Disclaimer: I own a bottle of nail polish.
AN: I've hit a couple of inconsistencies in this chapters and I decided to brush them off with a couple of acknowledgement sentences. If Faraday seems a bit hypocritical to you then I'm sorry. My intention is to write her as real as possible, but sometimes I get mentally stuck on how to do it. Plus, plot holes are easy to fall into.
This chapter turned out much, muuuuch longer than I anticipated. More than 5,400 words, including this author's note. My intention when I started writing this fic was to do as I pleased, and write a bit or a lot per chapter, depending on how I felt. However, as anyone might notice now, I've gotten very carried away with myself. Sometimes I look at the plot I have written for the chapter and I think to myself that I could probably write 7 or 8 pages with it. Then I end up writing ten, like it was the case with this one. It's tiresome most times, but I love writing this fanfiction.
Enough of this!
I hope you all enjoy this chapter, dear readers; I've labored over it for a week and still delivered it a day late. Leave a review if you have the time, and cross your fingers so I might post on time next week.
Chapter 26: Faraday and the four knights
I wasn't one to cry.
I tried desperately not to do it, less I be consumed by it. Back before September finally decided to end, I would cry all day and most of the night. I would cry over my text books, I would cry when given homework, while doing it and when I handed it in. I cried under my covers in the morning after waking up, and I would cry under them again before falling asleep. My life during the last weeks of my first month in Hogwarts was an endless parade of runny noses and wet cheeks.
Everything affected me. My work load, classes, my classmates, housemates and Lorcan Mulciber, all of them put together made me a walking wreak, completely devastating the image that was drawn for me of what would be my life in school.
It took a lot of self-motivation and the emerging effects of the coming of the October moon to get me over everything. One day I didn't cry, and then another and another, until I managed to get my emotions to a comfortable state in which I could work in peace. It was hard, sometimes I couldn't keep a couple tears from escaping me, but for the most part I was damn proud to be able to hold it together. What happened with Lorcan Mulciber at the party for the Slytherin team was a catalyst. A special devastating event, which shook me to the core, and forced me to lose what little control I liked to keep over myself.
I hid under the cover of my bed, the curtains drawn around me, yet I still felt exposed. None had followed me when I made my escape to my dorm, and no one entered it for long hours. I was left truly alone. And it was in that moment, that I cried. There was no stopping it, as soon as I had my face buried in my pillow, I unleashed a torrent of hot frustrated tears and for the longest time I didn't think I would be able to stop.
I hated Lorcan. I truly felt I did. For the life of me I couldn't force myself to point out the problem between us. I tried to find it, as I cried because of him, but I always led myself empty corners. Was everything my fault for allowing him to step over me? Should I have tried to put a stop to him, either by fighting him or going to a teacher? A teacher, not even Dumbledore could help me in this situation. My bully lived in my own house, and his family had enough influence to keep him in school even if I revealed to all my status as a descendant of the legendary Merlin. What's more, I once tried fighting him, to go against him and that had landed me in St. Mungo's and as walking pariah to all Slytherins.
My eyes were dry when I woke up the next day, after a restless sleep with nightmares of secret smiles and wayward kisses. They hurt when I forced them to open, even in the darkness of the cocoon my bed curtains made. As I laid there I had the thought of crying some more when I realized that in a short hour or two I had to face people. That was the worst of it. I could deal with my emotions, I would try to have them in check in a couple of days, but facing the stares of those who had witness my disgrace was more stressful to me then what actually happened.
For a moment I wished I could Apparate from my bed to my seat in class, so I wouldn't have to do the walk of shame in my House. But I had yet to start the Ministry taught Apparition classes. Plus, I knew that it would be impossible inside of Hogwarts, so that foolish thought got me nowhere.
An hour went by before I heard my dorm mates begin to stir.
I hid under the covers as the girls got ready for their day. I was motionless, tensed under my blankets, trying hard to give off vibes that I was asleep. Not that any of them would be able to tell, with the curtains around me. They were silent, no normal chatter, and that was driving me insane.
