Chapter 25
She woke up to find a child playing in her room, his head turned towards her as he moved a toy airplane through the air. Katelyn looked at him in shock, wondering where he came from. She looked around her then carefully slipped out of bed, her bare feet touching the cold floor of the Normandy.
The child didn't stop playing as she approached him, but turned to her with eyes that reminded her of a clear blue sky on Mindoir. The image took her aback and her breath caught in her throat. Despite her best attempts, she failed to push the memory away. Instead she took in the field of sunflowers that stood taller than her head. She looked around, bewildered by how they had come to surround her, and then turned back to the child who had stopped playing to look at her.
"Who are you?" she breathed, looking around her. "What is this?"
The kid blinked at her as if he didn't quite know what she was asking. Looking around, he frowned and shrugged.
"I am Legacy," he said with a youthful simplicity. He threw his toy into the sunflowers, It soared for a few seconds then it nosed dived and it landed with a crunch. The ground suddenly erupted with fire.
Katelyn could not stop herself, her instinct taking over as she yelled in alarm and grabbed the kid, a stream of red fire falling from the sky driven along with a terrible noise.
A blaring sound like…
A reaper…
"What is this?" She breathed as she ran with the kid in her arms amidst the fire and flames. Amidst the ruins of a burning Mindoir. "What is this?!"
The child, clinging to her neck, laughed delightedly as they ran.
"Your legacy, Shepard," it whispered in her ear. "Your legacy…"
Shepard.
Commander.
"Shepard."
Katelyn's eyes snapped open and she gasped for a breath she lost somewhere. Running, running to protect the child.
"Shepard," EDI said again.
She was back on the Normandy, really on the Normandy. Awake and sweating like a child who had had a nightmare.
"Yes," the commander rasped and tried to correct her breathing, hoping, praying that the AI didn't notice. "Yes, EDI, what is it?"
The AI paused and seemed to assess her. "You're presence is requested at the docking tube," EDI said finally. "The sentries have someone who wishes to speak to you."
Katelyn sat up, rubbing her face and drew a deep, calming breath. "Who?" She tried to see the time, but could not remember what she had done with her omnitool. She remembered taking it off when she came from the hospital and…
"Dr T'Soni."
Liara. Katelyn was on her feet and grabbing for her uniform in virtually a single motion. Why didn't she give us warning?_Where the hell are my socks?_ She found them and gave them a sniff. Where the hell are my cleaner socks?
"Miss Lawson has also been informed and is on her way to the docking tube," EDI continued, perhaps wishing to tell her that she didn't need to be in quite such a rush. "She was already on her way out."
"Thanks, EDI," the ginger said as she hurriedly fastened her tunic and straightened her bed. "Tell them I'll be down in five minutes."
It was all a blur until Katelyn ran her hand through her neatly-combed hair and moved briskly through CIC, down the neck of the ship and to the airlock. She had managed to locate her omnitool and saw that it was ridiculously early. Yet, despite her odd nightmare, she had gotten a decent amount of sleep. It allowed her to deal with the sight outside the Normandy with some measure of grace. She knew that Cerberus knew who Liara T'Soni was and seeing the asari standing between two guards like a prisoner was no end of vexing. Miranda wasn't helping, standing beside the party with a very cold expression on her face.
Liara however seemed completely unperturbed by her unwelcome greeting.
Katelyn felt her heart flare up with warmth as Liara's crystal blue eyes locked onto her and saw the slightest shift when she gave the asari a small smile.
"Commander," Liara greeted with a slight inclination of her head once Katelyn reached the party. It took quite a lot of effort not to break into an ear-to-ear grin.
"Dr T'Soni," Katelyn gave her a small nod. "I trust you are well?"
Again, the asari inclined her head ever so slightly. She appeared regal, serene and absolutely undeterred by the armoured guards around her.
"I am," Liara answered calmly. "I apologise for not letting you know before hand that I was coming. There was very little time and as you know, it's difficult to communicate in transit." The commander noticed Miranda's lips thin ever so slightly and wondered what kind of hints her XO dropped. "I did say that I can wait, but now that you're here, I appreciate that you are able to accommodate me in your schedule."
As diplomatic as any matron asari, Katelyn though with a secret smile and shook her head. "I'm glad you're here. Please," she gestured her in, then gave a dismissive nod to the sentries. They glanced at her, then at Miranda who didn't look away from Liara, but made the faintest of gestures with her hand, beckonning the Cerberus guards to leave.
Well, now I know why these gentlemen didn't make it on board my ship, Katelyn thought dryly. She made sure not to let her thoughts reflect on her face though as she gave her XO a brief smile.
"Thank you, Miranda," she said kindly, hoping that the Cerberus officer had had enough sleep.
Cool eyes flicked from her to the asari. Then, still looking as if she had bitten into something bitter, Miranda shifted and crossed her arms.
"Thank you for the information you sent us, Dr T'Soni," she said coolly. "I apologise for the inconvenience." She glanced at Kate. "With your permission, Commander, I need to go to Huerta."
Her appointment with Helena's doctor, Katelyn thought and nodded. "Of course, Miranda," she gave a reassuring smile. "Let me know if you need anything."
The operative gave a curt nod, flicked one last look at the asari then turned and left down the docking tube. Turning to Liara, Katelyn saw the asari studying the woman's departure.
"She hasn't changed much," Liara commented finally when Miranda was out of sight.
Wondering if that would be the Illusive Man's opinion as well, Kate smiled.
"Oh, she'll surprise you, if you let her," she countered gently. "She certainly surprised me. Please," she motioned into the Normandy's airlock. "After you."
Liara quirked an eyebrow at her, but didn't comment.
The two calmly strode down the neck of the ship, the ginger taking the moment to study her friend. Liara had her business persona on, but her eyes took in everything around her, noting the Cerberus work crew and then taking in the empty consoles. She had not been on the Normandy before, having declined to come to the ship the times that they were docked in Nos Astra.
"I'll take you on a grand tour later, if that's alright," Katelyn said beside her.
Liara smiled slightly and shook her head. "I have very little interest in your ship, Commander," she pointed out. "Is there somewhere we can speak in private?"
Kate nodded, motioning to the elevator."We can go up to my cabin," she replied stepping ahead of the asari. As they passed the galaxy map, Katelyn turned to her again, seeing the way her eyes lingered on it. "Feel familiar?"
