Twenty-Six

Rose

I woke up cocooned in warmth. Christian's body was tangled with mine, and I let my eyes slip shut again, basking in the comfort his arms provided.

Then the bond came flooding through. It had been number for the past day or so, because of the endorphins, but now I could feel everything Lissa felt, and she was distraught.

I jerked, and Christian woke up, eyes instantly alert as he looked at me to check I was all right. "What's wrong?"

"Lissa knows."

"What do you mean?"

"She knows you're in love with me."

Christian's hold tightened on me, and I sighed, head falling back against the pillow. "She thinks I'm still asleep, she's planning on hiding that she knows from me when she can get her emotions under control, so that I don't find out and won't want you. She doesn't know that it's too late for that."

"Do you want me to let go?" he asked, fingers brushing against the exposed skin of my waist.

"Not yet," I murmured, curling back into his side.

"Good, because I've only just got you back," he whispered, voice cracking. "I just need a bit longer to pretend you're mine."

We held each other close, and my chest hurt more and more. "I really didn't think we'd get to this point," I admitted. "I thought one or both of us would be dead by now."

"Me too."

"I don't regret it," I told him, pressing my face against his neck, kissing him softly. "You made me the happiest I've ever been."

"I don't know how I'm going to let you go," he replied, pressing a kiss to my cheek. "God, I love you so much, Rose."

Our lips met, frantic. I poured everything into it; to what would be our last time together. My fingers pressed into his skin so hard it must have hurt, and he held me so tightly against him that I struggled to breathe.

But it was perfect. It was us. It was all the emotion we felt for each other played out physically. My body burned with need for him, and I pulled his shirt off, running hands over his hard muscles for the last time.

He followed suit, fingers brushing against my nipple before pinching it. "You're perfect," he murmured, moving to kiss my neck.

"Christian," his name fell from my lips like a prayer as I pushed his pyjamas bottoms down.

We worked each other's clothes off until we were naked, our skin flush and heated despite the chilly morning.

"I need you," I whimpered as his fingers danced over my bare flesh, teasing me.

It was almost too perfect; tears threatened to sting in my eyes as I wrapped my legs around his hips and he pushed into me.

Our lips met again, and he kissed me until I was dizzy with pleasure, his cock slamming into me again and again. I arched my back against him, needing to be as close as possible. My fingers dug into the hard muscles of his back, and I cried out as he hit just the right spot inside me.

Nails digging into my hips, he kept a relentless pace, murmuring my name over and over again until I came apart in his arms, a silent scream leaving my mouth.

When it was over, we collapsed against each other, and the tears finally cascaded down my cheeks. Christian's face was buried in my neck, and we couldn't bring ourselves to let go.

When we finally moved, that would be it. That would be the end.

Liss, I realised, had calmed herself down enough to hide her secret from me. As far as she was concerned, I had no idea about Christian's feelings.

Things could go back to how they were before; before Christian and I fell in love and everything went to shit.

Eventually, my stomach rumbled, and Christian sighed. "We have to move, don't we?"

I sniffled, unable to stop myself, and wiped at my eyes. "I really don't want to."

"Yeah." But he lifted his head anyway, and his face crumbled when he saw that I'd been crying. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

I wrapped my arms around him and crushed him to me again, sobbing in earnest this time.

An hour later, and we'd both cried ourselves out. We forced ourselves out of bed. We took it in turns to shower and make ourselves look presentable, and then braved the outside world.

We walked a good distance apart; there was none of the subtle arm brushing that had gone on before. We walked, and we didn't talk. Neither of us had the effort. I was scared I might start crying again if I said anything.

The dinner hall was depressingly empty. It was outside of normal breakfast hours, but because of people recovering, and sleeping through normal meals, they were putting on food all day. "I need to go to the feeders," Christian said, and I was forced to follow him. I didn't know what was going to happen to the field experience now, but as far as I knew it was still in effect.

Afterwards I grabbed a couple of slices of toast and Christian and I found Tasha and Dimitri sat off in a corner. We went to join them, even though I was sure neither of us felt like an audience right now.

"Rose! You're awake," Tasha beamed at me, and I managed a small smile in return. I nibbled at my toast, my appetite almost completely gone. Dimitri was looking at me, and I couldn't muster the motivation to try and look happy for him.

"They want to have the molnija ceremony later today," he told us. "You'll both be getting tattooed."

"Oh, right," I said, the marks I already had getting a phantom itch. "I don't know how many we killed."

"There's a special mark for that. For many killed in battle."

"Oh," I murmured, returning to my toast.

Both Tasha and Dimitri looked between us, and I held in a sigh. Christian wasn't doing much better with his food, but he was a Moroi so he had an excuse.

"Are you both okay?" Tasha asked, frowning.

"Just tired," I said. "Still a bit worn out."

"Me too," Christian lied.

There wasn't much conversation after that. Christian and I were lost in our own thoughts, and Dimitri and Tasha talked quietly between themselves. Eddie, Lissa and Adrian all joined us eventually, but Lissa's barely concealed bitterness towards me only made my mood blacker.

Then we were tattooed and I watched Christian as he got his tattoo and couldn't stop the tears stinging in my eyes.

I didn't hug him afterwards, when everyone else shared their hugs, because I knew I'd have cried.

Then we went to an announcement by Alberta, where she declared the field experience over, and told us that we should all get back to our own dorms and to stay safe, though the threat was officially over. Some people were leaving school early, mostly the royals, and others still planned on staying for the next month until graduation. The novices were all required to stay: we had our exams to pass. The Moroi were all just being awarded their predicted grades.

At the end of the day, I was so worn out that I trudged back to my room, grabbed the vodka I kept stashed in my cupboard, and drank until I passed out.