But my desperation reached an end when Hestia spoke, whose voice interrupted the tensed silence. Her voice sounded closer to my bed than I would have liked. I remained as unmoving as I had been since they awoke, listening. "Do you think she's asleep?"
"I don't care." This was said by no one other than Gemma, and it wasn't surprising at all. Though it still kind of hurt. "And you shouldn't care either."
Hestia made a sound I couldn't understand. "Still, to be called that in front of everyone."
"It was crude of Lorcan, I'll admit." Mafalda said her voice coming from the left of my bed, where she slept.
"For all we know it could be true." Gemma threw what I could only assume where shoes on the ground, the mattress of her bed next to me creaking as she probably sat down. Her lack of caring about me wasn't a surprise, but in my state it made everything worse. "Always running after them. I've seen her with them, you know during my patrols, coming out of empty classrooms in the middle of the night."
"Why haven't you reported her to Professor Slughorn, then?" Mafalda's voice was laced with the same curiosity I was beginning to feel. My body and mind ached, but I made no sound. I wanted to know what Gemma would say, if she said anything.
"He'll tell McGonagall. And that would only cause a scandal for our House. I'm not an idiot." She scoffed loudly. Half a moment went by before she spoke again. To me she seemed exasperated, annoyed that she had to waste her time talking about me and what she said didn't put me at ease one bit. "Lorcan never lets me, though."
"What does that mean?" Gertrude hadn't said a word, but apparently she was part of the conversation now.
"He forbids me and the rest of the Slytherin prefects from punishing her." Gemma's revelation, though surprising somewhat, wasn't that big of a deal for me. It made sense in a way. Not once had I been caught in my nightly strolls to and from the House, and I guessed that it had to do with my routines not match up with Mulciber's patrol time. "After the incident in the Society, he insisted on being the only one to chastise her."
Not once had he done that. He liked to torment me regularly and more than once I would catch him leering my way, but I had yet to be caught or received detention or the sort.
"So you told him about Faraday in the empty classrooms with the Gryffindors?"
Gemma answered with attitude, angry for some reason. "Are you daft, Hestia? Of course I didn't tell him. If I had, last night would have been ten times worse."
That stilled the moment. I tried to think of an instance in which things would had been ten times worse as Gemma said, and it wasn't hard to think of a situation. Hell, I didn't even need to come up with something. All I needed to do was remember my last attendance to the Slytherin Dueling Society and I had the perfect example of a faceoff with Lorcan Mulciber that could be a hundred times worse.
"Why does Lorcan insist on tormenting her?" Gertrude spoke up again. "They used to be so close. I thought they would be together—"
I had enough of eavesdropping on them. Their conversation was edging toward turbulent waters and I would not have them discussing me or Mulciber anymore. I grunted, loudly, as I made a point to turn in my bed so they would hear my movements between my blankets. It did the trick. The girls didn't say anything else, and appeared to hurry to leave.
When a few minutes went by without a sound in the dorm, I untangled myself from the blankets, and pulled away my curtains. The bright green light shinning in the room was a bit comforting. Its gentle rays did not hurt me, and it gave me the strength to climb off my bed to head to the bathroom. I worked my way around my morning routines, not really paying attention to what I was doing. I normally didn't give much thought to getting ready for school, so before I knew it I was brushing my hair in front of a mirror.
I caught my reflection in it and I was unsurprised that what I saw didn't seem different from what I normally saw. After what had been a horrible event, and a night of frustrated crying, my appearance was pretty much the same as always. I had angry bags under puffy red eyes, my skin looked washed out and my hair was a wavy mess that refused to let itself be tucked behind my ears.
Pulling my long hair back to twist it up into a bun, I tried to find hope in the brownness of my eyes, warmth that I for the moment didn't feel.
My eyes tingled, and for a second I saw how they began to shine with what promised to be another crying session. As soon as my throat began to hurt, and my cheeks splotched red, I shook myself as violently as I could in front of the mirror.