Liara took a moment before she tore her gaze away from it.
"Chillingly," she admitted softly. "It's larger."
The commander nodded, her heart aching briefly at the memory of those that she had lost on the first Normandy. She could tell from Liara's gaze that she was remembering them to. To an asari, two years were hardly anything. And it's hardly that for me either. "I still frequently expect Presley to jump out from somewhere with a new problem we need to duke out... " She shook her head and moved towards the elevator. "In here."
The asari nodded her head in agreement.
"How many of your crew are still on duty?" Liara asked, changing the subject as the elevator took them up. She stood, chin high, beside Katelyn, carrying the almost alien poise that had confounded the commander when she saw her again on Illium for the first time.
"A few," Katelyn replied. "They're slowly coming back, but with us in dry dock," she shrugged. "The engineers might be able to help with repairs and the others can test their systems, but... I don't want to push them yet." She stepped out as the door slid open, leading them through to her cabin. She gestured for the asari to enter first, watched her walk in and look at the model ships, then stepped inside behind her.
The change was instant.
The moment Katelyn entered and, before she could fully register, Liara had turned. The professional, regal air that the asari had commanded since entering the ship melted away. The door had barely closed when Liara grabbed Katelyn and embraced her.
"Katelyn," Liara breathed and, in that single word, the ginger could hear all the fear and hope and relief that must have warred within her friend since she heard they were heading through the relay. And when she had heard they had returned.
Katelyn drew her in tight, absorbing the comfort the hug provided, and closed her eyes. "Hello, Liara," she murmured softly.
"By the Goddess, Kate. I thought I would never see you again."
She swallowed hard, dropping her chin on the asari's shoulder. All she wanted to do was have them stay as they were, right here, in this moment. To merely love and be loved and through it be whole again. Katelyn swallowed, then drew a deep breath, "I can't say I was all too sure we would either."
Her heart leapt as Liara tightened her arms. "Are you okay, Kate?" she asked almost anxiously. "Are you alright?"
I feel like I lost. I should be happy, relieved to be here, to be alive, but...
"I'm okay," she lied and allowed it to become true. "I got away with a few minor injuries, but I'm okay." She allowed her senses to commit the hug and what it meant to memory then pulled away gently and studied her friend.
Embarrased suddenly, Liara took a deep breath and stepped back, turning her face away. "Sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't do that."
Katelyn quickly reached out and took the asari's arm before she got too far and pulled her back, watching moist eyes meet hers. "Wouldn't be happy to see me?" she queried with a small smile and reached up to gently wipe a stray tear.
"I'm... very happy," Liara halted as if the touch distracted her, then took a breath. "I came as quickly as I could, Kate. Since I heard about the attack, I was... worried." She paused. "I should've asked this already, but how is Dr Chakwas? None of my communications have been returned or received." Her fear for the older woman was almost like a manifestation.
"Recovering," Katelyn answered soothingly and stepped back, giving her friend some room. "She's been in Huerta since we arrived at the Citadel. That's partly what Miranda's dealing with, no doubt. Karin's being released this morning." She reached out, lightly touching Liara's arm and gently pulled her downstairs, indicating to the chairs. She watched as Liara sat gracefully before taking her own seat.
The asari's crystal blue eyes turned to the fish tank almost immediately. "This wasn't on the old Normandy," she observed lightly. "If it had been..." she trailed off abruptly and Kate was surprised to notice the slightest hint of a blush. Hm, I wonder what that's about.
"You would have fought me for the room?" the ginger asked instead, pulling the focus off Liara.
"I have learnt not to verbally incriminate myself in the past two years, Katelyn," the asari smiled, her eyes bright. "I wanted to say I'd have been in your cabin more." She studied the fish once more. "It's a nice touch."
It's so hard to think that it's been two years... But it was clear on Liara's features. She was older, even if for an asari the time had hardly been a blink. Katelyn could see it on her. It was as if her shoulders were too tight. As comfortable as she might be at that moment, Liara seemed... Burdened.
What is it like to look once more into the eyes of one you had grieved and put behind you?
Katelyn looked at the tank. "It is," she agreed softly, then inclined her head and allowed a grin to tug at her lips. "Naturally, one of my crew members has taken to looking after them."
Liara quirked an eyebrow at her. "Spending a lot of time in your cabin?"
Kelly? Imagine. No. Let's not.
Katelyn snorted. "Just feeding the fish and giving me a hard time about neglecting them. Just long enough for her to get booted out again."
"I'm sure," the asari smiled at her. "This crew member, is... she alright?"
The haunted eyes of the yeoman were clear in Katelyn's memory and her mood became more sombre. She'll never be okay. None of us will, will we?
"Kate?" Liara said after a pause and the commander blinked, realising that she might've let the silence stretch for just a bit too long.
"Tremendously shaken," she replied softly, keeping her attention on the aquarium. "They've all been through a lot."
For a moment, the silence stretched on Liara's end.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?"
Liara's voice was kind, prompting Katelyn to look at her. There wasn't any real curiosity, the question was to give the commander an opening. An outlet. I've missed you, she thought. In all the time I've been back, in all the chaos, I've really missed you. For a second she considered voicing her thoughts, then turned her head away from her friend again watching the fish swim, oblivious to the fact that they had travelled in a ship that had gone through hell and back.
"You've no doubt read my letter," she began softly. "But it doesn't tell half of it. Nothing could have prepared us for what we found."
They kicked her out of the hospital early the next morning. Helena sat in the chair of her room, watching Miranda as she towered over the salarian, her features irritated but not entirely surprised.
"I'm sorry Ms Lawson," the doctor was saying though he did not sound sorry at all. "But based on the events yesterday, we've come to the conclusion that Huerta Memorial cannot take further responsibility for this woman. Her infection count is down so she is in no immediate danger and you are quite capable of overseeing her further rehabilitation."
Miranda's mouth was very thin as she shifted her one hand to her hip. "Commander Shepard explained the situation yesterday," she said. "As with all of our crew, we like to reserve the right to evaluate them first, as I had done to Helena before I handed her over. And my instructions had been quite clear from the start. You should not have called that doctor."
Helena grimaced and rubbed her brow, looking out on the presidium. She wondered if it was going to be her last time seeing it and what kind of a view there was from the Normandy. Can I go back? The infirmary is probably out of order.
