*Note to my readers* please re-read the previous chapter, I revised a couple passages and added a line or to to help this chapter make a bit more sense.

Thank you.

Chapter Twenty Five
Dreams and Other Distractions

The Rodgers Loft
10:30 PM

Though Kate had been more than happy to have Martha keep her company, inside she was a nervous wreck. Rick had, for all intents and purposes disappeared from the precinct earlier today and no one had heard from him since. Not until she had arrived at the loft, did she find out that he had basically been taken in for questioning at the FBI's New York Field office as if he were a common criminal. By the pained expression on Martha's face this had been every bit as much a surprise to her as well.

She had asked Captain Montgomery where he had gone as soon as she realized he was gone, but he had demurred. Told her he wasn't in the loop, but something in his eyes told her he was holding something back. She got the same vibe from Ryan and Espo in the squad room. They were keeping something from her about Rick's sudden abrupt departure.

Her anxiety truly kicked into overdrive at five o' clock when Rick had still not returned to take her home, and the Captain had Ryan take her instead. Ryan's guilty silence the entire drive back to the loft, the melancholy slump to his shoulders and refusal to look her in the eye confirmed to her that something was definitely amiss and that Rick was at the heart of it. They knew something was up, but they just didn't have the heart to tell her.

Martha was being really sweet, but there was a similar look in her eyes every time she too looked at the clock. She was worried about her son every bit as much as she was. She was like a coiled spring, she could see the tension in her stance even as she smiled sweetly and patted her arm after dinner and told her everything would be fine.

When she finally heard the sound of keys turning in the lock of the front door, Kate practically leaped from the couch. When the door swung open she pounced on him before he could even clear the doorway nearly bowling him over in her relief to see him, hugging him fiercely around the waist. It actually scared her sometimes how much she needed him. As she pulled back a little bit, almost embarrassed by her obvious show of desperation, he bent over and touched his forehead to hers as her fingers twisted into his shirt.

"You disappeared from the precinct...I...I was worried worried sick...and nobody would tell me anything!" she choked out, her eyes misting over. Rick ran his fingers through her hair then down her back in a soothing manner before replying.

"I'm so sorry, Kate, after I called mother, they took my cell phone."

Kate stiffened in shock. Pulled back to look at him, worry and fear for him at war with each other across her face.

"What?" she breathed in indignation, "Why would they do that Rick?"

"Reginald Jacobs was murdered last night, stabbed to death by his cell mate in Auburn Correctional Facility."

Kate shivered involuntarily at the mention of his name, the cold predatory look on the man's face in the courtroom as his eyes wandered up and down her body ran unbidden through her mind. Even now the thought of it made her skin crawl.

"Good." she muttered coldly.

Something in Rick's demeanor, however stopped her short as she truly took in his disheveled appearance. His shirt was rumpled, his tie pulled askew, his hair was a mess. He looked haggard and his expression was hollowed out, though he was trying valiantly to hide it.

"Why would they want to question you about his murder?" she asked quietly, the realization finally dawning on her, "You couldn't have..."

"Kate..." Rick interrupted her train of thought with a finger on her lips,

"His murder came too quickly after he was transferred there, The man who attacked him was related to victim number 4...her father...I think. I was considered a suspect, they thought I might have arranged it somehow."

"What?" Kate nearly shrieked with indignation, "But you were with me all this time, how could you have arranged his murder?" A panicked look flashed in her eyes, like she was afraid he would be taken away from her again.

"I was cleared half an hour ago after they checked my phone records and my internet logs." Rick explained as he ran his hands soothingly up and down her back.

"Oh thank God..." Kate breathed, on the verge of tears as she crushed herself into his chest, listening to his heartbeat, her fingers twisting in his tie and his shirt.

"Shh, Kate it's ok." he whispered into her hair, "He's gone forever and I'm not going anywhere. They had to eliminate me as a potential suspect after what he did to you. You know the procedure every bit as much as I do."

Before anything more could be said, Martha breezed past them while putting on her coat, applying a light kiss to first Kate's cheek then Rick's.