"That's enough." I said to my reflection, pushing pass my innate desire to ignore my own words.
I walked out the bathroom to put on my outer school robes, but instead of grabbing my things I just sat on the edge of my bed. There was no pain of hunger, and therefore no real need to leave the dorm so soon. No need to do the walk of shame yet.
I decided on skipping breakfast and leaving only for my first class. As much as I wanted to do nothing, for even a look toward my pile of unread books didn't cause a reaction in me, I was not intending to skip class. Not wanting to keep my steady pace of catching to the curriculum was something I didn't feel proud off, but skipping a whole class and therefore falling behind was an atrocious idea. I sat, contemplating life and Lorcan Mulciber. I figured that the best choice of path was to over think my problems in the solitude of my dorm, so that latter when facing the world, they wouldn't incapacitate me. Or so those problems wouldn't be easy to see.
The Slytherins knew what happened, there was no escaping them, but if I could keep Lily from knowing it would be a great thing. Sure, I wanted to tell everything to my best friend, vomit my every thought and emotion for her to give me her comfort and understanding. However, I knew Lily, and though she would give me all the peace of mind I could demand of her, she would also urge me to fight. And when I would refuse, she would take it upon herself to punish those who tarnished my honor.
It's not that I didn't think she held a chance against Mulciber, truth be told I knew Lily could deal with him, but I didn't want her to. I didn't want to plague her with my problems, even when she would claim otherwise. Therefore, I tried to get every thought done with in my mind, so when the time came to see her, she wouldn't be able to tell there was something wrong with me. It would be better if I didn't see her, but evading her wasn't a thing I wanted to do. If I evaded Lily, I would have to evade Peter and his friends, if not she would get angry with me. Meeting Peter wouldn't be too bad. He wasn't as perceptive as Lily. I might be able to get away with my shitty situation. The problem was the other guys. James and Sirius in particular. I don't know what I would do if either of them found out. Would they care? Would it even matter? One thing I knew was that if they knew what happened and cared, they would start a war.
When I had enough of fighting the tears away and two hours had passed I headed out for class, to Care of Magical Creatures.
The way there was a weight on my shoulders, though I was blessed with the fact that the common room was empty when I went through it. Ignoring Merlin with a fast 'good morning' and an excuse of being late, I dragged my feet to the edge of the Forbidden Forest where Professor Kettleburn was gathering with a few Slytherins and Ravenclaws waiting for class to begin. I wasn't the last one there thankfully, but I still got showered with attention. Mostly from the girls of my dorm that took the class. Gertrude and Mafalda eyed me in a way that made me feel like I was being criticized. I tried to appear as normal as possible, and for the most part I believe it worked. Thinking of my problems in detail earlier cleared my mind somewhat, and facing a couple of Slytherins didn't undo me. I would be alright.
Class passed slowly, and I had my share of trouble with a porlock I was supposed to brush in an attempt to domesticate it. The two feet tall little horse-thing wanted nothing from me. I wanted nothing from it too, and it made me happy when the Professor called the class to an end, meaning I could tuck the horse away. I was the last to leave, slugging up the grounds alone toward the castle doors.
As I went up, the wind threatened my walk, and I stopped to gather myself. The matter did help my state of mind. I stood there fighting the urge to declare everything in my life unfair and accept the notion of living under a rock. But that was me exaggerating. My social life was bad, yet nothing else was. I had a place to live, food to eat, friends to talk to, things to do and a future. As soon as I controlled my crying, all nasty thoughts left me to allow me to continue my return to the castle.
I looked up to the doors I knew I was reaching, and Peter was standing there. He waved at me as he finally caught my eye, urging me to hurry up to him.
Things would have been more than fine if it was just Peter the one there. I could deal with my emotions more naturally with just him there, but no, the three other Marauders were there too. Now I had to keep myself in check in front of four people. Great. Hopefully they wouldn't notice.