She had no idea what doctor the two were talking about and didn't really care. She had woken up strangely empty, the previous day's conversations the only thing in her mind.
"And you should not have involved a Spectre," the salarian said curtly. "I'm not entirely versed on their duties, but I'm not entirely sure this human could be council business." His dark eyes shot to Helena. "Unless you want me to involve the Council so that we can settle the matter?"
Miranda's mouth thinned as she too glanced at Helena. Their gazes met briefly, but it was hard to tell who looked away first. Helena sighed and fiddled with the sling the nurse had put her arm in. It was awkward but she had a feeling she was going to have to get used to it.
And this world, she thought as she looked back out of the window thinking that she might just miss the view. I'm going to have to get used to this world, this new reality.
I wonder if Rinn is alright.
It was hard to imagine what her friend was doing on the Normandy. Rinn had always been… easily amused. When all else failed, she would just take a nap and shave hours off of her day. They shouldn't let her nap. Helena was almost relieved that she thought about it as it would give her something to discuss with Miranda upon their inevitable return to the Normandy. She could tell that the Cerberus officer was losing the fight.
"That won't be necessary," Miranda said coldly. "Are there any release papers that I should sign?"
Dr Petri's eyes glowed in victory. "I have taken the liberty for you," he pointed out. "She is not a minor, nor anybody's ward." His sharp eyes turned to her. "And, as far as I understand, Cerberus is against human slavery."
Is that what they think I am? Helena thought and was surprised when Miranda laughed. It was a dry laugh, but amused none the less.
"I wouldn't take this one if you paid me, Doctor," she pointed out. "Thank you for your time and care." Her gaze turned back to Helena's. "I'll handle it from here."
Helena raised a brow at her statement and didn't know whether she should smile or be insulted. Dr Petri nodded at Miranda then turned to Helena, inclining his head ever so slightly. "Good health to you," he said. "Good luck with your recovery, Ms Gordon." He didn't want for her to reply before he left the room. Miranda watched him go and shook her head, sighing before she turned to Helena.
"Should I get you a wheelchair?"
Helena blinked at her and shook her head immediately, pushing herself up carefully. She was tired, but had slept surprisingly well the night before. It had taken her some time to settle, to think about what had happened. What had been said. She had half expected Miranda to come back, but the woman never showed. It seemed that people had made their choices, drawn up their loyalties and she was…. Okay with it. Or, she just didn't have anything left in her to feel anything. Helena needed space to start processing everything and she could not do it while constantly waiting and expecting for Miranda Lawson to show up and have a conversation with her.
"I can manage," she said simply. "A walk will be nice." She could not help herself, the last simply slipped out.
"Unless you think you won't be able to contain me."
Miranda blinked at her and shifted, frowning as she looked around the room to see if they were alone. "You heard that?" she queried, her tone more stoic.
Helena hesitated and sighed, thinking that the previous day was best forgotten. "I don't think I heard it," she pointed out and looked away. "But, I remember it."
Miranda nodded slowly and moved in behind her. Her gaze was critical as she studied the posture Helena had while standing. "Do you remember the doctor that was here?" She queried. "Did he talk to you? Did they give you your pain medication this morning?"
Helena nodded and motioned to a bag that was still on the bed. "And as much pills as I'll need for the next few days," she said dryly. "They were very thorough. If I did have a conversation with anybody, I don't remember it."
Miranda nodded slowly and started herding her towards the door. "Tell me when you want to sit down," she said. "We're going to the transportation shuttles; they'll take us from there. The Normandy is dry docked for repairs."
Logical course of action, Helena thought and tried to remember the shuttles that she had seen in the game. "I… I have a request," she said after a moment when they were out on the floor and leaving the hospital ward. "Can we take the scenic route?"
She felt Miranda frown but consider her request. "What do you mean?" she queried. "What do you want to see?"
Helena bit her lip, wondering if she should risk it. Wondering if she was allowed. Finally, unable to keep Miranda waiting any longer, seeing her patience thinning, she pointed out of the window.
"That," she said and motioned to the presidium. "I would like to see that."
Liara listened to Katelyn as she recounted their trip through the Omega-4 relay, listening with a kind of fascinated horror at the destruction that they bore witness to. Her heart went out to her friend as she spoke of being unable to save the colonists, of losing so many people.
Of nearly losing her own crew.
And losing one of the first friends she made in her new life.
"I had to make a call, Liara," Katelyn finished up, not looking at her but instead keeping her emerald gaze focused on the fish tank. "I could either destroy the base. Or keep it." She sighed, as if the thought troubled her. "I decided to keep it, to hand it over to the Illusive Man for study. As far as I understand it, his people have already moved in to salvage it."
The asari scientist took a moment, studying her friend before she turned to the glass of water she had in her hands. "That's quick," she said. "But I have heard that Cerberus has got quite a few outpost near Omega. Ironic, considering their love for alien life." She smiled at Katelyn, hoping that she would not take offense and see it for the light comment that it was. Liara knew that the commander's association with the terrorist group was a tender point. In the beginning, Garrus had spoken to her about it, voicing his disapproval. He didn't question Katelyn, followers like him never did, but he didn't like it.
Having dealt with Cerberus herself in the past, Liara understood Katelyn's stance.
Sometimes you had to do what you had to do in order to get results. If it wasn't for the terrorist group and Liara being willing to work with them, she would never have had the opportunity to have this conversation with the commander.
Katelyn seemed to consider her words and smiled bitterly. "He's been waiting for the opportune moment," she pointed out and sighed. "I did what I had to do, Liara. I realise the sacrifice of that place. I realise that it cost thousands of lives. But..." Her eyes turned darker. "Destroying that brings it all to nothing. Then it would all just have been debris anyway. Now at least, some good can come from that data."
Liara raised her brow at the defensive note in Kate's voice and put down her glass, holding up her hand as she did so. "I understand, Kate," she replied. "I think it would've been..." she struggled to find the right words and realised that she had already thought of them. "Sometimes you need to do what you don't want to do in order to get results. It's hard; it's hard to decide when to exercise that choice. But, I agree with you that base is valuable."
Katelyn stared at her for a moment, blinking in surprise. And then... Then she seemed to relax a little and smiled.
"Thank you, Liara," she said quietly though the asari didn't understand why her words bore the need for thanks.
Still, she smiled, silently pleased that she could provide some comfort to the commander.