"On that note, I think it's time I make myself scarce, I have many young actors to mold in the morning!" She said as she stepped around them to make her exit. She paused for a moment and turned back to face them.

"I made Chicken Marsala for dinner, Richard, there should be plenty of leftovers in the refrigerator. Enough for both of you, Since Kate barely touched her plate earlier. You really should make sure she eats something kiddo. Until tomorrow, dear ones!"

With a jaunty wave and the brightest of smiles for both of them, Martha pulled the door closed behind her. Her own breathy exhale of relief at her son's exoneration went unheard in the hall. It had been the bravura performance of a lifetime she thought to herself as her composure finally fell apart. Her own quiet sobs reverberated in the elevator as she finally released the pent up emotions she had bottled up to comfort the woman her son loved more than life itself.

….

One hour later

As Kate put away the dishes from their impromptu late dinner, she could see in Ricks eyes just how thoroughly exhausted he really was. Obviously Rick's interrogation had been much more aggressive than he let on, and it was beginning to tell on him. He had taken such good care of her since she got out of the hospital. She felt that now it was time to try to take care of him.

"Rick, please," Kate admonished him quietly, "you look completely beat, go take a shower and get some rest. I'll take care of the dishes."

"You sure?" Rick asked, "I can stay and help, I'm...I'll be fine."

"Rick...please...don't worry about me, get some rest. I've got this."

Rick looked into her green flecked brown eyes and saw absolute sincerity shining in them. To see the quiet strength that had first attracted him to her coming back warmed his heart. He couldn't argue with such sincerity. He kissed her warmly on top of her head, and started to head toward his bedroom when she hooked a finger in his belt loop, pulling him back into her as she got up on her toes and gave him a much more satisfying kiss on his mouth before he ambled off to bed.

About half an hour later, after she had finished the dishes and put them away she came to the decision that she would sleep in her own bed tonight. She couldn't bear the thought of waking him after the day from hell he had likely been out through, as she climbed the stairs to the her room. 'I can get through a single night on my own' She thought to herself as she climbed into bed, turned out the light and soon was fast asleep.

….

two hours later

Kate Beckett snapped awake, her heart pounding in her chest, soaked in sweat, absolute panic in her eyes. This nightmare had been different, the product of an altogether different sort of terror. Rick had saved her from Jacobs, only to be taken from her, ripped from her side and killed...just like her mother. In her panicked state she was halfway down the stairs before she even realized where she was going.

This time her fear is not merely for herself...but for him.

She found herself standing at the foot of his bed, staring down at his sleeping form, Content to see the peaceful relaxed expression on his face. She stood there for several minutes studying his features without the walls he puts up in public. Walls not unlike her own. She mentally chastises herself for her weakness, her man had spent the better part of a day effectively being accused of a murder he didn't commit. Having to suffer his honor, his integrity being called into question and she can't even sleep through the night by herself.

'How much more pathetic can I possibly be' she thought to herself.

She turned on her heel to go back upstairs when she heard a quiet voice behind her.

"Kate...?"

She stopped, suddenly rooted to the spot, guilt welling in her heart for having disrupted his much needed rest. She turned back around, to see him still curled up in bed, as he sleepily pulled the comforter aside and patted the spot next to him.

"Not wanting to be alone is not a weakness, Kate." He said sleepily, his voice little more than a stage whisper.

She pauses only for a moment wondering how even half asleep he could somehow read her mind as first her guilt and then her stubborn pride are overridden by her love for this man and her desire for a peaceful night's sleep wrapped in his warm embrace. The simple need to know that he is alive and here and that she isn't alone after all washes over her as she relents, climbs into bed and pulls up the comforters around her, snuggling back into him as he wraps his arms around her and slips back into sleep.

The gut wrenching fear from that nightmare...seeing his broken body bleeding to death on the ground professing his love for her with his dying breath had shaken her to her core. The only balm for that ache was this. Every synapse in her being urged her to run instead, to flee from this need, but she didn't. She couldn't. If she ran, and something were to happen to him, she would never forgive herself.

