Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders.

School was the worst part of my days. Darry made sure I went every day. Social services heard about Soda and they paid a surprise visit. I'm not sure how it went, but Darry wasn't in a good mood after they left. He reassured us that everything was fine, but Ponyboy and I knew better to believe Darry when he said the word 'fine.'

Ponyboy loved school. He had a lot of friends. Angela dropped out soon after her and Jeff's fight which meant I didn't have really anyone other than Ponyboy. He let me eat lunch with him and his friends, but I still felt like I was the odd one out.

The girls would just stare at me when I walked through the halls and whisper. Everyone knew I was with Dally now and everyone knew about my little encounter with Jeff. It was all I had in me to walk through the halls and no listen to what was being said around me. That was hard, and I just tried not to cry.

"She's the girl that's with Dallas Winston. I hear she's a major whore too."

"Yeah, I hear she even tried to sleep with her best friend's boyfriend. She was totally wasted too."

"Yeah, my boyfriend says he sees her at Buck's a lot and she is all over everyone. She reminds me a lot of that Sylvia girl. What a whore."

"No wonder her brothers kicked her out."

There was nothing I could do. That wasn't even the half of it either. Sometimes it was a lot worse. I still had bruises from my fight with Sylvia on my face too which made people talk even more. People talk about the unknown, and they make up things when they don't know the truth.

Darry just told me to ignore them. How was I supposed to do that though? He had never gone through this. He was Mr. Popular in high school. He never had this problem. It was a girl thing.

Cough. "Whore" Cough.

I kept walking.

"That's her," I heard some girl whisper behind me in class.

"Are you sure?" the other one asked.

"Hey!" I looked over to see one of the girls looking at me. She had been in a lot of my classes. She had light blonde hair that was pulled back with a barrette and big blue eyes. "Are you the girl that's with Dallas Winston?"

"Yeah," I mumbled. She knew that. Everyone did. She was just asking to be mean.

She giggled along with her friends that were beside her. "Are you still with him?"

I gave her a weird look. "Yeah, why?"

She looked to her friend and laughed again. "Well we saw him the other night."

"She should know." One of them smirked. "I'd want to know."

"Know what?" I asked.

"Well we saw your boyfriend at the party Friday night at the old warehouse."

"And?" I asked, still not sure if I should engage with these girls. I knew they were up to no good, but I didn't turn around. I listened.

"He was having a pretty good time."

I narrowed my eyes. "What are you talking about?"

They snickered again, turning and looking at each other. The girl with barrettes leaned forward. "He went upstairs. With two girls. He didn't come down for a while either if you know what I mean."

My face dropped, and I know they saw it too. I didn't know what else to say. I just looked down at the floor as they laughed at me.

"Look at her face!" One of them laughed, and I swear I could feel her pointing at me. "She looks like she's going to puke!"

I couldn't take it anymore. I gathered up my books and ran out the door. Tears feel from my eyes as I headed for the bathroom. I busted through the door and grabbed a hold of the sink. I couldn't even breathe. No way Dally could have done that. No way. They were just trying to be mean

I looked in the mirror at myself. I looked like a complete mess. I felt like I was going to puke. This wasn't happening. He wouldn't do that to me.

I hadn't talked to him in days though.

The last period bell rang meaning that school was over. I looked up at the mirror again. It defiantly looked like I had been crying. I did the best I could to wipe the tears away before I headed out of the bathroom, keeping my head down until I found Ponyboy and Cherry.

"What's wrong?" Cherry asked me once I reached the front lobby.

Ponyboy looked at me, studying my face.

I wiped my eyes. "Nothing. Let's go."

I walked by them and they followed, taking the hint.

We kept walking all the way home in silence. I could hear them whispering behind me but I was too mad and hurt to care to listen. They wouldn't understand anyway. They were the perfect couple.

"Curtis!" someone yelled behind me. I kept walking. "Curtis!"

I stopped in my tracks but didn't turn around. Pony and Cherry came over beside me. "Go," I whispered to them. "Just go on."

They exchanged looks with each other as Dally made his way over to us. They stood, not taking my instructions to leave us alone.

"Can't you hear?" Dally asked once he reached me.

I slowly turned around to look at him.

His eyes got wide as he saw me. Then he cracked a smile. "What happened to your face?"

I ignored the question. I'd save that argument for another day. I looked up at him, my eyes filling up with tears again. I stayed silent, wondering if I really wanted to talk about this with him or not. I wanted to know, but at the same time, I didn't. I was scared he would say something I didn't want to hear.

I swallowed and decide to come out with it. "I heard about you."

He fixed up his collar, a smirk on his lips. He laughed sarcastically and turned his head to the side. "Oh really? I didn't know I was that popular."

I pressed my lips together. "I'm serious."

He laughed, looking over behind me at Pony and Cherry. "What happened to her face?"

Pony waited for a response out of me, but when I didn't speak up, he sighed and spoke up for me. "She got in a fight with Sylvia."

He looked back at me and tried to hold back a string of hysterical laughs. "Looks like she lost too."