"I searched for information on your two refugees," she said, changing the subject. "I found nothing, Kate. It's as if they've appeared out of thin air." The idea made her uneasy. "That is... very unusual. I've even had one of my agents contact a known Shadow Broker informant." Her mouth twisted bitterly. "I got the idea they don't have anything on the two either."
Katelyn was frowning, her brow twisted with concern. She looked away from Liara, considering her options.
"There… might be an explanation for their lack of identity," she said carefully. "I… There is evidence suggesting that they have some form of foresight. Precognition. They… know things. Know of events before they happen. There's even been some suggestion that they know what's going to transpire when the reapers come and beyond."
Liara blinked, wondering if she heard correctly. When she saw the way Katelyn was looking she realised that she had to comment.
"Precognition?" She said. "Really?"
Katelyn nodded carefully, her gaze dark. "Helena knew that the collectors were going to attack. We have footage proving it."
Liara felt her unease over the two strangers grow. "Weren't they in league with the collectors?" she queried. "I… I don't believe in foresight, Katelyn. There has never been any scientific proof to it."
Katelyn raised a brow at her scepticism and smiled wryly. "They say some matriarchs can see the future," she pointed out. "It's in your culture, Liara."
The asari scientist shifted and shook her head. "I have yet to meet one," she said dryly thinking that if the matriarchs could see the future, if her mother could see the future she would've known where her associating with Saren would've brought her. Still, humans were an odd race…
"We don't have any proof yet," Katelyn pointed out. "And it's… a tender subject. They are not very forthcoming on it. If they are rogue experiments of some kind..." she shrugged. "One can understand it."
Liara nodded, but still couldn't make herself believe it. "Do they both have it?" She queried, noticing the way Kate grimaced.
"From what I understand," the commander began. "Rinn somehow lost it. Those parts of her memory were shut down when the husk cells staged their coup."
A good thing, Liara thought and shifted, turning so that she could have a better look at her friend. She had not liked what she heard about the way Rinn turned. "What are you going to do about her, Kate?" she asked finally, seeing the way the commander dropped her gaze to her lap.
"Mordin and Miranda are looking into a method that could neutralise the reapers' signal," she pointed out stoically. "I have faith that they'll succeed." Both people that I don't really know or trust, people you started to associate with through Cerberus. "We can't cure her. She will still be changed physically, even mentally. She won't have those memories back. But… at least she will be her own person again."
The thought of being a puppet at the hands of the reapers was frightening. Unable to stop herself, Liara thought of her mother again. Did this human resist as you did? From the sound of it, it doesn't seem as if she put up much of a fight.
"And if they don't?" Liara persisted. "What will happen then, Katelyn?" She asked it perhaps simply because she needed to hear Katelyn say it, to hear her commit to the idea.
Strangely enough, although she could see the answer in Katelyn's eyes, the woman didn't speak it out loud. She simply looked at Liara until the asari sighed, realising that she had to change the subject slightly. Feeling her friend's pain, Liara reached out and gently touched her knee before she continued.
"And Helena?" she asked. "Do you still want me to take her? Or does… Cerberus have other intentions?"
Katelyn's reaction was immediate and fierce. "They're not touching either of them," she pointed out. "At this stage, it doesn't appear as if they know about Helena's ability and I have no intention of informing them."
Wishing that Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams could hear Kate speak, Liara nodded. She found herself happy that, in some things, Katelyn was still the same person as she had been before she died. She still remained the protector of all who fell within her sphere of influence. Still, one of the pitfalls of that was that the commander trusted too quickly and she wasn't the only person on board the Normandy with the power to make decisions.
"What about Officer Lawson?" Liara asked tentatively. "Would she be able to keep it from the Illusive Man?"
She was surprised to see Kate smile and give a nod. "She's with me on this one," the ginger said. "I'm serious about her, Liara. Give her a chance."
The asari nodded slowly, but still felt sceptical. She turned her gaze back to the fish for a moment, thinking about the unnamed crew member who had decided to take over caring for them simply because Kate couldn't.
"Is there anything I can help you with, Kate?" Liara asked finally. "Anything I can do for you?" She had not needed to come to the Citadel, but having heard that they had returned from their mission, Liara had known that she would not rest easy until she saw that Kate was alive with her own eyes. Helping her was the least that she could do.
Katelyn considered her words for a moment, then grimaced and leaned forward. "Liara, I know our... original arrangement was that you take Helena," she said. "And... My reasoning still stands. I think that she would do well with you, not here. The... problem with them, and I think that it would be even more so now, is that you can't separate them. I don't think Helena would stand with it, but she cannot stay here."
There was an edge to Katelyn's voice when she spoke about the human woman, the same that Liara had picked up on before. It troubled her, because she didn't know what she was signing herself up for by taking the supposed clairvoyant.
"Why is that?" she queried. "Is she trouble?"
Katelyn smiled ruefully in reply and shook her head. "I want what she knows too much," she confessed. "Even if she doesn't know it... I want to know too much. We've already had an argument about it; I don't want to see its repeat. She's smart, Liara, but I'm beginning to understand with Helena is that you have to let her go and do her own thing. Let her decide what she says and doesn't." Her features softened, her gaze briefly filling with regret. "And I want them safe. I want them to find their feet and I trust that you can help with that. I will help cover the costs..."
Liara waved her off immediately, feeling a rush of bitterness. "My mother's estates left me with a significant amount of investments," she said dryly. "I can use that, Katelyn. I think you have more important things to put your credits to."
The commander nodded slowly. "I know it's a lot to ask," she pointed out. "But you're the only one I'd trust with them now."
Liara considered her words for a few moments, trying to imagine how she was going to fit another person into the picture. She knew nothing of this Rinn or what she could use her for.
"What would be my duties, Kate?" she queried softly. "My responsibilities? Separated, you have a guarantee that they'll stick around at least for the sake of the other. Together, you might lose them in Illium the moment they're able."
Kate nodded, the look in her eyes telling Liara she had already considered it. "If they do, it's not on you," she said. "Then it's their choice, but I don't believe they'll leave." She hesitated. "Even with the reaper control neutralised, Rinn will know how... dependent she would be on our technology, on our knowledge, to keep her... in control. To monitor her. There's too much at stake if she loses and no one knows that more than Rinn." Her gaze softened and when she spoke her voice was quieter. "She wanted to die, Liara. On the base. And she'd have succeeded if her friend hadn't bodily clung to her and refused to let go. Rinn is bound by a promise she made to Helena. That's all that's keeping her from trying again, I believe. That's... who they are. Together."
