A/N: This chapter has some lines which are quoted from the book Tris is reading. I underlined the lines which are from the book to avoid confusion.
Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent.
"What took you so long?" Tobias questions with a forlorn face as he fires up the engine.
"You gave me five minutes." I reason out crossing my arms across my chest in a defensive stance and sit silently.
"Are you suicidal?"
"WHAT!? I am not!"
"Well you never remember to fasten your seat belts." Tobias points out.
"Doesn't mean I'm suicidal, Tobias." I huff out.
"Now I am thinking that you are purposely 'forgetting' to wear your seat belts so that I will do it for you." He sighs as he reaches for the grey belt.
"You do not have to do it."
Tobias just fastens my seat belt and places another kiss on the top of my head. I shove his face away and glare at him. He smirks as a response before asking with a nod of his head towards the book in my hand. "What tchu get for yourself?"
"Shauna told me to get this one." I say, showing him the book with a picture of a white envelope, set upon a red silk cloth. A few types of flowers borders the book line. The tittle is written in cursive and the name of the author, Robert Black is written in a smaller font just below the tittle.
Robert Black? I turn the book around and read the "about the author page" which features a familiar face at the top right corner.
"Oh god... I think this is Susan's brother..."
"Susan?" Tobias asks distractedly; his eyes trained on the road ahead.
"Yeah. I mentioned about her the other day."
Tobias furrows his eyebrows in thought. "I think I remember that. The only friend you have other than me."
"Um... yeah, you can put it that way or you can also say the only friend I had at the orphanage and make me sound more sociable."
Tobias says nothing but just laughs as a response.
"You know, Robert Black is a pretty good author", he later speaks out. "He usually writes thrillers, crime novels- he's got a pretty diverse mind in his head. You know what this book is about?"
I shake my head a no and turn the book around to read its synopsis.
Robert has always taken interest in the little brunette, Beata, who is five years younger than him. But he is too shy to tap on her shoulder and ask her out on a date or write a love letter to her. When he wakes up to a nightmare in which Beata dies in a fire, he realises that he needs to confess his love before fate separates them.
Being the shy person Robert is, he decides to confess his love for Beata with secret love letters. While some might write love letters with anonymous names, Robert does his with flowers.
"It's a love story with this guy conveying his love through flowers."
"Cool?..."
"I don't usually read love stories..."
"Really? Girls usually do."
"Well, I don't." I sigh out.
I soon, however, find myself stuck with the book.
Old habit die-hard I guess...
I drop the book on the kitchen island to drain the water out of the pot of spaghetti as they have soften to al dante. I miss reading so much that I can't seem to let go of the book. Reading is such an enjoyment. I think I even fell asleep with the book last night.
I melt some butter in a pan over a full fire on the gas stove before crushing some black pepper into it. I hold in my breath while I stir the butter and pepper together in the pan just in case the black pepper tickles my nose and makes me sneeze. Just as the butter reaches its boiling point, I pour in the spaghetti and mix them in the butter sauce thoroughly. Then I quickly add in the grated parmesan and stir it before the cheese gets chunky. I turn off the gas and serve the Cacio e Pepe on a platter before dressing up the table for the Eatons. After I clean the dirty dishes, I sit on the high stool in the kitchen and take out 'The Secret Love Letter' while the Eatons have their dinner in the dining area.
He calls out her name, struggling through the strong grips of the firemen which is restraining him from entering the burning house. The fire is too big. How can Beata ever survive?
"ROBERT!" She calls- she pleads to Robert to save her. He tries- he tries with all of his life to break himself free from the strong grasps of the firemen, but they won't budge.
The fateful wooden shaft fell on Beata and she lets go an ear-piercing scream.
He springs up awake from his bed.
A nightmare. Just a nightmare.
He have been having a lot of these nightmares lately. All involving Beata to be killed. That beautiful, lovely brunette who he had been dreaming of since grade school.
"Hey Pete." Robert waves to his only friend from school. He is lonely... Handsome, sweet, but nobody places any interests in him. Everyone looks at the highly-rated group of 'awesome' guys.. and Beata.
Everybody wants Beata. And Robert doesn't stand a chance...
"You seem to enjoy that book." Tobias remarks; making me jump a little out of surprise.
"I've just started reading it actually." I reply nonchalantly, burying my concentration back into the book.
"But you were so into the book that you seem to not have even realised me entering."
However, Robert is determined. He have made up his mind to confess his love to Beata. He will do it no matter what.
"Christina is in a better mood today. She at least did not give sour remarks to everything and storm off to her room." Tobias comments to which I hum a reply.
Beata has seen it in his eyes; love and passion. She knows that Robert has taken an interest in her. And she likes it.
"You know, Marcus and Johanna are going out again next week. I think we might find some time to go to the library again." Tobias tries. I hum another reply as I continue to read.
She always liked Robert. But how can she approach him without getting her brother and his annoying friends who are always there around her, 'protecting' her, how can she get them to not stop her from seeing Robert.
