nothing much grows here in your cold country?'

It was very strange to imagine John had never seen the abundant green that England could produce, so much more profuse than most of the drought-resistant vegetation of Greece.

'On the contrary, John, our country is known for its lush forests and its beautiful meadows filled with flowers. If you can handle facing more strangers, we'll take you to my best friends here, they own a large manor and more importantly, a greenhouse filled with luxurious, tropical plants that thrive even in winter.

We're building another greenhouse there at this very moment, and we're being picked up by a carriage to supervise this very afternoon. Lukas will be back any moment now, then we'll put in our hours at the forge, have lunch and go out. Melissa will go too, she is needed there most of all, for it is her design and her job to make sure the materials and the construction are in good order, and today is an important stage in the build.'

That was a bit of a shock to John, back amongst people already? 'I don't know if I can handle that, Paul, a building site sounds like lots of rough men.'

'No-one will force you to come, John, you can stay here, you'd be on your own for a few hours, though. But there will be no men in the greenhouse, and my friend Frances is very sweet, she knows about trauma, she has helped traumatized children recover. Why not discuss it with Melissa and Lukas later? You'd love the heat of the greenhouse, and the plants all around. Frances loves plants, she knows a lot about them.'

Right then, the front door opened and Lukas came in, wearing his shorter, thinner running coat, face coloured with the cold outside, in an excellent humour.

Finding his friend up and in the workshop, talking to Paul easily, made him very happy, that was very clear. His face brightened even more and his broadest smile appeared, making him look so cute Paul wanted to kiss him. But he didn't, for this was John's moment.

John hung back, still uncertain how Lukas really felt about him after his despicable deeds in the past.

But Lukas didn't have any qualms, he had let go of any negative feelings towards his old friend, and he wanted to hug John and give him the love he felt for him.

Lukas was not a threatening figure to John, not at all. He felt so much love for Lukas, had thought of him so often, and with such regret, that he did not show the slightest sign of fear or hesitation to fall into the arms that were held out to him.

'You're cold,' John exclaimed, as he clung to the dearest thing he had ever had, how could one mortal boy have caught his heart so totally? Lukas had tears rolling down his face, he was so intensely glad to see his old friend alive and better than he expected, side by side with Paul, whom he had been so afraid of last night.

As they stood together in a tight embrace, Paul decided to let them be and go to work, and Melissa came in to do her share of it, carrying a tray with snacks for Lukas, but mainly for John, who needed to eat very often to restore his body.

The sight of food immediately distracted the two men, they attacked it with energy, and when it had totally disappeared, Lukas took the tray back to the kitchen, wanting to change into his working clothes as well.

For the next hour, a lot of work was done, Lukas was putting together the latest bicycles, two at a time, still quite a job, made easier by some assistance. John was eager to help, and he quickly picked up the knack of handing the right tool or bolt, enabling Lukas to work fast.

After one hour, though, John started to yawn, and having decided he'd accompany them to the manor, Melissa thought it wise for him to take a nap, seriously considering to join him, she often retired for an hour before or after lunch, and this afternoon would be a big job for her, the final inspection of the commissioned frame before the glass was put on.

'John, do you want to join me for a nap?' she asked, 'your body needs rest, and this afternoon is going to be hard on you, facing so many people at once.'

John was not eager to leave Lukas, working together was always a great time to talk, and they still had so much to share, but he did see the sense in Melissa's advice. 'I really should, though I like helping you, Lukas. Do I get to try it out when it's done?' he asked, 'I saw people riding a bicycle sometimes and I always thought I'd like to try.'

'Sure,' Lukas replied, 'I'm counting on it, you're the best choice we have for a guinea-pig, for this one is a smaller size.'

There was quite a market for the smaller bicycles now, Paul had been right to invest in the moulds for smaller parts. This one was actually not commissioned, they had just built it to have a smaller model for potential customers to try, and a great thing that was, for now John could use it.

It was a ladies' model, with floral ornamentation, very pretty, and Melissa secretly thought John would look very cute on it.

She kissed both Lukas and Paul, then took John's hand and led him upstairs, to their own bedroom. 'Do you want to share the bed?' Melissa asked him, 'I always have trouble sleeping alone, and I need my rest for I have a busy afternoon ahead, a bit too much for my advanced pregnancy to be totally honest. I'm starting to feel the load, so to speak. But don't tell the boys, they'd only get worried over me, they're like two mother-hens.'

