"Well," CJ announced, "I think we're going to turn in." She have Danny a sly smile and he quickly stood to follow her. "It was great to see you Josh," she hugged him.
Sam excused himself politely from the table, assuring his friends he'd be right back. He stood, a little wobbly on his own two feet, and headed for the kitchen as he sang a verse of Gilbert & Sullivan.
A suitor, lowly born,
With hopeless passion torn,
And poor, beyond denying,
Has dared for her to pine
At whose exalted shrine
A world of wealth is sighing.
Josh rolled his eyes and Donna giggled as Sam stumbled towards the kitchen.
"I'm going to guess Spanky's going to pass out in the guestroom." CJ chuckled.
"How'd he get so drunk?" Josh wondered in borderline disbelief. "Five adults just split two bottles of champagne. It doesn't make any sense."
"We had a glass of scotch before the ceremony," Danny offered. "And another one, and Sam's was pretty sizeable, before you guys made it home."
"And he's been on a juice cleanse for the last 7 days," Donna supplied. "All he's consumed is a liquid mixture of beets and kale."
Josh and Danny both made the same, disgusted faces.
"Make yourself at home, mi amore." CJ hugged him. "And come back soon."
"Good to see you, man," Danny shook his hand and followed CJ inside.
A soft silence fell between them.
"Sit with me for a while?" Donna suggested. And Josh was delighted to take her up on the offer.
"It really is beautiful out here," he noted, staring up into the peaceful night sky, and taking in the sight of the palm trees that lined the perimeter of the yard. A light breeze blew through, keeping the warm evening comfortable.
Donna put her feet up on the empty chair to her right and Josh leaned back, closing his eyes for just a moment. The silence between them was comfortable but Josh had plenty to say.
"I read your research paper," he began.
Donna turned to look at him. "You did?"
Josh nodded. "Toby sent me a copy. It was phenomenal, Donna. Really."
She smiled nervously, staring at her hands folded neatly in her lap. "Thank you."
"I'm not just saying that, either. You made some excellent points and-"
She laughed softly.
"What?" He furrowed his brow, unsure of what he'd said to elicit that response.
"I made some excellent points? Josh, they were your points."
"I'm not following."
She let out a soft sigh, putting her feet on the ground and touching her hand gently to his knee. "Everything in that paper, everything, I learned from you. Not from a textbook or hours of lecture material. I learned it from you."
He was, for once in his life, stunned into silence.
"You're a great teacher, Josh. You're a good friend, and a good man. You took a chance on me when nobody else would."
"You've earned everything you've achieved, Donna. And there's nothing that I want more than to see you succeed. I want to make that clear. I know you think that I held you back and I-"
"I don't think that."
His gaze flicked over to meet hers. He certainly hadn't intended to have this conversation tonight, but here they were.
"You do," he continued softly. "And I understand why." Though he'd initially blamed her for walking out on him, for leaving him, he didn't anymore. He'd been angry, sure, but when it came right down to it, he wasn't mad at her. He was angry at himself. For pushing her away, for letting her go, and more recently, for keeping her out of his life. He'd internalized that guilt, storing it away with all the rest. He didn't let himself think about it much anymore. He'd obsessed over the loss of her presence in the beginning, but after transition into the Santos White House, he'd taken a new view on the events that had unfolded between them. He'd convinced himself over the years that he was toxic. It was one of the reasons he'd chosen to bury himself in his work.
He stood, facing the pool and scrubbing a hand over his face. This night was supposed to be about celebration and maybe, hopefully, the restoration of his most valued friendship. But it didn't seem to be going that way so far.
"You know why?" Donna was dumbfounded. In her mind, everything came down to that afternoon meeting in his campaign office. And though that was mostly water under the bridge to her at this point, she still felt the sting of rejection at his mention of that day.
"Well aside from the obvious," Josh began to ramble as he paced, though Donna wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean, "I'm sure you've read the New York Times bestseller?"
"You can't be serious." Donna stood to follow him.
"So you know now, right? It's out in the open, between you and me and 300 million other people? That combined with every flaw that you were kind enough to ignore for seven years that was recently outlined for you in black and white?"
"Josh, I haven't read it and I'm not going to. I wasn't just saying that to the press. I know everything that I need to about you. I know that you're not perfect, but no one is, and while you seem to be caught up in a few faults, all I can think of is a list of your attributes- and they're quite numerous if you asked me." She moved a few steps closer, but he was already off on a wild tangent in his mind.
The last thing he wanted in that moment was her pity. He'd heard every hollow consolation known to man in the last months, and he sincerely thought she'd be the last person on Earth to treat him that way.
"Please don't placate me," he bit off faster than he could think, his jaw clenched as his anger rose. He took a deep breath, trying to keep himself in check.
It stopped Donna in her tracks. But what made her heart ache was that Josh seemed to be pleading with her rather than commanding. He didn't believe that she still held him in high esteem, he thought she was just like everyone else. It was as though he couldn't take any more hurt. It would break him.
Rarely did he wear his heart on his sleeve, but the one time that he'd dared to do so she had damn near destroyed him without even knowing. He'd shown up to her hospital room completely ready to bare his soul to her, and he'd had to face her one night stand. He'd emotionally retreated at that moment, the feeling of rejection causing his stomach to drop. He knew he'd never stop loving her, of that he was certain. He told himself that he'd just have to figure out a way to live his life with the understanding that she didn't feel the same way. His acceptance of that situation had ebbed and flowed over the years, but he'd never stopped aching for her.
As if that wasn't bad enough, he felt as though all aspects of his private life had been broadcast on national news. And it was only a matter of time until she realized how he'd felt about her all these years. He didn't know if he could handle the thought of losing her again.
No, he knew. He was sure he wouldn't survive it. Even if he was never more than a friend to her, he had to make sure he didn't ruin what was left of their relationship. Perhaps, he thought, it was time to solidify that thought. If he could try to be honest with someone, it was going to be her her.
"I mean," he ran his hand roughly through his hair, "while that damn book may be filled with lies, I certainly can't deny that I've ruined every relationship that I've ever had or wanted."
"Not every relationship," she stated softly, touching his bicep and letting her fingers trail down his arm and weave together with his. "I'm right here."
He looked at her quizzically, the air suddenly charged between them. His pulse pounded in his ears. He wondered if he was imagining this. But it certainly seemed like she was sending him a signal.
A nervous smile grew slowly on Donna's face as her hands moved up to cup his cheek and she threw caution to the wind. She tilted her head and slowly moved in, praying he'd meet her halfway. He leaned closer, his lips next to hers. They both stilled their motions for only a second, and Josh caught her eye.
Rather than scrutiny, he was met with a true understanding. Rather than strictly needing something from him, she wanted to give. She was his Donna, and when he cautiously touched his lips to hers for the first time, it felt like he was coming home.