Chapter 26 - Rats and Kneazles

"I hate this part," said Regulus, wrinkling his nose as he pulled a dead rat from the sack he was holding.

They were standing inside the large enclosure where Hogwarts' kneazles were kept. Remus took every opportunity he could to spend time with Regulus outside of the Room of Requirement. Like today, where his schedule allowed him to help Regulus with his volunteer work for Kettleburn. They met up outside and were careful to go unnoticed. And if someone happened to spot them, there was always the excuse that they were COMC partners and working on a project.

Remus burst out laughing. "Do you remember the first time we did something together? You were moaning about having to hold the ferrets for the hippogriff."

"Yes, well, dead animals are disgusting."

"Well, since you're being so much nicer to me now, I'll do it this time," said Remus and took the sack out of Regulus' hand. He returned the smile it got him and started walking around the enclosure, tossing a rat for each kneazle.

"Careful - the spotted one over there doesn't like me for some reason."

"Yeah, he attacked Sirius in fifth year -" the scowl Remus received made him stop mid-sentence. "I'm just saying -"

"Yes, I know what you're saying, thank you very much," Regulus said curtly.

"Sorry."

They sat down on a big log in the middle of the enclosure and watched the kneazles eat. A little black kitten came toddling, looking at them curiously, and then climbed resolutely up Remus' trouser leg. It was soon joined by its littermates, who obviously wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

"Kneazles are my favourite," Regulus said, holding one of the kittens up in front of him and laughing when it swatted at his nose. "Next after hippogriffs, of course."

"Why don't you have a cat then?" asked Remus. "You could even have a half-kneazle. You don't need a special permit for that."

Regulus shook his head. "We were never allowed to keep pets. They're filthy. There's the family owls, of course, but they aren't allowed in the house, so that isn't much fun."

Remus sighed. "That's too bad. When you love animals so much."

"Sirius gave me a kitten once..." Regulus said pensively, absent-mindedly stroking the tabby that had now taken residence in his lap. "He'd found it outside on one of his escapades. We kept it hidden, but of course that didn't last forever. Mother found it and... well, disposed of it."

Remus bit his lip to keep from saying something nasty about Mrs. Black. Instead he said, "You almost speak of him fondly."

"Who? The kitten?"

"No, you twat. Sirius. Sometimes, when you talk about your childhood..."

"Oh," said Regulus, looking a bit uncomfortable. "Well... when I was little he was nice. He was a great big brother actually. A long time ago. He was the one I went to when I was scared or upset because he didn't make me feel ashamed about it. He would always comfort me and make me laugh. I remember wanting to be just like him - ironic, isn't it?"

"So you were actually close once?"

"I guess. Of course we had our differences, mostly about our parents, but yeah, we were close." Regulus' tone suddenly changed. "Until he turned into a total prick, that is. When the idiot got himself sorted into Gryffindor." He spat the last word. "That's when it all started to go to hell. I missed him so much when he left for Hogwarts. And he - he just found new friends. In his letters he would go on and on about how amazing you blokes were. James this and Remus and Peter that."

"So you were jealous."

"No - I just got sick of hearing about it!"

"Why did you care so much that he became a Gryffindor, anyway?"

"Because it's wrong! He was supposed to be in Slytherin. Our whole family is - always have been. Our parents went ballistic. Said that this was the ultimate proof he was a bad seed."

"But why does that make you so mad?" Remus asked again.

"Who do you think they took it out on?" said Regulus angrily.

"What do you mean?"

The Slytherin sighed heavily. Then after a moment he said, "I don't want to hear you say anything bad about my parents. Otherwise I won't tell you this."

"All right. I promise."

"You have to see it from their perspective..." Regulus started. He rolled the tip of the kitten's tail between his thumb and forefinger. "Isn't it funny how their tails don't start to tuft until they're almost -"

"Reg - you were about to tell me something," Remus reminded him.

"Right. Well, I think this was when they realised Sirius was a lost cause - that he would never turn out right. So they couldn't afford to risk anything with me. Of course I understand this, but that didn't make it any more fun to be me."

"What did they do, Reg?" Remus pressed when it looked like Regulus, who had started playing with the kitten in his lap, had forgotten what they were talking about.

"I guess they thought they'd been too soft on Sirius, and they weren't going to make the same mistake twice. So they became really strict. Every little thing I did or said that could be interpreted as Muggle or mudblood friendly was punished harshly. Sometimes I didn't even realise what it was I'd said. I wasn't allowed to speak positively about Sirius either. And questions - they hated when I asked questions, especially about the things they were teaching me. I couldn't ask why."

"Was it... did they hurt you?" Remus remembered when Regulus had used the whipping curse on Sirius and told him that it was their mother's favourite disciplining tool. Favourite. Which meant that there were others too.

"Sometimes," said Regulus airily. "Other times mother would just yell at me. Or I'd be sent to my room without dinner."

Remus opened his mouth, but shut it again. He had promised. Instead he put a hand on his boyfriend's thigh and squeezed it reassuringly. He didn't know if Regulus was going to tell him more, because he was, again, preoccupied with the little kneazle.

