Everything Changes

Chapter 26

Unconscious Firefighter/Paramedic Dave Martin was being violently shaken by the driver of the truck that ran over him.

The CHP officer was yelling at the man to stop as he ran to the aid of the injured rescuer. "Step away from the firefighter!" he commanded. The man did not stop and, fearing that he was causing further injury to the unconscious firefighter, the officer forcefully grabbed the man and pulled him off of him.

Sam had watched the scene unfold with horror stricken eyes as she finished stabilizing her patient. There was nothing more she could do for the man at the present time so she left her captain with him until he could be extricated from the mangled vehicle and practically flew over the highway divider to get to Dave. A paramedic from the other squad was close behind her, with a trauma kit. The trauma inflicted on Dave had put him into a full arrest. Sam immediately began CPR while Ed James, the other paramedic, pulled out his HT and relayed the situation to his captain who was now manning a bio-phone. One of the linemen from the second engine dispatched came running over with an EKG monitor that Ed's partner had sent him with. Working around Sam as she administered CPR, he patched Dave into the monitor and prepared to run a strip. He sent the lineman to bring back the bio-phone so they could transmit the strip to Rampart.

While Sam and Ed worked feverishly to save Dave's life everything else became a blur around them. By the time Dave was packaged and ready to transport, Sam was becoming exhausted but she refused to let anyone take over CPR for her. Dave wasn't going to die. Not on her watch. For all they had done for him, Ed knew the likelihood of Dave coming out of this was slim to none. Ed was a seasoned Paramedic and he had seen too many victims in far better shape than Dave that just never regained consciousness. He could see Sam didn't have much more to give.

With the camera crew watching everything Sam was doing, Ed wasn't about to interfere with Sam's efforts but he knew she couldn't keep going. Once the doors to the ambulance had closed and they were on their way, Ed touched her shoulder. "Anderson, let me take over." He said firmly. Sam continued compressions and Ed was bagging Dave to get the air in him.

Sam knew in her heart that if she stopped, Dave would never wake up. It was all up to her. She continued even though she was numb from exhaustion and she was finding it harder to focus. Counting compressions was getting harder and harder.

"Sam! Let me take over! You're exhausted. Trade me places right now,that's an order!" Ed demanded. She was still a trainee and he pulled rank to make her stop.

"I'm fine!" she insisted and didn't stop. This continued, him talking and her refusing to give up while the two of them worked on their fallen brother all the way to Rampart. When they arrived Sam stopped long enough to get Dave unloaded. Ed tried to take over once the gurney was free of the ambulance, but Sam pushed past him to ride the rails of the gurney and continue. Ed didn't fight her. She couldn't last much longer but in just a moment, the ER staff would relieve her and she would have no choice. He knew this could be her first loss of a patient if Dave didn't make it. And being a fellow firefighter would make it that much harder for her. He was filled with compassion for her even though he himself was distraught that the patient they were losing was one of the brotherhood.

In the treatment room Dr. Mike Morton told Sam to stop and let the ER staff take over. Sam couldn't bring herself to stop. "That's ENOUGH! You are dismissed!" he said to her as he started to physically pull her off.

With a surge of adrenaline, Sam started to fight him off. Ed saw it coming and intervened, jumping between the doctor and Sam and forcefully pulling her off of the rails of the gurney. The process caused her to fall and as soon as she hit the floor he slid her out of the way by giving a sharp yank on her arm so the hospital staff could get to the patient.

Exhausted and defeated, Sam stopped fighting. Feeling her give up the fight, Ed helped her up. Not knowing what else to do, he pulled her to the side of the room and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. "You did all you could, Anderson."

Sam was completely spent. The tears started falling and the sobs she tried in vain to choke back stubbornly forced their way out. Ed just held on to her. Silently he let his own tears fall as he shared her pain and frustration. The two remained in the corner of the room, out of the way until Dixie came over to them. She could see in Ed's face the helplessness he felt as he tried to console Sam. She reached out and took Sam from Ed's arms.

"Come on Sam. Let's find you a place to rest and get yourself together," she said. Then, looking at Ed she added, "Your partner is waiting for you in the lounge. It's quiet and the coffee is hot."

"Thanks Dix," Ed nodded in appreciation. He turned and stepped out.

After a few moments more of consoling Sam, Dixie put her arm around Sam's shoulder and led her out of the room. When they stepped out of the room into the hall they were assaulted by the harsh light from the camera crew as Derek Strong was filming Sam's reaction to the call she had just dealt with. Protectively Dixie stood in front of Sam.

Very sternly Dixie looked at the crew. "Have some decency. Scram!" She scooted Sam down the hall and straight into Doctor Brackett's office. "You can stay in here as long as you need to," she said. "I'll let Roy and Johnny know where you are."

"Thanks," said Sam weakly. She curled herself up on the couch and closed her eyes. About ten minutes later Roy came in to check on her.

"Sam?

"Go away," she said without opening her eyes.