He just had to smile at her trusting remark, and looking at her sizeable belly and her large, attractive shape, he could imagine her being tired, and he couldn't think of a better place to sleep than in her arms. So he replied eagerly: 'I'd love to nap with you, you're nice and soft and warm, and you understand that my body may be less respectful of your decency than I am, you didn't blame me for its unthinking excitement this morning. I feel safe with you.'

He was so cute, she could kiss him, but she didn't, for that would tempt both of them unwisely.

She undressed and crawled in the bed, and received his slight shape, also naked, against her. Warmed and comforted by her calm presence, he fell asleep immediately, and Melissa soon followed.

The movement of the child inside her woke Melissa totally refreshed, and she felt the man in her arms excited once more. There was no need to wake him, he was not as forward as Lukas had been, but Melissa did think John needed to share his love soon, his body was ready for it even if his mind might not be.

And of course the thought of Frances came back to her. She was incredibly gentle, and had experience with traumatized people. John would be able to talk to her in Greek, and he was much older than she was, so he'd have no problems with seeing a mother-figure in her.

She decided to broach the subject to him as soon as he woke, he would have to know about Frances anyway, for his shy manners and slight body would attract their hostess immensely. If Melissa herself felt it, Frances would want him even more.

Enjoying the antics of their baby, Melissa concentrated on him for some time, she had not realized even an unborn child would already show so much character. And she always got a clear feeling of masculinity from him, was that some foolish hunch of a pregnant woman, or did she really carry a boy-child who had a sense of self already?

Tempted to see inside her own body and try to find out, she decided to not do it. It felt as if she was invading her child's space if she did that, he'd show himself to her soon enough.

Lukas had used his talent to check on their baby a few times, to see if he was growing well, and feeling safe, and had been able to confirm both issues every time.

It was very nice to be day-dreaming in a nice warm bed, with a warm shape against her, though he was a bit too bony to feel really snug. Suddenly John woke up with a shock, turning and rolling into a ball again. But this time he corrected himself as soon as he was well and truly awake, snuggling against her once more, and asking permission to feel her belly again.

She was happy to give it to him, and he felt the baby move with obvious enjoyment.

'Do you have any children, John?' she asked mildly.

'Probably,' he answered dryly, 'I've loved so many women that undoubtedly some children resulted, but I've never really had a child in the sense that I raised one. Lukas had the advantage of me there even before I first met him. Thinking back, I was a despicable person even then.'

Melissa couldn't believe that, and she told him why: 'I'm sure Lukas must have seen something in you to love, he always told us you treated him well enough to make him love you, despite missing his step-mother and child so much.'

'Who doesn't Lukas love?' John retorted with a hint of sarcasm, 'he is so easy to please. Be nice to him and he loves you.'

'Don't be sour, John, Lukas is not easy to please, people make more effort to please him because he is so loveable. He does not love people who don't deserve it.'

Crestfallen, John retorted: 'That cannot be true, he loves me.'

'If you think I crawl into bed with just any miserable looking fellow that crosses my path, and Paul lets me, think again. We trust you because Lukas sincerely loves you, and that means you must be worth something.'

That silenced him, all right.

But Melissa still had something to discuss with him, and she said: 'John, the people you are about to meet are not typical Victorians, they are used to sharing love like your people do.

The lady of the house, Frances, will be very much attracted to you, your shyness and your slightness. If you do not want to share love with her will you please let her know very clearly, but nicely, so she does not feel hurt?

She will not hold it against you in any way, you need not feel forced to share with her. But John, I think your body is very eager to make love again, and she would be very willing and very gentle with you.

Her husband will not claim her, he will not hurt you in any way for sharing with her, he shares, too. It is the kind of marriage they have. And if you feel fear of any kind, find one of us, and we'll stay with you. Even Paul, he is very protective, and I think he has included you in his group of people that need to be protected. You will always be very safe with him.'

John clearly needed some time to digest that information, he was not pleased with the idea that he might become prey to a high-born lady. But he did feel a strong need to make love again, he could not deny that at all. He was warm, he was well-fed, he felt loved and safe, and now his male needs made themselves very clear.

He told Melissa: 'The very idea scares the hell out of me, but I do feel my need stirring. Is it all right if I see how things go? If I don't feel up to it I'll become frightened and she'll back off, that couldn't hurt her, could it? If you tell her I've had a hard time?'

That was good enough for Melissa, and she promised him she would make it very clear to Frances that John had been through some things that could make him feel fear suddenly. But something in her was certain this would work out, John would get the love he needed, and Frances was in for the time of her life, and the heat and the vegetation in the hothouse would bring them together.