James threw his eyes my way vaguely, nodding at me in that charmingly arrogant way of his as he spoke something among his friends. By his side, Remus looked ghostly pale, sick with the soon arrival of the full moon. He tried to hide it behind a smile, but he had a face that seemed to want nothing more than to lay down in a bed. His visual discomfort with his condition meant the moon was only a couple days away, and for a second I was actually excited for it. With the freedom of the full moon, with the awakening it did to my truer self I could cope with my feelings. Just as I had done before. Things seemed fine for me as I walked toward the Marauders, until I saw Sirius standing next to Remus.
I looked at Sirius, and how he smiled lazily at me in greeting. I hadn't thought of him. Mulciber had used his name in his vicious attack to make me feel horrible and in turn it made me feel bad that he had been used in such a way. The urge to cry returned, every hurtful memory of the previous day coming back tenfold. As I looked at Sirius, I held no desire in my heart to hold him accountable for what happened. I knew that wasn't right, to shift the blame to someone innocent. It was my entire fault for doing whatever I pleased without thinking of the consequences. Sure, one would imagine that I as a person should be free to do a harmless thing like going on a date with a friend, but no. It wasn't my fault either what I suffered, though. But I should have thought of the consequences before I acted, before I accepted the bet and went parading in Hogsmeade with Sirius Black. Whichever way, it wasn't fair for me to hold even a tiny ounce of bad thoughts toward Sirius. All he had been to me so far was nice, and he didn't deserve to be badmouthed just to hurt me. None of the guys did. They were my special guys, my pack.
The one to blame was only Lorcan Mulciber.
And thinking of the name unleashed the emotions I had been trying to keep in check all morning. I reached Peter, who stared at me. Whatever he saw in me and my expression, I don't know for I myself didn't notice. Walking between the Marauders I jumped on Peter, holding on to his shoulders for dear life. Somehow I felt that everything would be a little better if I did.
So much for my plans of them not knowing. Way to go me.
My leap on Peter sure got everyone's attention. I had participated in only a handful of hugs since my arrival in the summer, and most of them had been from Lily, but this one, I did't know I need it. The comfort of it was what I craved, a feeling that I refused myself when I decided on not telling Lily or anyone else of what happened.
"Thank you for being here, Peter." I said sorely into his ear, words meant only for him. He was the one that liked to meet up with me in the gates to school, and I hadn't realized just how much I needed a friend. My voice cracked when I spoke, and it made me cringe at my own pathetic ways, but it didn't matter. The last person I would be embarrassed to seeing me like that was Peter and he was nothing but understanding always for he in turn, held me tighter.
"Faraday?" The worry on Peter's voice destroyed my resolve of keeping my cheeks dry. The frustration my situation made me feel was too much. I had my face half buried on Peter's shoulder, so when tears began to come out my eyes, they didn't go unnoticed.
Opening my eyes between tears, James' face was inches away from mine, as he hovered behind Peter, trying to figure out what was up with me. I could see clearly into his hazel eyes, and after a moment of uncertaincy, his face laced itself in that somber expression of his that I didn't like to deal with simply for the fact it was way too serious from his normal looks.
"What happened?" His voice was precise and nonnegotiable as he leaned back to his normal stature.
Peter tentatively let go of me, I couldn't see his eyes clearly behind the blur of my tears as I pulled away, but I knew he was looking at me. They all were and I cursed myself. I was supposed to keep things a secret, not bring their dedicated attention to my issues. I felt a hand on my shoulder, bringing me out of my momentary self-loathing, it was Remus. His touch sent a spark down my body, and in a sense it was a surge of energy. I could feel his affliction calling out to my blood. It was the first time he voluntary touched me in his human form, a sign of support and a plea for an explanation that went into every ounce of blood in my body.
Sirius just stood by, his face set into a frown as he looked at no one but me.
My eyes dried up, the spurge of the moment gone, and in its wake I felt empty. I knew I made a mistake drawing attention to myself. I knew I should have kept the secret, but I wasn't able to. I couldn't say anything to James as he waited. As they all waited for my explanation.
"Who do we have to kill?" That was Sirius. He looked away from me as he pressed his hands in the pockets of his trousers, his opened robes bellowing back with the force of the wind.
