Sorry everyone I uploaded the wrong chapter last night. This one is revised and has a scene that was missing in the chapter before.
I apologize for the goof! Thanks so much for reading. Enjoy!
Chapter 26
She is gone.
The words hit Daniel like a ton of bricks.
"She can't be gone." He shook his head in denial. "Try again Lya."
"There is nothing to try. Her soul has gone beyond my reach…I am sorry…"
"No!" Daniel shouted. "Don't be sorry…don't…" He looked at Sam's unmoving form and the reality of it all hit him.
Sam was dead…and he was responsible.
Guilt washed over him. His idea. His actions had led to this. He looked up to see Janet's tear stained face and his misery deepened. He had caused her pain and because of him Janet had lost her closest friend, Jacob had lost a daughter and Jack…Oh God, Jack! This would destroy him.
He needed to get out of the infirmary and away from everyone.
He turned away from Janet's grief stricken face only to find himself looking into the anguish filled eyes of Jacob Carter. Daniel felt another wave of sorrow course through him as the man stepped silently past him and approached his daughter's unmoving form.
"Excuse me." He lowered his eyes unable to look at Jack and Teal'c as he pushed his way through the infirmary doors.
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Jack watched as Janet walked over to Sam's father and placed a consoling hand on the older man's slumped shoulders. She leaned in whispering what he figured were comforting words for the man who had just lost his child. The only problem was that there would be no comfort found for the retired general. Only loss.
A gaping hole within in the soul that never truly heals.
Jack stared at the pale battered face of his 2IC and felt a numbness fill him. Sam was dead. It seemed impossible that the vibrant and beautiful woman who had saved his ass more times than he could count was gone.
"O'Neill." Teal'c deep voice was respectfully low.
"Yeah Teal'c." Jack replied just as quietly.
"Major Carter…" The imposing warrior became silent prompting Jack to tear his gaze from Carter and look at him.
Teal'c also pulled his gaze from Sam's still body and looked intently at Jack, almost menacingly. "We will have her revenge, O'Neill."
Revenge. Jack knew what Teal'c was saying. Whatever path Jack chose to hunt down Sekhmet the Jaffa warrior would join him. No matter the cost. Jack said nothing, but nodded once to show Teal'c he understood.
Teal'c gazed sadly toward Sam again. "Major Carter is no longer here." He said quietly with conviction.
Jack stared at him a moment irritated and envious that the man could so easily let go of their teammate. But the look of pain in the warrior's eyes as he looked at Sam belayed his coarse words. With what seemed a monumental effort Teal'c tore his gaze away from their friend and silently exited the infirmary.
Jack watched him go. He did not agree with Teal'c though. Soul or no soul being present…Sam was here. He could close his eyes and feel her presence inside of him. Her smile, her voice…just…her…and Jack realized that Sam would never be gone. Not for him. She would always haunt him…always.
A light touch on his arm caught his attention and he looked down to see the Doc standing in front of him. Kind eyes regarded him gently. "Colonel…you should clean up."
Jack frowned at her a moment. Clean up?
He glanced down at his hands and was shocked to see them covered in half-dried blood.
He wiped them against his t-shirt not wanting to see the evidence of Sam's death on his skin, but as he rubbed them against the dark material he was horrified to find that his shirt was soaked through as if he had just come in from some macabre version of a rainstorm. He jerked his gaze to look at his clothes. He clothes were soaked in Sam's blood.
His eyes jumped back to Janet's face.
Her expression went from concern to instant wariness.
"Colonel?"
Jack shook his head. "I…I'll go clean up." He said a slight shake to his voice.
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A parent's worst nightmare…
Jacob wanted to scream in denial that his little girl was not dead!
He did not scream though, instead he stood beside the gurney staring at the still form of his daughter refusing to believe she was gone.
Jacob Carter had always been prepared for the idea of his death. He was constantly embroiled in dangerous situations ducking and dodging the attempts of the goa'uld to kill him. Common sense told him that Sam's job had been just as dangerous as his own. The risks she had taken just as perilous.
But this logic brought no comfort to him. It did not fill the void that was opening up in his soul to reach up and constrict his heart.
His little girl lay there silently unaware of the sorrow her passing would cause. He reached out a trembling hand and brushed a lock of soft hair away from her beautiful face. He could feel the cold of her skin against his fingers confirming what Lya had said.
She was gone.
A memory of her bright blue eyes and shining smile brought the prick of tears to his eyes as with heart-wrenching tenderness he leaned down and touched his lips gently to her forehead.