Liara could not stop herself from shivering at the image, from imagining the scene with these two people. If she knew nothing of them, those two singular acts would speak volumes.
She looked away from Katelyn, unwilling to show her unease. "I'll help you, Kate," she said simply. "I was willing to do so before the attack, that hasn't changed."
She could feel Kate's relief pulsing against her as the commander sat back and closed her eyes. "Thank you," she said gratefully. "It means a lot to me, Liara. And it's good to know I will have people who..." she trailed off and reconsidered her words. "Know the situation and don't dismiss it. I can't tell you how much I need that."
Been dismissed a lot lately? Liara wondered, but said nothing. She thought about Helena, the one she was most likely to end up with and her supposed 'gift' of precognition.
"Should I push finding out about Helena's knowledge?" she asked finally. "I have the means to find out."
Kate's reaction was immediate and almost a little harsh. "No," she said sharply then shook her head and continued calmly. "Let's leave things as they are. It might be that she will offer the information more freely when she feels it's safe enough. Let's give her that space."
Liara nodded but felt that it was a lot of faith to put into one person. "Then I will make her feel safe," she said with a smile. "I promise, Kate."
The commander smiled and shrugged embarrassed, her hand moving in her lap. "Keep your ears open, but don't push it," she said. "You can... build a relationship with her, Liara, if she allows that. You start on new grounds. That might count towards something."
Liara nodded, thinking that it was true. She sat for a bit, watching Katelyn's hands.
"I'll definitively take her," she confirmed. "But I'm not taking Rinn until I know that she is safe, Katelyn. I feel very strongly about that."
Katelyn nodded, sitting back a little. "I won't send her if I have any feeling that she won't be," she pointed out. "I'd rather keep her here then. Even if it works and I have a worry, I won't send her. It's not fair to her, but... things aren't in general. She got handed a really rough hand in this. I think that going to Illium would be more than she'd expect."
Liara nodded, still thinking about the two and the image that she had in her mind from the base. She took a deep breath and wondered what she was letting herself in for.
"I would like to meet Helena," she said quietly. "If it's convenient."
Katelyn nodded, shifting closer to her.
"I'll have Miranda set it up," she said. "She's... backing out. Stepping back. She used to be the main..." The commander smiled, searching for a word. "Filter for Helena."
Liara raised a brow, but didn't say anything. Then, she didn't know what to say because Katelyn moved again and carefully shifted again so that she was next to her and slipped an arm around her shoulders, carefully giving her a hug. She didn't ask for it, but then again, neither had Liara when she hugged Katelyn when they came into the room.
"Thank you for supporting me, Liara," Katelyn whispered. "I can't tell you how much it means to me."
Liara closed her eyes and leaned into Katelyn's touch, once again reminding herself that the commander was alive. She hoped that in time the pain that she had felt over her death would fade and become nothing more than a dim memory from a dream.
"I'll always support you, Shepard," she said softly. "Always."
They ended up taking a seat near one of the fountains, Helena's stamina petering out as they crossed the presidium to get to one of the other shuttle depots. She was pale, better, but still not well. Miranda knew without a doubt that the doctor would've understood that he had released her too early had he cared. The hospital clearly wanted as little to do with Cerberus and their associations as possible and any excuse not to help was one to be embraced.
But perhaps better that way, she thought. We raised too much suspicion yesterday. It was becoming unsafe for her.
Miranda glanced around them then turned back to Helena, seeing the way the visual enhancements in her lenses moved around, focusing on everything. The woman's features were carefully blank, but the look in her eyes were unmistakable. It made her appear alien, like a different person.
In the short period that Miranda had known Helena, she had never seen her eyes filled with such wonder. If she was trying to contain it, she was failing horribly. Miranda, unable to help herself, smiled slightly and shifted so that she could better see what the younger woman was focusing on. It was rather difficult as her gaze kept jumping and Mordin's present made her capable of seeing more than anybody else could with the naked eye.
"Have you ever been here before?" Miranda asked, curious to know suddenly. "Have you ever been to the Citadel?"
Helena blinked and pulled her attention back from a hanar Miranda had seen her focusing on. She shifted, seemed to consider her answer and then shook her head slightly, smiling embarrassed. "Never here, no," she said quietly. "I… Rinn would love this. She really would."
Miranda nodded slowly, hearing the silent addition to that. I hope she gets the chance.
"We can bring her," she said dutifully. "When this is all sorted."
Helena snorted softly, as if she didn't believe her, but then nodded, sitting up straighter. "How far away from a cure are you?" she said and the wonder in her eyes was gone. "You had said you were working on something Mordin gave you? How is Rinn this morning? I haven't… asked yet."
Surprisingly, Miranda thought and wondered what other thoughts occupied Helena's head. The previous day, no doubt. It was written in the darkness that lay behind her eyes.
"She's focused," Miranda confessed, "I don't think we have much time. But I don't need any more. I plan on giving the machine a test run this afternoon."
Helena gave her a sceptical look and shifted, touching her sling. "How big is it?" she queried out of curiosity. "I mean, is she going to have to lug it around for the rest of her life? What if it drops?"
Not surprised that Helena had thought that far, asking a question nobody else had bothered to think of yet, Miranda made a vague gesture with her hands. "I have an idea," she confessed. "But I would like to discuss it with Mordin first. I'm seeing him later today and it might take time to execute. But don't worry. I'm working on it. Do you have any ideas?"
Helena raised her brow, the gesture more prominent now that her face wasn't half hidden by her fringe and hair. Her skin was awash with freckles and there was a faint scar above one eye. Childhood incident? Why haven't I noticed it before? "Create a virus that would destroy the nanocytes," she said. "Send it over to disrupt the reaper bots and…" she trailed off and blushed. "That might kill her."
Miranda nodded, but was impressed. "Mordin suspects that they've taken over some of her key physiological functions. Nerve conduction, hormone release. We need them to continue performing those functions without the reapers interfering. She will be… forever changed Helena."
The ginger looked sad when she nodded and shrugged with one shoulder. "As am I," she said honestly. "We'll adapt. She'll make it, as herself. I have faith in her." The darkness grew for a moment. "If she doesn't kill herself the moment she gets a chance."