"Sam," he tried again, squatting down at the couch. "I know you're angry and hurting. And I know you're blaming yourself." Roy paused to see if she'd respond at all. She didn't. He put his hand on her arm. "You did all you could. It was out of your hands. You did your best but nothing could have saved him."

Sam opened her eyes wide. "How do you know that?" She demanded.

"Sam, you did everything you are trained to do. He had blast injuries and trauma from being hit by the truck. He didn't suffer, Sam. He was gone when you got to him."

"Sam knew he was right but she was a sore loser. She sat up and leaned forward with her elbows on her knees, burying her head in her hands. Roy sat beside her and put his arm around her shoulders.

"I'm so sorry Sam," he said softly. "I know it hurts to lose. That part never gets easier." Sam leaned into Roy and the two sat together not saying a word. After a few minutes Sam let out a deep sigh.

"Thanks, Bro," she said to Roy. "Is JJ okay?"

"He was in with Dave when I came looking for you. It's going be tough on him. It's rough on all of us."

"I should go to him," she said. "I want to tell him I'm sorry. I did all I could do."

"He knows that Sam. He doesn't blame you. No one does."

"I need to do this Roy."

"I understand. Strong's waiting for you in the hall," he warned her.

"Jerk!" Sam hissed.

"You want me to get rid of him?" Roy asked protectively.

"No. He's doing his job. He's a creep but this isn't his fault." She turned to her brother and hugged him. "Thanks."

"Any time, Sammy." He hugged her back then walked over to the door. "Ready?"

Sam nodded. Roy held the door for her and the two stepped out to face the rest of their shift.

"Sam," Derek called shoving a microphone her direction. "How are you feeling right now?"

Is this guy really THAT insensitive or completely clueless? Sam wondered. "Hmmmm" she said. "Let's see. I just lost my first patient and, oh yeah, he happened to be one of our own. Right now I feel…groovy! Just groovy. How the hell do you think I feel?"

"Get that damned camera and microphone out of her face!" growled Mike. He took Sam's hand and maneuvered her so that he was between her and the news crew. "You guys are unbelievable!"

Mike let Sam lead the way and followed her like a personal bodyguard. When they reached the treatment room that Dave and JJ were in he asked her, "Do you want me to go in with you or wait out here?"

"I… I need to do this… alone." Sam looked down as she said it and gave Mike's hand a squeeze. "Thank you for that back there."

Mike nodded at her. When she released his hand he held the door for her then stood guard and waited for her to come back out.

Sam entered the room silently. JJ was sitting in a chair at Dave's bedside. His back was to the door so he didn't know who had entered, but he really didn't care. His partner was dead. Dave had been a paramedic only six months. He had done his field training with JJ and then been assigned with him when JJ's partner was injured in the line of duty and had to take disability. Dave was rough around the edges but a good paramedic and once he got to know someone, a good friend. When JJ had to take leave not due him for a family emergency, Dave worked shifts for other guys so that they would cover for JJ and then refused to accept any compensation. He was hard working, loyal, and dedicated. He would be sorely missed.

Slowly Sam approached JJ and when she was close enough to him she reached out and put a hand gently on his shoulder. She felt him stiffen up at first but when she said his name, he relaxed.

"JJ, I am so sorry."

JJ turned his head and looked over his shoulder at her. Then he slowly stood up and they faced each other. Sam looked into JJ's green eyes and saw the sadness he felt reflected back at her. Sam took one of his hands in one of hers. She felt like she needed to physically connect with him to say what she needed to say.

"I can't believe he's gone. We were just… talking with him. I'm so sorry JJ. I did everything I could. I just… I tried so hard… I just couldn't save him. I'm so sorry."

"Stop apologizing, Sam. It wasn't your fault. When your time's up, your time is up."

Sam didn't say anything. She kept eye contact with him a moment longer then looked down at the floor. JJ knew that in her own way, for her own reasons, she was taking this just as hard as he was. He knew she needed something from him too. He just didn't have the wherewithal to give much right now. JJ raised his hand from his side and held it out to her. Sam took his hand and JJ shook hers.

"Thanks for everything you did. I know you tried to save him. It was just too late. But Sam, you can't own this as your failure. You have to keep on going. If you don't, then this job will swallow you whole. But you can make a difference. Don't let that get away from you."

"Thanks JJ. If there's anything I can do…" She didn't have to finish the sentence. He nodded at her then put his arm around her shoulders and the two of them headed for the door.

Just before he left the room JJ turned towards Dave's lifeless body and said, "Thanks, man. You were a good fireman and a great friend. It was a privilege to know you. See you again, someday." Then he turned back to the door, walked through and let it close behind him.

*Surprise, I managed to find time to get out another one. Sorry it was a tough chapter. But that's just how it is in the world of firefighters and paramedics. Some days are good, some days are great and others, not so much. Please leave me a review. It keeps me going and encourages me to find the time to write more. Thanks. -Hotflash