Her anxieties and fears slowly receded as she gradually succumbed to the warmth of his embrace, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat at her back and his warm steady breathing on her shoulder. She could face down anything, fight any foe survive any deprivation as long as she had this man at her back. He was right, he had been all long. She didn't have to do this alone. Slowly she began to relax, the last vestiges of that nightmare slipping away with her fear and anxiety as she slid quietly into peaceful, dreamless sleep.

….

12th Precinct Squad Room
The following afternoon

Detective Sydney Bristow sat at her desk wishing she could have been anywhere else today. She had not been here long enough to feel comfortable asking for a personal day, especially with Beckett on the disabled list. She had lost the love her life two years ago on this very day, could still remember with absolute clarity the moment she received the notice that he was gone. It had been devoid of any actual details on the cause and nature of his death, or anything about what he had been doing prior to his violent death.

Having worked for the Company herself she really hadn't expected any. Her past affiliation with them was the only reason she had gotten what little notice she received. She hoped he hadn't suffered, but given her experience she figured that was unlikely. The pain of his loss simply washed over her most of the day, as she sat there quietly filling out paperwork from her latest case. Thankfully, it had been an open shut territorial squabble between two neighbors that had turned deadly, not a case the boys would have called "Beckett flavored." She really hadn't wanted to think today, she just wanted to be left alone to grieve for Michael in peace.

Though Ryan and Espo, God bless them, seemed to have caught on, an annoying idiot from Robbery division just would not leave her to her thoughts. He had been hitting on her ceaselessly since they had had an impromptu sparring session yesterday afternoon in the exercise room. Had she known he was going to be such a pain in her ass, she would have kicked his ass a little harder, maybe hurt his pride a little.

He had rounded the corner from the elevator, all full of himself with smarmy charm and had almost made it to her desk, when the boys decided enough was just about enough. They rose from their desks in near unison to cut him off at the pass.

"Come on, Demming, haven't you figured it out yet? Bristow just isn't interested." Ryan said.

"Come on, guys, you didn't see her in the exercise room." Demming replied, conspiratorially, trying to be 'one of the boys'.

"Bro...back off and let her be, she's been having a really shitty day. Don't make us have to tell you again, it would not be healthy for you." Espo replied, with more than a hint of menace in his tone as even Ryan seemed to convey a sense of cold menace.

"Okay...okay...I get it." Demming muttered as he headed for the elevator, looking back a couple times at the death glare coming from both men as the elevator doors closed on him.

The two of them walked up behind her and Espo placed a brotherly hand on her shoulder.

"You okay Chica?"

"Yeah," Sydney replied, quietly, relieved to be rid of the man and suddenly filled with a sense of gratitude for the two men who had just defended her honor. "Just feeling a little down."

"Don't worry about Demming, he hits on just about anything female with a pulse, took forever to get him to leave Beckett alone last year. He pulls the "exercise room" thing a lot."

"Thanks guys." Sydney said, summoning a wan smile.

"Wanna talk about it? Maybe we can help." Ryan said softly.

Sydney thought it over for a few minutes, these were her teammates, men she was supposed to be able to trust. She had dossiers on everybody in the precinct courtesy for Director Webb, from Captain Montgomery down to the custodial staff. She had cleared the majority of the detectives whom Rodgers worked with daily of any evil intent. She had been working with both of them for several months now and what's more she liked them. This precinct had an air of family that the Vice squad she had been with in the LAPD had lacked.

"My husband died in Afghanistan two years ago today. He was with the State Department a troubleshooter attached to the embassy there when the SUV he was in was hit by an IED."

Though she felt like she was going to burst into tears, she also felt a lot better talking to someone about it. Though she knew what she told them was the official story of his activities, the fact that he was overseas and that he was gone was enough.

Their expressions softened as they pulled her out of her seat and tossed her coat at her.

"Come on, you're taking a personal day," Espo told her, "we're getting you out of here, don't worry we'll square it with the Captain."

"But..." Sydney tried to counter, but the boys simply weren't having it.

"Come on, Bristow, you're one if us, now. We take care of our own." Ryan said by way of explanation.

"Where are we going?" Sydney asked as she slid her jacket over her shoulders.

"There's this great new cop bar not far from here...it's called "The Old Haunt..." Ryan replied as the elevator doors closed.