Hearing her concern, Miranda turned so that she could look directly at Helena, her knee accidentally brushing against the other woman's as she moved. It made Helena look to her, her eyes wider with anticipation.
"We can't watch her forever," Miranda said quietly. "And, I don't think she would like it if we did. Just as you won't. If it does happen one day, Helena, I believe that you have done everything you could to stop it."
Helena's features twitched, but she smiled bitterly and nodded. "Doesn't mean it would've been enough," she pointed out. "But, when is it ever?" The wonder had now completely drained out of her face and in its stead was the dark force of introspection. Of self-judgement.
Miranda didn't know how to stop it, but found her hand reaching to Helena's shoulder to squeeze it. She stopped herself, but not before Helena noticed the attempted gesture. She didn't move away, but looked at Miranda expectantly. There was a question in her eyes that Miranda had heard her ask Katelyn the night before. It wasn't challenging, enticing or curious. It was simply a need to know.
What do you want from me?
Miranda looked at her and remembered that she left her alone. And she could tell from Helena's slightly stinging attitude towards her that she remembered it too. Sighing, she withdrew her hand and turned back towards the rest of the presidium. Habit made her scan the crowd again, making sure they weren't watched, making sure they were still safe.
That Helena was still safe.
She grimaced, thinking about the previous day.
"Helena," she said quietly. "I hope you realise that... when we meant containment, it was aimed at protecting you. The guards that were there, they were there to protect you."
The ginger blinked when she spoke up, turning to her with a questioning look. She seemed to consider her reactions and Miranda watched as irritation, amusement and, finally, defeat played across her features. "I... know," she said quietly and shifted uncomfortably. "It's what you do, Miranda. It's fine." The last she said with a frown which seemed very contradictory.
The Cerberus officer raised her brow. "What I do?" She queried and Helena nodded slowly, her gaze returning to the presidium.
"Cerberus," she pointed out. "You... play things close to the vest. Protect your assets. As you did with Shepard." She sighed and shrugged again, the defeat in her eyes bothering Miranda. "I know where it comes from, Miranda. Don't worry." Saying it made Helena sound tired. "You did your job." The worse thing was, there was no judgement in her tone which made Miranda feel worse, thinking about how she didn't return to check up on her the night before.
Her reasons felt a little sillier now because she felt as if she owed the woman that much,
"I have a question to ask you," Miranda said finally, realising that she could not deny herself a chance at the answer to a question she had been mulling over. "And it is simply my own, nobody else's. Its answer will remain here."
The caution that entered into Helena's eyes was immediate and wild. Miranda could almost hear her throw up all shields for protection and a part of her blamed Katelyn for it. She had to control her own reaction to push, had to force herself to appear a little bit more open.
"What is this?" She asked as she gestured between herself and the woman. "Is it the same as Rinn and Katelyn? Or something else?"
The question clearly surprised Helena and she took a moment to process it. Then, to Miranda's secret delight, she grinned and turned back to the presidium, her eyes bright.
"This, woman, is simply attraction," she said in her old, habitual flirting voice. "Good ol'sexual tension. Deny it and I'll call your bluff."
Miranda smiled at her, but wasn't convinced. "And what makes you think that I humour such behaviour?" she queried. "Or am even interested?"
Helena grinned, but there was a strange reserve in her eyes. "The fact that you asked," she pointed out and her eyes brightened, making Miranda think that she imagined the reserve. "It wouldn't have mattered if you weren't." Miranda couldn't deny her logic and was about to comment when Helena continued, her eyes still amused. "Besides, I'm your type if only from the fact that you know my whole medical history…"
It was like being doused with cold water and even Helena reacted the moment she said it, regret immediately written on her face. "Fok, I didn't just say that."
Miranda had to sit back and turned away from Helena, reminding herself what had happened the previous day, with whom she was sitting and what this woman knew. Those dating sites told me their data is secure! Pale faced, Helena turned to her the moment she turned away.
"I didn't… Miranda…"
The Cerberus officer didn't look at her immediately. "So it's not just the future but private matters as well," she said softly. "What are you, Helena? How much do you know about me?"
The woman opened her mouth to say something then stopped herself and dropped her gaze, settling back against the bench. After a few moments of awkward silence, she sighed and looked up, beyond the presidium to the fake sky.
"I can't tell you because I would never ask you to keep it from Katelyn," she said honestly and that reserve was back. "And you will have to tell her if you knew. You would tell her. Because that is… what you chose last night when you didn't come back. You chose to stand beside her." Helena looked sad when she dropped her gaze again. "And it's a good choice, Miranda." Her voice became dryer. "I expected no less from you."
Glaring at her, feeling a wave of frustration and anger, Miranda rounded on the woman. "You make it sound as if it's my fault that you cannot break your peace," she snapped. "Why can't you tell Katelyn? Why can she not know the future yet you imply that it would be alright if I did?"
Helena opened her mouth to say something, then simply gave up and shook her head. She dropped her gaze and studied her lap, fear and dismay threatening to twist her features. Miranda glared at her, but also remembered the way she had looked the previous night, her uncertainty and fear that she had shown when Katelyn spoke to her. And she remembered the words that Helena spoke to her.
I will see this world burn…
Sighing, Miranda grudgingly backed off. She had to, she knew that there would be no way to break Helena's silence unless they put pressure on her again or she chose to speak to them herself.
Miranda pushed herself back and glared at the world in general. "And this is why it won't work," she said quietly. "Because, regardless of what this is," she motioned between herself and Helena, "I demand trust in my relationships. It is like a medical report. Honest. Open. You seem to know a hell of a lot about me, but I know nothing about you. That is neither honesty nor openness." It is the reason none of my relationships work as well. Because I have to be honest with myself and I can't always be honest with others…
Helena didn't say anything, but sighed miserably and looked across the presidium.
"I think trust is something that's built over time," she pointed out. "I don't think anybody is perfect, any relationship without its pitfalls." She shrugged and looked at her hands. "There's no recipe to be followed. No medical sheet that can tell you everything. Relationships aren't constructed from a set of plans. It's about two people… finding a rhythm together. Filling needs. Sometimes it's about two friends deciding to spend their whole life together. With benefits of course." She smiled ruefully. "But yes, you're right. It is about trust. You can keep things from a friend, but not from a partner." She glanced at Miranda over her glasses and suddenly the Cerberus officer wondered why it felt as if they were breaking up with each other. "Or at least, I'd imagine that a friend could accept certain things because there's no obligation for more." She smiled suddenly. "I think it's why I've always been a tad better with friendship. I've never been good at relationships myself. Too independent. Other people don't have anything that I need and I expect them to need nothing from me. Which they do."
