Chapter Twenty Six:
She was up before him, her body curled up on the couch with the throw wrapped around her. He had panicked when he woke to an empty bed and had hurried out of the room. He sighed out loud when he saw her there and leaned down to kiss her.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep anymore," she said.
Vincent….
He's never hurt me….
"Hungry?"
She shook her head.
"Sara, you have to eat. You can't get better if you don't…"
"I thought I could go in and look at the report," she said hesitantly watching for his reaction.
"I'll have Brass bring it by," he said as he headed to the kitchen.
She was silent.
He cooked a light meal and insisted on her eating keeping note of how much she actually ate and how much was misplaced about her plate. She watched as he sat at the table and reviewed some reports. Her constant staring made him stop and join her on the couch.
"You don't have to stop…"
"I would much rather be here with you…besides I just thought you wanted to be alone for awhile."
"I do…not really…I'm not sure what I want," she said softly.
"Want to talk?" he asked. He waited.
Please Sara….
You need to tell me…
We need to get this out…
"What's been going on at the office?" she asked.
"The office is fine." His response was short and he felt her bristle.
"I'm sorry Sara. I've got alot on my mind."
She was quiet. He was quiet.
The house was quiet.
He watched as days passed followed by nights. He watched as she slept little tossing and turning, and grew angry when he mentioned the lack of sleep or food she was giving to her body. He watched as she began to talk less and less and then became irritable when he refused to let her return to work.
"I can work now," she said.
"You're not ready," he had said.
"I'll stay in the lab," she offered.
He considered it but then refused.
"I need to work," she finally said.
"Why?"
"I need to keep busy…I've always been busy," she said.
She watched as he struggled with what he needed to say.
"Nick returned to work after he met with a counselor. I think you need to do the same thing."
"Nick was buried alive. I was stupid and careless and injured myself….I did this to myself."
"Get a counselor to say you're ready and you can come back."
She fumed.
He watched as she threw things about the house and then retreated to the bedroom and then retreated into herself.
"I'll make you an appointment…" he offered.
"I'm not going."
"You've been going…it seemed to be helping…you said…"
"I don't want to go."
"Then talk to me."
"I can't."
"Sara…"
"This is stupid. I don't need to talk to someone in order to go back to work."
"What if I met with your counselor…"
"No!"
"Sara, you're not eating…you rarely sleep…you're not getting better…"
"I want to go back to my apartment."
It was out. It floated through the air and she watched the hurt play across his face.
"I didn't mean it that way. I just need..."
"Tell me Sara, what do you need ….there's nothing I wouldn't do for you…you know that right?"
"I don't… know what I need…I need to work."
He sighed.
Maybe she's right….
Maybe she needs to work….
Maybe I need counseling…
Maybe…
He felt out of place. He wondered if Sara felt the same when she came. He stood there fidgeting waiting to be called. He would have to remind himself that it was not a good idea to come early for a counseling session. Work..yes..counseling..no.
"Mr.Grissom?" called Ms. Randle.
"Yes."
"You wanted to talk with me about Sara Sidle."
"No..yes..She didn't want me to talk with you."
"I see. As her boss…"
"She's waiting on a transfer…they're waiting for her to return…I don't want to be her boss anymore."
"Is there a problem with her job performance?"
"No."
She looked perplexed.
He began.
"I think I've loved her the moment we met at a lecture in San Francisco. She wore her hair in a pony tail and asked too many questions. She knew the answers already but I think she just wanted to talk. It's when I learned to listen…listen to someone you love. I wanted her then…to come to Vegas but I didn't think she would come. I waited. We exchanged emails until one day I asked and she came. I became her boss and she became my employee."
"But that's not what you wanted?"
"Yes…no…I needed her here…for the lab…for myself…I…I'm fifteen years older than she is…I spent my whole life letting my job become my life…Sara offered me more… I wasn't sure if it was right…she deserved someone younger…I wasn't sure I could take the risk and let myself love her."
"But you already said you loved her?"
"The mind has its filters," he said sadly.
"You mentioned the transfer…that would change your roles."
"I took the risk…we both did…we were happy."
"You said 'were'…what has changed?"
"Sara was involved in an accident; she's recovering from surgery."
"She's going to recover?"
"She had a miscarriage…she was ten weeks pregnant…she didn't know…we didn't know."
"How is she dealing with the loss?"
"She's not. She never told me about the miscarriage. I know it happened…I was there at the hospital…I spoke with the physician…she acts as though it never happened."
He sighed.
"She won't eat. She doesn't sleep…she's not getting better. I'm worried. She keeps asking to go back to work."
"How are you?"
"What?"
"How are you?"
"I'm worried about her."
"Mr. Grissom…she calls you Griss?"
"My first name is Gil."
"Gil, how are you?"
He stared at her.
"Have you grieved?"
"I… I've grieved. I…I need for her to grieve. I need to grieve with her."
"Do you think she should go back to work?"
"That's why I'm here….I don't know. She says she needs to work…perhaps she does…but she has to eat…she has to sleep…she has to be better."
"Have you told her this?"
"Yes."
"Do you think she needs intervention?"
"Intervention? Isn't that what I'm doing? Asking for advice?"
"Yes, it's a start but if she won't deal with the grief…if there are other things that have built up that she can't face and she's depriving herself of food and sleep and risking her health, perhaps she might benefit from a stay at…"
"No!, I won't do that to her…I won't let that happen to her…she would not be able to handle…no."
"Mr. Grissom…Gil…based on what you've told me if you're asking me if I think she's ready to return to work then I have to say no. Would you like for me to write a report…"
"No."
"Were you aware of her recent counseling sessions?"
"Yes, she had been coming regularly to discuss the domestic violence and the rape."
"I would like for her to return…we were not finished."
"She won't come."
"As her supervisor, you can require that she return."
He considered the option.
"An intervention…Could you meet with Sara at our home?"
"Sara would have to ask for the visit…her supervisor could require it…you could wait until the transfer and then speak with her new supervisor."
"I wanted to resolve this before the transfer…Sara does not open up to everyone. She trusts me…now…I lost that trust for awhile but…I'll talk with her…if she refuses then as her current supervisor I'll require it."
"Gil?"
"Yes"
"You haven't dealt with this completely."
"I know."
"How can I help?"
"Make her smile again."
Note from author:
Okay, so I warned you the chapters are going to be a bit sad…but hang in there. There is a reason for all of this…be looking for clues…we're about to see a change in Sara's feelings toward Lurie…I know you've all been waiting for it but remember she doesn't trust many people but she trusted him…
Take care!
Penny