I shoved him, releasing some of my anger. "Shut-up!"

He went backwards, his eyes getting angry. Dally doesn't like to be touched like that, especially not from me – a girl. He stepped forward. "What's your problem?"

I glared at him, trying not to cry too much. I wish I could control my tears better. I should have learned a long time ago not to cry over Dally. "Did you not hear me the first time? I know what you did."

He shook his head and looked back over behind me at Ponyboy and Cherry. "What's going on now?"

I shoved him again. "Don't ask them. This is between me and you!" I glanced over behind my shoulder at Cherry and Pony's wide eyes. "I said leave!"

They gave me once last look before slowly backing up. "You sure you're alright?" Ponyboy asked one last time before stepping backwards.

"No," I said indignantly but he could read the doubt in my tone. "I'll be home soon. Just let me handle this."

I turn my back, hoping they'd finally leave.

"What?" Dally asks, crossing his arms over his chest. "Spit it out."

I looked back over at him and shook my head. "I talked to some girls today. They told me about the party you went to Friday night," I asked with my stomach hardening in anticipation for the answer he was going to give me.

He shifted uncomfortably. "So what?" he said loosely with a shrug. "I didn't know that was a crime."

"Then why didn't you take me huh?" I pressed, marching towards him. The tears suddenly stopped. "Why did you just show up by yourself?"

He rolled his eyes. "I ain't got to take you nowhere. You ain't even allowed to go out." He lowered his head so it was right in my face. "I went to a party. So sue me."

I bite my tongue from lashing out more than I wanted to. "They told me that you went upstairs with two girls."

He rolled his head back and laughed. He straightened his back, wiping his face clean of expression. "Oh and you believe them? God, now that's some funny shit there."

"You're not denying it, are you?"

"Why the hell do you believe everything you hear anyway?" he asked, getting out a cigarette and putting it in-between his lips. "So what I went to a party? So what if I didn't take your stupid ass?"

The comment hurt more than I thought it would. I didn't move. I just stared at him, feeling dumb, embarrassed, and little. "Because we're together, Dally."

The smoke from his cigarette burned my eyes. He leaned forward again, blowing it directly into my face. "Is that what you think? You don't own me, Curtis. You never will."

My hands went into fists and angry tears started to form in my eyes. I wiped them away quickly and tried to seem strong. How could he say such a thing to me? I thought I meant something to him. He liked me. We liked each other. We went out on a date. Maybe I was just stupid and naive enough to ever believe that Dallas Winston ever cared about me.

He just said he didn't.

"Nothing to say now, do you?" he asked, pulling back and taking another drag.

I breathed in through my nose, trying not to cry. "You had sex with me. You just used me. You used me just so you could sleep with me!"

He shushed me. "Your brother is right there, just shut the fuck up."

I shoved him, my anger coming out uncontrollably. "I don't care!" I shoved him again as he started to back up. "I hate you!"

He grabbed my arms again. "Calm your ass down!"

I jerked loose again. "No. How could you?" My arms went limp as I chocked on a silent sob. My voice softened, "How could you do this to me?"

His eyes glared down at me, a crisp smirk appearing on his face. I wanted nothing more than to slap that stupid smirk off his smug face.

"Hey guys," Ponyboy said, trying to break us up. "Maybe we should just go home."

"And what about you?" Dally asked, not paying Ponyboy any mind. "Whatever happened with you and that Rich guy that night? I know damn well you were doing something. Don't act all high and mighty to me. I know who you really are, so don't try and hide it."

"Don't act like the victim here," I whispered.

Tears were running uncontrollably down my face. I wrapped my arms around myself, just wanting to go home and cry alone. I wanted to be alone. Maybe it was time to say goodbye.

"Just go away," I said softly. "Just stay away from me."

"Gladly."

My body seemed to burn as he left.. My throat, my eyes, my cheeks, my legs, my heart all burned. I watched his back growing smaller and smaller as he left me standing there. I wanted to scream something hurtful after him, something that will cause him as much pain as he caused me.

"I hate you," I mumbled to myself. "I fucking hate you."

Weeks past. I hadn't seen or spoken to Dally. He didn't make an effort to contact me either. Johnny was still living with us for the time being until he could figure something else out. Sometimes he would stay with Two-Bit and his family and sometimes he'd stay with us. He didn't talk much lately and I knew something was bothering him.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked one night.

He was reading some sheet of paper that he was holding. "Nothing." He hid the paper under his leg and look up at me with his big brown eyes. Why?"

I pointed to the paper under his leg. "You have had a death grip on that for about an hour now. Anything you want to tell me?"

"I just got this in the mail."

"Who's it from?"

He shrugged. "I've been thinking a lot lately about stuff. Stuff about my parents. My dad mainly."

Ponyboy was in the living room with us. He sat up as soon as he heard that. "What about them?"

Johnny reached under his leg and pulled out the paper. "I guess I should tell ya'll. I've been thinking about my mom too. She sent me this." He unfolded the paper and laid it out in front of him.

