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Chapter 26
Hello, darling!
My name is Crowley and I am the king of Hell. But you may already know it. Or not? Oh, it does not matter, you know it now.
I have been trapped in this bunker for quite a long time. The Winchester brothers hold me hostage and I don't know what their future plans are.
Speaking of the brothers…
Dean Winchester or Squirrel, as I like to call him, is the older brother. Based on his behavior in public, he's the epitome of everything manly. But you should see him around his lover, that silly, brainless (and now wingless) ex-angel Castiel. He acts like a mother hen, worrying and fussing over that "multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent" and it's so sweet that I want to vomit my guts out. How do I know about this when I'm trapped down here in this basement? Oh, trust me darling, I don't need to be there by their sides to know things. And the walls of this bunker are too thin. I can hear maaaaany interesting and amusing things. Especially at nights, coming out of Dean's bedroom.
Sam Winchester aka the Mighty Moose is more rational than his brother. If I were to compare him to something in the body, I'd say he is the brain, while his squirrel brother is the muscles. Sam is more balanced and you can negotiate with him without a fear that he will shoot first and ask questions later. Unlike Dean. I've also noticed an interesting detail about the younger Winchester. He's a master of making various facial expressions. And trust me when I'm saying this. Sam's bitchfaces are well known in every state of this country. And those 'puppy eyes' look he often uses when nothing works? I tell you, these Winchester boys are dangerous! You never know what to expect from them.
Hmm, what can I tell you about Castiel, or the bee charmer as I prefer to call him. Let me think. If I were him I'd have killed myself from shame a long time ago. I mean, where is his pride and dignity? Come on, how many times does he have to sacrifice himself or lose everything because of these brothers and especially Dean? It's like he was born or created to do only this thing – protect Dean at any cost. But maybe he gets compensated when he gets in bed with the older Winchester. And probably it's so, judging from his moans which I hear every goddamn night!
Enough of this nauseating stuff. There is only one creature in the whole bunker which I like. Yes, you heard me. And it's not human, or a demon or any other supernatural being. It's a kitten. And his name is Hannibal. Heh, Castiel and his weird names. I mean I have nothing against that poor Carthaginian commander the kitten was named after but still. He could have chosen a different, more suitable name. Let's say Astaroth. Poor little bastard has only one eye and half of his ear is missing but he does not seem to mind. It's strange how a kitten can show more sympathy towards me than any of those three morons. Maybe when I'm free again I will steal the kitten from them and make him my second in command in Hell.
Now I apologize, darling but I need to go. See you when I am free again. And that means soon!