The writing gods abandoned me! Struggled with this chapter, hopefully it works. Thoughts and comments much appreciated, as I might end up reworking it a bit. Thanks for all the positive feedback! Enjoy!

Chapter 25

Lya settled back into the couch and leaned against Alistair, tired, but happy. The room was full of people and rather noisy, but they were all friends and family so she didn't mind. The Landsmeet and gathering had ended two days ago, and most of the nobility had returned home, but Fergus and Teagan had stayed behind for a few more days to catch up and relax. Delano, despite being the de facto Arl of Amaranthine, had opted not to come to the Landsmeet, sending Nathaniel in his place. Nathaniel had brought Oghren, Anders and Justice along with him, as well as a handful of other Wardens. It gave the entire gathering a sense of familiarity.

Right now, conversation was free-flowing, but her attention was on the small group on the floor. Anders and Justice were both sitting on the floor, each of them holding one of the twins. Anders was making little flames dance on the end of his fingers to amuse Duncan, who squealed with delight every time the flames flickered on and off. Alistair kept tensing next to her when Anders did that and she squeezed his hand in reassurance each time. Anders would never hurt them, and she knew Alistair knew that, but a decade of Chantry doctrine was not soon forgotten.

It was Justice, though, that she focused on. Introducing him to Fergus and Teagan had been…interesting. It had taken a little while to explain what he was to them, and that he really wasn't evil or posed any threat. Teagan had been especially dubious, and for good cause, but he seemed to be coming around. It helped that Justice's body was holding up fairly well and didn't seem to rot quite like normal corpses did. Her mind shuddered away from that thought.

Right now, he was holding Elwyn out and was looking at her critically. Elwyn, for her part, regarded him placidly. "It is strange. I have never seen one of these so close up before," he was saying.

"She's called a baby, Justice." She looked thoughtful. "You've really never seen one before?"

"Oh, I have seen them around in Amaranthine. But to actually hold one? No, this is the first time. I find it most interesting."

"But, surely you've seen Oghren's Lya…." She looked over to her dwarven friend. Oghren shook his head.

"Fels doesn't bring her to the Vigil," he said. "And when I go to visit I don't exactly bring company."

She looked over to Nathaniel sitting across from her. "What about Christopher?" He shook his head as well at the mention of his nephew.

"Delilah doesn't come to the keep at all, and, no offense, Justice, I don't think she'd be very comfortable with you in her home."

"Oh. I didn't realize that."

"It is of no moment," Justice replied. "I simply find it intriguing that humans start out so small and helpless." He brought Elwyn closer to his face, looking back and forth between her and Lya and Alistair. "She looks like you, Lya, but not completely. There is a little bit of Alistair in her, I think."

"I should hope so," Alistair said, and then got a slightly uncomfortable look on his face. "Ah…you do know where babies come from, right?"

Justice looked up at him. "Of course. I have this body's memories. Many of them are of Kristoff and Aura attempting to conceive one. Why?"

"I do not know, Alistair!" Zevran called from across the room. "Please, enlighten us!"

Alistair groaned and rubbed his face. "Forget I said anything. Me and my big mouth. Besides, Wynne's the expert here." The room exploded into laughter before he realized what he said, and he turned an interesting shade of scarlet. "Oh, Maker's breath! What is wrong with you people? I only meant that there was that one time with she and I-" He cut himself off as laughs began anew and threw up his hands. "I give up!"

Lya wiped her eyes and leaned over to give him a kiss. "We tease because we care, love." He grumbled a little bit, but accepted the kiss more than willingly and allowed the subject to drop. Lya snuggled a little closer into his side and looked over at Nathaniel.

"How is the Vigil these days?" she asked quietly. "And how many Wardens do we have now?"

"Tense," he replied. "We have fifty-six Wardens, of which thirty-two are Fereldan, including us." He gestured towards the others. Lya frowned.

"We've only added twenty-eight Wardens in two years?"