Tears escaped his eyes and fell onto her translucent cheek tracing a trail along her face almost as if she shared his grief and loss, but she didn't. She could no longer feel the sorrow that was beginning to overwhelm him.
A deep sob escaped from his chest and he wrapped his arms around his daughter's upper body cradling her head in his hands pulling her into desperately into his chest.
"Oh God Sam…I am so sorry, honey." He rocked her, holding her tightly, as he did when she was a child when she had awakened in the dark from nightmares. Only now he could not save her from the darkness. She had not awakened and the nightmare was his.
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Jack stumbled into the SGC locker room. He looked around surprised to see where he was. He did not remember walking there. His mind was still the gate room reliving his desperate attempts to stop the blood that now covered him.
Trying to save Sam's life.
Trying and failing.
Unthinking, he walked into the large communal shower and turned the first handle he came to. A hot spray of water shot out from the shower-head and he stepped back to remove his blood stained clothes.
A hard shiver passed through his body when he pulled slightly at the blood soaked cotton. The saturated material pulled away reluctantly not wanting to release him from its grip. An intense urge to rip the cloth from his body had him grasping forceful at the clinging material jerking the shirt over his head and off his body.
Chest heaving from even this minor exertion, Jack's eyes looked down to the shirt grasped in his fist. A faint glint caught his eye and he was surprised to see the chain of Sam's dog tags still wrapped around his hand.
Releasing the shirt, letting it drop to the floor of the shower, he tightened his grip on the chain not wanting to look at the twin pieces of metal. Their presence in his grip, and not on his 2IC, was as telling as her body in the infirmary. Always around her neck, a proud representation of her life she led, they did not belong in the hands of her commanding officer.
How many of these things had he pulled from fellow soldier's neck over the years. Taken to be given to his commanding officer...the only evidence of a fallen friend in a foreign land. The only remainder of a human life.
This time it was Carter's life.
He opened his fist to see a single thin metal plate resting in the palm of his hand
Name.
Rank.
Serial Number.
Such a small thing to identify an amazing individual…
He rubbed his thumb over the metal wiping away the crimson evidence of his 2IC's last moments and feeling the raised letters of her name. He could not read the blood-smeared words. He did not need to.
Samantha Carter, Maj. USAF
Jack pulled in a shaky breath as he studied the tag.
His hand began shaking as he enveloped the single tag in a tight grip the edges cutting into his palm. A painful tremor passed through his body as he fought against the despair that threatened to overwhelm him.
Jack leaned back against the wall of the shower trying to get control of his emotions, but an image of Sam on the gate room floor as she struggled to draw breath through her mutilated throat had him sliding down the wall to the wet floor of the shower, his legs too weak to allow him to remain standing.
He drew a ragged breath into lungs that did not seem to want to breath anymore and he wished they wouldn't. Let them just stop taking in the oxygen that supported his life. If they did then he could quit
now …
…and right now he wanted to join her.
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The fragility of life was a constant entity among the staff of the SGC. Everyday they risked their lives to save a world unaware of their sacrifices. Unaware of their sorrows. Some losses where felt deeper than others. The loss of Samantha Carter permeated the concrete walls.
A desolation seemed to seep into the personnel of Stargate Command. The day continued, but the normally energetic atmosphere was gone replaced a solemn stillness.
Work continued.
The staff manned their stations, however, if anyone looked closely they would see men and woman simply staring at unmoving screens or perhaps tapping idly checking the many systems of the huge complex.
Sgt. Siler was one of those. He stood in the gateroom beside the Stargate checking one of the many systems of the Stargate's iris while another crew had been put in charge of cleaning the area where he and the others had watched another soldier fall to the madness of the Goa'uld.
The Sergeant kept his back to the cleaning crew doing his best to concentrate on the task before, trying to ignore the sounds of the men working steadily behind and failing miserably. He laid his hand against the cool metal of the Stargate wishing in that moment it had never been opened.
He had always enjoyed working with Major Carter. She had been great co-worker and a better friend. He laid his head against his hand, closed his eyes against the sadness that filled him finally blocking out the sound of the workers; the slosh of the water, the slap of the mop against the concrete floor all faded for a moment in time.
The cold metal of the Stargate warmed under his hand and he felt a tingling warmth brush over him calming his sorrows, not taking them away, but taking away the sharp edge. He looked up suddenly and searched the room for…what?
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The grief that enveloped the SGC saddened the woman as she walked the halls undetected by the people who walked past her. The weary faces etched themselves in her mind and she felt her heart go out to them for the loss they had experienced.