"We're not killing anyone." Remus took his hand away, facing Black as the rest of us stared at him.
Sirius turned to his friend, surprising me with his annoyed intensity. It reminded me of the expression he gave me that time we met when he was not pleased of me being a Slytherin. But his words were sweet and they frightened me. They reminded me of the reasons I had chosen not to go to Lily with my problems. "Someone made our Faraday cry, and that someone deserves death."
"And I agree completely Padfoot, but we're not going to commit murder." Remus was always the most sensible and logical of the group. One would think that Sirius had been joking about the killing thing and that his closest friends would know when he was joking. Remus' answer didn't give me any peace of mind. There was no joke in this situation, and none of the Marauders seemed to consider it, like I did. Lupin shook his head, looking around at the little group we formed. "I'm sure we will come up with an alternative."
The declaration that they would be doing something chilled me to the bone.
"All we need is a name, then." James' unwavering eyes were on me, expectant and full of fire, a subdued version of what I believed would be an asseveration of Lily's possible reaction. Maybe I was assuming too much. "Come on Faraday, tell us."
"Who made you cry?" This was said by Peter, softly as he placed a hand on my forearm.
I wanted to blurt out the name just for the satisfaction of knowing that Mulciber would very much suffer humiliation in the same degree that he made me feel, but I couldn't. That wasn't the way to go. Saying the name would only lead to more questions. I would have to explain my history with Lorcan, and that would reveal secrets I didn't want anyone to know yet. Plus, this was my problem. I made plans all morning while trying not to cry about what I wanted to do and they all dealt with me not telling anything, hiding every feeling, and pretending to be fine.
I shook my head, both to bring me back to my normal senses, and to say no to them. Somehow, I felt like I could go against them, unlike what I thought with Lily. Lily Evans was a force to be reckoned with and I couldn't go against her. But the Marauders were a different matter. It was easier for me to say no to them. "Thanks boys, but if it comes to a kill, I have to be the one to do it."
I had no real desire of ever facing Lorcan Mulciber. However, the guys didn't need to know that. Peter, James and Remus gave me small smiles, understanding that it was a mechanism for me to not talk. Sirius, on the other hand, full-sized smirked at me. "There's no shame in asking for assistance. If you need help with the body ,you can count on me."
"You'll start a war if we let you." James said smacking Sirius upside the head.
Massaging his bruised spot, Black looked to his friend with no ill intentions. "There's one going on already, and I had no hand in it."
I looked away from them when I felt Peter put a little bit of pressure on his hold on me. His face was still laden with worry. When I met his stare with a small smile, he let go of me. He didn't look too convinced with me as he squinted his eyes toward my face. "A-are you sure you're okay?"
I nodded to him and to Remus, who was still standing close to me. I tried to give a more heartfelt smile for I did feel somewhat better. And it was the truth. Lupin didn't seem completely convinced either, though he tried for me not to notice it. He shivered with the severity of his lycanthropy sickness, looking at me with kind eyes. "But if you do need something, just ask."
The words took me aback, and I didn't know what to think. I was moved by the fact that at that moment I appeared to have the support of the Marauders. It was an uncanny feeling, to feel like I was important to someone. Sure, they had begun to be important to me a while ago, back when I started to consider them my friends, but I never thought it would reach this far, for them to offer me their help and support as good friends, as if I was part of the group, in the same way I would do to Lily or Peter. It seemed strange to consider it, almost wrong to do so, to get my hopes up and assume so much.
However, with Remus' offer the most hypocritical thought came to my mind. There were great social consequences in the line, ones that could make the previous night repeat itself, but I was already a walking pariah and Lorcan Mulciber would always find a reason to torment me. So I figured, I might as well go with my thought.
"I do need something," I decided to say. The problems with my House aside, I had chosen to be around the Marauders, both as the consequences of having one of them as a best friend and choosing to run with the pack that night so long ago in October. A part of me wanted to stay silent, stay with the thought of keeping with the plan on bottling everything up, but another part wanted to run away and hide in a comfortable place, and for the moment, I was going to go with that last thing. "Do you guys think I could maybe sit with you for lunch? Just for today. I won't make a habit of it."