Nathaniel shook his head. "Yes, and we've been very aggressive in recruiting, too. There's no shortage of volunteers, but it's difficult to find the right combination in people we think will survive. We would have had more, but the Joining…" He trailed off, glancing towards Teagan and Fergus. They were on the other side of the room, not close enough to hear and not listening, but Nathaniel leaned closer anyway. "The Wardens Weisshaupt sent say the survival rate is about the same as it always is. We lose about half the recruits at each Joining."

Lya sighed heavily and Alistair shook his head; the memory of the Joining never really faded. "There are twenty-four Wardens from outside Ferelden now?" Alistair asked. Nathaniel nodded his head. "So Osric keeps sending more."

"Yes. A couple at a time every few months or so. It's another reason I'd like to increase recruitment. Since the foreign Wardens are older and more experienced, we're beginning to feel outnumbered."

She looked at her friends talking and laughing throughout the room. "This is so stupid!" she whispered harshly. "There's no reason for us to be squabbling like this." She looked at Alistair and Nathaniel helplessly. "But if we do nothing, Osric wins in Amaranthine and I can't see that ending in anything good."

"Oh, I don't think there's no reason." Alistair raised an eyebrow. "I did almost kill him, if you recall."

"Yes, I recall. But it shouldn't involve the rest of the Wardens like it is."

Nathaniel spoke slowly. "I don't think they see it separate, though. I mean, it makes sense. Wardens are supposed to give up all of their past when they Join, but we're pretty poor examples of that." He gestured to the others as he said that. "I think that might be Osric's goal more than anything else; to make sure Fereldan Wardens see themselves as Wardens above all else." He grinned at his friends. "The two of you are seen as a 'distracting influence' on the junior Wardens. As long as we toe the party line, none of the older Wardens seem to have any problems with us." He grimaced. "It's a hard line to toe sometimes. For some more than others."

Looking carefully towards Oghren and Anders, she lowered her voice even more. "Do we need to make plans?" Nathaniel followed her gaze and frowned thoughtfully.

"No, not yet. Let's wait and see. Moving them too soon would be suspicious. As tense as things are, it might be getting better. I don't know yet."

Alistair nodded, and then rubbed the back of his neck. "I never thought I would be in this position. When Duncan recruited me, I could never have foreseen this. Sometimes, I wish…."

Lya squeezed his knee gently. "We are what we are, Alistair. We're still Wardens; they can't take that from us."

He looked at her. "Can't they? I haven't been looked at as a Warden since I took the throne. It might sound odd, but that bothers me. We're only here because we are Wardens. To not have that matter anymore…."

Lya didn't know what to tell him. For Alistair, becoming a Grey Warden had been something incredible; an escape from a life he hated and chance to truly prove himself. It wasn't the same for her. Yes, she had wanted to be a Warden, but she had become one during the most terrible period in her life. She didn't regret it, not for a moment, and she was proud of what she was and what they had done, but it was bittersweet. And unlike Alistair, she had never fully embraced it, could probably never have fully embraced it.

"We know what we are," she said finally. "It doesn't matter what they say. They can't take what we are and what we did from us. I wish it hadn't come to this, but Osric forced the issue first."

He shrugged. "I suppose you're right." He turned back to Nathaniel. "If you need anything, let us know. Whatever help we can offer is yours."

"Thank you, Alistair. I'm hoping it won't come to that." He thought for a moment. "Actually, if I could impose on your hospitality for a few days, there are a few things I'd like to check on while I'm Denerim. The others are heading back tomorrow; I don't want them gone from the Vigil for too long."

"Of course." Lya looked at her friends. "Well, if they're leaving tomorrow, I want to spend some more time with them." She rose from the couch and dropped down the floor next to Anders where she helped him remove Duncan's hand from his earring, and began catching up with them.

Alistair watched his wife settle in with their friends and turned back to Nathaniel. "So," he said quietly, "how much are you not telling us?" Nathaniel looked startled for a moment before grinning.

"You're more perceptive than you look, Alistair."

"Yes, well, it sort of comes with the job." He inclined his head towards Lya. "And I've had a good teacher." He looked at Nathaniel expectantly, and the other man sighed.