She made her way to the infirmary. The anguished sounds of Jacob Carter's despair pulled at her and although he was not the one she was seeking she could not help but be drawn to grieving father with his head resting on the bed next to his daughter's still form. Gently, she brushed invisible fingers against his temple and he immediately slipped into an exhausted sleep his hand still grasping onto his child's.
She left the room and made her way to the object of her visit passing the locker room as she went. She stopped at the door and closed her eyes. The wave of desolation coming from the room almost over-whelmed and her eyes widened in worry as she quicken her steps toward her destination.
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Daniel paced the confines of his office trying to come to grips with his part in Sam's death. The guilt and horror of his actions were overtaking everything else and he felt like any moment now he was going to implode with the pressure of those emotions.
He had sent Sam to her death. His idea. His plan.
The burden of this knowledge felt like a crushing weight on this soul as he remembered the way Sam's body had jerked when Sekhmet pulled the knife across her throat. He fell into his chair and put his head in his hands the images from gateroom brutally assaulting his conscious; Jack desperately trying to stop the bleeding, Jacob begging his daughter to hold on a little longer while he watched helplessly from behind unaware of his part in the nightmare playing out before him.
Then came Lya…and the memories.
God! How could he face Jacob? And Jack…he shuttered at the thought of telling Jack that as an ascended being he had seen fit to send Sam into an insanely dangerous situation without them. He ignored the tiny voice in his head that defended him. The original plan had him protecting Sam the entire time, but he pushed this voice away ignoring it completely.
"You must tell Jack, Daniel."
Daniel jumped at the soft voice and jerked his head up so hard that he felt the muscles in his neck protest the abuse. A lovely dark haired woman stood there smiling gently at him compassion shining in her eyes.
Oma Desala, the ascended ancient who had helped him ascend when he was dying from radiation poisoning almost two years ago. Daniel stared at her surprised to see her on Earth and in his office.
Oma's smile faded and she looked intently at him. "You must tell Jack, Daniel. If you are to stop Sekhmet then he has to know the whole of what has happened. Including your part in it." Her features softened. "He will forgive…"
"Sam wasn't suppose to die, Oma." Daniel interrupted her. He turned accusing eyes on her, the unjustness of Sam's death filling him. "Where was Marcreat! Why wasn't he watching over her?"
"The Others forbid…" Oma began.
"Fuck the Others!" Daniel yelled. "I am sick and tired of the bull shit they are constantly spewing forth about non-interference and their higher purposes!"
"Daniel!" Oma said harshly.
Daniel stopped but continued to glare at her as she spoke.
"I know you are mourning Samantha Carter," she continued gently, "but you must understand that she is beyond your reach now and nothing can change that."
"Beyond my reach? Did you help her ascend?"
Daniel grasped onto the idea desperately even though the evidence down in the infirmary told him otherwise. When someone ascended their body transformed into energy and was gone. Sam's body was still lying in the infirmary.
"Marcreat said he had change her DNA. She is an Ancient so she could handle Sekhmet's memories."
Oma shook her head sadly. "She has not ascended Daniel."
"Why not?" Daniel asked angrily, "Sam deserved to ascend…"
"Daniel." Oma said irritably and the young man was surprised to see a look of frustration on the woman's usually serene features. "You must listen to me."
Daniel quieted, but it was clear that it would not last for long. He was too angry with himself and with her to remain silent.
"You must continue to pursue Sekhmet." Daniel opened his mouth to speak, but she put up her hand to forestall him.
"Do not think that what you are dealing with now is being discounted, Daniel. The loss you feel now is overpowering and I realize that, but you must not let what has happened to stop you or even slow you in your pursuit of Sekhmet. She is more dangerous than ever."
She crouched down so that she was even with Daniel. He could see the sadness and compassion in her dark eyes as she spoke.
"Daniel. If Sekhmet comes to power billions will die on your planet alone and she will not stop with Earth. Countless planets and lives will be destroyed. This is the whole reason that you and Marcreat wanted to stop her in the first place."
She took Daniel's hand in her warm ones and he felt his anger and bitterness fade.
"Samantha Carter is one individual among billions…what would she want you to do?"
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An hour had passed and Oma was gone, but her words remained in the air around him. Daniel was once again pacing his office. He no longer fought against the knowledge that he had to tell Jack the truth. Oma was right. Jack needed to hear about his part in this from him. He just did not know how to tell him.
