September 2007

Tonight started so good but could end up so bad. I'm going to have a hard time keeping my hands to myself and I'm not so sure Spencer isn't baiting me. Her outfit, God, that fucking outfit. It's fierce and leaving little to the imagination. Okay maybe not so much, but when you know what it looks like underneath all the nooks and crannies it's hard not to see through the clothes.

This is a total chill out night, just me and Spencer. Sometimes we take friends with us but something in the air has shifted and I only want to be with her. Not that I don't have fun with the others girls, it's just I'd rather be alone with her tonight.

We decided to keep it low key, just dinner and then we were going to go walking on the beach to talk.

"Ooh Ash look! Let's do karaoke. Please?" How could I ever compete with the cutest pout and puppy dog eyes ever? I don't tell her that but I relent and we walk into this trendy bar.

"Thank God, it doesn't smell like smoke in here."

"I know. So, are we going to sign up? Yes?"

"Whatever you like." I don't know why I'm all passive and I can tell she has caught on to my over exaggerated nonchalant demeanor. I don't know what's wrong with me but I feel like I'm in a trance. Like this is all really happening but I'm in someone else's body and can't speak. I still smile when appropriate and our body language hasn't changed. The hand holding, the lingering touches, the eye gazing, it's all there but my body is on autopilot and it's not in tune with my speech. Everything I say, if I speak at all is mumbled and not the least bit sarcastic like I'm used to. I don't know what my body is telling me but I don't like it at all.

"Ash?" She's looking at my funky and I mumble some sort of noise to let her know I'm with her. I must have zoned on my little head scene. "Hey, you okay? You seem a little off tonight."

"Yeah, I'm okay." That's the most I've said since we walked in the door. I stand to head to the bar. "Why don't you go sign us up and I'll grab us some drinks." She gives me this quizzical look but she says nothing, smiles gently at me and goes over to the Karaoke booth.

'What the hell is wrong with me tonight? I need to get it together.'

I go back over to our table and place the drinks in front of Spencer who is currently making a terrible face at the even more terrible sound coming from the stage. "Man, that's awful."

She turns to see me sitting down next to her now, "totally. See the face." She points to her frown and then notices the drink I placed in front of her. "Awww, you're a girl after my heart," she says taking a sip of her drink. 'Paradise breeze. Her favorite.'

"Well I knew it was the only thing you could drink without you making an ass of yourself" I say grinning at the face she makes at me.

"Whatever. You're just an alchy."

"No, being an alcoholic means you have a problem and I don't have one, thank you very much."

"Next up we have," he looks down at his clipboard, "Spencer. You guys give him a round of applause."

"HER!" we both shout at the same time. I laugh it off as she walks up to the stage. I kind of perk up with her on stage. She did her usual show tune, comedy style and just for me. We are complete dorks but it's always fun. I joined her for the next song and we did a duet of "Islands in the Stream." It doesn't get any better than that, especially when she fudged up the words she'd forgotten. They pretty much kicked us off the stage after that one but we still got a bigger applause than the guy trying to rap…who does rap songs in karaoke?

We hung out a while just laughing and actually making conversation with some people that were there. They were decent and extremely hilarious; I actually had to excuse myself to the bathroom so I wouldn't pee myself.

On my way back from the bathroom something came over me and I went back over to the karaoke stand and decided to do another song. It had been pretty dull music wise all night but I felt like stepping back in the rings with something a little more serious. I hadn't sang somewhere so up close and personal in a while so I was a little nervous but I have Spencer here so at least that's already one cheerleader for my team.

"Alright guy and girls, we have Miss Davies coming back to the stage."

I saw Spencer from the stage give me a 'what are you doing' kinda of look and as soon as she saw the guitar on my shoulder she smiled. She always loved it when it was just me and my guitar. She said it made her feel safe and secluded somewhere on a private island. Her words not mine, but I loved singing for her anytime I could and I haven't in a while.

"Hey guys, I'm back." I smiled and they cheered. I so belong up here. It's my safe haven. "Well I thought I go a little more serious and sing something that I actually know all the words to this time." The crowd laughed and I glanced at Spencer mouthing 'I hate you' to me. I blow her a playful kiss, "alright this is 'Beautiful Surprise.' Oh and if I change a few words don't mind them. I'm singing for the woman of my dreams, sorry fellas." I laugh with the crowd and start to strum the guitar, close my eyes and float away…

It's like yesterday I didn't even know your name
Now today you're always on my mind
I never could have predicted that I feel this way
You are beautiful surprise

Intoxicated every time I hear your voice
You've got me on a natural high
It's almost like I didn't even have a choice
You are a beautiful surprise

Whatever it is you came to teach me
I am here to learn it cause
I believe that we are written in the stars
And I don't know what the future holds
But I'm living in the moment
And I'm thankful for the girl that you are

You are everything I asked for in my prayers
So I know my angels brought you to my life
Your energy is healing to my soul
You are a beautiful surprise

You are an inspiration to my life
You are the reason why I smile
You are a beautiful surprise

I finish the song and open my eyes and all I see is Spencer staring straight at me. This time there is loud applause for my performance but it's all drowned out as I see her wipe a stray tear from her eye.