"What does it say?" Ponyboy asked, getting up from his seat.

A tear feel from Johnny's face. He quickly wiped it away. "She wants me back." He took a deep breath trying to regain himself. "She wrote this to ask me to come back. She apologized…for how they treated me."

I crawled across the sofa and placed my hand on his shoulder. "Johnny…"

He shook his head. "I don't know what to do. She's my mother. She treated me like shit and now she wants me back?"

Ponyboy stood over us in disbelief.

I gently rubbed Johnny's back. "Johnny, you don't have to go. You can stay here. We all want you too. You don't have to go back to her. She doesn't deserve you."

He wiped a tear from his eye. "I kind of want to go. I kind of want her."

Ponyboy huffed, turning his head. "I don't want you to go."

"I figured you'd act like that." Johnny sighed. "I've made up my mind. I've already talked to Darry about it. I mean, things ain't gonna be real different. Just like old times with me next door."

Ponyboy shook his head, but sat down beside us. "I want you to come over here if anything happens, alright? Anything, alright?"

He nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. She's your mother. Maybe you two need each other."

Day's past. Johnny was gone. His mother seemed alright. She said she was sober now and she was ready to start over with him.

Dally still wasn't around. He didn't call anymore either. I was still numb about the whole thing. I didn't really know what to do or say. I didn't even know what to think about it all. I was still sick about it all. Sometimes I would get so upset that I would make myself throw up. It bugged Darry too. He kept on beginning me to go to the doctor but I said no every time.

I sat on the sofa, holding my stomach from my latest sick spell, when Darry came into the room.

"Turn on the news," Darry told Pony that night.

He grabbed the remote and flipped it on. Darry kept up with the war now that Soda was over there. I tuned it out most of the time. I didn't want to be reminded about my brother fighting for his life over there. We hadn't heard from him but I had written him letters a few times.

"In the Central Highlands of South Vietnam, Americans intercept North Vietnamese Army units moving in from Cambodia. Nine days of continuous battles leave hundreds of North Vietnamese soldiers dead."

I sighed at that and then looked back down at my school books. I hated even hearing about it. People were dying. My brother could be one of them for all we knew.

"You ok?" Pony asked me.

I looked up and nodded. He nodded back and turned his attention back to the TV. He had been taking this harder than anyone. Soda was his best friend. I could hear him crying about it some nights when he thought everyone was asleep. I wanted to reach out to him sometimes but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He didn't talk much about it or about the night he ran off and Soda went after him

Darry came off as unemotional about it all. He was hurting though. I could read him really well now. I wanted to say something to him but I didn't know what. He was still a little hacked and me, and I didn't even know how I was feeling about it all. We all lost a brother though. A brother that held us all together.

"There's a letter for you in the kitchen," Darry told me, leaving the room.

I sighed and folded up my books. I didn't want to do this homework anyway.

I walked into the kitchen and placed myself at the table. I picked up the only envelope that was laying there.

To: Danielle Curtis

I sighed and slip my finger across the top, ripping it open. I hadn't heard my real name in months. It always reminded me of my mother when people would say it. I pulled out the white sheet of paper that was inside of the envelope. I took a deep breath as I unfolded it.

Dear Danni,

Dang I miss you. Sorry I haven't been writing you back until now. I just got all the letters. Things are just so crazy over here. Truthfully I'm surprised I even got them. I'm glad you wrote me though. I've really missed you guys. I miss hearing you and Darry argue at six in the morning. Sorry I just had to say that. Now my wakeup call is someone blowing a blow horn in my ear. I would take you two over that any day. I'm glad to hear that you two are getting along. He really needs you and Pony both. Just remember that he's hurting too. He might not show it, but he is. Sorry to hear about Dally too. Sounds like things are pretty rough between you two. He does love you though. I can tell. If he really did sleep with those girls then you need to talk to him about it. You can't just keep ignoring him. If he really did it then fine, you just need to figure out your feeling and find out where to go now. You still love him though. I'm not sure that will go away. Talk to him, Danni. You better tell me how it goes too. Sorry about Johnny too. I think he needs to be with his mom though. They're both alone now. Maybe she has changed. Things are crazy here. I've never experienced anything like it. You wouldn't even imagine what it's like here. I don't think anyone could ever dream about how bad it is. I'm really lonely here. No one is like me here. Everyone is just gun hoe on defeating the enemy and shooting and killing until we win. I just want to serve my time and get it over with. Try telling these drill sergeants that though. I'm safe though, so stop worrying. I've been staying out of the fire for now. I think about you guys every day and how much I miss just sitting on the couch and watching Mickey Mouse with Two-Bit. Tell the guys I miss them and I'm doing good. Take care of Pony for me too. I know he's hurting. He needs you and Darry both more than you know. He really is hurting. Take care of Dar for me too. He needs you too. I love you so much Dan. Take care of yourself and try not to worry about Dally too much. You two will work it out. Love that strong can't be broken that easily. I love you all so much and I will be home soon safe and sound. I promise.

Love,

Sodapop Curtis