Miranda listened to her and could feel the resonance. She understood that part at least.
"Are you suggesting that we try friendship?" She queried sceptically and was surprised when Helena smiled and shook her head.
"I think we have to figure out what we need from each other," she pointed out. "I think we should try and cure my friend and see what happens from there. Where we go to, where you go to." Her features became sad. "Some things in the future aren't certain but," Helena grinned suddenly and the mood changed, perhaps because she wanted it to. Perhaps because she wanted to hide in how much pain she was.
"One thing that is certain is that I would've been awesome."
Her meaning was clear and suddenly, they were back to flirting and innuendo. Miranda began to realise that Helena could probably write a book on it. But, she flirts when she knows she can't offer anything. It's safe.
"I think," Miranda said dryly and gave the woman's right arm a meaningful look. "That you should wait and see how that settles before you make any promises." She could tell that it was the wrong thing to say when Helena's face split to an ear to ear grin.
"I'm ambidextrous," she pointed out. "I have many skills."
The silence could've been cut with a knife as both of them considered those words. Miranda, blinked, tried to delete a mental image from her mind and shook her head. "God you don't stop," she pointed out. "That off switch..."
Helena laughed, shifting again. "You went there, didn't you?" she said happily and dropped her voice. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"
The childlike urge to throw the ginger into the fountain came and went. Miranda shook her head and smiled, but could still not shake the sadness that clung to her.
"I am not even going to humour you with an answer," she pointed out. "Really Helena."
Helena laughed, but Miranda didn't miss the ache almost hidden behind her glasses. When she stopped, the ginger considered her and the look in her eyes made Miranda, who was preparing herself to get up, hesitate. Keeping eye contact, Helena frowned at first, then carefully shifted closer to Miranda, half lifting herself from the seat. Still watching her, Helena brought her face closer, her meaning clear. When Miranda didn't move away from her, she came in slowly and kissed her on the lips, her touch hesitant, searching. It made Miranda's stomach flutter and unbidden, she parted her lips and returned the kiss. Helena turned and, with her only free hand, briefly touched Miranda's cheek, pulling her deeper into the kiss.
And then she stopped and pulled away, her face flushed and her ears burning with embarrassment. Miranda, with her stomach still twisting from nerves and excitement, and threatening to pull her head into a spin as well, gave her a questioning look.
"Why?" she asked, thinking that in her mind, they had established the boundaries.
Helena seemed to ask herself that same question and frowned. "Because I could," she said. "Here in this moment. I might never get the chance again. Not someone like me." She bit her lip and grimaced painfully. "We have... to go back to the Normandy, I believe. I'm tired, Miranda."
The urge to kiss her again came and went. Miranda nodded carefully and stood up, taking the hand that Helena had brought to her cheek. She didn't say anything, but pulled her up, squeezed her hand and then, slowly, let it go.
The activity around the Normandy had increased significantly. Helena took a moment to stop and stare at the massive ship, its hull torn and damaged in a way that resembled a car wreck. She remembered the way the Normandy touched down in the game, the way it skid across the collector base's outer floor. And she remembered even more vividly how the ship had lain there as she and Rinn approached it, Mordin's bleeding body lying to the side.
She shivered and swallowed, trying to shake the images of her mind. Trying to shake the memory of the pods, the people screaming and Miranda...
"Helena?"
Helena pulled out of her thoughts and realised that she had moved to rest against the railing, her good arm clutching at the side as she stared at nothing. Miranda had walked ahead, but had turned around to stare at her. There was no emotion on her face, no concern.
They had not said a word to each other since leaving the presidium.
Helena blinked and pushed herself away from the railing. "Sorry," she muttered. "Tired."
She ran her hand over the unfamiliar texture of her scalp and quickly moved in beside the woman, seeing that there were Cerberus guards stationed at the door. They didn't wear masks or armour, but had weapons none the less. Helena suspected that it was simply Shepard's reputation with the Council and the Alliance that allowed them the grace of being there.
Miranda guided her past them, the two soldiers saluting her immediately. The Cerberus officer didn't even look at them, her gaze cold and distant. She was daunting when she was like this, beautiful, always, but daunting. Helena knew in her heart that she would never have had a chance with someone like this and was secretly glad that she had taken the opportunity to kiss her because she would always have wondered.
And want more.
Snorting, Helena moved ahead of Miranda to the elevator, figuring that she was going to take her back to the crew deck. She wanted to tell her that she could return to Mordin's lab if she needed to, that she would find her own way to Rinn, but didn't have the heart to start that conversation and allowed her to get in the elevator with her. The door closing made her heart contract for some unexplained reason and she found herself taking a quick breath, trying to still the panic in her heart. I want to get out... Unbidden, she allowed herself to walk the Normandy in her mind as she had in the game, seeing all its nooks and crannies, imagining what the damage would be and what it would take the get the ship sufficiently space worthy again.
And, strangely enough she wondered about Jacob and whether the Normandy would have a memorial for him.
Will we have any right to attend it? We did know him to some extent.
Cheating little runt.
"Why are you smiling?" Miranda's question was soft, hesitant, as if she knew she didn't really have the privilege to Helena's thoughts anymore. The ginger blinked at her as the elevator doors opened and stepped outside, wondering if her moment's anxiety had to do with Miranda's presence or the actual confined space.
"I'm just..." Helena wondered how to explain herself. "I'm just glad to be back. Thank you for coming to get me."
Miranda nodded slowly and motioned to the Starboard Observation Room. "Rinn is in there," she said quietly. "I'm going to get you some coffee. You can go ahead."
Nodding, not knowing what else to say, Helena left the woman and walked to the starboard side, hoping that EDI had the sense to open the door for her. She glanced back at Miranda once, but the woman had already moved out of sight.
Shaking her head at herself, Helena was about to reach out and touch the lock when the door opened for her. She took a moment to assess what was happening inside.