"Hey, you wanna come up to the stars with me tonight?" Tobias asks as he leans his weight on the kitchen island.
I nod my head to Tobias as a reply but set my concentration on the book still.
Beata knows that he loves her because he's always listening to her when she is chatting with her friends, always attending her public speeches. That is what mom said, those in love would want to hear the voice coming out of that person their hearts are calling for.
They'll find themselves missing that voice everyday.
"Hey, don't you want to clean that plate?"
"In a while Tobias!" I reply exasperatedly. "Why are you trying to get me to talk so much?"
He pouts at me before leaving the kitchen, muttering out a sentence which sends my heart running a thousand miles per hour... "Maybe I just miss your voice..."
"So are you enjoying that book you borrowed?" Tobias asks with his body in a straight soldier position as he looks up to the night sky.
"Don't know. I just started." I reply grimly.
"Oh..."
Where in the world is that Scorpius?
"Have you found Scorpius yet?"
"No. And if you keep on trying to get me to talk with you, we'll end up talking instead of looking for stars."
Tobias mutters out some incoherent words and pushes himself slightly further away from me. Why is he acting so weirdly? It is as if Christina's temper have gotten into him.
"Aha! There's Scorpius!" I shout out in excitement as I point out the line of stars to Tobias. "See that? That one over there, slightly below Libra."
Tobias only hums a reply. He hums a short and downbeat hum which makes him sound very, very gloomy.
Of course! Johanna told me the other day, hurt his heart a wee bit and they'll go off sulking until the day's end...
I find myself smiling amusingly at Tobias as I watch his pouting face and glaring eyes focused onto the dark sky above us.
"Are you sulking?" I ask him innocently. He finds that offensive somehow as he glares at me and gives me a reply in a tone slightly too angry sounding, "I am not. Sulking is to be silent and annoyed. You're the one who's being so silent and annoyed today."
"So you're angry at me because I have only been giving you short replies and have been annoyed by your attempt to get me talking?"
Tobias shrugs but makes no attempts to explain himself. "You are perplexing and very hard to understand, Tobias."
"You are the one who never wants to tell me anything about what's bothering you in the nights or even why Al is so scary to you. I told you about my mother!"
"What!? And you're angry because of that? Look, it may be easy with you. But it is not for me. I've never opened up to anyone in my life. Never trusted anyone else. Why? Because all of the people I had who I opened up to always, always leave me in the end. They always betray me and leave me. And it hurts. It hurts a lot. It gives me a real deep scar to be betrayed that way."
"And you don't trust me?! For all these weeks we've been together you still don't and won't trust me?! I trust you. I trust you with my whole heart Tris! I've never told the story about how my mother died or how my life had been a living hell when I was smaller to anyone else except for you and Johanna!"
This silence me. He trusts me that much?
"I thought that I have found a friend in you, Tris. A friend who'd share secrets and open up with each other. You promised to open up with me..."
I don't know how to answer that. Yes, I did promise him. But I need time. And I told him that. And he said that it is alright. But then of course, what I said just now must have made him feel hurt. It sounded as if I do not trust him. And won't ever.
"Let's just.. get back downstairs?" I ask quietly as I get up and attempt to leave the room.
"You're running away, Tris." He gives me a deadly stare as he stands up and walks to the door, guarding it as if I am his captive. And I am terrified. God, I am terrified of his stare, of that glare.
"Why Tris? Why won't you tell me?" His voice is full of hurt. He is hurt. I hurt him. I betrayed him because I am afraid that he might hurt me. And I start to feel it, the lump in my throat, the tears prickling in my eyes. And my breathing coming short.
"I-It's... It's not easy for me Tobias, I..." The tears starts to fall and I try to choke back my voice and reply him in a firmer tone.
But I can't. I try to but I can't. I'm scared, terrified. I am afraid because he is angry at me. Terrified by the fact that I angered him, hurt him deep, and he might not forgive me. I feel my lungs trying to pump in more oxygen in but are having difficulties with the lacking quantity of oxygen inside me.
"It is easy. Just say it, it can't be that hard, Tris."
"It is! I told you it is! It is!" I gasp in a sharp breathe in, trying to calm myself down.
"No it isn't!"
"Fine! You really want to know why? Why I have been so afraid of Al? Because everyone had been so nice to him. And you yourself told me to not be afraid of him. Yet he is the one who raped me!"
I told him... I told him... Now he is going to think of me as a liar because everyone believes that Al is a nice person. A person who can't and won't even hurt a fly. And Tobias's silence just confirms it.
I push him away and run down the fifteen creaking steps, not bothering if Tobias will find troubles getting down alone. I need to get away from him before he starts scolding me.
"Tris! Tris wait!"
I shut my ears and try to block out his calls. I burst into my room and click the lock on the knob then collapse into my mass of pillows on the bed.
He'll hate me...
He hates me...
He's hating me...