"I'm not keeping that much from you; just some personal suspicions and they have more to do with Delano himself than the order as a whole. I get the feeling he's playing his own game. I'm not trying to keep secrets, Alistair, but it's probably safer for you in case I mess up. You'll be able to deny everything." He held up a hand to forestall any interruption. "I live there. Trust me. I know what I'm doing."

Alistair thought it over and finally nodded. "Just be careful, all right?" He gestured to his wife. "She doesn't like losing people."

Nathaniel grinned. "And I don't really want to be lost. I'll be careful."

The next day, after some long goodbyes, much hugging and a challenge to a drinking contest, Oghren, Anders and Justice left with the rest of the Wardens. Teagan and Kaitlyn returned to Eamon's estate to spend time with him and Isolde before packing and going back to Redcliffe. Fergus decided to stay for a few more days until Nathaniel's business was done, and then they would head back to Highever together by way of Amaranthine. No one was comfortable letting Nathaniel go back by himself, and a royal guard wouldn't send the right message. Fergus also expressed a desire to spend more time with his family, which Lya was ecstatic about.

The night before he was heading back to Highever, Fergus helped Lya put the twins to bed. He stood looking down at them, his expression troubled. Lya guessed where his thoughts were and rubbed his back gently.

"Dara's expecting," he said quietly. She gasped and he turned to face her. "That's why she didn't come. I don't want her traveling, not now."

Lya's expression softened. "I think that's wonderful news, Fergus." She paused and bit her lip. "Are you all right?" she asked tentatively.

He started to speak and then shook his head. "Yes. No. Both, I guess? I'm happy, I really am, but I can't forget Oren and Oriana. I feel like I'm replacing them and…." He scrubbed a hand across his eyes. "Dara is being incredibly understanding about it. I'm not sure what I did to deserve her."

Lya hugged him, hard, offering all the support she could. Her big brother had always been there to protect her, and she wished she could do more for him now than just be there. "We won't forget them, Fergus," she said softly. "But you need to live. Believe me, if there's any lesson I've learned, it's that one. We can never forget those we lost, but we have to live for them." He returned her hug fiercely, and they stood for awhile, remembering what had been. Lya said nothing when she felt Fergus's chest hitch a few times, or felt the wetness against her cheek.

Fergus finally stepped back and drew a deep breath. "Mother and Father would really be proud of you, you know." He grinned crookedly. "I guess you weren't an accident after all." She smiled at the old joke; the tease about why she was nearly a decade younger than him.

'Apology accepted, big brother. I have just one favor to ask."

"Oh?"

She grinned at him. "Whatever you have, please don't name the baby after me or Alistair. I don't think the kingdom can take anymore. Half the time I'm in public, I nearly twist my head off trying to see who's calling us." He reached out and ruffled her hair.

"I think I can handle that, little sister."

They said goodbye the next morning, promising to come and visit at Highever soon. Once Fergus and Nathaniel left with their escort and were no longer in sight, Lya and Alistair returned to the palace. It would be nice to get back into a normal routine and enjoy the mundane aspects of life. As Alistair started to go through the paperwork awaiting them, he chuckled. "I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to doing this. Who would've thought lumber contracts could be so fascinating?"

Lya laughed. "I'm willing to wager your newfound enthusiasm for trade won't last the week."

He grinned at her. "Probably not, but let's enjoy it while it lasts. I'm looking forward to a nice long stretch where the most exciting thing is the price of timber going up." Lya nodded in agreement. She was looking forward to it, too.

But they didn't get a week.

The evening two days after Fergus left, Zevran came to their rooms. Lya felt her heart sink at the expression on his face. "What's wrong? What happened?" She felt Alistair come up behind her, but the weight of his hand on her shoulder was not reassuring.

"There's been a problem, Lya. Your brother's party was attacked while on the road. They returned here for healing"

The blood drained from her face. "Fergus?" she whispered.

"He will be fine. The mages are with them now. But…"

"But what, Zevran? Who isn't fine?"

He looked at her, his golden eyes somber. "Nathaniel."