But after several minutes he started talking again. "The thing I hated the most was the long lectures. We would have these marathon sessions where they took turns talking with me. I didn't get any breaks and they wouldn't let me sleep or eat until they were content with my progress. They would question me for hours, and I wanted to answer them correctly, Remus, I really wanted to be good, but often I didn't know what the right answers were and I'd have to guess, and Merlin forbid if I was wrong," he finished, shuddering at the memory. He had to stop for a moment to gain his breath, having spoken so fast. He still didn't look at Remus. He never did when he was telling him about difficult things.

"Regulus -"

"Sometimes... sometimes when I'd been really bad, Bella and Malfoy would come over and they'd all have a go at me at the same time, lecturing me about respectable pure-blood behaviour and family loyalty. Once it lasted almost two days. I think. I lost track of time. I've never been so tired in my life. In the end I didn't care what they said, I didn't care what I said, I just wanted to sleep. Sometimes during these sessions I couldn't help nodding off, and then Malfoy would rap me on the forehead with that creepy cane of his. They would ridicule and mock me. When I had trouble staying awake they'd tell me I was lazy. When I didn't know what to say or answered a question incorrectly, they'd tell me I was stupid. And when I started crying, Bella would cackle and call me a pathetic little baby and a coward, not worthy of my name."

Remus was dumbstruck. He had thought that nothing could surprise him anymore about the extent of the Black's cruelty toward their sons.

"Did Sirius... did you tell Sirius about this?" he finally managed. He didn't really need an answer, though. If Sirius had known, all hell would have broken loose.

"Of course not!"

"Why not? He would never have let it continue - he would have intervened."

"Exactly! And it would just have made everything even worse. Didn't you listen to me when I told you about that time when -"

"Yes, I did. But this... this went on for how long? A year? You needed someone - he could have -"

"I didn't want his help anyway," Regulus scoffed. "The whole thing was his fault!"

"Regulus!" Remus gasped in shock.

"Well, it was," said Regulus stubbornly. "There he was in Gryffindor, having the time of his life, while I was left behind, paying for his mistakes and selfish behaviour."

"But it wasn't Sirius' fault that he was sorted into Gryffindor."

"Yes it was! He asked the Hat to put him there!"

"He - really?"

"He told me. Was all proud of it, too. So you see why I hate him so much."

Remus thought about it for a moment. Then he said, "The Hat would have put him there regardless. He's Gryffindor through and through. You have to admit that."

"Well, he certainly has his share of Slytherin qualities as well," Regulus insisted. "Think of the way he sacrificed me, just so he could have things the way he wanted!"

"Sirius was not the one who abused you, Reg," Remus said quietly.

"He might as well have been! Because of him our parents were forced to take precautions to make sure that I didn't follow in his footsteps. He left them no choice."

Remus could hardly believe what he was hearing. "Regulus, you're being completely unreasonable!"

"You ALWAYS take his side!" Regulus yelled. The kitten in his lap spluttered in shock and took flight.

"Four adults systematically abused you, and you blame it all on a twelve-year-old boy who wasn't even there and had no idea it was happening?"

"They weren't abusing me!"

"What? What else would you call it? They abused you, Reg. Physically, emotionally, and mentally!"

"You PROMISED you wouldn't speak ill of my parents!" Regulus shouted, jumping to his feet.

"I'm sorry, but I can't keep that promise," said Remus, getting up as well. "I can't just sit by listening to you defend them when I know how monstrously they've treated you!"

"It's their job to raise me to be a responsible heir! They have the right to -"

"NO ONE has the right to treat someone like this - no matter the reason - especially not a defenceless ten-year-old!" Remus grabbed Regulus by the shoulders and shook him, as if he could knock some sense into him that way. "How can you be so BLIND? Open your bloody eyes, Reg!"

Regulus stared back at him in surprise.

Remus let go, taking a step back, realising how hard he had been shaking the younger boy. "I'm sorry. I just... I don't know what infuriates me the most - how badly they mistreated you or that they actually made you believe they were doing the right thing. And it's going on still, isn't it?"

"No! Not like that... because I'm a good son, now. They didn't continue being so hard on me, you know. It was just a part of my education, if you will. Then I came to Hogwarts - Merlin, I was terrified that the Hat would put me in Gryffindor - and I was sorted into Slytherin. So in a way it was all worth it. They were so happy. Gave me a new broom - the best on the market."

"It was all worth it because you got a new broom?" Remus asked incredulously.

"No - you don't understand. They were proud of me."

Remus sighed heavily. "Yes... I understand. It's just... fucked up."

"You can't tell anyone," Regulus said, his eyes pleading. "This is my secret. I can't have it come out. Ever."

Remus nodded and pulled Regulus into an embrace. "I understand. I won't tell. But I can't stand the thought of them hurting you again. I just want to protect you. Please let me do that."

"That would be nice," mumbled Regulus into Remus' shoulder. "But I don't know if I can."

A/N: If you're missing Sirius, don't despair. He'll be back in next chapter. And the plot will pick up speed.