They stared.
I was asking for a lot, I knew. I was asking for them to forgo the centuries of rivalry and the sanctity of their table just to accommodate me, their insignificant Slytherin friend who just so happened to be their 'Birdie in the white dress'. But as I stood under their gazes, I was sure they understood that it was something difficult for me to ask too. We hadn't been friends for long, and I was certain I had been very clear on the pride I felt toward my House. So far, they had respected me for it, and had even appeared to accept me. I could see understanding in their eyes. I felt kind of bad, that they were seeing this weak side of mine, yet I knew I couldn't force myself to sit with the Slytherins, not today. It was the main reason as to why I didn't eat breakfast. And with what happened with the Gryffindor boys, I was feeling a bit normal, and that meant my stomach would start to chime soon.
Besides, I couldn't skip two meals in the same day. If I did, someone would notice, and before the sun went down I would get the visit of no one other than the Headmaster himself. It had happened before, that I got too engrossed in studying that I forgot to eat in a whole day, and Dumbledore ended up insisting I went to the Hospital Wing. It was one of the most annoying moments of my life, but I understood that he was only doing it because the Ministry demanded close tabs on me.
"Sure." Peter chirped without thinking, then he looked to the others, fear in his eyes. "S-she can, right?"
"There's nothing in the rules that says she can't." James said bringing his eyes to the distinct house colors that marked my school uniform as he pressed a finger to the bridge of his nose to push his eyeglasses back to their place.
Remus scoffed, rolling his eyes at Potter. "Yes, because we have a tendency to follow rules."
"She won't be t-the first non-Gryffindor to s-sit at the table." Peter spoke up in that same way that he always seemed to defend me in front of his friends.
"She will be the first Slytherin, though." Sirius said to his friends, as he crossed his arms. Of all the Marauders he had been the only one that at one point voiced out in my presence his discomfort of me being a Slytherin, though it had not stopped him from agreeing to go on the date or let me hang-out with them.
I pointed at myself, feeling much better about my whole situation. "She is standing right here."
That made them chuckle.
"Let's just see how this goes." James gestured us to follow him, leading the way.
Walking next to Peter behind the rest of the guys, I thought about reconsidering my words. My presence in the Gryffindor table if it happened wouldn't go unnoticed, and though there was nothing against sharing and switching around tables to sit with friends in school, my House and the boys' House were rivals, centuries old rivals. And I was a pariah, and I would create repercussions against myself. But then I thought that I knew the date with Sirius would cause the same thing, and I still went with it because it was something that I really wanted. I did it for myself because it was testament to my freewill, or doing whatever I wanted. As I continued with the guys, I resolved myself to keep going with what I was doing. I asked and they were nice enough to say yes. They understood my need of sitting anywhere that wasn't my table in the Great Hall, and they were brave enough to risk it. I should be the same, if only to not face my housemates or my problems.
We entered the Great Hall, and I followed the boys in. I tried to ignore the Slytherin table and those who had chosen that moment to be sitting there, by looking at the Gryffindor one, searching for Lily. I found her to the upper side of the table. Her eyes were at the other side of the room as she nodded at something Mary was saying to her. I followed her searching stare to the crowd of my housemates sitting there, and I came to the conclusion that she was looking for me.
The walk through the wrong side of the Great Hall had a toll on me, making me hide between the boys as much as possible. Even among them, or especially among them, prying eyes landed on me.
"Look, there's Lily! Can we sit with her?" I voiced out to ease myself, holding on to the first robes I could grab in front of me, which just so happened to be Remus'.
"Yes, yes. We can definitely sit with her." Still leading the way, James did not try to hide the excitement in his voice when he spoke to me. As he went, he turned to Sirius walking next to him, smiling in that way that seemed so pure and lovable to me when I saw it. "Why didn't we think of this a month ago?"
. . .