She couldn't see Legion, but Samara was sitting off to the side, ironically, where her daughter would've sat if she had ever made it to the Normandy. Rinn was by the window, staring across the docks, her gaze taking in the level of activity in every place that she could see. Helena shivered when she remembered the wonder on the husk's face when she was staring at all of the pods.
As if sensing the motion, Rinn briefly and calmly turned her gaze to Helena. They looked at each other for a moment, surprise, delight and then concern dancing across her friend's features. She leapt to her feet immediately and came to the door. Her movements were smooth and without hesitation. Again thinking about the husk, Helena had to keep herself from shivering and grinned at her friend, stepping into the room so that EDI could close the door behind her.
I don't want to be trapped…
Stop it.
"Lena," Rinn said. "What are you doing here?"
Having known that that would be the first question her friend would ask, Helena had already planned her answer.
"Well," she said with a grin. "Huerta doesn't want me and the council's afraid I might take over so I'm back here."
Her friend grinned easily, amused by her words, but still concerned. She had closed the distance between them and, in a gesture quite uncanny to her, had started to reach out to touch Helena. The ginger unconsciously held her breath, meeting her friend's gaze as her left hand came an inch away from touching the sling. Clear green eyes turned to hers and for a moment, the world seemed to stop.
Don't touch me.
Rinn blinked and moved back a bit, a grin playing on her features though it felt more forced this time. "What did you do now?" she queried, sounding exasperated. Instead of touching Helena she moved, motioning to one of the chairs with her injured hand. Helena saw that it had a fresh set of bandages on and wondered what the fingers looked like. She couldn't help herself and rubbed across her head as she sat down on the place Rinn indicated, silently grateful that all her hair was off.
"I didn't like the view," she said with a grin. "It's highly overrated." The irony was, Rinn wouldn't know what that meant. If Helena understood her current frame of mind correctly, she wouldn't remember anything from Mass Effect 3.
"Yes," Rinn seemed to agree with her but intensified her scrutiny. "But are you okay?" She glanced at Helena's shoulder. "It's too soon, Lena."
It was. Helena knew that she probably still had scores of treatments left if she wanted to regain any functionality in her shoulder, but in her current state of mind, she didn't really care. I'll think about it when I want to, she said. I'll think about it when I'm ready.
She smiled at Rinn, trying to put her at ease. "I've finished with the intravenous treatment," she pointed out. "And they're continuing some of the treatments orally. There was hardly any use for me to hang around." She shrugged and tried to put a different spin on it. "I think I'm a bit of a gray area for hospital staff. I'm not Alliance, not a local, not Cerberus. I don't even know if they got my paperwork sorted. From what I understand, the hospital didn't want to take responsibility for treating me."
When Rinn didn't look convinced, Helena shrugged and smiled. "Mi…" She stopped herself. "Officer Lawson said she'll deal with it, find an alternative."
Rinn's features raised at the near slip, a small smile Helena didn't particularly like playing in the corner of her mouth for a few seconds. What had Miranda said? She was more focused. Seeing the way Helena was studying her, Rinn moved back a bit from where she had been hovering over her friend and motioned to the window.
"There's been a lot of activity around here," she said. "I haven't seen all that much, but it seems busy."
Bad change of subject, Helena thought and glanced to the door when it opened. She expected Miranda to come in, but instead, to her surprise, it was Kelly Chambers. The yeoman was carrying a tray of mugs and some odd pieces of food. Her gaze was wild, but then again, Helena suspected that it might be the same look that she had upon closer inspection.
"Miranda sent me with this," she said, her gaze jumping from Helena to Rinn. "She's in the lab. Hello Helena." Helena stood up as quickly as she could, her mind once again leaping to the collectors' base and to the moment that Kelly had dropped into her arms…
Stop it.
"Hey Kelly," she said and glanced at Rinn who was considering the yeoman as she moved to place the food on one of the benches. After a moment or two's thought, Rinn moved completely back to the window, well away from the yeoman. The movement made Kelly look at her and only after some serious consideration did she smile tentatively.
"Hello Rinn."
Helena knew in that moment that, for the time being, not all was lost with her friend, because Rinn became uncertain and gave the yeoman an embarrassed and awkward smile.
"Hello Yeoman," she said quietly. "Thank you. For the food."
Kelly nodded and moved to the door. "I'll catch up with you two later," she said and glanced at Helena. "I want to speak to you."
Curious, Helena nodded and watched the woman as she left. She wondered suddenly whether Kelly was younger or older than she was. Younger, Helena suspected and turned back to Rinn. Her friend only moved closer to her again when the door closed.
"Can I get you anything?"
Tired and definitely not hungry, Helena shook her head and tried to find a more comfortable spot to sit. Picking up their last conversation, Helena tapped her heel against the floor.
"The ol'girl's hanging with her guts open," she said and studied her friend who had moved to the tray to scavange some pickings. "How are you doing?"
Rinn hesitated, clearly considering the question. "I'm… okay," she said and smiled. "Doing okay." She held up a banana that was going black. "Kinda hungry the whole time for no good reason. I ah… saw what my hand looked like." She grimaced and shrugged, clearly dismissing the damage. "It doesn't hurt anymore."
Lucky you, Helena thought and once again tried to shift into a more comfortable position. "We certainly paid our pound of flesh," she said darkly. She hadn't really meant to say it out loud and, perhaps she didn't. Samara had shown no reaction and there was no telling how good Rinn's hearing was now.
"That we did," Rinn said and finally took a seat close to Helena, peeling the banana. The smell made Helena nauseous. Although she held no particular grievance with that particular kind of fruit, she had never really liked them when they started becoming over ripe. Neither, she knew, had Rin... before now.
"Did you see a lot?" Rinn queried. "Was it beautiful out there? Was it… as we always imagined?" Her voice was surprisingly timid, filled with hope and wonder. Helena studied her face, then looked at her hands to note how steady they were and it frightened her. The combination of her friend and beast, whom they now had no safe way of separating, frightened her.
"I did," she said quietly and sighed, turning towards the view of the docks and people moving about it. To the Cerberus agents that were assessing every inch of damage.
"But it's not all that. Not what we thought." It was like Mass Effect 3, a game that fooled you into thinking that you could win. It was like kissing a woman you had no chance of ever being able to touch. "But I guess we'll get used to it."
She smiled at Rinn and at her unwavering fingers that so easily gripped the banana and brought it to her mouth.
"I guess we'll have to."