Buried Alive – Chapter 25: Another Memory

A/N: GROVEL GROVEL GROVEL I AM SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING ON THE 5th! I don't really have an excuse other than 'I had a meeting about a school trip, I had a lot of prep, and then I was tired'. I did manage to update my other fic, but I'm finding that one a hell of a lot easier to write right now considering...well, you'll all see eventually. Anyway, in case you need a reminder, Sasuke has just returned to Akatsuki from Konoha, where Deidara blew shit up because it's fun *cough* I mean, its art. Totally art. That's my excuse every time. So, on a remarkably happy note, the song of the chapter is 'The Only Hope for Me is You' by My Chemical Romance because it's actually really sweet and romantic, and kinda fits this chapter well. Also, considering the slightly fatalistic nature of this song, it's even more appropriate considering how freaking obsessed with each other Sasuke and Itachi are...Not healthy, by anyone's standards.

This is thinking/dreaming.

This is regular story.

This is author's note.

This is title.

Warning: No sex just yet...depending on how much love I'm feeling, you might get one next chapter. Depends how dodgy I'm feeling. In fact, you'll probably almost certainly get one next chapter because I need to *spoiler spoiler spoiler spoiler* so *spoiler spoiler* can happen. All of two people in the world besides me know what that means xD So, this chapter, no warnings except language and mentions of incest, because incest isn't good, kids. Although I think you know that already.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I owned Naruto, I would take Sasuke and Itachi and hit them over the head with a stick until they got less emo (and until Itachi admitted that his plan for Sasuke's life sucked major ass...I mean, what was it again, Ita-kun? 'Commit mass homicide, join criminal organisation, inflict massive trauma upon one I love the most'? Nice plan, genius. Oh, and then they'd have sex. Because no interaction between Sasuke and Itachi is complete without a bit of sex.

oO..Oo..oO..Oo

And if we can't find where we belong

We'll have to make it on our own

Face all the pain and take it on

Because the only hope for me is you alone

oO..Oo..oO..Oo

It was Shisui's funeral. I didn't like Shisui, but I had to try and look sad because it was a funeral.

"Sasuke, come and stand by me," Mother called, her soft voice cutting gently through the quiet mumbling in the room.

I was supposed to be sad because it was Shisui's funeral, and it was sad when anyone died. But it was especially sad because Shisui was still young. People were supposed to be grown up when they die, so it was like being cheated out of years of your life if you died young.

No, it wasn't just sad because he was young. It was sad because he hadn't died like a ninja was supposed to: he had committed suicide. It was unexpected and sudden and very, very sad. No one would hear of any talk of dishonour, it was just sad. He had left a note, too. Maybe it wouldn't be as sad if he hadn't written down all the reasons he wanted to die.

"Why did Shisui want to die, Mother?" I asked. I didn't want to say anything to Nii-san about it; he was surrounded by a group of older men with sour looks on their faces, and Nii-san's face was slowly slipping darker and darker. It was a little scary.

"Sometimes people are very unhappy and they feel like they can't go on anymore," Mother paused, looking thoughtfully at the centre of the room where Shisui's body was enclosed in its coffin. The lid was closed. He had drowned himself, and the body wasn't right to look at anymore. "It's always better to talk about what's wrong than to take your own life, Sasuke. You can always talk to me or to your father or to Itachi about anything, alright?"

"Yes, Mother," I replied quietly. I wanted to ask Nii-san more about Shisui dying, about why he killed himself, but I didn't want to be a bother. Nii-san had just lost a friend. I didn't want to upset him.

Back at home, Nii-san retreated to his room. I stayed away for as long as possible, oiling and sharpening weapons in my bedroom, rearranging things in cupboards and on shelves, making and remaking my bed, but eventually the temptation grew too great. I had to see my brother. I stepped out into the corridor, trying not to make a sound. I stopped at his door, considering my decision. Would he want to see me? Would he want some time alone? I raised my fist to knock tentatively, still wavering a little in my decision.

"I know you're there, Otouto. You can come in,"

I pushed open the door and entered. Nii-san knelt on the floor, kunai and weapon cleaning kit laid out on the floor in front of him. Completely normal.

But what else could I expect from Nii-san? He was too strong to break down in tears after the funeral. After all, he was one of the first to find out Shisui was dead. I had left him alone the night he found out, just in case he wasn't that strong.