A soft knock on his office door brought Daniel out of his frustrated musing. Lieutenant Graham Simmons stood awkwardly in the doorway waiting to be acknowledged.
"Yes Lieutenant?" Daniel studied the young man who began to fidget under his gaze. The Lieutenant was a timid, but a very capable technician who had worked with Sam on numerous projects at the SGC. Rumor even had it that the young man had a bit of a crush on her. At the moment he simply looked as worn as the rest of the SGC.
"Doctor Jackson…you…should…" the Lieutenant paused uncertainly then a determined look came into his hazel eyes. "Doctor Jackson, you need to come with me."
"I am sure what you need is important, but I…"
"Sir, it's Colonel O'Neill…" the young man's voice became earnest as he spoke. "Please…"
Daniel nodded. He was not ready to face Jack yet, but the look on the Lieutenant's face had said more than his stilted words. The young man was worried.
Daniel followed him through the halls of the complex. They rounded the corner leading to the locker room and the young man slowed his steps as if he was unwilling to approach the locker room door. The Lieutenant nodded his head toward the door.
"I will…make sure no one bothers you."
Daniel gave him a quizzical look. Had Jack gone ballistic and destroy the locker room? He stepped up to the door and, preparing himself for Jack O'Neill in a full blown rage, opened the door and stepped into the room.
The first thing that caught his attention was how cold the room was and humid. Moisture clung to the metal lockers and concrete walls. He shivered slightly as he looked around for Jack. Everything looked to be in one piece. The room was silent…wait…was that water? Daniel made his way toward the shower and froze at the site that greeted him as he entered the showering area.
Sitting shirtless against the wall of the shower in a puddle of freezing cold water was Jack O'Neill. The older man did not seem to be aware of Daniel's presence, but only stared at the wall beyond him. It was obvious that he had come in before to take a shower, but he had never made it that far. Blood still covered almost every inch of his skin and clothes, the moisture from the running water had kept it from drying.
Grabbing a nearby towel, Daniel quickly walked over to the shower and turned off the water then made his way to Jack.
He crouched down next to his friend and tentatively touched him on the shoulder. The skin under his fingers was ice cold and Daniel looked at Jack in alarm.
"Jesus, Jack!" He wrapped the towel around the man's shoulders really getting worried when Jack did not respond to being moved around. Daniel needed to get Jack off the floor and warmed up. He placed himself directly in front of the older man and shook Jack's shoulder as he spoke.
"Jack!"
Jack's gaze jerked from the wall to look almost vacantly at Daniel. It took a moment for Jack to register who he was looking at. He stared at him a moment then down at his tightly fisted hands.
"I couldn't do it." He whispered.
Daniel looked him curiously. "Do what?" , he asked gently.
Still staring at his hands, "I…if…" a look of desolation entered his eyes and he raised his gaze to Daniel's. "It was what kept her alive." Jack's graveled voiced sounded forced as he spoke. "If I wash it off…"
Daniel looked at Jack's hands and realized what the he meant.
He couldn't wash Sam's blood off.
Daniel didn't know what to say. He met Jack's gaze again and recognized the empty gaze that was again looking past him at the wall. It was the same look that had stared back at him in the mirror years ago when his wife, Sha're had died. The desolate look of a lost man.
Jack's gaze pulled itself from the wall and stared at Daniel again.
"I should have stopped her. I wanted to…almost did…I should have listened to that nagging voice in my head. ..should have stopped her." Jack's voice wandered off.
He was trying to blame himself. Daniel should have realized that Jack would do this and wanted to kick himself for not finding his friend immediately. Daniel could not let Jack eat himself up with guilt.
Jack rubbed his bloodied hands together watching them as if mesmerized by the motion. "I miss her…"
Daniel immediately understood. He had felt the same way when his wife had died. Jack not only missed Sam at this moment, but was feeling the ache of missing her for the rest of his life.
Daniel had always believed that Jack and Sam had a close friendship just as he and Jack did, but the man before him had not simply lost a friend. He had lost a part of his soul.
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Doctor Janet Fraiser sat behind her office desk studying the medical file in front of her with tear filled eyes. The test had come back positive.
The DNA was an exact match to the sample taken just before Sam's last mission.
A deep sigh escaped her lips. She had hoped…prayed something would show up…anything that would say there was a chance it was not Sam lying out there.
She looked out her office window to where Jacob sat with his head down on the gurney next Sam's body.
Doing her best to compose her features she pick up the folder and walked out of her office to speak to Jacob and confirm their worse fears.