Chapter 25: Old Habits

Her 'room' hardly deserved to be called such. It was near completely empty, devoid of any personality of its inhabitant, unless weapons, items concerning weapons, and neatly folded clothes counted. There was merely a cot, and not too far away on the floor were some comics about the old TEAM that Mikey'd kindheartedly lent her to entertain her, books from Leo for the same purpose, and a radio Don had insisted she'd keep in case she wanted something to fill the lifeless void of the place.

Ura hated the strong smell of the cleaning solvent; it made her feel light-headed. But she focused on what she was doing—scrubbing the floor on her knees with such zeal one would think that each tiny dirt particle was a Foot or dan'in.

Leo watched her curiously for a second before speaking up. "You should be resting."

She didn't stop what she was doing, but she slowed down to mechanical movements. "Not good enough Leo…"

He paused. There were a number of ways to take that; either she was complaining that the spotless floor was somehow not clean enough or…she was talking about herself and merely taking it out on the floor. There wasn't much doubt in his mind, but he decided to play the oblivious game for the moment.

"You have the neatest room out of all of us. There is no need for this."

"Yes there is." She replied, cold and calm, as if the floor had done her some grave wrong, "It's not perfect. And no matter how often it's scrubbed, it'll keep getting dirty." She slapped the wet rag down, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head vigorously, "I can't stand it!"

He closed the distance, gently grabbing her arm before she could snatch the treasured possession back. Red was showing through the bandages he'd wrapped around her hands earlier. "Nothing's perfect, Ura." He tried to look her in the eyes but she stared her arms dully.

He followed her gaze, half expecting to see self-mutilation scars at this point.

He suddenly realized that he both knew and didn't know her at all. He knew she was a dedicated warrior like himself whose experience made up for age. He knew her birthday, her hometown, her preferred pastime, her pessimistic outlook, her zeal for training, and her favorite food; but he also knew that there were things she kept from them all. Given what he did know about her, he knew what he didn't know couldn't have been ill intentions towards him and his family. He knew, he knew, that she considered them her family. That she treasured them.

That's why it bothered him not to know how to help her, get past the barricade she'd made.

He tried. "I don't know what you're upset about, but if this has anything to do with you and Raph getting captured, just…just stop blaming yourself. You did the best you could, no one was seriously hurt, and if it weren't for you it would have taken us a lot longer to know something was wrong and find the location. You did nothing wrong. You did well." He emphasized, hoping for some sort of reaction. Her gaze remained on the floor. "So, just…Lie down and rest now."

He let her go and stood. Looking down he realized that she was looking up at him now, and her eyes looked like those of a tired and despondent child. And eyes that sent emotions he knew well and had felt before. Failure. Self-loathing.

"And that's an order." Said he, lightly but unmoving.

She offered him a fake smile, leaving the rag where it was and sitting on her bed.

Slightly satisfied, Leo turned to leave.

"You think I'm crazy now." Her voice startled him; she had gone back to staring at the floor, "Don't you?"

"No." He said simply.

Ura merely hunched over, hanging her head. It's just not good enough.

"Ura." He stopped where he was and turned around again, walking back over to her, "Could you do me a favor?"

"Whatever you say, Leo." She said, tone lighter, supposing he was about to assign her to some task wherein she could redeem herself. Something in him hurt.

"Lie down…the other way, on your stomach."

Ura found it a strange request but listened without much hesitation.

He smiled at her trust, "Splinter taught us a stress-reducing technique. I haven't really gotten a chance to practice, and it seems you could use it." He explained absently, positioning himself and starting to massage her, rubbing deep into her back. He felt the weight lift off her as she calmed down with his touch. A smile crawled on her face as she let out a soft moan. She was relaxing, and that made Leo feel good.

It wasn't gone, but at least she'd forgotten about it for the moment.

Old habits die hard after all.