"Are you alright, Nii-san? Shisui was your friend," I said as quietly as I could.

"I'll be fine soon enough. Come sit with me,"

We spent the evening together. Nii-san cleaned every weapon he owned while I sat on his lap, watching his technique and memorising the way his fine, pale hands moved over the cold metal. We didn't talk, and I didn't ask any more questions. I just sat there, watching Nii-san's hands move. Eventually, I crawled into his lap. He just continued cleaning his weapons, his warm body behind mine.

If it was anyone but Nii-san, I would have known the drops of water falling on my hair were tears, but Nii-san never cried.

oO..Oo..oO..Oo

I woke up slowly, the dream falling to pieces inside my head, but the warm feeling of Itachi's body didn't leave. I turned, looking up blinking into the red of the Sharingan.

"You're awake," His voice was barely above a whisper, face completely expressionless except for his eyes. His eyes were full of something, but I couldn't see exactly what.

"Yeah," I rasped. My voice was still rough from sleep, and my eyes had trouble focusing for long. "You tried to abandon me again,"

"Yes, I did,"

"It didn't work. Again," I pointed out. I felt a little triumphant; no matter how hard he pushed me away, I would always come back. I was physically drawn to Itachi like iron to a magnet or flies to honey. I would go to ridiculous lengths just to see him again.

"It could have,"

"No, it couldn't. I would have come back to you eventually,"

"But you could have had your old life back. Surely you would prefer that to me," His voice darkened a little, doubt and pain shadowing his eyes. There was no way it was accidental; he was showing me exactly how he felt without words. It hurt to let me go.

"Why wouldn't I want you?" I questioned. I curled my body a little closer to his, cursing my clothing for preventing skin on skin contact. He was here now, and my clothes were in the way. I needed to touch, to feel, I-

"Because I murdered our entire clan, traumatised you, work for the Akatsuki and I spent the last five years being used as a sexual outlet by our ancestor. There's no reason you should want to be near me,"

"You're my big brother. I don't care what you do; I'll always need you," It was true. If anything, I had proved that.

"Need me or want me?"

"I need you,"

"It's all my fault, Sasuke. I killed the clan, orders or not. I tortured you. I never put a stop to your dependence on me as a child. I'm the one responsible for all of your problems. I'm the last person you need," I curled even closer, trying to meld our bodies through the clothes. Itachi was stiff, his body rigid as he spoke. I would have done anything to relieve that tension, to make everything comfortable again. I began to run my fingers up and down his side in an imitation of the calming touches he used to give me when I was a child, but the implications were so different. As a child, I understood nothing about sex or love. I only understood affection. These touched were laced with all three, comforting and telling at the same time.

"That doesn't change the fact that I love you," I whispered.

The world didn't stop. The sky didn't fall. The earth didn't open beneath our feet and swallow us whole. We were just two people talking. But I had said it. I couldn't hide anything anymore.

"I don't doubt that you do," His voice sounded vaguely amused, and I avoided looking into his eyes. I couldn't bear to look and see something I didn't want to see; rejection, disgust, hate. Indifference.

"Do you love me?" The answer meant so much. My heart beat loud in my ears, and my hands paused on their trail up and down the side of his body. This was more important than my confession. I almost expected the world to stop, the sky to fall, and the earth to swallow us whole. It would make more sense, considering the complex stream of emotion running through my skull.

"Of course,"

"Then stop trying to push me away. I'm not leaving you, and you're not leaving me again. I'd kill myself before I let you leave,"

"You really mean that,"

"Yes, I do,"

"We're both sick,"

"I don't care."

Whatever he was about to say I cut off with a kiss, just a gentle press of my lips to his. I had heard more than enough. If I were to die tomorrow, I would die happy. My brother loved me, and I loved him. Everything would be alright.

oO..Oo..oO..Oo

A/N: You know what they say about counting your chickens, Sasuke? Yeah, take that principle and multiply it by a factor of about six dead puppies and you have your figure. For those of you who were expecting a wild declaration of love complete with sunshine and rainbows and skipping off into the sunset, I am very sorry, but that would be incredibly out of character. Yes, this chapter is a little short, but I didn't want to cut into the porn ;) Reviews make me a happy, happy bunny multiplied by the square root of adorable ducklings to the power of four puppies cubed. Over one thousand kittens. Reviews basically make me happy :3